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Funny Quotes
Mark Twain
Albert Einstein


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)

Remember the two benefits of failure. First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn't work; and second, the failure gives you the opportunity to try a new approach.
- Roger Von Oech

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer

I am become death, shatterer of worlds.
- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavadgita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion)

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
- Robert Orben

The preamble to the Constitution states: We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquillity, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare... It doesn't say guarantee the general welfare. And it certainly doesn't say give welfare benefits to all the people in the country who aren't doing so well even if the reason they aren't doing so well is because they're sitting on their butts in front of the TV.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
- P. J. O'Rourke

A little Government and a little luck are necessary in life; but only a fool trusts either of them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.
- George Orwell

Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
- George Orwell

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
- Ozzy Osbourne

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.
- Frank Outlaw

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
- Patrick Overton

To be loved, be lovable.
- Ovid