Cheer Up Barry Fry
Oh what can it mean,
To a
Fat B*r* B@st@rd and his
Sh!t football teeeeeeaaaaaaam.
We don't like Barry Fry, we never have since he first bounced along the County Ground touchline in a pair of ridiculously undersized red shorts when he was boss of Barnet. Now he's in charge at London Road, where we wish him all the best...
Here are a few attempts at good-intentioned light-hearted inter-club banter, aimed at our friends from that place that was kicked out of Northamptonshire for being so crap...
The Fire Brigade phone Barry Fry in the early hours of Sunday morning... Mr Fry sir, London Road is on fire!"
Fry: "The cups man! Save the cups!"
Fireman: "Ummm, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Peterborough’s London Road HQ was recently broken into and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a blue carpet.
The Pope is making a visit to Northampton. Little Jimmy, a young Cobblers fan, wants to get noticed in the crowd, so he asks his dad's advice. "Wear your Cobblers shirt, son" says Dad. "The Pope's bound to notice you and is sure to speak to you." The next morning, Little Jimmy is wearing his Cobblers shirt proudly in Abington Street as the Popemobile approaches. As it reaches Little Jimmy, the Popemobile stops and the Pope gets out. Little Jimmy is delighted, until he sees the Pope is heading towards a little kid wearing a Peterborough shirt. The Pope leans over to the little Pish lad and whispers in his ear before getting back into his Popemobile and driving on. Afterwards, Little Jimmy is naturally mortified by this snub. "You said if I wore my Cobblers shirt the Pope would speak to me" he bawls to his Dad. "Don't worry son" says Dad "We can go back to Abington Street this afternoon for the Pope's leaving parade. I think if you wear a Pish shirt the Pope will definitely stop and talk to you - it worked for the Pish lad this morning". So Little Jimmy grits his teeth and puts on a Pish shirt (which he found in the gutter) and heads off to Abington Street again. As the Popemobile approaches, sure enough it stops right by Little Jimmy. He can hardly contain his excitement! The Pope himself walks straight over to him, leans down and whispers in his ear: "I thought I told you to f@*& off earlier!"
How does Jason Dozzell change a lightbulb? He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him. (Okay, one Colchester/Cobbs reject joke too).
Apparently Barry Fry offered to send the Peterborough squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
Roy Hunter had always wanted a top-of-the-range car to match his status as a top footballer so he goes to a dealer to buy a brand new state-of-the-art, computer-enhanced dream mobile. He drives off in his new car. Later, deciding he wants some music, he searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel on a 747. He fiddles with this button, that gizmo...but finally gives up, having failed to find the radio. Furious, he races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman, telling him they forgot to install the radio. The salesman assures him it's right there in front of him, hooked into the onboard computer. All he has to do is tell it what he wants. He demonstrates: "Classical", he says.*click* The car fills with the sounds of Beethoven. "Blues", he says, and *click* a B.B. King classic plays. Hunter drives off amazed. "Country", he says, and *click* a Garth Brooks tune comes on. "Punk." *click* The Pistols singing 'God Save the Queen'. He's so captivated by this new toy that he isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver pulls out from a side street and cuts him off. "C@NT!!!" he screams. *click* "Good morning, everyone. This is Barry Fry, and you're listening to Radio Peterborough"...
Barry Fry was caught speeding on his way to London Road today. Questioned why he was speeding he replied "I wanted to know what it was like to get three points."
The Peterborough chairman is considering replacing Barry Fry with Stephen Hendry. Explaining this unusual move, he said "we don't just need points now, we need snookers!"
A man desperate at Boro’s plight decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides to wearing his replica kit as he departs this life. When he is found the next day, the police quickly remove the Boro kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. One young PC, totally confused, asks why. His sargeant replies: "It's to avoid embarrassing his family."
British Rail have decided to sponsor Boro. They think they are well matched as both suffer regular points failures.
Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck. A newspaper reporter taking a stroll through the park sees the incident and rushes over, taking out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, "Cambridge fan saves friend from vicious animal." The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a Cambridge fan." The reporter starts again: "Cobblers fan saves friend from horrific attack." The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a Northampton fan either." The reporter asks: "Who do you support, then?" "Peterborough" replies the boy. So the reporter starts again: "Boro b@st@rd kills family pet."
The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Boro will get promoted this year." Snow White sighs and says "Well at least Dopey's alive."
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