Brewers Stories

Following rumors of his low intelligence in 2002, Brewers' centre fieldre Alex Sanchez attempted to regain respect by showing off his skills in a mental aptitude test this past week. His plan was to compete against a small boy at the Wisconsin Avenue School where he thought he'd have a sure victory. However, just like the Brewers' past ten seasons, Sanchez's plan fell apart like Michael Jackson's face. He was disqualified for taking the entire test using the wrong side of the pencil. It is predicted that even if he knew how to use a pencil he would still have lost badly.

A struggling team and dwindling attendance have inspired the Brewers to expand their horizons even further. The team has tried to address their lack of veteran leadership with a series of signings in the past six months, but none have been very successful. Realizing the need for change, the Brewers signed American icon, Tom Selleck, this past weekend to a one year deal at an undisclosed amount. Selleck, a Detroit native and lifelong baseball fan, has considerable experience from roles in movies and a brief stint with the Tigers last year. Manager Ned Yost said of Selleck, “I saw his Michigan-style stache and immediately knew this was the man we needed.” Selleck is expected to share time at first with Richie Sexson and likely bat third in an otherwise insignificant lineup.