By: Alex Queirolo

AUTHOR's NOTE: This takes place after "Phases" but relates to "Surprise" and "Innocence". It steps outside of the time-stream after that in a desperate attempt to save itself from getting "Jossed" by the next upcoming episode. God save us all.

ADDITIONAL NOTES: The Joshua I make reference to is of the Watchers' Society. He was in my previous piece "Where Do the Children Play".His job is to ensure that time and life don't mess with the Slayer too badly and to make sure that some punches go her way. He has the ability to alter time and change the past and future in special circumstances.

DISCLAIMER: Time to jump on the band-wagon. All the great characters seen on BUFFY belong to Joss "Da Man" Whedon. Any you've never seen on the show belong to me. I wouldn't dream of infringing on Joss.

She felt the calm of sleep sweep over her, comforting, gentle and then it fell around her like a warm blanket. Hands out-stretched and welcoming, she grasped at it and pulled it to her, tucking it under her chin as if it could protect her.

"Buffy."

She turned into her bed, pressing her face against her pillow, not caring if it suffocated her. She moaned slightly in pain from soreness in her ribs caused by being hit by one of the vampires she had killed earlier in the night. The pain was an irritating reminder of the waking world so she tried to block it out. She could deal with it later.

"Buffy."

Dreams. Images. She didn't want them. She didn't care if they warned her that she had only twenty-four hours to save the world. Let it save itself. She was so tired. So very tired. She wanted the black velvet of dreamless sleep to overtake her and hold her like she were a small child.

"Buffy."

Something brushed gently over her cheek and she stirred unwillingly, her body wanting to believe but her mind screaming for her to remain still and embrace the exhaustion that ran rampant in her. Without meaning to, she moved a hand to cover the one that brushed at her face like the caress of a lover.

"Buffy, open your eyes."

She moaned and tried to curl into a ball, ignoring the sensations and warning sirens going off in her head. She wanted to sleep, to rest..surely that wasn't too much to ask for. It was so little, so very little. One night's peace. A hand on her stomach, on the soreness of her bruised ribs prevented her from curling into herself.

Without opening her eyes she murmured, "If you're gonna kill me, why don't you just do it." The voices in her head began to scream at her, telling her to take it more seriously, insisting that he just might take her up on it. Right now she didn't care.

"And ruin my fun, not likely." He moved a hand behind her back and brought her up and forward so that she had little option but to open her eyes and face him. As soon as her weary blue eyes opened and she regarded him with a gaze that showed little more than exhaustion, he smiled. "Saw you dust Jerod tonight. Impressive. Nice spin kick."

"Thanks. I'll remember to use it on you," Buffy Summers replied dryly as she stared at him. He was so handsome, so beautiful and so evil. She wondered idly how she could have missed it back at his apartment the night..well..the night after all hell had broken loose in the time it took for her to give herself to him body and soul.

He ignored her comment,"You oughta protect your ribs better though..you're getting sloppy. You're gonna have one helluva bruise in the morning."

"Your concern makes my heart flutter. What do you want? To torture me? Haven't you done enough?" Buffy asked wearily. This was so odd, just talking to him in calm tones as if they were old friends instead of bitter enemies. In truth however, she doubted that she had the energy to yell and scream and demand answers.

He grinned and his eyes glittered as he leaned forward and stroked her cheek. A flash of warmth ripped through her body but was quickly numbed by her brain's insistence that it was just another game, another way to hurt her. He knew what his touch did to her and he knew that she couldn't control it. She still loved him with every bit of her heart and soul and he was well aware of it. Another way to hurt her. "I've just begun, Buffy." Then he laughed, "I just don't want you dying on me 'fore I've had my fun. It's important you know."

"Go to hell," she replied mildly and without real animosity. She was too tired to muster the hatred the was beginning to boil in her soul.

In a flash of an eye, he reached forward and grabbing her shoulder roughly pulled him to her. She stared up at him without fear, knowing that he wasn't through with her and not really caring. Then he turned her head towards his and kissed her savagely on the mouth. Breaking away, he laughed, "You are a sweet child. No, Buffy, I'm already in hell and it's a wonderful place. I think you'll love it. You all will." And with that, he kissed her again and jumped up from the bed and strode like a cocky cowboy back over to her window. He put one leg out and then turned to her, "Oh..one more thing." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a white and green piece of clothing. "Got a present for you." He laughed and then tossed it over to her. "Love ya babe." She caught it and looked down at it. When she looked up again, he was gone.

She unfolded the cloth and gazed at it. As she did, she felt her eyes flood with tears which was quickly followed by a shudder ripping it's way through her body. Terror overwhelmed her as she realized that she was holding one of Willow's tee-shirts. Barely able to breathe, she reached over and picked up the phone.

"Good morning, good morning, good morning," Xander Harris chirped as he all but skipped through the library with a large grin on his face. He jumped up on the check-out counter and turned to look at the other three occupants of the room. Frowning slightly he said, "Okay..not a good morning?"

"No, I'm afraid not," Rupert Giles said softly. "We've got a problem."

"Like that's new, I mean..hey...where's Buffy?" Xander asked, his eyes widening as he glanced from his best friend Willow Rosenberg to his girlfriend Cordelia Chase. Nope, the Slayer was most positively not in attendance. Only it wasn't a positive thing. Nope, nope.

"She's in there," Giles said, pointing towards his office. "I'm afraid she didn't sleep very well last night."

"She got a visit from Angel." Willow explained, not looking all that well herself. In fact, she looked kinda scared.

"And it involved clothing. But not in a good way." Cordelia added somberly. She actually seemed upset too. This couldn't be good.

"Did..did he hurt her?" Xander asked in alarm. He knew what his mind was thinking but he couldn't put it into words.

Giles understood though and he quickly shook his head,"Angel brought Buffy one of Willow's shirts."

"He was in my room last night,"Willow said quietly, a small shiver working it's way up her spine. "He left it a mess even though what he took was from the clean clothes pile on my bed. He wanted me to know he'd been there."

"And he wanted Buffy to know that he could go there," Giles said. "I'm uh, already looking into ways to uninvite a vampire but it's a tricky matter that involves ultimate ownership and such. It's a great deal more difficult to uninvite a vampire than it is to.."

