I'm sure there have been others as well, but these were the ones I most remember. Your list will probably be different. Regardless of the perceptions we've lived in, they all have one thing in common . . . each represents an aberration of reality, of ourselves, of life and of our source.
     Each permeates our very being and affect three things: Our perception, our Action and our Attraction. They reveal how we see ourselves and how we see others. It follows, then that they also determine how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. How we see ourselves determines the way we treat those around us and our environment as well what we attract into our lives.
     There is one thing that is consistent within all of us and that is our connection with our source. We are always connected whether or not we recognize it or acknowledge it. If we were to ever become disconnected, we would immediately cease to exist. Through living life and getting caught up in the day to day things; through believing the half-truths and lies we've been told about life and about ourselves we often find that connection obscured. But it is always there. I call that connection 'Spirit'.
     Then we have another connection that plugs into Spirit. It is that part that handles the day to day, routine things that keep us alive such as breathing and digesting. It keeps the heart pumping and the organs grinding away. It takes over many of the things we learn to do such as walking and talking. It is also where our ego resides. You can call it what you like, but I use the term 'Soul'. The Soul, as I see it, is connected in some way or another to all of who we are.
     Soul is also connected to the Body (the heart pumping, the organs grinding?) More on that in a bit. The Body, of course, is where we put the things we believe into action.
     The next connection is between Spirit and Thought. It is through that connectedness that we can experience our unity with all that exists. Unfortunately, it is easily polluted with false perceptions of life which so readily come in through our society and our religions and our education. Many of those misperceptions melt into our subconscious and infect the Soul which is also connected to Thought. This is where we find illness and addiction. Not that those things need to be, but as the lies we believe about ourselves seep into our subconscious and then into our souls, they can produce a lot of problems that can, and often do, effect our lives far longer than we can imagine. It is here in our Thoughts that we can begin to shed those lies and replace them with healthy truth about ourselves concerning who we are and the perfection and abundance in which we have been created.
     Thought is also connected to our Emotions. We find that both the conscious and unconscious thoughts shape the emotions that so often dictate our actions. Emotions then are also connected to Spirit, Soul and Body. They produce chemicals that give action either physically or mentally to feeling good or angry or sad or fearful or to any other way we feel from time to time.
     And, finally, our Soul, our Body and our Emotions are all connected to our mind. It is through this part of ourselves where we understand those things we learn, regardless of their truth. Anything from Math to Philosophy to our connectedness to all to our being worthless and sinful is processed through our mind. It is that part of us that makes decisions concerning what we do and, more importantly, who we are.
     Again, you may find or define different connections at work in your own life. You may prefer different terms than I have used. That's perfectly fine. Feel free to develop your own matrix that feels comfortable in your own life.
     Perhaps this little table will help us see how the parts of our existence interact with each other. If I ever get it right, I'm sure it will help me understand. And don't worry about the terms I've used . . . they are simply arbitrary terms and, if you would define them differently or use alternate terminology . . . that's OK.

     While we are exploring the perceptions we have of ourselves and of life and, ultimately, of our creator, I will be referring to four premises I have found to be true in my own life. I suspect that each of us operate on some level with these same four premises. These are not exhaustive and each of us likely can come up with more. These are simply the four most common.
     In truth, I have segregated these four premises into two overriding principles. To arrive at my premises I have divided each up into the perceptions (P) the principles come from and the actions (A) they produce.

     Most of us have, from time to time, seen life in all these ways. I suspect that most of us have seen parts of our life in different categories at the same time. Since these various ways of seeing life are fluid rather than static, we tend to flow between them without a lot of conscious thought. They become reaction to outside stimuli rather than decisions we actively make. My challenge to you is to begin seeing life not as reaction but as action; to move into the higher energy categories by choice rather than be carried along in reaction to situations, circumstances and relationships.

     As many of you have noticed, the first two premises are based on the Bible. That is because my faith tradition is Christian. While I no longer personally ascribe to that tradition (or any other particular religion), there are a lot of truths hidden among the holy books of the world and the Bible is no exception. These two principles are found in all.
     The Bible says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." It is written as a command, but what I have found in my own life is that I am only able to love my neighbor as I love myself.
