HERE FOR YOU
BY: Alex Queirolo
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This story takes place during END OF THE INNOCENCE. It directly involves an incident that Asher told Angel about. This also makes reference to WHEN SHE WAS BAD.
CONTINUITY AND MATERIAL NOTE:
This is the fourth chapter of a series. It will soon become the fifth because one is planned to go between what are now the second and third chapters. The first is I WILL SURVIVE followed by THAT WAS THE DAY and THE END OF THE INNOCENCE. This story co
ntains a bit of coarse language and sexual discussion but nothing graphic.
DISCLAIMER:
I did not create the characters you see on the show. I probably am responsible for the ones you didn't. The BUFFY material belongs to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and his excellent team of writers. Them are gods.
"So you bargain with the Devil
Say you're okay for today"
He felt anger. At all that had been taken from her and all that had been done to her because of her cosmic destiny. And this was no different. He watched her sleep in the hospital bed and it caused his fury to rise. With every breath she took, a shiver ra
n through her little body. It wasn't fair; she couldn't even heal like a normal person.
The night of the fight between his demon and Asher had left her sick and delirious with a raging fever. He still wasn't very sure of how that had happened but he knew that the events were linked. Especially when he had inspected her medical charts and see
n that the sudden illness had begun at exactly the same time as the physical fight back in the basement of Sunnydale High had. And the nearly explosive fever and tremors that had gripped her body had also faded down to just serious when the battle had end
ed.
"God...I keep hurting you," Angel murmured as he lifted her uninjured hand up and pressed it to his lips. It'd been almost three days since the battle and she was slowly getting better and the fever was dissipating but that didn't really matter because as
far as he was concerned, Buffy never should have been sick at all.
Shaking his head, he gazed over at the clock on the table next to her bed. 1 AM. The night nurse would be coming in an hour to administer another dosage of the painkiller/sedative cocktail they'd had her doped up on since Xander had carried her back into
the hospital.
He knew that he could tell himself that her state of unconsiousness was due to the drugs. The charts showed that she had enough of the rather powerful sedative in her blood to knock out a horse. She needed that much because she had consistently shown that
her system was quick to eliminate the drugs. Such was the fate of the Slayer. Healing made painful.
But that was only an excuse. He knew that somehow or another, their connection to each other had caused the fever. Strange how passion could be the most devastating thing of all. It had certainly been for Xander and Cordelia.
Asher had used Xander's feelings for Cordelia to destroy her and he'd done a good job of it. It'd been three days since Asher had been killed but neither of the teens had even spoken to one another since then. They were flagrantly avoiding each other and
using Willow as their go-between. And it was driving the little hacker insane. But in reality, there was nothing any of them could do. The two kids harbored so much guilt and pain that it was almost incomprehensible. Except for Angel. He understood their
pain but even there and then, he knew that it wasn't his place. It was something meant for the two of them to work out together.
"Like things with us," Angel whispered, dropping his head down and intensely studying the slim hand he held in his. He laughed bitterly and then shook his head. He brought her hand back to her stomach and gently placed it there. Then leaning over her, he
softly brushed a kiss onto her forehead. Shaking his head again, he started to walk away.
"You weren't thinking of leaving without saying goodbye, were you?" Buffy whispered as he started out the door. He stopped and paused for a moment before turning to gaze at her. "That's right..you're not leaving me so easily."
"Wouldn't dream of it," he replied uneasily. He moved back across the room and sat gently on the edge of the bed. Brushing her sweat soaked hair aside, he pressed a kiss to her lips. And she gasped. "What?" Angel cried out in shock.
"God..I love it when you do that." Buffy replied as she tried to sit up. Almost immediately, she winced and decided against her plan of action.
He smiled at her with concern and guilt in his eyes. Immediately she had a rampant thought to smack the boy around. She tried to reach up to touch him in order to reassure him but she inadvertingly and rather forgetfully attempted to use her injured hand
and it sent bolts of pain rushing up her arm. Again, she could almost see Angel chastise himself mentally.
"Stop," she murmured in the strongest voice she could muster. Not suprisingly, it still sounded like a frog going through puberty.
"What?" Angel asked, leaning down to touch her. He needed the contact as much as she did even though his mind was telling him other things that his heart was having a helluva time processing.
"For some stupid reason, you're finding a way to blame yourself for me being sick. I got an infection, Angel. My fault for getting up and leaving the hospital." Buffy told him.
"Your actions..though decidely stupid saved all of our lives." Angel reminded her.
She rolled her eyes,"Decidely stupid..did you really need to include that? I mean..I did what went through my head at the time. And besides, trust me, love, I've done a lot stupider things in my life."
"Right," Angel murmured, looking away for a moment.
