“Josh,” Justin addressed his lover when they were together again. He watched as Josh was making lunch for the both of them. It was a week after he’d made the deal with the devil, well it felt like he’d made a deal with the devil because the guilt he was feeling was enormous.

“Yeah baby?” Josh responded, worrying a little at the seriousness in his boyfriend’s voice.

“I have to tell you something” he started, not knowing how to start. He’d made the decision to tell Josh about the deal he’d made. He needed to be honest with him. It was bad enough he’d have to do this but going behind his lover’s back would kill him and Josh would definitely notice if something was wrong.

“Sounds serious” Josh said perceptively as he turned away from the counter and walked towards the bed where Justin was sitting.

Justin nodded in answer,

“It is” he told him. Josh took a seat on the opposite site of Justin, sitting Indian style, waiting for Justin to tell him what was wrong.

“You in trouble?” Josh asked, not able to wait for Justin to start when he didn’t tell him what was going on after a few moments. He needed to know if they could still see each other.

“Yes,” Justin answered when he noticed Josh’s face fell he quickly continued,

“But not the way you think. It’s not about my father but…” Justin paused not knowing how to say this.

“I sort of have a girlfriend” he told him softly, getting the worst part out first.

“You what?!” Josh said, putting emphasis on his last word, blinking hard.

“I don’t love her it’s just that… I have to” he continued. Josh’s head was spinning, what the hell was he talking about?

“What do you mean you have to?” Justin’s eyes pricked with tears, scared to death he would loose Josh when he told him this. Josh saw the impact of his words as Justin quickly brushed the tears away. Josh grasped Justin’s hands in his.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you like that, please just tell me what is going on, please tell me you’re not breaking up with me” he apologized ending it with a plea. He loved this kid so much, he couldn’t imagine his life without him. Those four weeks where he hadn’t heard from Justin had been hell and it was only four weeks! He was scared he wouldn’t survive without him. Justin forcefully shook his head,

“I’m not breaking up with you, never. I love you” he reassured his lover. Josh sighed in relief, smiling a little.

“Now tell me what’s going on” Josh said gently.

“Ok,” Justin whispered, taking a deep breath.

“I used to tell my father that I was tutoring my friend at school, you remember that right?” Justin asked needing confirmation. Josh nodded calmly, ushering him to go on.

“Well when they found the beeper my dad told me I couldn’t tutor him anymore. I just… I thought I’d never see you again,” he said miserably, a few tears escaping. Josh brushed them away lovingly, not saying anything, just waiting patiently, wondering where this was going.

“Then I went to the movies one night with my friend and he sees his girlfriend, and another girl from school comes up to me and walks me outside” Justin told him in a voice made quiet with shame. Josh’s eyebrows furrowed as he listened to Justin’s story.

“James, my driver saw us coming out of the theatre and tells my father about it. He started to ask all these questions when I got home but then all of a sudden he asked me what my girlfriend’s name was. First I wanted to correct him but then I thought it would be a good cover to use and it was” Justin told him.

“That’s why I could come over so often and for so long. I told him I was going to see my girlfriend and he just let me go, no questions or curfew” he said with a smile, Josh smiled with him.

“But then they wanted to meet her, the girl used it to her own advantage and for some reason she knows I used her for cover…” he stopped there, not wanting to go any further but Josh’s silent encouragement, by gently squeezing his hands, made him go on.

“She told me she wanted to pretend to be my girlfriend and give me a cover if she could…” Justin stopped again, his voice barely audible at the end.

“If she could what, Justin?”

“If we could do what couples do” he admitted softly, Josh automatically leaned in to hear what Justin had said and at first he didn’t believe it, thought he’d heard it wrong.

“What?!” Josh asked fiercer than he’d planned and Justin cringed, so afraid of losing Josh he felt his breakfast come up and all off a sudden he rushed towards the bathroom. He made it just in time, vomiting over the toilet bowl. Josh’s angry expression had changed to concern as he rushed after him, rubbing his back hoping it would soothe him. At first Justin tensed at the touch but he calmed down and so did his stomach. Josh helped him up and handed him a glass of water, he washed his mouth before he let Josh lead him back to the bed.

“I’m sorry, guppy” Josh told him as they lay down together on the bed. Justin didn’t respond at first making Josh look down at the teen in his arms. Justin met his lover’s eyes,

“Please don’t leave me Josh” Justin pleaded softly, scared to say it for the reaction he would get.

“Oh guppy, I love you” Josh assured him. Justin couldn’t believe what he’d said.

“Y.. you’re not mad?” he asked incredulously with the biggest childish eyes Josh had ever seen.

“A little,” he admitted, he didn’t want to share Justin with anyone although he was sure Justin loved him and only him, he still didn’t like the thought of him kissing someone else. Justin ducked his head in shame,

“I’m sorry” he told him, his voice laced with shame.

“But I love you so much Justin. I couldn’t live without you even if I wanted to” he said with a playful smile which earned him a small smile from Justin as well.

“I trust you Justin, with all my heart” Josh admitted and Justin was taken aback Josh loved him that much that he wasn’t upset he’d have to share Justin with someone, that he was cheating on him in some way.

“I’d do anything for you Josh” Justin admitted.

“Anything and if I’ll have to let her kiss me a couple of times to be with you, even if it was only for a minute I’d do it in a heart beat” he admitted and he meant it, Josh meant so much to him he knew no one would really understand just how much.

“Forgive me Josh” he added, needing Josh to tell him that it was ok.

“I forgive you Justin,” Josh told him,

“I love you so much, guppy” he elaborated. Josh kissed Justin’s curls lovingly and Justin nuzzled closer to his boyfriend because that was all he needed. Josh loving him unconditionally could get him through anything and he would do everything he needed to do to keep that love in his life forever.

