Prologue
The stage is dark. As the lights come up, we see an auctioneer holding up items and selling them.
Alonzo: Lot 663, a poster for the production of “Jinglyball”...
Jellylorum: *offstage* doesn’t he mean Hannibal?
Celestia: Like I said, this is The Spectre of the Jellicles... I didn’t want to risk copyright infringements...
*Tugger raises his hand*
Alonzo: Thank you sir... for eight mice to the Vicomte de Kitty...
Tugger: Huh?
Alonzo: How bad can these names get?
Celestia: *offstage*Just keep going!
Alonzo: Okay... here we have... hey, this isn’t a music box...*holds up TCBY cup*
Celestia: Hey, Mungo, I thought you had all the props...
Mungojerrie: ‘ey, I couldn’t ‘elp it... ‘ow was oi s’posed to carry a great big ol’ music box all the way from Victoria Grove?
Rumpleteazer: You just messed up and got caught...
Mungojerrie: hehe...
Celestia: Never mind...
Tugger: Uh.. sure... I’ll take it...
Alonzo: We start the bidding at ten mice...
Tugger: For a PAPER CUP?
Alonzo: shh... pretend...
Tugger: Highway robbery... oh, all right...
Alonzo: Okay... here we have a chandelier... lot 666...
Tugger: What? There’s no way I’m buying that thing... *starts throwing salt over his shoulder*
Alonzo: AHEM... well, lets see if it works... *flips switch. “Yellow Submarine” begins to play*
Pouncival: Oops, wrong button, hehe... *ominous organ music*
The Jellicle Theatre Company Presents:
THE SPECTRE OF THE JELLICLES
Scene I
*The curtain rises on Bombalurina singing a very loud, high aria in a practice for Jinglybal. Skimbleshanks is at a piano, and chorus members behind. Tumblebrutus, Bomb’s mate, watches her in awe. Munku watches with Electra and Etcetera, and Jellylorum, the ballet mistress, stands behind.*
Bombalurina: *holds up a punctured tube of flea treatment* THIS TROPHY FROM OUR SAVIOURS, FROM THE ENSLAVING FORCE OF VETERINARIANS.....*to herself* of all the stupid lines...
Munkustrap: shh... she’ll hear you... uh.. hehe... anyway, I’ve come to show you the new managers. *Etcetera and Electra step forward. Munku looks confused* ... I thought you were supposed to be guys...
Electra: Too bad.
Etcetera: You get us instead! Celestia couldn’t find any more toms...
Alonzo *offstage* they all ran for cover...
Munku: Well, eh... there you have it. Here’s the keys, and don’t let people bring drinks... it ruins the upholstery...
Etcetera: OKAY!!! Listen up people!!! This is OUR theatre now, and we like things spiffy!!! This brown upholstery clashes with the floor runners...
Electra: I can just see it now... hmmm... maybe we should just replace these seats with those funky inflatable chairs...
Bombalurina: Dear Heaviside... Munku should have known better than to let teeny-boppers have power...
Skimble: Shouldn’t we be practicing?
Electra: Oh, right... keep going while I color coordinate these costumes... honestly...
Skimble: Okay, let’s take it from your solo, Bomb...
Bomb: Think of me... think of me fondly... when we’ve said goodbye... remember me... once in a while... please promise me you’ll try... when you find that once again you long... to take your heart...
*a loud crash resounds as a backdrop falls to the stage*
Demeter: (as a ballet dancer) Macavity?
Cassandra: No! The Spectre of the Jellicles!
Tumblebrutus: How cheap...
Bombalurina: I QUIT!!! First I get stuck with these idiotic lines... then I’m being employed by teeny-boppers... I won’t put up with falling scenery!!!
Tumblebrutus: Hey, babe, you’re okay...(to Etcetera) Don’t you care about your leading lady?
Bomb: Thank you...
Etcetera: Huh... Prima Donna...
Pouncival: *from sound booth, in high falsetto* Prrrriiiima Donna...
Bomb: That comes later, you numbskull! Be quiet...
Etcetera: Don’t talk to Pouncie that way...
Bomb: THAT’S IT! You’re on your own... *exits with Tumble*
Etcetera: Oops.
Electra: Great. Now we don’t have a leading lady...
Jemima: Victoria could do it...
Jellylorum: Yes, let her try...
Etcetera: All right...
Victoria: Think of me... think of me fondly...
*there is a long solo number, which I didn’t feel like writing in... we cut to the gala, where Tugger is watching in the audience*
Tugger: Whoah... is that you, Victoria? That’s strange... you don’t look like you did when we were kittens... you didn’t sing like that either...
Victoria: *still singing, reaches high, complicated part* ahahahaha... ahhahahaha... AAAAKKK!!! *falls off the edge of the stage*
Celestia: *offstage* great... *Victoria hobbles in.*
Victoria: THAT’S IT! Owww... I can’t go on...
Celestia: Not again...Where’m I gonna find a replacement?
Victoria: It’s your problem now...*Munku walks through with a cup of coffee*
Celestia: Munku! Munku old pal... have ya seen any of the girls around?
Munku: Nope. Everyone’s out there, or hidin... NO! Everyone’s out there, unless they’re with the crew.
Celestia: Rats... what’m I gonna do? *her eyes light up* hehe... Munku old pal...
Munku: NO. Absolutely not...
Scene II
After The Gala
*so called “Backstage” of the theatre*
Jellylorum: You were wonderful, dear.
Munkustrap: *dripping with sarcasm* Oh, yeah... right... how do I let her talk me into these things?
Jellylorum: Stick to your lines. And you, girls, were a disgrace! *glares at Jemima, Demeter, Cassandra, and Exotica* Practice! Now!
*There is a pause*
Celestia: Misto! Misto, it’s you’re line!
Misto: I’m on strike...
Celestia: Just say the line... please?
Misto: grrr... I’m short... and does that give everyone the right to exploit my vertical inadequacies?
Celestia: But you signed up for it!
Misto: That was before our Christine turned out to be Munku in drag...
Celestia: Grrr... fine! I’ll handle this... *grabs mike*... BRAVI, BRAVI, BRAVISSIMI!!!... if you don’t want to do this, then find a replacement!
Everyone on stage: Misto?
Celestia: Just keep going...
Jemima: (to Munku) Uh.. wow, Munku er... Christine, that was perfect! How did you do it?
Munku: It took a lot of helium...
Celestia: AHEM, get serious!
Munku: Like I’m supposed to be serious while wearing a dress... anyway... it was the Everlasting Cat of Music.... that has no beat to it. Do I have to sing it?
Celestia: argh... never mind.
Munku: *hurriedly* EverlastingCatofMusic... Guide and gaurdian... grant to me your glory...
Jemima: hehehehahaaaa... Ohooohahaha...
Munku: Look, in the mirror!
Gus: I am the great and powerful Firefrofiddle...
Jellylorum: Gus, wrong play, dear... wasn’t Misto supposed to be in this role?
Celestia: He backed out... *calls backstage* MISTO!!!
Misto: What? I was just getting into “The Grapes of Wrath”...
Celestia: You’re replacement is a little addled... you gotta go keep him straight...
Misto: Geez...
Munku: He’s here, even now...
Jemima: It’s okay... don’t be scared... oh, hahaha! You’re wearing high heels!
Munku: Grrr...