She lifted an eyebrow,"That wasn't one of those things where I was begging you to agree." The little Slayer moved to grab his hand and pull him towards her but both her pain and her body's weakness prevented her. Seeing her effort, he moved closer to her
and lowered himself down to the floor so that they were both at the same eye-level. "Okay..out with it..what's on your mind?"
"Nothing that can't wait," he replied, leaning forward and kissing her. It'd worked before as a way to avoid a conversation and this was one that he wasn't sure he really wanted to have with her. Even if he knew that he needed to.
And for a moment, his plan seemed to be succesful. She closed her eyes and gave into the kiss, allowing the passion to seep her pain away. Momentarily. And then she began to cough as another shiver ran it's way up through her little body. Breaking away fr
om her, he reached out and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest until the fit ended. Once it was over, he reluctantly moved her back down to the pillow. "Are you okay?"
"No..but that's not the point. You cheated." Buffy said, her voice laced with irritation. Uh oh. "I want to know what's on your mind and I want to know now or so help me God, I will get out of this bed right this moment and run through this hospital, taki
ng out every orderly and security guard who gets in my way until someone manages to catch and sedate me."
Angel winced at the mental image of her being knocked to the floor. And then suddenly a new image hit him. One of her running through the halls with the back of her hospital gown open and..
"You're laughing..that could get you staked." Buffy growled, her voice as loud as it could get which really wasn't more than a whisper.
"I'm sorry," Angel said with a slight smile. "I just...you gave me mental images better left alone." Then he sighed. "Trust me..it's nothing we can't discuss later when you're stronger and not desperately in need of more painkillers."
"Oh, bite me," Buffy replied, rolling her eyes. "Angel, let's face it..I'm not going anywhere for the next several days. I can barely move and these psychotic nurses are watching me like I'm some lunatic. I'll be plenty tanked on painkillers to last me a
life-time. It can wait...I want the truth..now."
He shook his head, "Really..there's nothing to discuss. I just came by because I wanted to see you. I miss you. And I was worried."
She gave him a small smile. "You're sweet..but once again..you're a horrible liar. Horrible. Remind me never to ask you to create an alibi for my mother."
Realizing that he was going to have to say something to calm her, he finally murmured, "I was just thinking about Xander and Cordelia. How hard things are for them right now."
"I know," she replied. "And God help me, I wish I could do something about it but that still isn't what's on your mind. Now you have ten seconds to fess up or I'm gonna get out of this bed and start kicking your ass. And you know, as punchy and drugged as
I am...I might really enjoy it. Now one, two.."
"Buffy, please..please..just drop it."
"Three, four, five, six.."
"Dammit, drop it," Angel growled, not amused at the fact that it was now she who wanted to talk about it instead of him.
"Seven, eight.."
"You really want to know?" Angel asked in exasperation. He shook his head and looked at her in disbelief.
"Yes, I do. Nine, ten. I'm getting up..."
"Did you have an affair with someone from Los Angeles last summer?" Angel blurted out suddenly, his dark eyes deepening with raw emotion.
Buffy blinked and swallowed hard, "What?"
"Did you have a relationship with a boy from the Los Angeles area when you went home to visit your father last summer?" Angel reitterated, his tone laced with many emotions.
Buffy looked down and away,"How did you know?"
"I guess that's a yes," Angel said bitterly. He walked over to the window of the hospital room and gazed out into the darkness of the night.
After a few long moments, she finally whispered,"Yes."
Before turning back to face her, he schooled his features so as not to show her the hurt reflected there. But once he was facing her, she knew. Nodding slowly, deliberately, he said. "Okay. I just wanted to know."
"Angel, please.."
"It's not a big deal. I mean, it's not like we were going out or anything and you had every right.."
"Angel, I love you." Buffy whispered. "I was so scared.."
"I know..you don't have to explain." Angel told her, unable to stop himself from looking away. Immediately, he scolded himself. As if he actually had a right to be angry with her. After all the agony he'd caused her when he'd become Angelus again..
"But I do..don't I?" Buffy murmured, tears filling her eyes.
He closed his eyes and then shook his head, "I don't think I want to hear it..and you need your sleep."
"Angel, please.." Buffy said once again. She reached out and grabbed his hand, ignoring the dangerous flashes of pain that ripped through her. "I owe you the truth.."
"You don't owe me anything," he replied bitterly. He lifted her hand off of him and brought it to his mouth. He kissed it and then whispered, "It wasn't a fair question."
"Yes, it was.." Buffy replied, grimacing in pain again. "Sit down, please..I want to get everything out in the open. I love you too much to have something like this between us. It's been there for too long anyways."
"Buffy, you don't need to do this.."
