Josh thought long and hard; should he take this chance?

What if it went wrong?

It couldn’t go wrong!

And he had to try, he had to try to make it up to Justin. He couldn’t live with the guilt anymore. The guilt of hurting Justin so badly, he felt his guppy’s hurt through some weird connection they had, even now. He had to try, he had to and with that in mind he quickly walked out of his apartment. A small piece of paper clutched in one hand as he jogged to the payphone at the end of the street. He dug into the pocket of his jeans and fished a quarter, shoving it in the slot, almost dropping it from impatience. He was finally able to dial the numbers, taking a deep breath, waiting for someone to pick up on the other side of the line….

“Hello?” a friendly but curious voice answered.

“Hello is this Louise?” Josh asked tentatively.

“Yes, who is this?” Louise replied, still friendly.

“This is… um Josh” he hesitated, afraid somehow. He quickly stuffed another quarter in the machine.

“I know you don’t know me but I have to talk to you. Justin gave me this phone number and I have to reach him. Could you please meet me somewhere?”

“Whoa, slow down boy” Louise interrupted, taking aback by the rush not knowing Josh couldn’t keep stuffing quarters in the machine.

“You’re Josh?” Louise asked a little astonished.

“Yes” Josh answered, his shoulders slumping from shame.

“Where do you want to meet?” Louise asked, surprising Josh. Josh hadn’t expected it would go this easy but he quickly recovered.

“The deli in the mall at 9, is that ok?”

“Sure, I’ll be there”

“Thanks” Josh said and Louise heard by the tone in his voice that words couldn’t express how grateful this boy really felt.

Louise hadn’t hesitated a moment when it dawned to him that the boy he was talking to was Josh. Justin's Josh, as in ex-boyfriend, as in the one who had caused the lively boy to turn into a miserable and heart broken one. Well only when he was alone in his room or when he thought no one could see him, Louise thought sadly. Louise could hear that Josh was a little surprised he would agree to meet him so quickly, that he wasn’t mad. The reason he wasn’t mad was simply because Justin loved this boy so much, even after he’d hurt him so badly and therefore he wanted to know what this boy had to say. Maybe he could pass on some message to Justin that would turn him back to the vivid person he used to be.

Josh hung up with a sigh of relief, maybe not everything in his life had to go wrong. Maybe this time it would be ok, maybe Justin would even forgive him. As he walked back towards his apartment he thought about Justin, his beautiful guppy. He smiled at the nickname, he just meant so much to him it hurt and God did he miss him. He shook his head to get that thought out of his head, it was time to do something about it instead of sulking. He unlocked the door of his apartment and swung his jacket over the kitchen chair. He picked up the notepad and the pen he’d flung away recently and settled himself at the kitchen table once again. It was time to write another letter, this time however it contained the truth.

After his shift Josh quickly grabbed his jacket from the back room and stood outside, waiting for Louise. He was biting his nails as he glanced around; maybe he wouldn’t show. Maybe he’d just agreed to come and instead told Justin’s father. Josh started to worry. No he told himself, why else would Justin have given him this number if he couldn’t be trusted? But Josh was still worried, he’d taken a big risk and there was a lot to loose, not only for him but for almost everyone involved.

“Josh?” a guy of middle age addressed him. Josh spun on his heel, startled, meeting him with wide anxious eyes,

“Yes?”

“I’m Louise, you called me” Louise said calmly, seeing the distress of the young man.

“Yeah, you want to come in?” Josh asked him, not thinking it was a good idea for the two of them to stand out here in the open. Louise nodded before following him inside the deli. They took a seat in the furthest corner; the one he’d been sitting with Justin months ago. Josh was nervous, wringing his fingers as Louise studied him,

“So why did you want to meet with me?” he asked carefully, not to startle the younger boy.

“Justin” he said softly, tears coming to his eyes. Louise’s heart went out to him, he was hurting too, but then why did he break up with Justin? He didn’t ask the question which was on his mind, he wasn’t there to get answers to his questions, he was there for Justin.

“What do you mean son?” he asked instead.

“Could you give him this letter?” Josh asked pleadingly. Louise hesitated not knowing what to think of this request, he thought he was there to talk not to be a mail man. Josh noticed the man’s hesitation.

“Please it’s important. The other letter was a lie, make sure he read this one please” Josh said as he handed a plain white envelope to the older man. Louise stared at the letter in his hands; why would this boy send Justin a letter which hurt so much and then tell him it was a lie? Louise didn’t understand but he didn’t need to understand if Justin did then it all didn’t matter.

“Will Justin understand this letter? Will he understand what’s going on when I give him this because if this causes more hurt I will come and find you” Louise asked to be sure. He didn’t want to cause Justin anymore hurt. He was sure the young boy couldn’t handle any more of that. Josh nodded frantically.

“He will understand. I never meant to hurt him” Josh said softly, still ashamed although he was still convinced there had been no other choice but hoping he could make it up with this.

“Then why did you?” Louise asked calmly, he couldn’t help to ask. The question left his mouth before he could stop it, but once it did he was curious what this boy’s answer was going to be.

“Because I had no other choice” Josh told him miserably, ducking his head. Louise stared at the boy, once again feeling sorry for him. He stood up.

“I will make sure Justin gets your letter son” he told him with a comforting hand resting on Josh’s shoulder. Josh looked up, his eyes shimmering with tears.

“Thank you so much, sir” Josh said thankfully.

“I never meant to hurt him honest” he added, feeling the need to set this straight. It had been the last thing he wanted and although he’d saved Justin from a lot of hurt by sending him that letter, it had also caused him a lot of hurt. Something he knew would happen, it was inevitable. A few tears escaped but he brushed them away quickly.

“It will be alright son” Louise comforted him before he walked away.

Josh hoped he was right, it had to be.