Club Tap 14, Network 3
This just in, Club Tap beats the fuck out of Network, 14-3.
Team Club Tap continues it’s meteoric rise up the Mitchell Park softball rankings with a convincing victory over Network Friday night. Parental Advisory: this game review will contain language not appropriate for fucking fourteen year olds . . . or Erik’s mom. $lash farted. Anyway, on to the highlights of the game.
The T-A-P started out hot, as they’ve grown accustomed to, as the top two guys walked and J$ tripled to put us up 2-0. T-Bub hit into the first double play in the history of man. In the bottom of the first, despite Carlson’s best efforts to sabotage the perfect pitching outing by Don Walkingshits, Tap held Network to Zero baserunners, even though Freel went five for five with two stolen bases. In the second inning, we lacked productivity. Even Carlson’s single sucked balls. That motherfucker got some of the luckiest hits in league history, and he can hit about as well as he can hold his booze: which he can’t!!! Anyway, I think we let up our first hit in the bottom of the second, but were still kicking network in the balls. In the third inning, jimii masturbated to the success of his fantasy teams, and we scored a shitfuck of runs. Ok, maybe something closer to four, but we really broke the morale of the shitstains on the other team. Oh, we were’nt playing bulldogs? Oh well, the opposing team enjoyed cunnilingus anyway. In the third, as I was saying, we led off with a couple singles, a double, a B-3 (what the fuck is a B-3?? Who is writing this shit down? You should lick balls instead of keeping score), a couple singles and some other shit and we scored four runs.
D-Wade-Shitz pitched about fourteen strikeouts in the bottom of the third, and Tappero held on to a 7-0 lead. In the fourth, E-6 made his first out of the year. I really don’t know why we keep that short bastard on the team with all the leadoff outs he makes. Anyway, there was reasonable subsequent suceess, including the j-beast’s triple while the third base coach so intelligently held him at third instead of risking injry (or even death!) by sending him to home plate for an extra, unnecessary run. Also of note, t-bub was able to garner an extra piece of cheesecake from jimii’s girlfriend, which jimii was going to let return to the east side with Katie. What a mistake. Jimii should have to turn in his ball sfor not demanding said cheesecake. Carlson should have to turn in his balls for pledging aliegance to scrotums. Anyawy, its clear that if the bub was running the bases, the runner would have scored and then reached second on a victory lap around the bases. To those who it may interest, the international federation of fat guys racing on city street agrees that don wadewitz has been blood doping, or at least eating above normal quantities of pizza the last few weeks.
I think $lash just got a boner over Jeremy $’$ stat line
Sacrificcs are not sacrifi. Men who claim that outs do not ocunt against their OBPi are gay faces.
Anyway, the game ended, we won, and we did it without Erik Voight, who fancies his employment and homosexual standing in Madison more important than the team.
GIDP: the Bub, who still has faster game speed than wadewitz.
Final score: 14-3. double dates involving teammates and Mark Delaney: 143.
***Game Review Provided By: The Bub***