She looked up at him and he saw a single tear slide down her ashy cheeks. She shuddered under the grasp of both her emotions and the fever that plagued her and then very softly replied,"I don't want to..but I do need to."
Slowly, he nodded. He sat down on the bed and then pulled her towards him, holding her against the coolness of his flesh."Okay."
She nodded,"It started right after I wrote Will the last of the three postcards I sent her. I was pretty depressed. I couldn't think straight." She shook her head and laughed bitterly. "When I came back, Willow and Xander asked me if I had killed any vamp
ires during the summer. I lied and said no. But there was one and he sent me completely over the edge.."
***
She swung her arm out and hit her attacker as hard as she could in the chest. He barely fliched. Growling, he reached forward and caught her wrist. "You're the little bitch who killed the Master?"
"Yeah," she replied bitterly, lashing out with a kick. "That would be me." She spun around and hit him across the face. "And it's not a good memory."
He laughed at her and blocked her punch. Reaching out, he grabbed her by the front of her oversized sweatshirt and tossed her into the air. "That's not the last bad memory you'll have, Slayer. But don't worry, it won't be there long."
She hit the ground with a thud and lay there for a moment, stunned and in pain. Shaking her head, she tried to clear the stars away but everything continued to spin. She placed a hand on her temple and closed her eyes to try to regain her equillibrium. Ba
d move.
The vampire jumped on top of her and slammed her back to the ground. Reaching down, he grabbed her by the front of the shirt and growled, "And you're also the little tramp who's been playing house with Angelus..." Pulling back, he hit her across the face
and then shoved her back down again. "He must like 'em easy."
Buffy shuddered at the thought and tried to push up and against him but he held her tight. "I'm gonna kill you," Buffy hissed at him, her eyes cold and hard. "I'm gonna kill all of you."
"Ooh..saucy little Slayer. You'll taste good," the vampire grinned as he leaned over and pressed his mouth up against her. As he did, her eyes locked onto the symbol of a dagger and a snake on his neck. A clan tattoo. She felt his fangs slide into her jug
ular and a gasp left her lips. And then the memories came.
"No..no...no," Buffy whimpered, her mind spinning out mental images. She started to struggle even harder as she felt the darkness seeping around her.
And then he made his fatal mistake. He pulled away from her so that he could look down at the pain and fear in her eyes and laugh at it just before he killed her. As she watched him chuckle, she felt her mind lock down. And then with eyes turning emotionl
ess, she reached up and grabbed him by the throat. Without another word, she proceded to rip it out. He gurgled in agony and then collapsed to the ground, his body spasming. Standing up, she brushed herself off and then turned and picked up her stake. Cal
mly, cooly, she reached down and pushed the stake through the heart of the body. Without even another thought, she turned and walked from it away before it even became dust.
***
"I cried myself to sleep that night," Buffy whispered, looking down at her hands. She felt him wrap himself tighter around her but all that did was bring her closer to tears.
"That vampire was from the Clan of deHeis. They are exceptionally strong and are avengers. For the most part, they avoid direct confrontation, especially with the Slayer but they do have a history of stalking and destroying one after she has conquered the
current Master." Angel murmured into her ear. He pressed the coolness of his body against hers and felt every shudder that ripped through it.
"Well, he almost killed me. When I went home, I had blood gushing down my neck. My dad was out with friends at a Dodger game so I cleaned myself up and took some sedatives. But they didn't work. Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw the Master killing me. Tha
t was when I resolved to stop feeling anything."
"Buffy.."
"I know..it just seemed easier. It seemed like my emotions had gotten me in so much trouble. I felt like all they did was make me sloppy and stupid. I figured that if I became the Slayer Giles wanted me to be..then it wouldn't matter..so I did. I started
to work out for about six to seven hours every day. My dad thought I was crazy."
"Well that answers why you were in such great shape when you got back," Angel said softly.
"Yeah. It was, um, while I was running one day when I met up with Lucas. We talked and you know, part of me knew right away that he was a creep but I guess I kept going because I knew that there was no chance I would become emotionally involved with him.
And..and it helped me forget about you."
***
"One dance won't hurt," he whispered, taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor. She swayed a bit and then followed.
"That's what you said about one drink," Buffy muttered. "Four drinks later.."
"Oh shush,love. They were only screw-drivers." Lucas replied, spinning her into his arms and placing his hands on her back. She was dressed in a simple skirt and white blouse. Nothing fancy and nothing trademark.
"Tell that to my head. And I still say that they were more like vodka with orange coloring," she replied as he began to move her to the loud thudding beat. She felt his hands move lower until they rested on her hips.