"Right, gotcha..bad...Giles, what do we do? I mean, we got to protect them." Xander exclaimed as he moved over to do a quick examination of Willow despite the fact that she hadn't come into contact with Angel.

"I watch him," Buffy murmured, stepping into the doorway between Giles' office and the library. She rubbed sleep from her eyes.

"Buffy, you can't watch him around the clock. You may be super-chick, but you're not a god," Cordelia said.

Buffy smiled weakly," No, I guess not..a god would have taken care of business and dealt with him by now." She looked down at her shoes and chuckled without humor, "I can't and you guys are paying the price for it."

"It's okay, Buffy..we can deal.." Willow said quickly.

Buffy cut her off just as quickly, "Can you? Will, he was in your room, going through your things. I don't know how far he's willing to go..how long he's gonna play before.." she shook her head and found that she was unable to finish the sentence.

For a moment no one dared to move or speak. Nothing anyone said would have made a difference. They all knew the score and it wasn't pretty.

Finally Giles spoke, his voice heavy and full of unchecked emotion, "You four had best get to class. I'll see what I can come up with." They all nodded and began to move towards the door, Buffy only in the lead because she'd been closest to the door. Just before she left, Giles caught Willow's arm and whispered, "Watch her. She's not well."

"I know." Willow replied sadly. She wanted to reassure him that it would all be okay. Everything always turned out for the best but one look at Buffy made all the confidence seep away.

"I wish I knew what to do," Xander said softly, his eyes never leaving her. The lights in the physiology room were off, a movie about something too weird to think about playing on a white projection screen. She had her head in her arms, sleep once again claiming her.

"She's the Slayer, she'll be alright." Cordelia replied, the words a lot more certain than she really was. But she needed that. She could tell that Xander was freaking out. Not like he didn't have reason but just the same.

Xander turned to her,"That's cold."

"Why are you jumping on me?" she hissed, a flash of irritation moving through her. "I wasn't trying to make light of it."

"Look, she needs our help right now.."

"I know that. All I'm saying is that she's survived before. She's a fighter, right? She'll be okay. I think the last thing she needs is all of us stopping our lives for her. I know.."

"Oh don't even say that you wouldn't. You love it when the world stops for you," Xander retorted. He shook his head. "You know, I don't get you..."

"And I don't get you..." she whispered back at him. She wanted to yell but in a full class that wouldn't be a good idea. So strike that. "She's the Slayer..she's a survivor but everytime there's trouble, she's suddenly poor little Buffy who needs big bad Xander to rescue her." Wow, she thought, that really sounds bad. She took a deep breath and then reached out and grabbed his arm, "Look..Xander..don't get me wrong..although I hate admitting it, I care about her too. I mean, she's like a friend and I'm worried too but we've got to give her credit for what she has been able to do. And we can't stop our lives because hers is in crisis. She's the Slayer..her live is always in crisis. We do what we can..we're the back-up team. It's her fight. We're there if she needs us."

He stared at her for a long moment and then sighed, "Cordy, I'm not sure that even she can deal with this. I mean..."

Before he could finish the sentence, the reasonable calm of the room was pierced by a loud scream. From Buffy.

Both Xander and Cordelia jerked around causing him to fall off of his chair. He hit the floor with both feet and was at her side within seconds. "Buffy.."

She reached up from the floor and grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to her, "He's gonna kill us all."

"Hey, what happened?" Willow asked as she practically ran up to Cordelia in the courtyard. The taller girl was sitting on a bench, sipping a diet pepsi and watching her boyfriend converse in a hushed tone with a frightened and animated Slayer who didn't look well at all. Xander was trying to calm her but failing miserably.

"Buffy freaked out in physio. Complete panic attack." Cordelia murmured without turning to look at Willow. "How was French 4?"

Willow gave Cordelia an irritated look, "Is she alright?"

"I guess..Xander told me it wasn't my place so I'm here and he's there," she replied with a trace of bitterness.

"Right," Willow said softly, not really wanting to deal with this problem too. It was like Xander trusted Cordy only half of the time and that was crazy and problematic. Not something any of them really needed. "I'm gonna go..see..if I can help." She gave Cordelia a quick smile and them moved quickly across the grass to where Xander was now gripping Buffy's shoulders in an effort to calm and quiet her.

"Sure..I'm sure Xander won't snap at you," Cordelia muttered. Then she laughed bitterly, "I can't believe this..here I am letting him get the best of me. Like I'm some puppy that needs to be told when I can come in and go out. Whatever." She stood up and shaking her head indignantly decided to go to the library and see if maybe she could help out there. She really did want to help Buffy but playing by Xander's rules were really beginning to irk her.

"What happened?" Willow asked, touching Buffy's arm as she approached the pair. "Are you okay?"

Buffy looked up at her wild-eyed, "I don't know..I think I'm losing it, Will. I keep freaking out, but when he shows up in front of me..I'm perfectly calm. What's wrong with me?" Tears formed in her eyes.

Willow looked at Xander and they both realized that they had no answer for her question so she simply moved forward and pulled her friend into a hug.

Within an hour, word of her panic attack in physio was all over school. And as Willow and Xander walked her down the hallway towards the library, each hovering by her side protectively, people watched and whispered and Willow heard the words "drugs" and "psychotic" mentioned more than once. She clasped Buffy's hand and looked at Xander who wore a matching expression of worry. If the Slayer was indeed having an emotional breakdown, they were all screwed.

"Giles." Willow called out as they stepped into the library. From the table in the center of the room, both Oz and Cordelia glanced upwards from books. Oz smiled at her in greeting.

"About time you guys showed up," Cordelia said. "Sorry, we had a friend to take care of," Xander replied as he led a still dazed Buffy to a seat.

"Not now, guys." Willow said authoratatively. "We need answers, not fighting. You guys are gonna have to put aside whatever stupid immature things you two are bickering about today and concentrate on figuring out how to keep Angel out of mine and Buffy's houses."

"She's right and I'm glad you're here," Giles said as he exited his office. He knelt down beside Buffy. "How are you feeling?"

She smiled down at him weakly "Tired. Like I didn't just take a nap." She chuckled but it sounded more like a sob, "I had a dream. Surprise of the year, huh? Buffy has a bad dream..wow..concept."

"Why don't you tell me..er..us about it," Giles suggested as he handed Cordelia a book. She had proven to be surprisingly good at research. She was quick and thorough and had a good eye for catching small detail that might escape someone else...like Xander. She accepted it wordlessly and then looked at Xander as if to say, "see I am trying to help Buffy. I do care."

