Reflection
Well, I have been back for several days now, and am into the 7th batch of developing (have 70 negs developed out of around 400). Much work still ahead as the contact printing will follow the developing, and then making prints for TFP models.
I am kind of relived to have my life back now--without having to be with Casey 24/7. She's a good person, but we tend to step on each other's toes now and then, and bicker about small philosophical and clerical points--which is ironic since we are actually on similar pages in regards to beliefs. At any rate I am grateful for my solitude, even if it is 25 degrees at night. I am looking to get a place with my brother James soon as it's getting too cold to continue sleeping in the van.
I think the most important thing about the trip, other than the fact that I came back with some really cool work, is that I found the answer that I had been beating myself over the head looking for quite some time. Here's the deal: I have always looked to the masters of photography (Weston, Steiglitz, Strand, Bullock) for and idea of what a good photograph should look like. I would see their work, and try to figure out how to produce the strength that their work had--but in my own way--making it my own. The trouble was I was constantly looking to others as ideals, and comparing my work to theirs. What I finally realized was simple: how could I compare my work to others'? What is unique is each person's vision, which by its nature should not be like any other's--but individual. I realized that I need to stop looking for and ideal somewhere else, and to start looking for it within myself and my own work. I need to put down my photography books and concentrate on what I know, and use that with my intuition. It seems quite simple, but it seems that I took the long road to get a short ways. Nonetheless, I know I used my intuition for most of the work I did on the trip, and should thus be largely true to my individual artistic vision and intention. That realization, in and of itself, is more valuable to me than the whole trip--work included, because that realization will change, for the better, all the future work I do--whereas I could have been easily wasted re-inventing the wheel.
While I vaule very much the work that Casey and I accomplished, and the lessons we learned, I do not think that I would do a trip with her again for two reasons. Firstly, as I stated in my 9.29 posting, I value very much that two people work as a team--sticking together through thick and thin--not leaving when the going gets tough. While the conditions may have been unpleasant, I need to work with someone I can rely on all the time. Maybe it is a lot to ask--but then again I am not putting myself out physically, mentally and financially for my health. It is a lot of strain on myself as well, and I need to work with people that can make the best of situations. Casey was ready to catch a bus to Colorado on several occasions, when the van had problems. The van ended up working fine, and I need help--not abandonment.
The other reason is because of money. While I have no problem compensating the models I work with, either with gallery prints or a percentage of what is made from the work, I did not like the financial agreement Casey and I are locked into.
I offer models a percentage of print sales (prints in which they are included) for a determined amount of time. I find this to be a good incentive, because the better the quality of the work done, the more money the model makes--thus an incentive to work hard. And it works better than if a model is payed a one-time fee, because he/she makes more money, and otherwise, the model has no incentive to create exceptional work--for he/she is paid either way. I don't mind sharing in profit, for a 'workman is worthy of their hire'. But I do not like basing the work on money--because it affects the motive and quality of the work, and I need to stay true to my artistic ideals and vision--not compromise it to have to make sales to reimburse a cost.
And that is what I am finding that I might have to do--reimburse an amount. In addition to paying most all of the expenses of the trip, including most of the airfare from Spain, I agreed to pay her a smaller amount after the trip, and guarantee her a larger abount, from print and book sales in a certain amount of time. If it so happens that my work does not take off, I will owe a considerable amount of money to compensate for the agreed amount. With this, it changes the way I have to work. Now, when composing images, I have to think "will this sell?" rather than "this is the image I need to make." I liken it to having to sell out to cover the ends.
The way I would much rather have it--and will stick to from now on, is offering a percentage, but with no agreed amount. This allows me to work as I will, which, will in turn produce better, more original and innovative work than creating something that will sell. And that, in turn, will make more money for a model.
My friend Eric (his site of excellent work can be found here) had warned me earlier not to get involved with money issues--as it can degrade the quality of work for the aforementioned reasons--and he has had experience working with models for over 10 years. There is something to be said for the wisdom of experience.
All that said, Casey IS a wonderful person, and remains a good friend of mine, without whom I could not have created a solid body of work. And although the work may be compromised in some respects, I think it will do fine for what it is.