"Okay," he said with a grin as he pressed his face to her neck and began to kiss her. He felt her stiffen initially but then all the tension went out of her body and she continued to let him glide his way up her neck to her mouth. Her mind flashed on Ange
l and her eyes filled with water but her anger won out and pushed it back. Reaching forward, she pressed her lips to Lucas' and kissed him hard.
He laughed and lowered his hands to her butt. Pushing her up towards him, he whispered, "We should make this more private."
***
Buffy laughed bitterly, "I don't know what I was thinking but in that moment, I wanted to hurt you..I wanted to hurt me..I wanted to hurt everyone."
"So...you went with him?" Angel asked, his voice laced with raw pain. Still, he kept his arms wrapped tightly around her, careful not to touch the wound on her stomach.
"Yeah. We went upstairs and we started to go at it. I mean really...really hot and heavy. And all I kept thinking was..this will show 'em all."
***
He pushed her back on the bed and leaned over her, grinning as he worked to remove her blouse. His expression told the entire story; he planned on getting some.
Leaning up, she tried to continue the foreplay but his intentions were obvious as he pressed her back and rolled atop of her. Turning her head away, she stared out the window. She closed her eyes and almost immediately, she saw Angel's face. Tears formed
in her eyes as she felt Lucas remove her blouse and press his mouth up against her. This wasn't what she wanted.
***
"But I let him continue for a long while. I let him do what he wanted because I wanted to convince myself that if he made me feel good..even for a few minutes...then maybe some of the pain would go away. But it didn't..it just made me feel dirty."
There was a brief pause and then Angel said, "Did you sleep with him?"
"As in make love? No..Angel...you were my first.I gave you my virginity; you know that. And God willing, you'll be the only man I ever make love to. I did a lot of things with him but when he tried to have sex with me, I stopped. I started to cry like a c
hild."
Angel watched her as she tried to curl herself into a ball. He could tell by the tension in her back that she was fighting off the guilt of her actions. After a few moments, she continued, "I stayed with him the rest of the summer...doing everything but..
hoping that it would get better and trying to get numb. But all I was becoming was bitter and angry. I started to blame all of you for not being there to help me through it all." She shook her head. "By the end of the summer..I was almost willing to sleep
with him just to get revenge on you. And because by that point, I felt like it was all the humanity I had left. I'm so sorry...I never meant to hurt you..."
"God...I love you," Angel said abruptly.
Blinking in surprise, Buffy tried to turn towards him but was hit by a fresh wave of pain. She squinted her eyes for a moment and then completed the movement. "What?"
He placed a finger under her chin and tilted it upwards,"I love you...and as far as what you did last summer...I don't care. That was then.."
"Angel...when I came back..that was why I was avoiding you..because I wanted to blame you for everything...and I lied..I did want to hurt you and I'm sorry..I'm so sorry.."
"It doesn't matter.." Angel replied, kissing her passionately. "It's over. You're okay..we're all okay."
She tried to nod, wanted to believe him but all at once everything caught up. The pain of her past actions, the torment of being held captive and the agony of almost dying and being helpless to do anything for her closest friends. Tears began to spill aim
lessly down her cheeks and a whimper escaped from her mouth.
Eyes widening in horror, Angel rushed to comfort her but even he knew that it was too late. The body-racking sobs came fast and hard. He wrapped himself around her and tried to calm her but she wouldn't let him. She continued to cry as the dam broke loose
and everything came rushing out. A moment later, the heart monitors attached to her began to blare.
Reluctantly, Angel tore himself away from her and moved into the shadows of her room. He watched as two ordelies and a couple nurses rushed into the room. One immediately took in the situation and barked out orders to the other who inserted a needle into
Buffy's IV drip. A few moments later, Buffy's tears began to subside. She whimpered his name and then slipped back into the darkness of sleep.
"God," one of the nurses murmured, "Poor child..the pain must be tearing her up."
Angel shook his head at the ironic truth of the nurses' statement. She had meant the physical pain and that was probably true but it was the Slayers' emotional pain that was overwhelming her.
As the nurse turned to leave, Joyce Summers rushed into the room. She'd been at the hospital every single night since Buffy had been brought in and she instinctively knew when her daughter was hurting. Looking over at the trembling form of her little girl
, she asked, "Is she alright?"
The nurse nodded,"I think she probably woke up in a good deal of pain and as disorientated as she is..it was too much. She's sleeping now. She'll be fine."
Joyce took in the information with a worried look in her eyes. It wasn't easy to stand by and watch Buffy hurting so much. She moved over to the bed and gently laid her hand over Buffy's, "It'll be okay, honey." Leaning down, she kissed Buffy on the foreh
ead and then moved away. "I want to stay here with her the rest of the night."
The nurse nodded,"Alright."