"It was just scary, Giles." Buffy replied, looking down at her hands. She took a deep breath. "We fought..Angel and I...for what seemed like forever..neither of us making any ground. Then you guys arrived and he started laughing and he said...he said that the entertainment had arrived and that I oughta sit back and I enjoy it." She swallowed hard but refused to make eye contact with anyone, "Then he hit me and I fell down and I couldn't get up. All I could do was watch as...watch..." she shook her head.

Giles closed his eyes to focus himself. Her dream scared him but he didn't want her to know that. "It was only a dream. A nightmare. We're all here. All of us. It's okay."

Buffy looked up and nodded but her eyes remained clouded with fear and her lip continued to tremble.

She felt his hand slide against the cool skin of her neck and instinctively she moved against it, prompting him onwards. He continued to kiss her, leaving a trail of fire up her neck and across her face. She moaned and wrapped an arm around him. Then he pulled away.

"This is wrong," Xander said shaking his head. "I can't believe we're.."

"No..please, let me guess...you're shocked that we could be making out while Buffy's freaking out." Cordelia groaned. "Why am I not surprised? Look, if you don't want to do this..that's one thing but stop hiding behind Buffy. This isn't about her." Then she laughed, "Or is it?"

"What?" Xander exclaimed. Shaking his head in indignation he said, "Yeah, it is about her but not in the way you think."

"Oh? Then tell me why it is that everytime we're together, it's only minutes before Buffy is either brought into the conversation or thinking of her stops you from kissing me. I mean what is it with her? Why are you always obsessing?"

"She's my friend..I'm sorry you don't get that..maybe it's as foreign of a concept to you as doing your own laundry but the fact is that I owe her my life.."

"And I do also, Xander. And I'll fight for her. I can't believe I'm saying that but it's true. The point you're oh so conviently missing though is that right now there is nothing we can do for her. She and Willow are together at her house. Buffy can protect the both of them. Why can't this be our time? Unless the truth is that you'd rather be with her."

"No," Xander said firmly. "I want to be with you. God help me but it's true. I'm just..I'm worried..about her..about all of us." He looked up at her. "You want the truth?"

"It'd be nice."

"I'm scared. Before it wasn't close to us..it was something we knew and fought and we could defeat and go home and party. This is Angel and either way we lose. If he kills one of us..that destroys us. If Buffy kills him, we're just as screwed because I don't think she can recover from it. Either way, all we are now is stuck in a holding pattern and it's driving her crazy and.."

"And it's pulling us all apart. I know." Cordelia replied, settling against his chest on the couch. They were in his house. His parents were out of town for a couple of days..something about a large family reunion. In any case Xander wasn't with them..he was with her. He sighed loudly and wrapped his arms around her tightly, almost afraid to let go.

Willow glanced over at the bed and wasn't all that surprised to discover that her friend had dozed off, the trig book perched cautiously on her hip. Leaning over, she took it off of Buffy and closed it. They'd been studying or at least attempting to for hours. It hadn't gone so well. Buffy was jumpy and easily distracted, her mind a million places at once.

But always on Angel.

Everytime the Slayer would daze off, Willow would see her turning the ring on her finger as if it could make it all better. She would turn it and gaze up at the window with hope shining in her eyes. A moment later they would go dull and she would refocus herself on the trig. Or attempt to. It wasn't long before she would fade again.

Twice she had pulled herself together enough to say, "I need to get a grip. I can't keep letting him do this to me." But she couldn't stop him. He had her heart and he had no plans of relinquishing it. They had thrown caution to the wind and become lovers and it had come back to haunt her as he had become Angelus once again..the demon intent on conquering her.

And yet he'd been unable to break her.

Willow had gone with Buffy on her sweep of the graveyard, against the Slayer's strong protests. She'd watched Buffy dispatch three burly vampires with her usual strength and style. And the irony of it all was that it was only then, while fighting the undead, that her mind stubbornly refused to settle on Angel.

She had created a sort of separation between Angel and the rest of the vampires even though she knew that he was the same as any of them. He was the one she couldn't defeat. And they both knew it. He held the upper hand and she knew it but she refused to allow it to interfere with what had to be done. If anything, she used it to fuel her hatred towards the other vampires.

It was actually a comfort watching her go postal on one of them. It showed that she wasn't letting herself go soft and that she was still the Slayer even if she as Buffy was an emotional mess.

Willow took off her shoes and socks and moved to sit in the chair next to Buffy's bed. She knew that she should sleep in the bed but for some reason, she felt a protective need to watch the window for any sign of the demon that could very possibly destroy them all. Whispering softly she said, "Sleep well, Buffy. We'll get through this."

She jerked forward in her bed, her eyes staring forward, glazed and frightened. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to control the tremors. The darkness of her room folded itself around her but it wasn't comforting.

"Buffy?"

Her thoughts jumbled in circles. She recognized the voice and knew that it belonged to a friend, but her body reacted instantly upon being touched by the speaker and she shoved Willow to the ground and jumping from her bed, leapt on her friend, fist raised. "No more!"

"Buffy...Buffy...it's me," Willow cried. Buffy blinked and her attack posture eased a bit allowing Will to reach up and pull down Buffy's fist. "It's okay, it was a dream. Nothing more. See." She put her other hand up and turned Buffy's cheek towards the window that was still shut and locked. "He hasn't been here. It's okay."

Buffy nodded and moved away from Willow. She fell to the ground and again wrapped her arms around herself. "It was so real, Will. He's in my head. He's everywhere in me. I try but I can't stop thinking about him."

Willow gave her a sympathetic smile, "Tell me." She put a hand on her friend's shoulder.

Buffy nodded but didn't look up,"It was..I mean we were..it was Angel and I and we were at his apartment..it was that night and it was him and me and then everything went dark and it was him the next day and then there was this bright light and Angel walked towards me. He held my hand and told me he loved me and that it would be okay and that I needed to stay strong." She looked up at Willow with tears gleaming in her eyes and with a breaking voice said,"And then Angelus came out of the shadows and killed him. He said that he would kill all of you one by one and then he'd make me like him. Oh God..."

"Sh..it was a dream. Nothing more. You haven't slept well in awhile..your mind is playing games with you..working off of your fears." Willow told her softly.

