Parties are an excuse. When the old man gets grumpy and talks loudly to his wife or the older kids start arguing with each other that's when the idea of a party is born. It's easy to find excuses as there are always somebody's birthday, somebody's anniversary or maybe the old man got a raise or a different job. It doesn't take long to plan a party and get it under way.

House parties were tame affairs in the earlier days but we had good times and enjoyed them although they were tame. Most people enjoyed them but there were some who thought there should be a party every other night but these were undependable people and usually didn't get there anyway - thank the Lord.

This was before the days of parties in the basement, as that place was a cellar with a dirt floor, cold and damp, with shelves of canned fruit, a sauerkraut barrel, small barrel of pickles, some old furniture and a lot of junk and with a place for wood or coal. After a good rain it usually had a few inches of water. I remember my uncle scaring me, after a storm by calling, "Help" and asking me to get a rope and save him as he was drowning. I got very excited and it took my Mother quite a while to convince me that was my uncle's form of humor. Eventually he came up, with a grin on his face, a crock of sauerkraut, some potatoes and a jar of canned peaches. I promised him a licking when I got large enough - a threat I never fulfilled as his happiness seemed to depend on his ability to tease, scare or get me excited.

Our parents were always in on all house parties and knew what was going on. We sang, played games like post office, Keeno for small prizes and danced after clearing the furniture out of one of the rooms. We had plenty to eat and as we were Germans we had our beer and the boys didn't seem to get in bad shape as happened in later years. I don't know whether the boys were different or the beer was different - I'll say fifty-fifty!

Sometimes the older folks had their own parties consisting most of what we called, "Chewing the Fat", running down the weather, the lowdown on friends who couldn't be there and ending with card games and rushing the can. Bottled beer hadn't been invented and a small Dutchman or eighth of a beer was only bought for bigger parties and that required ice, a beer pump and a guy who knew how to draw a glass of beer.

Lots of coffee, lots of food and a bunch of small babies and kids running around making noise, getting tired and some crying. Of course there were very few baby sitters in those days as you had to watch your expenses - this being the days before Uncle Sam became our guardian angel and watched over our money.

When prohibition became a law, everything changed. Drinking became the big part of any party. The young folks and some old ones started carrying flasks, parties became more secretive and old folks gave parties at blind pigs. The close tie between parents and their children was lost and it had a bad affect on family relationships that is being felt today.

I am not saying that the younger folks lost their sense of decency, or they were any worse morally, but became more independent and that required more self control that a lot of younger folks have.

In the old days we didn't go steady with one girl. The reason for this was that a boy expected to support a girl when he married her and many boys gave most of their money to their parents until they were twenty-one. We didn't become serious until we felt we could support a wife - most boys thought that were important and a man who couldn't support a wife was looked down upon. They had a certain pride in their ability to support a wife and children which was the aim of their life. I think that pride is a valuable thing to a man - but it seems today the girl's idea is to have a man even if she has to work to support, or even help educate him, and I thin they have lost some of their femininity.

Parties became rougher, drinking heavier and getting drinks for a party was quite a chore. You never knew whether you were going to poison your guests or not. Some tried to make their own beer, wine and liquors and some of it was almost fit to drink.

People drank too much and that made for trouble. Wives lost their balance, husbands their common sense and one unattended single girl could put a whole party on the bum and spoil a lot of good friendships.

After one of these parties your home was about ruined - spilt beer, cigarette butts on your furniture, liver sausage on the kitchen linoleum, broken glasses and maybe a few drunks sleeping in odd parts of your house. The police had to be called often to break one of these parties up. The veneer of civilization seemed to wear thin and what showed up was not nice. That veneer is important, until we really are civilized, and the only thing that keeps us from being animals.

It is a wonderful thing to be out-spoken but not when you have been drinking.

The parties gave birth to the playroom, or recreation room, with a bar, card tables and a stove. This was really an important part of the home with a little tougher furniture, tougher floor covering and the only problem left was to keep the crowd down there at parties.

Another thing your children were farther away and maybe could get a little sleep and didn't hear some of the language and stories that came form a mind that is a little befogged with liquor and that was a break for the children.

I don't know when the first office party took place but it has been a ticklish subject to wives and sweethearts though the years. It had a real reason for being this especially in its early days.