And Angel sighed. Oh this was going to be fun.
***
"Hey, Buff." Xander said in a soft voice when her eyelids began to flicker open. He touched her face gently and kept it there until she opened her blues completely and gazed up at him.
In a voice that was almost a whimper, she asked, "Xand?"
"Yeah, I'm here. So are Willow and Oz. We heard you had a rough night."
"I did? I don't remember," she murmured, trying to sit up but quickly realizing that with all the drugs pumping through her, very few parts of her body were actually agreeable to working.
Willow chuckled and moved to help Buffy into the sitting position,"This is the first time we've been able to see you since Monday. You've been pretty sick.."
"Oh, right...yeah..Angel was talking to..Angel...Angel.."
"Right,that's his name," Xander said dryly.
"He was here last night. He's not here right now. Why's he not here right now? I need Ange.."
"Shh," Willow soothed, stroking her friends' hair. "Calm down, it's okay..it's daytime..Angel is at home. Everyone is okay. Don't let yourself get worked up or you'll get sick again."
"I'm not sick," Buffy replied, her voice itself sounding loopy. She tried to lean up so that she could stand but Willow kept a restraining hand on her.
"Just take it easy," Willow told her softly. "You'll be out of here in no time."
"I want outta here now," Buffy murmured. She looked up at Xander. "Help me?"
Xander looked at Willow and Oz with wide eyes. She really was looped. He leaned over, "Buff, it's okay. You're getting better."
"I am better.." she replied. She tried to sit up again. "There's no pain."
"I imagine not," Oz said as he picked up her med-chart. "I imagine there's not much of anything. If I had that many different drugs in me, I wouldn't be feeling anything either."
"I'm not drugged..I'm fine...hey..remember..I'm the Slayer..I'm always fine." Buffy murmured, trying to sit up again and then looking confused when it didn't happen.
"You're a sick Slayer," Willow told her, still resting a hand on her arm. "You're still feverish...you need to relax. You're not doing yourself any good like this."
"Like this..I told Angel..." Buffy said suddenly. She looked up at Willow with tears in her eyes, "I told him about Lucas...he must hate me."
It took Willow a moment to understand what Buffy was talking about. "Oh God," she whispered. And then she shook her head frantically, "No..no..he could never hate you."
"You don't understand, Will.." Buffy cried, fear and pain lacing her voice. All of the loopiness was gone as if as her emotional trauma mounted, it caused all of the drugs to be washed away. "He couldn't even look at me."
"Buffy..you're sick..you're not thinking clearly...Angel loves you..that's all that matters. He doesn't care.."
"Dammit! I nearly fucked someone during the summer..of course he cares!" Buffy yelled, tears streaking down her face. Then she lowered her voice, "Of course he does."
Xander never hesitated. Reaching out, he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. Holding her tightly he said,"You know, Buff..if I've learned anything from the last couple of days..it's that there is nothing more valuable than love in this world. Angel
loves you. Nothing is going to make that go away. You've got to believe that. Whatever happened...it doesn't matter...he loves you."
"I don't want to lose him," she sobbed into his shoulder. He could feel her tears wet against his shirt and the strained tension of her body against his. She was in tremendous physical pain but it was obvious that her mental anguish far surpassed it."God.
.I don't think I could survive that."
"It's not gonna happen, Buff." Xander whispered.
She pushed away from him so that he could see the redness of the tear streaks against the ash of her pale feverish cheeks. "How do you know? None of us thought that we could be so screwed over like we were but look at us..this isn't us? Not all of us."
Xander looked away. "No, it's not."
Buffy shook her head, "Oh God...see..I did it again...I'm sorry..I didn't mean to hurt you.." Tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she looked at the sadness in her friends' dark eyes.
"No..don't worry. Things will work out. You've got to concentrate on getting well and getting the hell outta here. Right now I'm missing my study hall slacker buddy," Xander said with a hopeful grin.
Buffy tried to return the smile but it didn't reach her eyes. She settled back against the pillows and squeezed her eyelids shut to blink back the tears. After a few moments of waiting, the other teens realized that she wasn't going to reopen them.
"She's asleep," Oz said with wonder in his voice.
"She's exhausted." Willow replied. "And we need to be getting to school." She pulled the blanket back over Buffy and then turned to the others. "Remind me to talk to Angel tonight..."
***
"She's sleeping but you can go in if you like," the head nurse told her in a soft voice. She nodded and thanked her. Pushing the door to the hospital room open, she entered, only the heels of her boots clicking against the ground.
"Buffy, Buffy, Buffy," Cordelia murmured. She sat down next to the Slayers' bed and stared at the sleeping girl for a few moments. "I don't know why I'm here. It's not guilt..I don't think. I mean..I feel bad that I..Asher..I..hurt you even more..but I do
n't think that's why I'm here."