And to her surprise, it earned her a smile from the Slayer who then laughed, "Freud much, Will? Great, now I'm a mental case?"

"Weren't you always?" Willow teased gently.

Buffy moved across and tackled Willow, hitting her with a pillow. There was a brief fight and then Buffy groaned as her ribs said it was time to quit. Willow checked her out to make sure she was okay and then they both settled on the floor with their backs to the bed. There was a long moment of silence and then Buffy whispered,"You're a good friend, Will. You know that right? I won't let you down."

Willow smiled,"I know you won't, Buffy. You never have."

"Hey, did you hear?" Harmony asked as she and her man of the week Colt Harper walked up next to Cordelia at her locker. Harmony moved next to Cordy as if they were sharing a deep secret.

"Hear what?" Cordelia asked, frowning as she tried to remember what book she needed for her next class. The night before had been long and rather draining in an emotional way.

"Buffy not only totally freaked out in physiology yesterday but this morning she flipped Kevin Willis in the gym." Harmony said, her tone making her sound like she couldn't believe it.

"Buffy doesn't have gym until 4th period and I was there for the thing in physio. She fell asleep and had a bad dream is all," Cordelia replied, not looking at Harmony. A part of her wanted to defend Buffy more strongly but the other part knew that her status quo and reputation were already in extreme jeopardy.

"Well she was in the gym last period and Kevin just touched her..I mean barely and she totally tripped out. Aura heard that she's on LSD. I mean, like, no doubt."

"She's not on LSD," Cordelia said tersely, shutting her locker. She straightened up and looked at Harmony. "You can't believe everything you hear. Maybe she's just going through a hard time."

"Uh huh, for sure...when did you become her biggest fan? I mean, hello? She's crazed...remember? You said that and you were so right." Harmony said, looking at Colt and nodding. Then she looked down the hallway, "I mean..just look at her..she looks like something that crawled out of the sub-low tax bracket."

Cordelia followed Harmonys' gaze to where Buffy was leaning against her locker about thirty feet away. Willow was standing next to her and it looked like she was doing all the talking. Well, Harmony was right in one aspect; the Slayer didn't look exactly peachy-keen.

"Excuse me," Cordelia murmured as she started to break away from them. Colt caught her arm.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Colt asked, shaking his head, "I mean, I know you're getting it on with one of her weirdo friends but you're acting so strange."

Harmony nodded solemnly,"This isn't you."

"Maybe it is," she muttered as she strode across the hallway to Buffy and Willow.

Harmony turned to Colt, "I just don't get it." Then she sighed, "Come on, let's go meet the gang."

Cordelia turned and watched Harmony and Colt depart and then she turned back to her new friends. "What's up?" she asked as casually as she could. She did a quick inspection of Buffy who looked not only tired but a bit wild. Her blonde hair, though clean and shiny, jutted out at odd angles and her blue eyes seemed slightly glazed.

"Buffy had an incident in the gym," Willow informed her. Buffy looked up at her and offered an almost apologetic smile.

"He touched my neck and I wigged. I guess I'm a little jumpy," Buffy said with a laugh. She was trying to make light of it but the other two knew better. She was just as bothered by her lack of control as they were.

"I know, Harmony just told me. What were you doing in the gym?" Cordelia asked.

"I went to tell McCathers that I wouldn't be there for class today." She frowned, "My mom is making me go to the doctor..she thinks I'm sick. Just what I need. By tonight I'll be in a damn straight-jacket."

"Well, physically you're alright..right?" Cordelia asked. She glanced up when she saw Xander and Oz walking down the hall towards them. They seemed to be deep in discussion.

"Yeah, my ribs are still a little sore but no use telling him that. Then there are questions followed by psychiatrists followed by little white padded rooms." She looked up at their curious looks, "So I've heard.. that is. Nah, I'll just say I'm fine...just tired from school. He'll tell me to rest and that'll satisfy my mom who will then proceed to cut me a bit of slack for about a week..two at most. Xand..Oz..heya!"

Xander and Oz looked up and almost instantly both of their faces lit up. Oz crossed over to Willow and gave her a quick peck that made her beam. Buffy couldn't help but smile. Xander grinned at Cordelia but neither of them were that big on public displays of affection. Especially her..she still had something of a reputation to uphold. For whatever that was worth.

"Ladies...how are we?" Xander chirped.

Willow smiled back at him,"Buffy flipped Kevin Willis."

Xander lifted an eyebrow,"Buffy, what did we tell you, no playing with your food. Animals like Willis should get the stake..quick and simple."

"Not funny, Xander." Cordelia said. Then she turned to Buffy, "This could be serious. People are saying you're on LSD."

"Like that's news. It's actually a better answer than the truth. I can just see me explaining this. So Buffy, why are you acting like such a head-case? Oh..maybe it's because my first time was with a vampire and because of it he lost his soul and now he wants to torture me and I can't stop him because I still love him. Yeah, that'll work. They're coming to take me away, he he."

"Well if you wanna look at the bright side," Xander said shaking his head. Then he waved his hand. "Screw 'em, Buff. They don't know any better and they don't matter."

"Don't they? Think about it..Snyder's already got it out for me. He doesn't need much more. God...I feel like I've been so crazed lately, but it's like I can't get a grip. I keep trying and I feel like I'm making progress but then he does something and it all spins out again."

"Buffy?" A voice called out from the hallway. The entire group looked up and saw Giles approaching.

"Oh great," she muttered, "This is so not what I need. Hey guys, cover me." And with that she turned and faded into the sea of students heading to their next class. The Slayerettes all exchanged confused gazes and then moved quickly to fill in the space Buffy had vacated.

"Hey G-Man." Xander called out. "Top of the morning to you."

Giles gave him a look and then said, "Um, yes, right. Have you seen Buffy? I could have sworn I just saw her."

"Saw Buffy?" Willow chirped. Cordelia put a hand over her eyes and shook her head. So much for playing stupid. "Uh no..we haven't seen her..Buffy that is. We're Buffy-less as you can see. No Buffy."

Cordelia quickly reached out and covered her mouth, "What she means to say...at least I think so...is that Buffy has gone to class already. We'll tell her that you're looking for her, okay?"