     Now before I scare anyone off, I am not referring to some egocentric, conceited love of myself. Rather it is a way of seeing life and all that exists as well as knowing my place within it. So please bear with me for a moment and I'll get deeper into this as we go along.
     The second premise is actually the outworking of the first. The Bible says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Again it is written as a command, and again, in my own life, I have found that I am only able to consistently treat others the way I feel I deserve to be treated. Naturally, I believe I deserve to be treated in one way or another based on my perception of myself and my place in creation.
     It comes full circle. From loving our neighbor as we love ourselves to treating our neighbor as we want to be treated. And how we treat those who are around us signals them, consciously or unconsciously, as to how we want them to treat us. Most people are happy to oblige. We continue to attract the people into our lives that are aligned with our own self-perception.
     Notice also what this premise does not say (but that we, often silently, include.) We tend to add an 'if'. "Do unto others if they do unto you." Or we add an 'as'. "Do unto others as they do unto you." Some of us are a little more proactive and say it as, "Do unto others before they do unto you."

     The third premise comes from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer who is a spiritually humble giant. It says, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." How true have I found those words to be! And I'm still learning to make those changes in how I see things. That is not to say I always attain such lofty changes, but as I make decisions to see things (myself, life, creation) differently, life brings folks into my life that are ready for this shift in perception too. A wise man once said, "We teach the lessons we ourselves still need to learn." So I guess I'll keep teaching this until I learn it thoroughly.
     When we change the way we look at things, three changes begin to take place: First we find ourselves seeing what we look at in different ways. We discover things we've never noticed even in things - and in the people - we've seen everyday.
     Second, we begin to look at things we've never seen before. We find ourselves increasingly in love with discovery. We 'reknew' our sense of wonder. (I misspelled renew because we knew it once already. As we change our thoughts we begin to know it again.) We refresh our attitude of adventure.
     And third we find, almost imperceptibly, that our desire (or habit) to look at those things that are low energy - that drain the spiritual energy out of us - begin to fall away.
     The fourth premise comes from several eastern faith traditions and is certainly envisioned within the first principle. It is usually phrased as, "What goes around, comes around." It is the basic idea of Karma. However I don't view Karma as either a punishment for past failures or a reward for past successes. To my way of thinking it is merely the natural law of attraction. We attract into our lives the very things we give out from our lives. I will have more to say about this as we move forward.
     But please, as we do move along, keep in mind one question: "What is it I want to attract into my life?"
     Notice quickly again that the third premise is our perception and the fourth is the outworking of that perception. The first principle results in action while the last one results in attraction.
     I invite you to come with me and learn with me.

     How we look at life impacts the way we look at ourselves and, naturally, how we see and treat others with whom we interact. Ultimately, it has a great effect on the kind of things and people we attract into our lives. In fact, how we look at life is the reason we see situations and circumstances repeating themselves. The things on which our mind is focused is what we manifest back into our lives.
     Regardless of what our thoughts may be from one moment to the next - whether they be on our job or our family or the bills we have or even the enjoyment of a moment in nature - those thoughts are all filtered through our perception of life. We can learn to change the way we view life and, ultimately, how we view ourselves. Most of the time it really isn't difficult. And when we do make that shift in perception, we will see all those things I mentioned through a different filter. Eventually, perhaps, we will be able to see those things without a filter at all.
     Most of what you read from me isn't revelation. I suspect that most of it will be merely validation of what each of you been thinking about for some time. That is what attracted you to read this to begin with. Perhaps you will hear in a new way - in different words - exactly what you've been feeling all along. Perhaps it will allow you to more consistently access that into which you were created. If so, then I've done my job.
     I also realize that some of you were dragged to this sight and told to read by a well meaning wife or husband or partner or friend, and that being here is not exactly where you would have chosen to be. Others may have simply stumbled upon it accidentally. I would like to welcome you, too. The simple fact is that you are here. I believe there is a purpose in that. If you leave, I believe you will be back at some point. And if not, I believe you will here the same message in countless ways over the next few months or years or for as long it takes.
     I believe all of you will read three different types of things. I hope most of us (I include myself in this) will read a lot of 'ah-ha' moments. Those are the things that resonate immediately and deeply within you and that allow a new piece of the puzzle to fall perfectly into place and become practical in your life. But I know that everything I have to say won't be for everyone here or for 'right now'.