"Then why are you here?" Buffy whispered, staring up at the taller girl with pain-filled fatigued blue eyes. The little Slayer didn't even bother trying to sit up; she was obviously too weak to even make an attempt.
"I thought you were sleeping," Cordelia replied feebly.
"I was. I'm not. I guess the tranks are wearing off. Don't tell the doctors..they'll drug me up again. I feel like a junkie."
In spite of herself, Cordelia chuckled. "Cute." Then she sighed. "I guess I just had a lot on my mind."
"And you came to me? That's a first," Buffy murmured, moving her head from side to side as if she were looking for something.
Cordelia glanced over to the table next to Buffy's bed and saw a glass of water. Picking it up, she leaned over and placed a hand under Buffy's neck. "Here. Slowly." She helped the girl drink for a few moments and then pulled it away. "You don't want to d
rink too much or you'll give yourself cramps and that's the last thing you need." She paused. "Your hair is bad enough."
Buffy favored her with a sardonic grin,"When did you take nursemaiding 101?"
"Well...you know my mom is sick and laid up in bed. And the maid does get at least one day a week off.." Cordelia replied, putting the half full glass of water back on the table.
"Right..so why are you here," Buffy asked, her voice still very low. Her gaze was unfocused and hazy but Cordelia had a feeling that the Slayer had at least a reasonable idea of what was occuring.
"I've just..been thinking a lot. I figured maybe I'd come here and at least I could hear myself talk without feeling like a fool for talking to myself."
"I'm touched..I think."
"Well don't be..I thought you'd be sleeping." Cordelia shot back.
"Sorry to disappoint. But if it makes you feel better, the voices in my head agree with you," Buffy replied easily, sounding drowsy.
Cordelia laughed. "I guess so."
"So talk. Tell me what's on your mind. I can..listen..I think.."
"It's..it's Xander..it's this whole mess.."
"This is a mess.." Buffy repeated, a little too thoughtfully. Her eyes glazed over for a moment but she fought it back and returned her gaze to Cordelia. "But I feel no pain."
"Wow..color me shocked." Cordelia grinned. Then she sighed. "I don't know what to say to him."
"I know," Buffy murmured. "If it helps, he doesn't know what to say to you. You're both in the same..thingee that floats in the water.."
"Boat?"
"Ya...that..boat..that's a cool word."
"Uh huh..are you sure maybe you shouldn't just close your eyes and try to go back to sleep. You're pretty..well..I guess it's normal for you...but you're pretty looped."
Buffy balled her good hand and rubbed it against her eyes. "I'm alright...just kinda...foggy. My head feels like it's full of cotton. It's like...I know that there is something bothering me...but I can't remember what. And I know that it's important but I
can't think. It hurts."
"Then maybe you shouldn't try. Rest. Relax. Do the getting well thing."
"Plenty of time for that. Let's get back to boats while I can still somwhat think. When they realize I'm awake..Nurse Psycho is gonna try to knock me out again. I really don't like that chick."
"Okay. You think Xander and I are coming from the same place...but I don't think we are. Buffy..I really hated him...I was scared of him."
"And he hated himself. He had what he thought were dreams but they were actually memory flashes. They scared the hell out of him. That night he..spent...with me...me.."
Cordelia reached over and grabbed the glass of water. After she'd gotten Buffy to drink a little more, she gently urged the Slayer to continue.
"He was so scared..he was almost in tears. I mean..think about it this way..Asher possessed him and made him hurt you emotionally, almost kill me and mess with Willow...no matter what we tell him...that's got to be eating him up."
"Yeah. I don't remember much of when he took me over. Not clearly. I've had some of those memory flashes..I remember yelling at Xander and taking you out but everything is so jumbled."
"But Xander's had time to put the pieces together. He knows exactly what he did." Buffy whispered, closing her eyes as a shudder of pain ripped through her. She opened them again and smiled weakly at Cordelia,"The pain is actually helping me think more cl
early..I still can't remember the last couple days but I'll get there."
"No rush," Cordelia murmured, remembering what Willow had told her about Buffy breaking down when they'd seen her earlier that morning.
"Just don't give up on him," Buffy said softly, wincing as she tried to adjust herself. "Nothing that seems easier ever is."
Cordelia nodded,"I know..I just..I'm not sure I know what to say...or how to explain when I flinch away from him.."
"It'll hurt but he'll understand...and you know what...he may just flinch away from you because he's just as scared."
Cordelia nodded thoughtfully. She was about to say something when she noticed that the tremors were becoming more regular. Not a good sign. "I'm gonna get a doctor."
