-Philadelphia, PA
by Thomas R. Hanley
An
NFC playoff game ended in what is being called the greatest tragedy in US
history. The game between the Packers and Eagles began like any other playoff
game, with plenty of energy in the crowd. The Packers took an early lead, but
as they did many times this season, they let it slip and the Eagles tied the
game to force overtime on a last second field goal. The Eagles won the toss and
elected to receive. After a fruitless
attmept on offense, they punted, receiving the ball back shortly after on a
Brett Favre interception. A few plays
later, cornerback Mike McKenzie was on the ground in pain after making a
tackle. Trainers rushed to his aid, but
instead of hearing cries of agony, sounds of ominous laugher started to grow
from inside McKenzie’s helmet. An
electronic beeping noise was faintly picked up by Fox’s on-field microphones,
moments before the entire stadium was obliterated. Tens of thousands are feared dead amongst the rubble that was
once Lincoln Financial Field. The blast
exploded with the force of a small atomic bomb. To the viewers at home, the screen turned to fuzz. Although no one is completely sure of what
caused the blast, there has been some speculation that McKenzie was involved. Terry Bradshaw, a football analyst for Fox,
told the media, “McKenzie was playing a great game. There was no need for him
to do this.” Questions about McKenzie’s
strange talents had arisen lately after he had reportedly fixed his turf-toe
injury suffered earlier in the season with a strange set of instruments. McKenzie was also involved in other
incidents wearing what seemed to be some sort of advanced camouflage gear. Players from Packers’ opponents throughout
the season had been complaining to the league about McKenzie’s ability to
imitate their quarterback’s voice, thus drawing them offsides. While the nation is looking for answers, for
the first time in NFL history, the NFC championship game will be a bye for the
Carolina Panthers, who despite their sorrow for the victims of the explosion,
shouted, “Holla! We up in da Supa Bowl baby!”
President Bush is calling the incident a despicable act of heartless terrorism. Bush addressed the nation shortly following the incident, stating that he will do everything in his power to make sure something like this never happens again. Sources indicate that he has asked current California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura for help. Bush suggested that this was the work of Al Qaeda possibly operating out of Central America. With more developments to come, a sad nation continues to weep over the loss of national hero Donovan McNabb. A memorial service for McNabb, the Packers and Eagles, and all the other victims will be held tomorrow.