     Some things will resonate with you but you still don't have a place to put them. That's OK.
     As you find that to be the case, know one of three things is happening. It is likely that those are things that you recognize as true, but don't yet understand how to practically implement them into your life. Tuck those things away in your heart for now. Someone will come along at just the right time and say the same thing to you a new way which will make perfect sense to you then.
     Another thing that could be happening is that life is giving you a heads up concerning something someone else needs to hear. Again, hide them in your heart until that person and the right time comes along. You'll know when and who that is as soon as those circumstances enter your life.
     And a word of warning about that last possibility. It could be that, when you hear this thing or that thing you'll almost immediately think, "Susan needs to hear that!" or "I can't wait to tell Larry." If that's the first thing to hit your mind, you've already judged Susan or Larry as deficient in some way. It doesn't mean they don't need to hear it, but it does mean there may be something you need to accomplish in your own life first . . .
     Remember a few moments ago I said, "We end up teaching the lessons we most need to learn." If you've judged Susan or Larry, perhaps it reflects some adjustment that is needed in your own perception. If that is the case you'll find an endless string of folks who need to hear what you have to say. That is why I teach much of what you'll read here over and over and over again. I still need to hear it myself.
     If I am speaking in front of a crowd I will often know when the judging happens because I'm so spiritually attuned that I see . . . actually it's because I will notice some gentle (I hope) elbows to the ribs of someone next to you.
     The third thing I hope you won't hear a lot of is something that just don't resonate with you at all. I hold no illusions that every word out of my mouth will be the perfect word for everyone here. It's OK. Perhaps you're not as wise and mature as I think I am. More probably I'm not as wise or mature as you. And it's just possibly true that I just said something profoundly dumb. I tend to do that from time to time. If that happens please let me pull my foot out of my mouth as gracefully as possible and go on.
     In any of these cases, I won't be the least bit offended if you just ignore that which does not resonate within you.
     Lastly, what I expect to get out of this is summed up by something I was given in early 2011:

     Before jumping into all of the things life was never intended to be, let's begin with a quick look at what life was intended to be. To do that we will need to consider the author of life. The creator.
     I tend to shy away from using the word 'god', not because of some aversion I have to the word - or the being - but because I know that most of us have grown up with a faith tradition that has a lot of theology and attitudes and actions associated with it. Those things often spark debate, internally and externally, between religions. Debate is not my intention here. Nor is conversion. I do not want to convert anyone from anything or to anything. My intention is to spark thought within all of us that is just general enough to make argument unnecessary and just specific enough to produce a shift in thought that promotes growth despite and often within our particular faith tradition. That is true even to those of you have come to believe god's last name is 'damn' (which it isn't, by the way.)
     In the beginning what did the creator do? The creator created. Obviously I am referring to everything we see and are in this physical world of the senses in which we find ourselves. Of course the creator itself has no beginning nor will it have any end. But all of what exists in our realm began by creation. What method did the creator use? I don't know. The most common theories are 'special creation', 'intelligent design', and evolution. For myself I tend toward 'intelligent design' just because it allows for both ends of the spectrum which I personally believe the existing evidence supports. 'Special Creation' too often assumes the creation ended at some point. We only have to look at the earth itself to see that it is constantly in a state of creating itself somewhere. Evolution tends to discount the incredible power and energy involved in creation and so usually discounts the possibility of something new to us being done today.
     But I try not to be the person who adamantly says, "If I believe something this morning you can be sure I'll believe it tomorrow morning as well!" it doesn't matter to that type of person what may come to light in the afternoon. Such a person's mind is closed.
     I always think of the "I'll believe it tomorrow" person reading a well-crafted detective novel. In the first day or two of reading the "I'll believe it tomorrow" person believes the butler did it. But what happens when, at the end of the book - in chapter 18 - it is revealed that the actual perpetrator was the Lady in Red who blamed the victim for the death of her childhood parakeet?
     I can just see this person slamming the book down, rushing over to the book club meeting and vociferously arguing that the butler did it because of the evidence presented in chapters one through six.