"Not neccesary," Buffy protested weakly. She tried to sit up to prove her point but was almost immediately hit with a wave of nausea. She fell back against her pillow weakly and sighed. "No...I'm fine. I just..lack movement."
"And brain-cells too, apparently. Buffy..you're the Slayer..you're usually really healthy. Since you're not at the moment..that should tell you to relax and get better."
"Geesh..Doctor Cordy much?" Buffy muttered.
"Well someone should be. I mean..if someone attacks me because I associate with you and you're not there to do something about it then I'm gonna kick your ass for not getting better quicker."
"I'm feeling the love..almost really."
"Well keep feeling it. I'm getting a doc.."
"It was Angel.." Buffy said suddenly, looking up. She licked her lips. "That is..the thing I was worried about..I talked to him about Lucas..."
Cordelia paused a moment and then whispered,"Because I told him about Lucas."
"Asher did. Not you. But he knows.." Buffy shook her head and for a brief moment, it looked like she was on the verge of losing consiousness. Shivering slightly, she fought it off and looked back up at Cordelia. "I guess I know what it's like to hurt some
one. Only I did it intentionally."
"There are reasons for every actions..some make no sense but they can always be dealt with. You and Angel have dealt with him trying to kill you..I think you can handle a little fling." Cordelia replied, moving towards the door.
"Were it that easy but I guess I could turn the tables on the two of you and make..you..deal.." Buffy trailed off as her eyelids began to flicker downwards. Her good hand clenched as she fought for control.
"Yeah," Cordelia murmured, stepping out into the hallway. She grabbed the arm of a passing nurse and spoke to her in a low tone and then returned to the room. "They're gonna make you feel better."
"I fe..feel fine..."Buffy gasped out, wincing as another shot of pain rushed up through her. She moved a shaky hand to the blanket over her and pulled back the covers so that she could look at her stomach wound. "Fine.."
"Uh huh..I see that." Cordelia said, shaking her head, half in worry and half in amusement. The damn Slayer was just so stubborn..
Two nurses stepped into the room and one moved over to Buffy's bed and began to take her vitals. "She's still pretty feverish."
The other nurse smiled at Buffy. Obviously this one was Nurse Psycho. Grinning like a damn fool, the woman injected a needle into Buffy's IV drip. The girl whimpered in protest and tried to push the other nurse away.
"Conversation..not..easy.." Buffy murmured. She looked up at Cordelia desperately, "Stop..too..much..Xander..you..together..tog..." Before she could even finish the last word, her eyes rolled back and she was out.
"She goes through the tranquilizers like they're going out of style," the younger nurse who'd been checking her vitals said.
Nurse Psycho nodded,"She's a girl with a very strong immune system I imagine but I think the injury and the infection that followed have taken even her out. Of course it doesn't help that she keeps trying to escape. Talk about hospital phobia." She shook
her head and motioned for the other nurse to follow.
Cordelia watched them go and then sighed,"You just have to make everything difficult don't you. You even make me figuring out what to do with Xander hard. Wouldn't it be easier to just walk away and deal with it alone? So why can't I?"
***
"Dammit!" Giles yelled across the library as he slammed the phone down. "Dammit to bloody hell."
Willow and Xander stepped out from behind the bookshelf and eyed him curiously. Oz lifted an eyebrow and continued to read the book. "What's wrong?" Willow finally asked.
"Buffy," Giles muttered, shaking his head.
"What about Buffy?" Xander queried, worry seeping into his voice. "Is she alright?"
"She's escaped the hospital again. This time, unlike last time, I think she really is delusional. The nurse told me that everytime she's been consious today, she's been ranting about Angel."
"So maybe she went to his place," Oz offered, looking up from the book.
"I doubt she could figure out her way across a street," Giles replied with a loud sigh."Why can't she ever just do what's she told.."
"Buffy's delusional? Right?" Willow offered, hoping to calm him down even though she rather sympathesized with him.
"Yes, but that's hardly the point." Gils replied. "We need to find her. She's easy pickings for..."
The phone rang before he could finish his sentence. Moving over to it, he picked it up. "Hello?"
"Giles, it's Angel."
"Right. Yes. Um..have you happened to see.."
"Buffy, yeah? She just collapsed at my door. She's lying down right now. I want to talk to her for a few minutes and then I'll take her back, okay?"
"Yes, fine..um..is she alright?"
"No worse than she was. Out of it but she'll be okay. Don't worry," Angel replied tensely.
"Are you sure nothing is wrong? You sound a little bit..well..concerned."
"She'll be fine. She's in some pain but she'll be alright. I'll stop by and see you after I take her back."
"Alright. Good enough."
***
He lifted her into his arms and very gently kissed the top of her hair. "Didn't someone ever tell you that going out while doped up is not a good idea?"