It was used by business men as a get-together for their clients and prospective customers. A method of showing off their plant facilities or services and meet the boys who were the in-betweens in their business. It was just a way of getting acquainted with each other for a smoother and better working contact. It was purely a stag affair at this period. All the firm had to do was serve a few drinks, plenty of chairs and tables, some playing cards or maybe a set of lucky dice and let nature take care of the rest. Some just talked, some told stories, some played cards and some just listened. No professional entertainment and it usually did the firm and its clients some good. No obvious selling except of good will.

This was before the days of off-color movies and selling movies but it did not take long before the selling part became obvious and the drinks were only the decoy to get you in a corner and fill you with a lot of tough sales talk.

It got so that office parties became bigger. The clients expected lots of drinks, professional service and entertainment, bartenders and caterers bringing in expensive food and music and gambling apparatus - often one half of the crowd were what we call free loaders.

Prohibition made a big change in these parties. More people came for the drinks as drinks were harder to get and cost real money in those days. It was quite a job to get liquor through your pet bootlegger or smuggle it in from Canada. You had to be careful of its quality, and content, as a dead client isn't much use to a salesman. The best way was to try it on one of your salesmen, with a poor record, and if he lived to reason it was safe to let your customers drink it. The main thing was to get him home safe to his wife and what happened after that was up to her.

Business men, salesmen and the male office force liked these parties and found lots of excuses for holding them such as their firm's anniversary, Christmas, New Years, a new office, new machinery or a new product.

As the owners of a commercial studio, we held them and I think they did us some good. The artists' wives registered some kicks for leaving their husbands stay to long and drink too much. Some of our clients kicked as they expected to see nude models serving drinks and entertaining them. I remember one of our clients, the largest ginger ale maker in Detroit, who complained because we mixed one of his drinks with his products and were told that, being a good client, he expected Canadian Dry in his drinks and if we didn't comply we might lose his business. It just proves never depend on your brains too much - there are some things that are above business principles.

To give you an idea of an office party I'll relate one of my experiences at a Photo-Engravers' party the day before Christmas. I arrived at the party around three o'clock with my pal, Don Beckwith, a guy with more character and more friends than a bird has fleas.

We decided to leave and be home by six but we got into a crap game and I was hot and had money in every pocket I owned. Around six we got hungry, straightened out the money and we enjoyed the lunch as only a lucky crap-shooter can do and we decided we had enough. I knew better than to get back in that game as nothing breaks a streak of luck like leaving a game for any reason whether it’s taking your coat off, putting on a hat or to loosen your necktie it's just like committing suicide. I lost control, got back in the game - missing more points than the law allows, crapping continuously for a new record. I finally kissed my last buck goodbye and decided to go home to my beloved wife.

We had refreshments constantly while rolling the dice but I didn't feel too bad but then I couldn't find my new hat, or even a hat that fit me, Becky took me home and left me a short distance from my house - he was a little scared of my wife.

My wife put me to bed, locked the door as she said I smelled bad and she didn't want the kids to see me, and finally got a few neighbors in to trim our Christmas tree.

What my thoughts were or how my head felt the next day, I'll leave to your imagination.

Of course you can't blame that on office parties as I admit I am a weak character and my pal Becky is still a weaker one.

At another one of our own office parties I left at one o'clock and was called back about two-thirty in the morning by the janitor of our building who said one of my partners was laying in his office rolled up in the office rug. I had to go over, unroll him and get him home. I found out later some of the boys thought it was a good idea to roll him up in the carpet to keep him from freezing, as the weather was cold, and they said he raised no objections.

As to the after-affects of these parties - the least was getting hit with a rolling pin, getting a lot of jawing or bad meals for a week but to get caught as a drunk driver meant real trouble as most judges didn't like it. Most judges I knew never refused a drink in their lives but they didn't like office parties and they only thing you could do was to take the car keys away from every guy who looked bad and sent them home in a cab. If they got in jail the best thing to do was let them stay overnight - one night in jail will teach anybody a lesson.

Then another angle entered the picture - the females such as the stenographers, switchboard operators, secretaries and file clerks. I'll admit they added a lot of excitement to the parties. The parties became more popular with the males, lasted longer but brought reactions from the wives and sweethearts. They started organizing and demanded that they be invited to these parties and after a few years got their wishes fulfilled.

To understand what the female angle did to these parties required a lot of study of the females - all I can give is my ideas - no scientific stuff.