"Um, right..uh, thank you. When you see her, tell her to try to avoid Principal Snyder. He's looking for her...something about an incident in the gym this morning. Do any of you know anything about that?"

A kid walking by stopped and leaned in, "You're talking about Summers, right? Major LSD freak. Isn't that cool?" And with that he walked away, talking to his companions.

Xander glared after the kid, "I oughta..."

"You oughta nothing. Chances are that Snyder is not only looking for Buffy but for all of you. He already sees you as her accomplices. It's best to be on your best behavior for now."

"Well that sucks," Oz muttered. A bell rung behind them. "So does that mean we have to go to every class?"

"Hey, I was just gonna ask that." Xander exclaimed.

"Oh that's scary, two minds with the same thought and one of them Xander's." Cordelia teased. He gave her a look but all she did was grin back at him.

"I thought you'd show up eventually," she said softly, not lifting her eyes to look at him.

"Oh?" he questioned, laughter in his voice. The game had already begun anew.

"You can't resist a chance to hurt me. I knew you'd show."

"You're smarter than I gave you credit for, kiddo. Well maybe not, you came alone. That's not very bright."

"I'm not going to bring them to you, Angel." She looked up at him. "I want to know what you want from me. How much you plan on taking from me?" Unwanted tears glittered in her eyes so she closed them to push the tears back..she had to stay strong. Had to.

He laughed, "You really want me to spell it out, Buffy? You really want that? Because I have no problem with it. You want to know that I plan to kill them all...one by one. And maybe I'll make Willow a vampire. I mean, Spike kinda allowed the Judge to kill the only other one with brains so we could use some intelligence."

"Leave her alone."

"Oh yeah, that's likely. Come on, lover..you've got to realize that this is all your fault. Their lives are on your shoulders and each time I drain the blood out of them, their dying word will be your name. You've got to know that."

"I will kill you."

"No, you won't. You don't have it in you. You've got this whole love thing happening. Like I ever loved you. You were a challenge, Slayer. Not much of one albeit but a fun one."

"I won't let you do this."

"Theresa..she was sweet. Not as sweet as you..."

Buffy jumped to her feet, grabbed him by the collar and smashed him up against a tree. "You're right, Angel..I love you. I love you so much it makes me want to die but if you hurt any of them, I will destroy you." Her eyes blazed fire and for the sheerest of moments, she thought that she could actually do it.

His eyes softened and for a moment she saw her Angel. And then he growled and flipped her to the ground and stradled her. "Your promises are weak. If you killed me, you'd be killing yourself."

She turned her face away from him,"Then the results are the same. Why don't you just do it now. No games."

He growled at her and pulled her up by the shirt,"Because that's not how it goes. When I'm ready to kill you, I will."

"Or maybe you can't. Maybe there's still part of my Angel in there," she said softly, vaguely aware of the fact that she was taunting him and he was getting angrier.

"No," he howled, his fist flying against her already sore ribs. She grunted in pain but refused to look away from him. Trembling slightly, she reached up and touched his face. He flinched backwards and caught her hand, twisting her wrist so hard that she was certain he'd broken it. "You want the truth, Buffy? Alright, we're both here..that little coward Angel and me. Except we're both Angel and we both agree that you were a sweet treat. A lot of fun but you'll be funner when we make you like Dru."

"I'll never let you do that," she said with a certainty that she knew was false. She couldn't let him think he was winning..even if it was true. She needed to have some type of platform to fight from..even if it was flimsy.

He smashed her up against the ground and laughed as she struggled underneath him. She was strong but he had managed to pin her leverage points. He curled his legs around hers and forced her to quit moving and then he pressed his mouth up against hers and whispered, "You're mine, Buffy. You always will be."

"I was never yours, Angelus." Buffy retorted, falling back on the mentality of a separation between Angel and Angelus. It was all she had left to maintain her sanity.

"Oh yes, you are." He kissed her hard, his sharp teeth cutting through her lip and causing it to bleed. She struggled as she felt him suck the blood from her lip. "You're turning me on," he whispered. A moment later he howled in pain when she bit him. Lurching backwards he lashed out and hit her across the face. "Bitch!"

She used his positioning to unpin her legs and then to shove him off of her. Moving her hand up to her lip, she dabbed at it and then touched the cut that he had caused on her cheek from hitting her with the hand that was wearing the Claddagh ring. How ironic. Another way to hurt her, no doubt.

She took a few clumsy steps backwards, still watching him kneeling on the ground. He looked up at her and his face changed from his vampiric visage to his human one. "You can say it all you want, Buffy but you know the truth..I'm going to take your soul...but first I'm gonna take theirs." He laughed then, "With a song in my heart."

Her eyes narrowed, "And I'll say it again, if you hurt any of them, I won't think twice about killing you." She closed her eyes, "I love you, Angel and if you want me, that's one thing but keep it between us."

Angel laughed again. Cruel and dark. "Keep praying, Slayer. It's all you've got left. And keep looking behind your shoulder because babe, I'm right there."

And with that he was on his feet, walking away from her. Again. As soon as he was gone, she collapsed to the dirt and cried.

She sat on her back porch staring up at the sky. The stars glittered brightly above her but they gave her little comfort. The darkness now meant loneliness without reprieve. Her greatest love was now her worst enemy.

"Hey, Buff..I figured you'd be out here," Xander murmured, stepping away from the screen-door and moving to sit next to her. He slung an arm around her and pulled her against him.

She smiled up at him weakly but said nothing. For a long moment they sat in silence and then he saw the cut on both her lip and cheek. The one on her cheek also had a darkening bruise around it. "You're hurt."

"I met up with Angel. We had a talk," Buffy replied dully. She glanced down at her wrist which although unbroken sure did feel like it was.

"Are you okay?" Xander asked although he knew it was a stupid question.

For a moment she said nothing and then finally she looked up at him,"He's gonna take everything from me."

"We won't let him," Xander vowed, turning her so that she was looking at him.

She shook her head, "We can't stop him. I can't stop him. And he won't kill me until he's destroyed me." Buffy laughed but it sounded strange, strangled. "He could have, Xander. He had every opportunity but he was just playing. It's all a game. One we're gonna lose."

"We're not. He's not Angel, Buffy. He can't defeat you if you realize that. He's Angelus. He's who he was before he loved you."