She muttered a reply and tried to curl against him. One of her hands drifted under his shirt to rest on the cool of his chest. Lifting an eyebrow in amusement, he laid back against the bed."I don't wanna lose you," she murmured, pressing her face against
his chest.
"Never gonna happen," Angel whispered. "You should know that by now."
"I almost lost you once..I can't do it again." Buffy said, her voice cracking. "I'd do anything to make that summer go away.."
"And I'd do anything to make when I was Angelus go away but neither of us can. All we can do is move on." He kissed her cheek and pulled her even closer. "And what you can do is get better. If you keep fighting it, you'll be making hospital escapes when y
ou're old and grey."
"Will you still be with me?" Buffy murmured, wincing in pain but refusing to look away from him.
"You better believe it," he replied instantly. He moved his hand down and checked the wound. Frowning because the dressing needed to be changed, he said,"I gotta get you back. I think this time they're gonna hire armed guards to keep you on your back."
"Mom's gonna ground me..you think I can claim temporary insanity?" Buffy drawled.
"Yeah," he laughed. "I think you have a pretty good case." He kissed her again and then lifted her off of him just a bit. "I'm gonna call an ambulance..I don't have a car and I don't want to risk carrying you and accidentally re-tearing the wound. It look
s pretty fragile and I can smell blood just under the dressing. Better if we try not to attract any trouble."
"That just means longer I can spend with you," she whispered, tiredly. She slid her other hand under his shirt and then pressed herself completely to his chest. Within moments, she was out cold. He kissed her hair. Sighing, he stretched out his arm and gr
abbed the phone. Then he put it back down. Another ten minutes couldn't hurt.
***
"Four days without a single incident. A record for her," Doctor Keller said with a small smile. "Admittedly, she's slept for most of these last four days but just the same...no problems.."
"Well besides her threatening to stick a wooden stake through me," the nurse next to him muttered.
Giles chuckled and gazed over at Joyce Summers who shook her head. "So we can take her home?" The slightly disheiveled looking woman asked.
"Within the next two days..absoloutely. She's made excellent progress on all of her injuries. Remarkable actually. She will however be rather weak for a few more days but for the most part, it's nothing to worry about. Once she's home, just keep her on he
r back for a bit longer and she'll be up and doing her..thing...again in no time."
"That's what worries me," Joyce grinned.She glanced over at her sleeping daughter and smiled. Ever since she'd been returned in the ambulance, she'd been calmer, more at peace. Of course it hadn't hurt that she'd had company almost around the clock, even
when she was completely out of it.
"Don't worry," Xander offered. "Will and I'll take good care of her."
"Uh huh, great." Joyce said shaking her head. "That means lots of shopping if your idea of taking care of her includes several days of all-nighters."
"Hey," Xander laughed,"That's a great idea. How about I make you a list?"
"Don't push your luck or I'll buy all health food," Joyce shot back. Behind them, Willow and Oz started to laugh. Only Cordelia had made an excuse not to come and hear the verdict of all of the tests that had been run on Buffy. Willow rather suspected how
ever that it had had nothing to do with Cordy not wanting to associate with the group and everything to do with her uneasy relationship with Xander. Of course if Cordelia had come, Xander probably wouldn't have. Oh the fun.
"You wouldn't?" Xander gasped.
"Xander, you remember the last time you said that to Buffy? She shopped pictures of you in that pink bunny suit all around campus. Like mother like daughter. Be wary." Willow warned.
"I remember but hey..I got my revenge.."
"Uh huh..yeah.." Oz started thoughtfully.."I remember your revenge..it included a pool and you in a bikini. You're right..that was killer revenge."
"That wasn't how it was supposed to go," Xander muttered. He looked up at Joyce who was gazing at him with an amused up-lifted eyebrow. "Your daughter is a big cheater."
"Xander, just because you got out-smarted doesn't mean Buffy cheated," Giles reminded him. He didn't bother to add that he too had been tricked by the Slayer and the girls when he and Oz had attempted to help Xander get revenge for various April Fools' da
y pranks that had been played on them.
Xander shot the Watcher a look but refrained from mentioning that Giles too had been by the pool that night. "All I'm saying is that it ain't over yet."
"She's gonna make you cry again, Xander." Willow warned. "And that already haunts my nightmares."
"Mine too," Oz echoed. He shook his head. "Seriously scary."
Joyce started laughing. She moved her arm towards the door. "Maybe we should finish this outside so that we don't wake Buffy up." The others nodded in agreement and began to file past her. As Xander did, she reached out and caught him arm. "She made you c
ry?"
"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered. "I really don't. I'm trying to repress."
FIN
