Weekly Business Report
Dollar's Value Plummets with Weakened Economy
Dollar echoes American Sentiment: “This is Horseshit”
--With a sluggish national economy, the value of the dollar has declined to its lowest amount in years. In the past 12 months, the dollar has declined nearly 22% versus the Euro. “Nonsense,” said the dollar on Friday, “I am the goddamn U.S. Dollar. I’m now worth two-thirds of a British Pound!? Well, the Pound can kiss two-thirds of my green ass! What the hell kind of name is ‘Pound’ anyway? Really, this pisses me off!”
Despite the Dollar’s conviction, economists insist that economic indicators point to a struggling U.S. economy and dollar. Economist Marty Steinsteen said, “The economy is lethargically moving along, but the dollar continues to decline in value. This clearly is an advantage to U.S. exporters, but American buyers are no longer getting as much bang for their buck.”
“That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard,” gasped the Dollar, “Steinsteen is a goddamn lunatic Jew. Oh yeah, and he’s a child molester too. I swear to God, he touches children. Who are you going to believe, him or me, the U.S. fucking Dollar.”
The Dollar didn’t stop there, “I am so sick of this shit. When are people going to stop fucking with me? You know, I’ve always kicked the Pound’s ass, the Yen’s ass, and Christ, that pussy the Lira, yeah, he’s a complete asshole loser. Okay, and that three year old, the Euro, whoa, I’m really scared of him,” laughed the Dollar.
The Lira and Euro could not be reached for comment.