     I urge you not to be that "I'll believe it tomorrow" person. I'm not asking you be wishy-washy or to never firmly believe anything at all. I only ask that you firmly believe, and actively live up to the energy level of that belief unless strong evidence sways you to adjust that belief. Have an always open mind and spirit.
     So, in the spirit of open-mindedness, what is it we actually know about the creator? I'm not talking about what we think of the creator or what we believe. But what do we know? There are three things I know about this entity. First it is eternal. It has had no beginning and will have no end. It is a concept that is nearly impossible for us to fully comprehend. Everything in our lives has had a beginning and will have an end. So any knowledge we have concerning 'eternal' is abstract and in opposition to what we know of ourselves and our world. For the creator to have had a beginning would mean that it had to have been created. I guess, in principle, I'm not opposed to that idea . . . but I seriously doubt it and await far more evidence of that than I have seen presented so far.
     As well as eternal, we know our source is infinite. As well as having no beginning and no ending, there is no place it doesn't exist. it is everywhere. Again we have a problem understanding this concept fully. After all, if I am here, it means I'm not over there.
     But there is no place our creator is not. Not only does it have no beginning or ending in the realm of time, it does not begin and end anywhere in space. In other words, it doesn't end where you begin. It is not interrupted by the planets. We cannot point to a single place - a single space - where our creator does not reside. If you see a single leaf that has fallen to the ground, our creator is there. It did not move the creator out of the way as it glided downward. Rather, it effortlessly moved through the creator without interruption. The creator is above and below the leaf, on all sides of the leaf, and within the leaf.
     Perhaps we should adjust our thinking about pointing. Whether we point at something in the more traditional (physical) way, or if we point mentally in judgment or praise or pity, we are pointing at our creator. Whatever you point at, remember that it occupies the same space as our creator. They are inseparable. If I point at you I am pointing at the creator. Even if you move ten steps to the left you have simply moved through the source of all things without interrupting it. The air around you moved out of the way. The light was interrupted behind you. But not our creator. Not only that, but you've heard the idea than when you point with your finger, you have three fingers pointing back at you? Guess what. The creator is there too.
     The third thing I know about our creator is that it is inexhaustible and complete. Creation does not deplete it. Destruction does not increase it. if, suddenly, our entire universe split into two - if it were to duplicate itself - nothing would change with the creator. If our entire universe suddenly ceased to exist, nothing would have changed about the source of all things. And it is complete in itself. There is nothing it needs; nothing that can be added to it.
     Is there anything that science has identified that fills these three qualities? Just one. Energy. Science has never found a place where it is not. It takes energy to keep the planets from colliding and energy that holds them together. As far back in time as science can look, they find evidence of energy. They know that energy can neither be created or destroyed - only changed from one form to another. Science is convinced that there is just as much energy now as when all of what we see came into being. Is our creator actually energy? At this point I think so.
     Now, what do we know about what this energetic source of all creation does? The two things I know about what are creator does are: The creator (as the word implies) creates. I don't believe it created and then stopped. Creating is what it does; naturally, beautifully, abundantly and continuously. I personally believe it created long before it got around to our little universe and will continue to create long after what we see and know is gone. Maybe I'm wrong - perhaps ours was the first. Perhaps ours is the only. It's unimportant. Our creator creates.
     The second thing I know is that our creator sustains its creation(s). Sustaining is, in itself, a creative process. If the source stopped sustaining us (if the energy that holds us together stopped), we would cease to be. So you can be sure that if you are, if you wake in the morning, it is because the source of all things continues to sustain you. Scary, isn't it? That our moment to moment existence is wholly in the hands of - at the caprice of - some eternal, infinite field of inexhaustible energy could perhaps be a rather fearful thought. What must we do to keep it happy? But please trust me that I am not trying to put "the fear of god" into you. Suffice it say for now that there is no need to fear the fact that our source sustains what it creates. It is as natural for our creator to sustain as it is to create in the first place. In fact, not to do so would be unnatural.
     So, where is it that we fit into the creation? Are we simply another in an innumerable procession of creations? Are we special creations destined for being abundantly sustained and created with purpose? Was I saying a few minutes ago that our creator just creates indiscriminately, without thought? Or with reason and with thought? I don't have the answers to those questions. But it does not create outside of itself.
