1. NEVER forget Valentine's Day!!!!!! (birthdays either) Any of you who actually forget Valentine's Day don't deserve to have a penis! 2. Practice what you preach. (Don't send mixed signals!!!) 3. Don't be an idiot...or try really hard to be less of one. 4. The correct answer is: "No, you do not look fat in that outfit." 5. When a girl tells you, "It's okay," it's NOT OKAY!!! 6. Presents that YOU will like more than we will...are a no no. 7. After breaking up...baby names and nicknames are null in void. 8. Do NOT embarass your woman in front of your friends! 9. Eskimo kisses are good...but not if you have a cold. 10. When we say, "I don't wanna talk about it," you best figure out what you did and start apologizing!! 11. When on a "break" only WE are allowed to see other people. 12. Suck it up and take it like a man: she's entitled to a chick flick at least once every two months. 13. No matter how hot she is....keep looking straight ahead. Unless you want to be licking your own ass. 14. Never try to impress us by talking about another woman. 15. When we say your ex is pretty, it means it is your cue to tell us how much better we are than her. 16. When your girlfriend says she doesn't want anything for V-Day/Birthday/President's Day/Thursday, etc....it means you better get her something or you're gonna be walking bowl-legged for a week. 17. Don't EVER say you aren't good enough for us....that is the lamest excuse to get out of a relationship. Be honest you dumbass. 18. Never hit on your woman's sister/mother/cousin/neighbor/brother....you know what? Don't hit on anything. The best we'll give you is a rock. 19. We know every single flaw we have. We do NOT need to be reminded. DON'T POINT THEM OUT. We subtly hint yours to you. But we strongly suggest you just shut up about ours. 20. Consult us before ever getting a haircut!!!! 21. We don't wanna know about your escapades with your friends. (Which most likely involve a television, a porno, vaseline, and a video camera...and a Shaved magazine by the toilet.) 22. DO smell good...deodorant is a good thing. Cologne is even better...it will get you everything you want and even more!!! (Cool Water, Eternity are suggested) 23. We don't fart. Don't fart in front of us. That's gross. That kind of odor makes our hair go flat and our nails turn yellow. 24. Don't stress PMS...we can't do the nasty anyways. 25. When we say we're not in the mood... WE ARE NOT IN THE MOOD!!! 26. Don't smear your nose oysters on the couch! Don't leave the little "suprises" all around for us to find. 27. DON'T snore...do not drool on your sleeping beauty. The only place we prefer your saliva is in our mouth. 28. When she says she doesn't wanna be tickled, it means either a) she doesn't wanna be tickled or b) she wants you to do it more. If she proceedes to kick and scream, however.... please stop. 29. YES....they are real!!! 30. When she says, "Oh I like that." when you are shopping....write it down on your list of things to get your woman. 31. Always have a list of things to get your woman. 32. NOTHING ENTERS THE EXIT. 33. Don't bite your girlfriend unless she instructs you to. 34. Hold her hair back while she pukes. 35. Massage her feet w/out making a face. 36. Massage her back. 37. Play with her hair. 38. Do not leave the toilet seat up. 39. Don't leave the door open when you pee or poo poo. 40. Clean your bathroom before she comes over. 41. Do not use your girlfriend's bath products to clean yourself, your netherlands, or your dog. 42. DON'T PLAY WITH OUR MAXI PADS!! 43. Snapping our bras is for 7th grade. If you do it...you'll never see what is underneath. You pick. 44. Dispose of all pornos, movies, etc. Before your girlfriend comes over. 45. We are NOT beer fetchers. Don't ask. 46. We volunteer to do things out of love, when we feel you have earned it, dont push it. 47. YES there is a points system. And YES we do deduct for watching Baywatch. 48. Though shall not watch pornos without your girlfriend. 49. Do not wear our panties unless instructed to. 50. Wearing our clothes and make-up is not suggested. 51. Do not make a mess and leave it for us to clean up. The French Maid outfit is not for cleaning purposes. 52. Soft love taps are sweet...HARD love taps leave bruises and are frowned upon. We are stronger than we look. 53. Do NOT tell us that our roots are showing!!! 54. NEVER WEAR MORE MAKEUP THAN YOUR GIRL. 55. "It's NOT normal...it doesn't happen to everyone...AND IT IS A BIG DEAL!!!" 56. Don't get a girl's hopes up if you know you're gonna hurt her or never see her again. 57. "let's TALK about SEX baby!" 58. When she says she doesn't want a hickie, that DOESN'T mean give her MULTIPLE hickies!
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