PERSONAL
Age: 35
Birthplace: Middlesbrough
Height: 5ft 8ins
Weight: 11st
FOOTBALL
Team supported: Everton
Best and worst memory of your team: Andy King wellying in the winner against Liverpool in a 1977 derby; Brett Angell.
Your team’s best and worst player (current or non-current): Peter Reid, Brett Angell.
Most memorable England match: 1990 World Cup v Germany.
Best and worst England player seen: Bryan Robson (Munc cant); Carlton, CARLTON! Palmer.
Position you play: Midfield.
Your best and worst moment as a player: Doing a 'Beckham' in a seven-a-side game in Salford; the guilt trip afterwards (they had five players and no goalie).
DRINKING
Favourite pint: Joseph Holt's bitter.
Number of pints before you fall over: I don't fall over, I dive.
Number of pints before you hit the shorts: My shorts come off after three.
Favourite short when the going gets tough: Gin and lemon.
Amount of alcohol (pints plus shorts) before you’re seriously ill: 8 pints, five shorts.
Favourite venue after closing time - club/curry house/strip joint/gambling den/bed: club/curry house/strip joint/gambling den/bed.
First thing you normally do on returning home from heavy drinking session (if memory serves): Hide the sausage rolls.
Favourite breakfast after aforementioned session: Sausage rolls (if I can find them).
WOMEN
Woman you’d most like to be washed up on a desert island with: The Queen Mother (so I could kick her head in).
FAVOURITE
Newspaper: Sunday Times.
Non-alcoholic drink: Milk.
Food: Two pappadums, those red onion fellas, yoghurt with mint sauce, chicken tikka masala, nan bread, bombay potatoes, Andrex.
Holiday destination: New York.
Film: Jaws.
Book: Bart Simpson's Guide to Life (chapter 12, where he creates his ideal pet).
Television programme: Anything with Michael Palin.
Music: Drum and flute.
Band: Led Zeppelin.
Album: Stone Roses.
LEAST FAVOURITE
Newspaper: Daily Mail.
Non-alcoholic drink: Sunny Delight.
Food: Chinese soup (A history of feverish porno film observation has put me off all those floaty white bits).
Holiday destination: The Gambia.
Film: Yahoo Serious.
Book: The Beach, Alex Garland.
Music: Whitney Houston.
OTHERS
All time sporting hero: Roy Haggerty (ask Andy).
Your ideal weekend: Wembley rugby league finals, ideally with St Helens involved.
The one thing that really makes your blood boil: What's it to you, you xxxx?