     Being infinite, there is no 'outside' of itself. It does not create as we create. If we create a sculpture or a building, those things are outside of us. We have used material that is outside of us. That is the nature of the finite, physical world where we now live. But our creator creates from the inside. It is itself the material used to create. The infinite energy simply does what energy does - it changes from one form to another. In this creation it has simply changed to a form that holds itself together into a physical, experienced realm. We are made up of the same stuff as our creator. We occupy the same space as our creator. There is no need to feel that false sense of separation which comes from our perceptions (perhaps I should say misperceptions) of life. Rather, we should realize that:

     Let's begin looking at the six perceptions I've listed at the beginning: Friend, Ally, opponent, conspirator and enemy. These are the six that I have seen most active in my own life as well as in the lives of others I've talked to and counseled. But they are not exhaustive and you may find other perceptions that are influencing you more. It is also not unusual to be in more than one perception at a time depending on circumstances and relationships. Regardless, perceptions are never stand-alone events or ideas. They grow out of each other and intertwine with each other. So the ones you may identify in your own life will still be connected to some of these six in one way or another and will still produce less than ideal actions and attractions.
     None of us started life having any perceptions of life. We didn't need them. We had the reality of life. There was nothing different from the moments before we were conceived to the moments after conception. I like the way Dr. Dyer puts it: Before conception we were "no where". After conception we are "now here". And when we die we will be "no where" again. Only the nothingness of the empty space has changed. Literally nothing changes 'no where' to 'now here'. It is not only true with us, but with all that has been created regardless of the process used. Shouldn't we set a goal of regaining our connection to 'no where' while are still 'now here'? Our perceptions interrupt that connection.
     Within each we will discuss the origins (in the here and now) of the perception as well as the actions they often promote and their effect in our present and future. Each one comes through our spirit, our soul and our body. At the same time they come through our mind, our thoughts and our emotions. Those twin tracks result in some type of action both toward ourselves as well as toward others. I say "in the here and now" because I don't know how or why these perceptions first began. While it would be an interesting thing to know, it isn't very important to our discussion. The fact is that our perceptions are in the present and that is the only place where they can be changed. Ultimately we will talk about how it is that we can change those perceptions to attract more of what we were intended to be into our lives in the present and in the future.
     I have decided to start at where we all began our finite life. We were born into equality and connectedness with our creator. The perceptions we have been taught and those that we have accepted have created that false sense of being separate from the source, from the creation, from nature, from each other and even from ourselves. All of us can regain the truth of being connected. We have the power to do so. We have the right to do so. Our willingness to exercise that right and to use that power within us determines what type of events, circumstances and people we will attract into our lives.
     As we were in the womb our growing perception of life was one of being secure. We were warm and safe and fed. We were growing - expanding - increasing. We didn't have to struggle for it. We didn't have to work for it or argue for it or fight for it. We simply rested in knowing that the right parts would show up at the right time in the right place.
     Then, after about nine months, we found that all this growing and increasing and expanding was making life a little confining. It was still warm and safe, but now inadequate. So we oriented ourselves toward freedom and we were born. WOW! What a change!
     It was cold and bright. Suddenly masked men grabbed us, hung us upside down by our ankles and beat us within an inch of our lives! Well, OK, it was only a swat or two but it did hurt. We didn't deserved it. We cried in protest! We made sound! We had heard sound before, but now here we were making it. And we're pretty darn good at it. And we were now breathing.
     They wrapped us in blankets and handed us to another person who laid us on their breast. As we filled our tummies for the first time we nestled into her chest. There it was. Something familiar; something safe. The heart beat we had felt and then heard for so long. We were safe. We belonged. We were loved. We were living in the reality of the connection.
     Since that time I haven't had a lot of interaction with that sense of complete unity. In fact, since that first year, I have had virtually no contact with it until about two years ago. Even now, I have not yet learned to consistently live in it. But I am learning again. I am growing again. I intend to move gracefully into that natural state of well-being.