"But he is who I love." She threw up her hands. "God, why didn't I listen. When I first found out that he was a vampire, you told me that I had a duty..I should have done it then. I should have walked away then..now I can't."

"Buffy..."

She turned to Xander, "You guys have given me nothing but friendship and support and this is what I have to offer you..certain death and pain because I can't..I can't..."

"Buffy...we're here for you. We'll get through this. I'm here for you."

She pushed herself away from his shoulder and looked up into his dark eyes, "You always have been," she murmured. She laughed bitterly. "You were always there for me no matter what..you brought me back after I hurt you...you've backed me up after all the times..oh God.."

"It's okay, Buff...that's who I am..your Xander shaped friend." He smiled down at her and then leaned over and kissed her forehead.

In that moment something snapped in Buffy and she wasn't able to stop herself from moving her mouth upwards towards his and kissing him. He let out a small moan and then accepted the passionate embrace. It was what he'd always wanted, wasn't it?

And then, just like that, he broke away. "Buffy, we can't do this," Xander breathed, only half-believing that it was he that wanted to stop the kiss.

She stumbled to her feet and nearly tripped over a chair sitting on the porch. "Oh God, I'm sorry..I...I'm sorry..." She moved backwards and then turned and fled into the house and towards her room.

"Buffy!" Xander called after her. He started to move after her but hadn't taken more than a few steps before he collided with a solid form. "Cordy!" he gasped, wide-eyed. He opened his mouth to explain but then shook his head, "It's not what you probably think..."

Cordelia stared back at him with sadness in her eyes. "I don't know what I'm thinking, Xander." She sighed. "Go to her. We'll talk about this later." She'd seen the whole conversation and she thought she understood why it'd happened but that only partly eased the pain. However, now was not the time.

He regarded her somber face for a moment and then nodded and raced up the stairs towards Buffy's bedroom, calling her name. A moment later, he came back down the stairs, fear and concern on his face. "She's gone."

"What?" Cordelia exclaimed. "She just went up there."

"Well she's not there anymore and it looks like while she was there, she had a fit."

"Huh?"

Xander grabbed her arm and pulled her upstairs and into Buffy's room. Sure enough, it'd been trashed and the picture of the Xander, Willow and Buffy lay shattered on the ground.

"She's snapped." Cordelia whispered.

"We gotta split up." Xander said finally as he moved into the circle formed by Cordelia, Oz and Willow. The latter couple had been hanging out at the Bronze when Xander had run in with the news about Buffy's disappearance.

"That's not safe. We're easy pickings for Angel." Willow replied. "We need to stay together."

"We're not covering any ground." Xander exclaimed.

"How about we go me and Xander and you and Oz?" Cordelia said to Willow. The hacker considered it and then nodded.

"That sounds reasonably okay. Oz has a cordless so we can keep in touch," Willow murmured. "Okay..if we find nothing, we meet back here in an hour. If we find anything, we call immediately."

"Okay. Good. Great." Xander said, grabbing Cordelia's hand and pulling her towards the cemetary.

They walked for what seemed like forever in silence and then she finally spoke, quiet and unusually uncertain, "Did you enjoy it?"

"What?" Xander asked, turning to look at her with bewilderment in his eyes.

"When you kissed Buffy..was it everything you ever dreamed about? Was it your fantasy come true?"

Xander stopped and looked down at his hands, "You want the truth? It was amazing but you wanna know something else? It was wrong. I could feel it. She could feel it. We both wanted to be with other people. That simple, Cordy."

"You kissed her. You can't tell me that didn't mean anything. You've been jonesing for her..well...since she came to Sunnydale. Are you saying you're over her?"

"I dunno. I guess so. I mean, it was great..it really was but there was no passion behind it so no, it wasn't everything I'd ever dreamed of. She wanted me to be Angel."

"And you?"

He chuckled, "God help me, Cordy...I wanted her to be you." He shook his head. "Are we done? Because Buffy needs us."

"Yeah," she murmured. "Let's go save the Slayers' butt..."

"You're too late," a voice growled from above them. They both looked up to see Angel crouched in a tree wearing his game face and grinning wildly.

"What did you do to her?" Xander yelled. "If you hurt her, I'll kill you, I swear."

Angel laughed, "Poor deluded bastard, aren't you, Harris?" He stretched his arms and leaned back against the tree. "Oh don't worry..I didn't kill her. I won't let her take all the fun out of my game. It's not allowed." Then he smirked, "You two on the other-hand are un-neccesary playing pieces."

Xander was barely listening to him. He'd spotted Buffy lying face-down in the dirt about fifteen feet away. He looked up at Cordelia and swallowed hard. She gave him a wild-eyed look and then grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the unconsious Slayer. Xander fell to his knees, pressing his ear to her chest, begging with any divine entity willing to listen that he hear a heartbeat. Unable to do anything else but watch in desperation and with a growing sense of dread, Cordelia called for back-up.

"Are you okay?" Oz asked quietly as he folded up his phone and placed it into his backpack. He moved forward a couple steps so that he could look into Willow's eyes.

She tried to smile. Tried to be brave. He knew better. And she knew better. Finally she shook her head in the negative and whispered, "I'm scared. I...I can't lose any of you.."

"No one is dying tonight, okay. The monkey men from Mars are protecting us." He looked at her with such mock seriousness that try as she might, she couldn't keep a straight face. "Good," he said softly. "Because I'll kill anyone who makes you stop smiling myself." And then he reached out and took her hand.

Angel watched, the grin never fading from his face. He'd let them check Buffy out and try to rouse her and then when they failed, he'd kill them and leave their corpses for the Slayer to discover when she did come around. It'd been all planned so perfectly. Well kinda..actually luck had just been on his side that night.

So damn many lucky things. The Slayer was mentality weak from his game and she'd made herself even more-so by kissing Xander..which had messed with her head. Such fun although he hadn't been all that fond of the flash of well..what the hell was it..jealousy? that had twisted its' way through him when he'd watched them kiss. It was alright though because she'd freaked out and thrown a fit in her room, breaking pictures and throwing furniture and then she'd run out into the woods to face him. Surely she'd known that in her state, she didn't stand a chance.

But that wasn't the only lucky thing. While he'd been watching Buffy's house, he'd seen a home doctor go the lady next door and give her sedatives. A hunch had told him that the good doctor's medical bag could come in useful and he had been powerfully hungry. So the good doctor was no more and Buffy was tanked on tranks.

