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Funny Quotes
Mark Twain
Albert Einstein
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
- Franz Kafka
We write our own destiny. We become what we do.
- Madame Chiang Kai-Shek
There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me.
- Andy Kaufman
I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut-or get angry from the gut.
- Andy Kaufman
There's no drama like wrestling.
- Andy Kaufman
Pure entertainment is not an egotistical lady singing boring songs onstage for two hours and people in tuxes clapping whether they like it or not. It's the real performers on the street who can hold people's attention and keep them from walking away.
- Andy Kaufman
Whenever I play a role, whether it's good or bad, an evil person or nice person, I believe in being a purist and going all the way with the role. If I'm going to be a villainous wrestler, I believe in going all the way with it and not breaking character and not giving away to the audience that I'm playing a role. I believe in playing it straight to the hilt.
- Andy Kaufman
They say, 'Oh wow, Andy Kaufman, he's a really funny guy.' But I'm not trying to be funny. I just want to play with their heads.
- Andy Kaufman
While all the other kids were out playing ball and stuff, I used to stay in my room and imagine that there was a camera in the wall. And I used to really believe that I was putting on a television show and that it was going out to somewhere in the world.
- Andy Kaufman
What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.
- Andy Kaufman
I never told a joke in my life.
- Andy Kaufman
Failure is only postponed success as long as courage coaches ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory.
- Herbert Kaufman
I never understood why he would want to alienate the audience to such extremes, unless he was trying to get them to go from hate to love.
- Stanley Kaufman (Andy's father)
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
- Alan Kay
Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
- Bil Keane
You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one.
- Edward Keating
I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest.
- John Keats
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
- Helen Keller
Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all- the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart.
- Helen Keller
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
- Helen Keller
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.
- Helen Keller
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
- Donald Kendall
Don't agonize. Organize.
- Florynce Kennedy
Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.
- John F. Kennedy
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
- definition of "happiness" by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
- John F. Kennedy
Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
- John F. Kennedy
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
- John F. Kennedy
We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world - or to make it the last.
- John F. Kennedy
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.
- John F. Kennedy
Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in education.
- John F. Kennedy
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
- John F. Kennedy
I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.
- John F. Kennedy
It's better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late.
- Marilyn Moats Kennedy
Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, these ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
- Robert F. Kennedy
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert F. Kennedy
You will never stub your toe standing still. The faster you go, the more chance there is of stubbing your toe, but the more chance you have of getting somewhere.
- Charles Kettering
An inventor fails 999 times, and if he succeeds once, he's in. He treats his failures simply as practice shots.
- Charles Kettering
The only difference between a problem and a solution is that people understand the solution.
- Charles Kettering
People are very open-minded about new things--as long as they're exactly like the old ones.
- Charles Kettering
It's amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions.
- Charles Kettering
In the long run we are all dead.
- John Maynard Keynes
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers.
- Nikita Khruschev
Call it what you will, incentives are what get people to work harder.
- Nikita Krushchev
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
- Martin Luther King Jr
Rarely do we find men who willingly to engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
Make it a rule, and pray to God to help you to keep it, never, if possible, to lie down at night without being able to say: "I have made one human being at least a little wiser, or a little happier, or at least a little better this day."
- Charles Kingsley
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
- Rudyard Kipling
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
- Henry Kissinger
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
- Henry Kissinger
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.
- Ernie Kovacs
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
- Jonathan Kozol
Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of a problem.
- J. Krishnamurti
People need religion. It's a vehicle for a moral tradition. A crucial role. Nothing can take its place.
- Irving Kristol
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
- Irving Kristol
You're only as good as the people you hire.
- Ray Kroc
Getting ideas is like shaving: if you don't do it every day, you're a bum.
- Alex Kroll