“Hey Joe, what’s for drama class today?” Justin asked his friend as they were standing by their lockers. Joey shrugged.

“Don’t know, probably something boring or I would have remembered” he said with a twinkle in his eye. Justin laughed at his friend, reaching into his locker to take out the schedule for drama class. He sighed heavily when he saw what they were going to perform,

“Shakespeare” he groaned. Joey’s shoulders dropped abruptly.

“Oh man, I can’t believe it. Haven’t they had enough of that guy?! He’s like dead for over a thousand years!” he said exasperated, exaggerating just a little earning another chuckle from Justin as he put his schedule away and closed his locker.

“Hey baby” a voice addressed Justin and he immediately knew who it was; Tamara. He spun around, silently pleading with her to not embarrass him in front of his friend but she didn’t get the message. She slipped her arm around his waist and pulled him close.

“Joey” she acknowledged in distaste, she never liked Joey for the same reason Howard disliked the boy.

“Tamara” he said in return, he never liked her either. She was a spoiled brat, thinking she could have everything she wanted and if there was something Joey hated it were people thinking they were better than others simply because they had a few extra bucks.

Justin didn’t say anything, wishing she would let him go and walk away but she didn’t. He felt her hand drop from his waist and traced over his butt cheeks, eventually resting on his right one. His face flushed slightly as he prayed no one would see him but Joey noticed. Tamara gently squeezed the body part she had no right of touching in the first place and he yelped in surprise, only to be silenced by her forceful kiss, roughly demanding entrance to his mouth. She was deliberately trying to embarrass him in front of his friend and Justin was beginning to realize that as she deepened the kiss, her second hand moving over his chest while the other squeezed harder, letting him know who was in charge as if he didn’t know already. She enjoyed every second of it, the power, the taste of this beautiful boy and knowing he wouldn’t be able to turn her down. When she was satisfied; both fulfilling her need and embarrassing Justin she pulled back, bringing down both hands to his waist to rest there. She ended with a quick kiss.

“See you later baby” she said with a wink before she reclined her hands and walked away, wiggling her hips in a cocky way, perfectly aware of the attention she’d gotten during their make out session and her retreat.

“What the hell was that?” Joey wanted to know, his eyes had almost popped out of his head when he witnessed the scene between Justin and Tamara. Justin ducked his head slightly, ashamed his friend had to witness this but knowing full well that it had been her intention to do so.

“I thought you didn’t like her? What about Josh?” he fired the questions.

“Shh!” Justin admonished as he pulled Joey with him out of site and hopefully earshot.

“I don’t like her but…” Justin started.

“But what?”

“But I have to” he finished agitated.

“What about Josh?” Joey wanted to know, his confusion unresolved.

“I’m doing this for him” Justin told his friend. Joey’s confusion multiplied as he listened to Justin’s explanation.

“How can you date a girl and do it for him?”

“I used her as cover to go see Josh, she found out and now she’s using it to her advantage” Justin admitted softly.

“Oh man…” Joey said shaking his head in surprise, wondering how he ever got this far.

“Is this still about your father not wanting you to see Josh?” Joey asked sympathetically. Justin nodded, casting his gaze to the floor.

“Why don’t you just tell your father you want to see Josh, that you love him” Joey asked, he still didn’t understand how a father could do this to his child. How he could force his child to lie and deceive all because his son didn’t love the ‘right’ person.

“Oh Joey,” Justin sighed.

“I wish I could but it’s not that simple”

“Why not?” he asked, his father would never do that to him and it made him appreciate him a lot more. Sure he punished him and sometimes he hated him, as a teenager hating his parents when he couldn’t go out when he wanted to, but his father would never do this to him.

“Because he would never accept it, he threatened Josh when he first found out and I’m scared what he would do to keep him away from me. I’m scared he’ll disown me and throw me out of the house” Justin admitted softly, ashamed his father didn’t love him enough to accept him the way he was.

Joey was baffled; did he mean that?

Would his father really disown him and throw him out of the house?

Because… because he was gay?

By the look on Justin’s face he knew he meant it, that his father actually would do that to him and he felt so sorry for his young friend.

“I’m sorry Justin” he told him, embracing him in a bear hug only Joey Fatone could provide. Justin greedily accepted it, so thankful to have at least one friend he could talk to about Josh and all the problems that came with loving him.

“You did tell Josh, didn’t you?” Joey asked when he pulled back several minutes later. Justin nodded, wiping his eyes.

“Yeah” he croaked, “I told him”

“What did he say?” Joey asked curiously, still keeping one arm around Justin’s shoulders to let him know he wasn’t alone and that he could tell him everything. The friction between the two from months ago long forgotten.

“He told me… he trusted me and loved me” Justin said, hiccupping in between sentences.

“Wow” Joey said genuinely amazed by the response, he wasn’t too sure if he’d be able to respond that way when Kelly was the one in stead of Justin. He knew they wouldn’t get in a position like that very soon but still it was hard to imagine.

Justin nodded, he’d assumed the worst too, in his heart he knew Josh loved him deeply but did he love him enough? He thought he did and now he knew he did.

Joey fully embraced him again, which made him feel safe; the next best thing apart from Josh.

“Thanks Joe” Justin whispered against his chest, grateful for the support Joey provided. Joey nodded.

“Any time, Justy” he told him sincerely. The bell rang indicating lunch hour was over and Justin reluctantly pulled away.

“You ok, now?” Joey asked as he searched his friend’s face. Justin nodded.

“Yeah” he said, “Let’s go to drama class” he added.

“Yeah!” Joey said enthusiastically making Justin laugh as he pretended to have sword fight in the air.