You lay on your back, staring up at the ceiling. You feel sad and miserable, annoyed too.

The yelling starts downstairs, as your father comes home from work and you groan. You don’t want to hear it today, you never want to hear it, but especially not today.

The people you thought were your friends had humiliated you only five hours ago. They’d laughed at you and banished you from their group. You’d thought you could count on them, you’d thought they would have your back, but apparently you’d been wrong.

You’d been wrong about a lot of things in your life. You’d once thought your parents loved each other, you’d once thought your best friend would stand by you even though no one else would and you’d once thought you could never feel more alone than that time when you’d had a massive fight with your best friend and you hadn’t spoken to each other in weeks.

You startle when you hear a noise outside of your window. You sit up straight as you watch in shock how your former best friend slides the window open and climbs through, stepping into your bedroom and pushing his hands inside his pockets. He stares down at you but says nothing.

Finally you move, swinging your legs around but in the opposite direction, so that your back is turned towards him. You don’t want to have to see the look in his eyes that you caught earlier today.

“Just leave, Josh,” you say, the tone of defeat is obvious in your voice. “I know how you feel, I get it. You don’t have to come and rub it in.”

“How do you know how I feel?” he asks incredulously.

“I saw how you reacted, Josh. You don’t want anything more to do with me.” As an afterthought you add, “Why are you even here?”

A moment of silence, the crash of something breaking downstairs is heard clearly, but neither cringe. They both know how it goes.

“I just wanted to check how you were doing,” he answers your question. But you frown in response.

“Why would you even care how I am doing?” you ask, anger seeping into your voice.

He says nothing, instead you hear the shuffling of his feet and suddenly feel the bed dip as he sits down on the other side. “Come on, Justin, I’m your best friend, of course I care.”

You turn your head so abruptly, you feel dizzy. “My best friend?” You repeat as if it’s the craziest thing you’ve ever heard.

He at least has the decency to look away.

“You certainly didn’t act like my friend when you backed the others up while they banished me from our group!”

“I was just shocked!” he defends. “You never told me,” he continues in a raised voice, then remembers where they are and finishes quietly, “You never told me you were gay.”

You duck your head.

“If I was your best friend how come you never told me?”

You wring your hands, and bite your bottom lip, whispering, “I was scared.”

He says nothing and you lift your eyes to his, search his face. “I knew they,” you emphasize as you jerk your head towards the door, “would take it bad and I just assumed…”

“I would too?”

You nod. What had happened today, had not been planned. You had not meant to blurt out what you had. You’d just been pushed to your limit. The constant badgering really of Josh, wanting to know what had gotten into you. Why you were so down lately, had finally gotten the best of you. And when another one of your friends had suggested you just needed to get laid, that would cheer you up and then tried to hook him up with this chick he knew, you’d yelled at him. I’m not interested in girls, for God’s sake leave me alone!

The shock on your friends’ faces would have been comical if you hadn’t just blown your well kept secret. For a moment you considered laughing about it, so they would think you weren’t serious. But they knew you were. You knew they knew as they stared at you. And suddenly there were hands pushing you away, voices laughing at you, eyes judging you. Staring at you with repulsion instead of mirth.

As they drove you away, you knew you’d lost your friends.

“Justin, I’ve known you since the 4th grade,” he starts.

You don’t respond, you just wait to find out where he’s going with this.

“I thought you knew you could tell me anything.”

You laugh humorously, “You really proved that, Josh,” you say sarcastically.

“You fucking idiot, are you that dense? Am I still not making myself clear here?”

You can only blink.

“I don’t care that you’re gay.” He states firmly as he takes your hands.

Your eyes widen in shock as you look down at your entwined hands. “But… but…” you stutter.

“I know I didn’t have the best reaction, but I was just shocked.” He smiles, adding,

“Happy.”

And before you can ask why, he’s leaning in slowly, you think it’s just a fragment of your imagination as you watch him come closer. But then his lips are pressed against yours and it feels too good for it to be a dream.

When he pulls back, you question him with your eyes.

He smiles at you and shrugs, “I don’t like girls either.”