Well okay it hadn't been that easy. She'd put up a better fight then he'd expected but the damage he'd done earlier had taken it's toll on her and she wasn't fighting with adrenlyn to ease the pain, she was fighting out of raw emotion which only made everything worse. She'd been on a hysterical high and it hadn't taken much to make her crumble to her knees, holding herself. She'd been hurting and yet she'd known that he had no intention of killing her so she hadn't reacted when he'd wrapped an arm around her torso and ran a hand over her face. Well she had flinched away then but that was okay. When she was one of the undead, he reasoned, she wouldn't want to flinch away. When he'd put the needle into her neck, she'd barely moved. She'd glanced up at him with tears in her eyes and then collapsed..perhaps even welcoming the darkness.

Now he watched as Xander and Cordelia turned her over and did a quick cursory examination of her body. Physically speaking, she was bruised up but no more than she usually was.

"Buffy? Wake up..come on?" Xander pleaded, slapping her face. He looked up at Angel with hatred in his eyes and then looked back down at Buffy. "Come on."

Angel jumped down from the tree and started to walk towards them. He growled and then grinned. "This will be a good dinner. I've always wanted to kill you, Xander. Now I can."

"Over my dead body," Cordelia yelled. Xander looked at her with wide eyes, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know," she squeaked, grabbing his arm and pushing him in front. "Momentary insanity?"

"Right," Xander replied, trying to joke away the fear that was gripping up. He dropped Buffy to the ground and stood to face Angel. "I'm gonna die like a man you son of a bitch. You'll get no pleasure from me."

"Oh yeah..I will. If not from you..then from Buffy. Her screams when she wakes up to find your blood splattered all over the ground will make me laugh until hell freezes over, little boy."

"Not tonight you won't, Angel." Buffy murmured, standing up on shaky legs. She shuddered and tried to build herself up but she looked like the small, scared child she was instead of the strong, powerful Slayer she had the capacity to be. She could feel the drugs working through her body, making everything numb and sluggish. If she'd been a normal girl, she'd still be unconsious but she wasn't normal by any stretch of any imagination.

Angel chuckled, "You really think you could fight me, lover?"

"No, I know I can't. I just need to fight you long enough to get them away from you. After that I don't care," she replied wearily. She looked at Xander and Cordelia. "Go. Get out of here."

"We're not leaving you," Cordelia said. She looked at Xander, "We're not."

"No, we're not. We're in this together." Xander added.

"Aw..ain't that sweet..it's the damn Walton family. Your friends are as stupid as you, Buffy.. you actually look vaguely bright next to them."

Buffy looked at her friends, "This isn't a request, guys..go!"

"And we weren't asking for your permission. We're not leaving you." Xander shot back, his hand reaching out and grasping Cordelia's. He noted with some degree of shock that it was shaking so he squeezed it harder.

She tried to look at them with stone in her expression but upon seeing the determination in their faces, hers' softened and she said quietly, "Please..I don't want to lose you. I can't fight him...you need to go while I can still hold him off."

Angel laughed. He seemed to be finding the whole scene amusing. "As if you can. Don't fool yourself, Buffy..if I want them..they're mine."

"I'll make you kill me first." She shot back knowing full well that it would enrage him. He growled at her and barred his fangs. She didn't react. "Please..Xander..get her out of here."

"Um, hello..I can walk myself and I'm not going anywhere." Cordelia replied, shaking her head in irritation.

"Buffy!" Willow's voice called out from the sidewalk behind the bushes. Buffy looked up in horrified shock and shook her head.

"No, Will...get the hell out of here.."

"Buffy, watch out!" Xander screamed as Angel lunged and knocked the distracted Slayer to the ground. Xander looked around desperately for anything to use as a weapon.

"You're breaking the rules, Slayer." Angel growled, slamming her to dirt and wrapping a hand around her throat in a vise like grip. She gasped for air and looked up at her former lover in panic. There was no hatred there, just fear. "I oughta kill you for that."

"Not today you won't," Xander growled, thrusting a metal hair-clip into Angels' side. The vampire howled in pain and fell away from Buffy, grasping at the bloody wound. He looked at Xander with pure animal lust and absoloute hatred.

"What the hell was that?" Oz asked, eyes fixed to the blood gushing out of Angel's side.

"My three hundred dollar hair-clip," Cordelia muttered. The others all threw her looks of dismay so she quickly added, "Not that I mind, I mean but daddy's gonna go postal. He already thinks that..never mind." Her eyes widened in shock as Angel stood up to his full height looking really, really pissed off and staring right at Xander.

"Your life is forfeit, boy." Angel growled. He stared at each of the faces watching him and then he grinned. "But that will be another day. Today, I make you all suffer."

In what couldn't have amounted to more than second, he lunged forward and grabbed Cordelia by the collar of her jacket and slammed the stunned girl to the ground. He wasted no time in barring his teeth and shoving them up against her throat. She screamed and kicked but he swallowed the pain. And then he pressed his fangs into her jugular. She saw swirling darkness rush towards her and a tear found it's way down her cheek.

And then all she saw was dust.

"Oh my God.." Xander breathed, his eyes moving over to where the gasping Slayer stood shakily above Cordelia, a cloud of dust raining around her. Buffy locked eyes with him and then she fell to the ground, coughing and gasping for the air that he had deprived her.

Willow jerked forward, followed by Oz. She fell to her knees next to Buffy, "Are you okay?"

"I..killed..oh God it...hurts..." Buffy gasped out. She looked up at Xander, "What..what..did..."

"You saved my life," Cordelia whispered, taking Xander's offered hand and standing up. Xander looked at her with worry in his eyes so she smiled reassuringly even though all she wanted to do was curl up and collapse. Almost absently, she touched her neck where Angel had just pierced her skin. Still bothered but reasonably sure that she was okay, Xander dropped down beside Buffy.

"It's okay, Buffy...it's gonna be okay." Xander promised. "We need to get you into bed. We can all shack up at my place for the night..my folks are in Vegas.Your mom would flip if she saw you in this condition."

"Xander.."

"No objections."

"Right," she murmured, her head falling backwards and the drugs catching up. "Okay..not now." And with that her eyes slid shut and she fell into a dead faint in Willow's arms.

Xander looked at Oz,"If you'll be so kind as to help me.."