     Unfortunately, at first this state of connectedness is usually short-lived. I don't think it has to be, but it usually is. We quickly find that conformity to the expectations of those adults around us leads to certain rewards. We make decisions about conformity being better than non-conformity. We also process events in our lives that reinforce those decisions. We find that most conformity in our early years actually keeps us safe. We take that small step down from unity to a perception life as a friend.
     Regardless of the fact that following our instincts rather than conforming to someone else's expectation seemed more natural, we decided conformity provided for our needs. Honestly, few (if any) of us would have survived childhood without having made that decision. Why is that? If our instincts to connection are superior, why is our survival dependent on stepping down from that reality?
     My answer to that would be that, as a child, we learn primarily by having a model to imitate. If our parents lived consistently within the unity of life we would still have been provided for and we would have still have been safe. The difference, though, is that we would have had the freedom to explore who we were intended to be within that provision and safety. But we did not have that model. Neither did our parents or their parents or any of the generations before them. Again, where did it all start? I have no idea. But that is the situation we presently find ourselves in and so that is where we need to start.
     As I said, that's my own idea. I cannot point you to any models out there to provide evidence or prove my idea. I was certainly not that model as a parent. As in any discussion of philosophy or psychology there are always exceptions to any rule. It is possible that there are or have been some who had parents that fully understood their connectedness. Or perhaps there may have been some who managed to avoid the process of feeling separated. Maybe those are the folks we revere or even worship. I don't know.
     As our decisions leaned more and more toward the friendship of life, we found ourselves being more accepted by our parents. That is not to say our parents would have rejected us if we did not conform. But to a child's eye it could certainly look that way. To a child's heart it could certainly feel that way at times. Conformity brought more praise and less reprimand - more reward and less punishment. With a child's limited ability to process information, we took the information we had and made decisions based on it; processed it the best we could. At the time our decisions made sense. Many of them were probably even right despite the fact that they were made with incomplete, childishly processed information.
     As we grew there were new rules added on - "Eat your vegetables; don't spill your milk; finish your plate; don't hit your sister; stay in the yard; don't play with your food; share; don't take your clothes off in public; give Auntie Matilda a big kiss - and of course, the big one, Don't do that in your diapers, do that in this little chair with the hole in it."
     Slowly, over those first few years a new thought began to form. It hasn't taken root yet, but it's there. That thought, regardless of whether it has language or not, is, "I keep messing up - there must be something wrong." Again, it is a child's thought based on the information they can process. This thought often grows as time goes on.

     So how does stepping down to the perception of friendship affect our four premises? It is a small step and, honestly, isn't wrong. Our source is our friend. The problem is that as we define life as a friend, we focus on that truth while forgetting or ignoring the other truths. Rather than seeing our unity and equality with all that exists, we narrow that perception down to an idea that it's me and my creator against the world, instead of realizing that we and all of creation and the creator are equal and have no need to stand against the world. It is not that we are wrong in a belief of friendship, it is simply that in narrowing that focus, we are putting blinders on which begin to exclude part of the picture.

     Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Since the love you have for your neighbor presumes that you have certain level of love for yourself, we step down to friendship as we begin to qualify love in general. As a small child we do not think in those terms, of course, but we completely understand that we seem to be loved more when we conform to the wishes of the adults around us. Every child knows that look of disapproval. Every child feels the change in tone, regardless of how subtle it may be, as he or she fails to meet a standard. That information begins to change the way we view life and love and leads us - in the smallest of ways sometimes - to feel worthy or unworthy, loveable or unlovable. As we are successful in our conforming, we love ourselves. As we fail to conform, we do not love ourselves as much.
     Over time we begin to adopt standards for ourselves and, as is true with the standards set for us by others, when we fail to meet our own standards we not only love ourselves less, but actually begin to see ourselves as unlovable. Of course that is not true in every case, but, even in the smallest of ways, it sets a course of defining life as being a friend when we are successful. Up until the point when we began to adopt our own standards, the consequences for success or failure came from the outside. But now, as we have taken on our own standards, those consequences must come from within. Very often they will reflect the type of consequences we had exclusively been receiving from the adults around us.
