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Funny Quotes
Mark Twain
Albert Einstein
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)
The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower on the game's opening position
Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.
- Mother Teresa
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
- Mother Teresa
If you judge poeple, you have no time to love them.
- Mother Teresa
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides.
- Margaret Thatcher
Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
- Joe Theismann
Really believe in your heart of hearts that your fundamental purpose, the reason for being, is to enlarge the lives of others. Your life will be enlarged also. And all of the other things we have been taught to concentrate on will take care of themselves.
- Pete Thigpen
Government cannot make us equal; it can only recognize, respect, and protect us as equal before the law.
- Clarence Thomas
I don't believe in quotas. America was founded on a philosophy of individual rights, not group rights.
- Clarence Thomas
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau
That government is best which governs least.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.
- James Thurber
Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
- John Thurber
Democracy and socialism have nothing in common but one word, equality. But notice the difference: while democracy seeks equality in liberty, socialism seeks equality in restraint and servitude.
- Alexis De Tocqueville
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
- Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin
Assassins!
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.
- Paul Tournier
When you get right down to it, one of the most important tasks of a leader is to eliminate his people's excuse for failure.
- Robert Townsend
I studied the lives of great men and famous women, and I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm.
- Harry S. Truman
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
- Harry S. Truman
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own.
- Harry S. Truman
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S Truman
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
- Harry S Truman
Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
- Harry S Truman
No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back.
- Turkish proverb
I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
- Donald Trump
Words divide us, actions unite us.
- Slogan of the Tupamaros
The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none. Recognizing our limitations and imperfections is the first requisite of progress. Those who believe they have arrived believe they have nowhere to go. Some not only have closed their minds to new truth, but they sit on the lid.
- Dr. Dale E. Turner
A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
- Mark Twain
When I was a boy of 14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learnt in seven years.
- Mark Twain
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
- Mark Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
- Mark Twain
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain
It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
- Mark Twain
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
- Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
- Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
- Mark Twain
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
- Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.
- Mark Twain
There is no distinctly American criminal class, except Congress.
- Mark Twain
Truth is our most valuable commodity - let us economize.
- Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
Don't let school interfere with your education.
- Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
- Mark Twain
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
- Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
- Mark Twain
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf man can hear and the blind man read.
- Mark Twain
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
- Lao Tzu (570? - 490? BC)
Invincibility lies in the defense; the possibility of victory in the attack. One defends when his strength is inadequate; he attacks when it is abundant.
- Sun Tzu
War is a matter of vital importance to the state; the province of life or death; the road to survival or ruin. It's manditory that it be studied thouoghly.
- Sun Tzu
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
- Sun Tzu