Victim #

Emotional Effects (A list of emotional effects and how they impacted you or others around you.)

Fear is the largest emotion I feel. What do I fear? Due to constant verbal encouragement to feel fearful, and the real echoing of the perpetrators words and my private thoughts spoke out loud by individuals that I trust, I have fear on a reoccurring basis for my life and my health (due to what I’ve heard other victims have suffered) and a level of distrust in people that I allow in my life. I have to live with death threats to myself on a daily basis for my "letter writing" campaign. While I’m encouraged not to trust people I’m close to, I also have to combat the spoken threat that they will suffer for my actions in fight this. I have to rationalize that they would not accomplish anything to stop me my hurting others, and that they know this. I’m afraid of being ‘set-up’. I’m afraid that I could be labeled a traitor to my country if I step too far out in fighting this crime. What are my limits of fighting when I’m fighting my government? Am I a traitor if I pull my punches and allow them to expand this agenda without my best fight? The largest negative emotion I feel is the weight of my personal losses versus the trivialization of this crime, as five years drag on with death threats and not often lately have I seen a real threat materialize. I also feel somewhat empowered as a person who has stood up to fight this and I like to imagine that someday I will be recognized as what I best like to consider myself, a freedom fighter, though whether I would be willing to state this if this crime is revealed would depend on the level that my personal life is scrutinized by the American public. It would probably be safer to say I was a ‘victim’ or an ‘activist’. Most of all, I envy those who have peace and quiet and who aren’t aware that their thoughts aren’t private. I fear being judged harshly even by the imagined future release of all of my public actions if they want to discredit me.