"I can't believe I'm taking Buffy to bed," Xander muttered as he carried Buffy in his arms up the stairs in his house to his room. Cordelia rolled her eyes and bit back on the retort that had rushed to the surface. They had already dealt with that. Chances were that his comment was no more than just an annoying guy thing.

Oz held the door open and watched as Xander and Willow patted and poked the pillows and sheets of the bed to make it just right for Buffy. Xander placed her on it and pulled the covers over her. Then he jerked his head to the others and they left the room with Cordelia flipping off the light.

They descended the stairs slowly, each wrapped in their own thoughts. It was Willow who broke the silence, "This is gonna be bad."

"We'll be here for her," Xander insisted. He laughed bitterly, "I'm not sure it'll be enough but we'll give her what we got and do what we can."

"She'll make it through this," Cordelia said softly. "She's the Slayer."

"No," Willow said, "She's Buffy and that's what will help us all through this. She won't give up."

"And neither will we," Oz added in, still wondering how the hell he'd managed to get wrapped up in the middle of all the insanity.

"Hi. How ya feeling?" Xander asked, moving to sit next to her. He offered her a hand and helped her prop herself up on the overstuffed pillows.

"Like I got hit by a truck with ACME written on the side of it. My head is ringing." Buffy moaned.

"Here," he chuckled, offering her two white aspirin and a glass of water. "This should help somewhat."

"Thanks." She took them, swallowed, drank and then gazed down at her hands. Then she looked up at him and he saw tears in her eyes, "Xander.."

"Hey..don't..it's okay..."

"No..it's not. Xander, I'm sorry...I don't know what happened. It was like I snapped. I thought I could make it all better..that if I could feel like I did with him..with you...then I could make all the pain go away."

"It's okay," he insisted.

"But it just made it worse. I made it worse."

"You love him." Xander said softly. "It's that simple."

"I..I..."

He smiled, "Listen to me..no hard feelings. I won't allow it. Not while you're under my roof and eating my microwaved cooking. While you're here, you're cheery Buffy and we'll play all sorts of games and always smile..you understand?"

"You're so good to me." "That wasn't the reply I was looking for. I wanted 'yes...how about Twister?'..okay? So let's hear it?"

Instead she began to cry. His eyes widened in alarm. "No, don't...I'm sorry..I didn't mean..I just..."

"I miss him..." she said between wracking sobs. "I'm never..oh God..."

He wanted to tell her that she still had her memories but he doubted that it would do her any good. He too felt like he'd buried a friend that night. He watched her shake for a moment and then he moved forward and pulled her into his arms. He tucked her under his chin and pulled her against his chest and began to rock her, closing his eyes as he did so.

Cordelia entered the room, holding the cordless phone in her hand. She stopped when she saw the way Xander rocked Buffy. Lifting the phone to her ear she said, "I'll have him call you when he gets out of the shower." She clicked the power button and then settled against the door frame to watch.

She could hear her mother talking to Doctor Jacobs in the hallway. Asking if she'd be okay and begging to know why her daughter was so sick. She couldn't possibly understand.

Buffy settled back against her pillows, her eyes as always focused on the window as if he might climb through it at any minute and lay next to her. As if he might press his lips to her feverish forehead and make it hot with passion instead.

But that wasn't going to happen. By her hand he had fallen. Not the greatest and possibly only love of her live but as a vampire. Savage and blood-thirsty and in a rain of damning dust that had scattered in the wind.

He remained in her dreams. Always there. In slow motion and colorless..like a nightmare from the days before movies had color. His expression of surprise and horror trapped in her mind forever. She had killed him.

To hell with the reality that in doing so she'd saved Cordelia's life. She'd had no choice and that was true too and she knew she'd do it again but all of those were just bitter reminders of the fact that he would never again hold her.

When he'd been stabbed by Xander in the side, his blood had quickly seeped down the edges of his shirt and on to hers and now that shirt was the only tangible proof of the past. All she had left was the liquid that had condemned him to hell..a vampires' blood.

She laughed at herself, angry at her own inability to make it all make sense. She wanted it to stop hurting but it wouldn't. Couldn't.

She closed her eyes and tried to find the light where sometimes he existed before the nightmares began. He would smile at her from there and she would try to make it mean something but clarity never came before the horror.

"I love you," he whispered.

She reached out to him and felt nothing but the air of a fading dream and yet his voice echoed strongly in her head.

"Angel."

"I'm here," his calm, soothing voice whispered.

"I need you."

"Open your eyes, Buffy."

"I don't want to leave you. Don't make me. I can't live without you. I don't want to."

"You don't have to."

Buffy blinked and allowed her eyes to open, not wanting to see the harsh light that was reality. What she saw instead shoved her back into the whirling darkness that was unconsiousness.

He waited for her, hand cupping her cheek. He knew he should have run as far as he could. Been grateful for the renewed life that had been granted him but he also knew that without her..it wasn't life.

"Angel?" she whispered, stirring, certain that it was a dream that would shake her to tears within moments.

"Right here. Always here."

She opened her eyes wide and stared up at him, "It can't be..I know better..I..I know..I saw...why are you doing this?"

"It is me, Buffy...you gave me another chance. You set me free," Angel told her softly, leaning forward to hold her. She tried to resist initially but found that she lacked the strength.

"It's all a game.." she whispered. "I don't want to play anymore."

He winced at the mention of the torment his body had caused her. His voice, his touch..they had all tainted the love they shared for each other. "No game, Buffy...I am here. Me..Angel...Angelus is no more. You killed him."

Scared to believe but unable to stop herself from hoping, she looked up at him with wide eyes full of pain, "How..I don't..."

"The Guardians made me live."

"The Guardians?" Buffy repeated. "Joshua?"

"Yeah..he's got a special affection for you, Buffy. When you gave up our love..your soul.. in order to save a friend...you bought back my soul. I watched you kill Angelus and destroy the demon. It's some kind of good for bad thing. None of it makes sense..not even to me but what does is that I'm here. I'm here."

"Are you human?"

He gave her a sad smile, "Only in heart and soul. My body would have been destroyed if it were human. But the curse that binds my soul is permanent...I can't lose it. I can't lose you."

Buffy lowered her head. She wanted to say something...nothing made sense..even in her head. Finally she looked up at him with tears glinting in her eyes, "Hold me."