     With positive consequences for success (from outside or from within) our own self-worth is bolstered. The negative consequences for failure, on the other hand, tend to tear us down. (At this point, please don't assume I am leading up to an "It's all their fault!" conclusion. I'm not going there. Nor ought you assume I am trying to eliminate consequences for behavior. Consequences are a natural part of life and can be healthy whether they are positive or negative consequences.) But in our childishness, sometimes those consequences are translated into a correlation between behavior and self esteem. Life is our friend as we experience positive results and not so much when we experience the negatives ones. If we are allowed or encouraged to see ourselves as loveable only as we succeed, that lowered self esteem (self love) translates into how we love those around us - our neighbors.      In the next part we will explore school. You all remember school? Yeah. Thought so. As hard as I try I can't forget it either. We will look at the process of life becoming an ally rather than a friend.

     School. That bastion of education. That institution that teaches us how to think, what to think, when to think and why.
     We are taught to think in exactly the ways our teachers or professors think. To do anything else brought disapproval and poor grades. Those most often had their own consequences when we got home.
     We were taught to think inside a box. The boxes we were generally taught to think inside of came in the form of books. We were to open them when we were told, read from them what we were told to read, and believe what we read because we were told to do so. (Now I did have once small advantage at this point since I rarely opened those books to begin with.)
     We were told when to think. We thought about math at this time and English at another time. At other times it was history or gym or art. I usually thought about lunch or recess.
     And, finally, we were taught why we should think in such confined ways and in such dichotomy. It was most often because our teachers had been taught how, what and when to think long before us. The conformity we had begun to learn at home developed into an art form at school.
     It may sound to you that I am being far too hard on the education system. You're right. I am. And to be fair, I've seen improvement with many of the teachers my daughters had. I've seen even more in the teachers my grandchildren have. But there are still too many who don't seem able or willing to teach outside of the more historical method of teaching.
     And I even realize that some students thrive within the structure of the historical model. I wasn't one of them. Most kids aren't one of them in all areas of study. Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong with getting an education. Throughout life it proves to be invaluable.
     To those of you who have been or now are teachers, you have my gratitude. Much of what I just said is based on the teachers and the teaching methods I was subject to in the 1950s and '60s. And I was most certainly not what anyone would call a model student. So please filter my remarks through that fact and that my personal experience is 40 to 50 years removed from this writing. But, at the same time, realize the old ways are a long way from gone. Often they have buried themselves in new labels and "new" methods . . . but their damage is the same. Be on guard.

     Notice also that I am not dealing a lot with how things should have been or could have been. You won't hear a lot of, "Things would have been different if . . ." We all tend to spend too much time, especially as we age, in the land of 'coulda, woulda, shoulda.' There is a reason for the omitting of a lot of comment on this way of thinking. The reason is that no amount of wishing, wondering or wanting it to change will actually change a single thing that has happened in our pasts.
     A second reason is that no matter what happened back then - whether that was something that happened to us or for us or because of us - every tiny piece of our past; everything - every calamity, every joy, every sin, every happiness and every sadness - was part of what brought us to this very place right here, right now, at just the right time. it's called the Butterfly Effect. Just think: perhaps if you hadn't gotten that pair of ugly socks from your Aunt Matilda for your twelfth birthday you wouldn't be here now. Maybe you would have been somewhere else.
     For now, just be content with knowing that I'll tell you when to think about that, as well as what, how and why to think it. Now open your books to page . . .

     But back to school. I don't know if this was true for you or not, but, as I said, I spent a lot of school time thing about recess and lunch. And it was during those times that I began to learn that friends were more important as allies. They were still friends, but now they became more than friends. They provided not only the acceptance of friendship, but also the safety we find in being allied with others.
     As we slipped from a 'you and me' perception of life into an 'us and them' perception, we found that an ally provided many of the same things as as a friend did. Perhaps a little more tenuously, but essentially the same things. Plus it gave us 'them'. It allowed our thoughts to divide the playground and the lunchroom into groups of competitors. Depending on the 'us' we were part of, we were either trying to stay away from 'them' or secretly longing to be part of 'them'. Either way we began to learn the idea of comparison and judgment. What we didn't realize at that time was the fact that we were actually forming a new way to look at life and reinforcing what we already knew about judging ourselves. Those two things began to form our decisions about how we fit into this life - what role we were supposed to play in this life - what and why we deserved it to begin with.