They remind me of a volcano - beautiful and awe inspiring to look at, nice in conformity but a few drinks and they are very apt to blow their tops, making for a lot of hilarity, loud talking, giggling and laughing. Most of them were young, beautifully formed, well dressed or looked that way with a few shots under your belt. It is surprising what a demure switch board operator can turn into and what a few drinks can do to a bald-headed boss with arthritis and under doctor's care. Under prohibition they wanted their share of the drinks and they figured the only way to do that was to drink them fast before the liquor ran out. This helps make a party, and with no wives around to slow you down, your childish reactions took over and you lost control of your brakes. These parties were of little help as business generators, but you learned a lot about the other side of people. Sometimes this knowledge left you uneasy for the next week or two and with a sense of caution in dealing with your office force. The original idea was fine but seemed to get lost in the shuffle.

One of these parties I still remember, it was in our building the day before new Years. I had a rush job, I locked my office door and went to work. An hour later there was a knock at my door, with an undertone of sobbing and when I opened the door, a blond entered (still sobbing) telling me she had been insulted and would it be all right if she sat down and calmed herself - a wish I gladly gave her and the sobbing gradually died down. About this time another knock on the door and a hundred and ten pound redhead came in and told me some guy had got rough with her and could she call her Dad as she wished to go home, which she did. While waiting for her Dad they sobbed and sympathized with each other for about an hour until the dad showed up. He heard all the sad details, took both girls under his wing, with fire in his eyes and muscles bulging proceeded to go and see about that awful party. I did not hear any shots or police whistles so when I finished my job I dropped into the party for a quick one. While looking the party over who did I see but the blonde sitting on an old guy's lap laughing her head off, the old Dad dancing with somebody's secretary and the redhead asking for more liquor in her drinks - I learned about the human race - especially the female part of it.

These parties are still going on with changes for the better as wives and sweethearts are invited and that makes for a more rational affair.

On Christmas some include children, with special gifts, and they do a lot of good as wives meet other employee's wives and her husband's working companions and his bosses. There is one disadvantage - if your wife finds out that the boss’s wife has a new mink coat and you have just refused to buy your wife a new pair of shoes because business has been bad.

What all this proves I don't know but I really believe the office parties have tamed down or else I'm losing some of my youthful pep and vigor.

Then there is the Cocktail Party. A party inviting you to attend between certain hours: two to five, six to eight, or nine to eleven-thirty, or any inconvenient hour you can think of. The reasons for these parties are numerous: a new office, a new home, the engagement of a daughter, the eventual graduation of a son, your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary (with eight years of happiness behind you) or any other reason you can think of. Some times they are called "house warming parties". They are rather simple to give. All you have to do is remove about three quarters of your chairs and other comfortable furniture as lots of standing room is necessary, buy about four hundred Hors d'oeuvres, or minute sandwiches, containing an unrecognizable mixture between pieces of bread which are about one or two inches in size, some kind of liquor with a mix to be served in glasses that are hard to hold (a good idea is to make the first batch plenty strong and weaken it as the affair goes along). If it is in the summer hold it on the hottest part of the day as people can just stand so much before they decide to leave for home. Any kind of clothes can be worn. I've seen men in shorts, a gruesome sight, but the women have to wear cocktail dresses whatever that means - usually low in some place or other. The lack of seats and the inability of the human being to hold a cocktail in one hand and a dish with two hors d'oeuvres in the other makes for a short stay - another thing if you use napkins buy the slippery ones!

If the party is in the winter the same general rules are used with one exception - run your furnace up to about seventy-six which makes it miserable for all but nobody gets pneumonia.

These parties are not held for enjoyment or playing cards, they are just for chit-chat with other folks you don't know and they never heard of the business you are in.

Nothing you serve has any nourishment so everybody's ulcers are safe - but a good idea is to eat a substantial lunch before leaving home.

If you want to save money let one of your poor relatives wear a black dress, with a napkin over her silver locks, and let her serve. With the aid of a few nieces who can pick up the glasses and rinse them you will get by.

These events are partly athletic - as standing on your feet for two hours or sitting on the damp grass with your legs sticking out in front of you is tiresome - but it tones up your muscles.

Of course there are always a few that refuse to leave at the appointed hour and it's up to you to devise a way to get rid of them.

If you are in the dough, you will hire the entire show and all you have to do is stand around telling people how well they look or any pleasant thing you can think of to people you hardly know, and care less, and then after it's over take a hot shower, fill a glass with a cool beer, make yourself a ham sandwich and tell your wife what a wonderful event it was and how glad you are it is over.

One extra thought - I think a man in shorts should not be allowed at a cocktail party as it spoils the ensemble, most shins are full of nicks and have to be covered with heavy long socks which leave only your knees bare - a wonderful designed pair of hinges, very flexible but hardly a thing of beauty.