Club Tap Softball Team is Shot Down and Ended up Doing
Poorly
Semi-Obscure
Allusion Perhaps too Obscure
Returning
from a three-week layoff, the Clüb Tap Softball boys
managed just two walks and two hits in a four-inning embarrassment against
Thumbs Up Pub II on Friday night. Just as the Tappers
were mounting a miraculous comeback, they were slaughter-ruled 21-0.
Per
usual, the Tap found itself down early, as Thumbs Up posted an 11-run first
inning against an overwhelmingly weak Tap defense. Pitcher Don Wadewitz
had his typical pinpoint command, but he could do nothing to silence the
opposing Yupper bats.
He did, however, have moderate success when he dropped down to sidearm. Unfortunately, Wadewitz
seemed to lose his cool, or perhaps his mind, after the Yuppers
complimented their 11-run first inning with a 7-run third inning. Celebrating his birthday in the only way he
knew how, Wadewitz started throwing every ball he received
from his defense towards the nearest base.
His most humorous throw to a base occurred when he threw the ball home
when no one was looking. As the ball
sailed a few feet over the umpire and local inebriated funny man Chris
Carlson’s head, Wadewitz showed no remorse in almost
being thrown out of the game.
Trying
to calm his steaming starting pitcher and the Yupper
bats, Manager Pianolegs Hanley tried everything he
could. Hanley removed Wadewitz in the fourth inning in favor of Southpaw Skip
Adams. Even Adams, the best lefty
specialist in
Despite
the defensive woes, the Clüb Tap bats kept the team
within striking distance and threatened the Yuppers
late. No-hit through the first 2.2
innings, the Tap bats exploded as $lash McLeod laced a single into center field
in the third and Pianolegs Hanley ripped a squibber off the Yupper pitcher’s
glove and buttery fingers in the fourth inning.
Unfortunately, just as the momentum was turning in the Tappers’s favor, the umpire called the game on the
slaughter rule.
Fortunately,
the game did not result in a double-loss.
The loss dropped the Tappers to only 0-4, not
0-5. Clüb Tap
has been outscored by an upsetting 79-13 total this season. Of the team’s slow start and week 6
performance, Manager Hanley was none too pleased. “I can’t believe we are actually worse than
last year,” said the condescending manager and game-reviewer. “To borrow a page from Ned Yost’s book, our
guys are just not concentrating out there in the field and at the plate. For some reason, our players are nervous and
have forgotten that we are playing for fun.
They are nervous of looking bad out there, but how can you be nervous
still after looking this bad tonight? It
can’t be any worse than this!” The
manager plans to hold a practice this Sunday and hopes to work on the fundamentals
of fielding and hitting.
Clüb Tap plays two very beatable teams the next two weeks,
and it will make drastic changes in order to pull out a victory or two.