My Terry Pratchett Parody
Mom and I participate in a mailing list that is-er-TOP SEKRIT. It is for SEKRIT KERMUNIKAYSHUNS between ajints of the TTIA. (I am a retired agint....) If you have to ask what TTIA stands for, you don't need to know. One day, shortly after Mom finished reading either Maskerade or Jingo we realized that the adventures of the TTIA were remarkably like the annals of Pratchett's "Discworld" series. To introduce Discworld to those TTIA ajints unfamiliar with Pratchett's work, Mom wrote the following little piece.
For more information about Discworld, you might visit the Discworld Links Page or visit your local bookstore or library. Or you could visit our personal favorite place on the World Wide Web, Amazon.com, or Amazon.com UK or the book resource of your choice.
IF TERRY PRATCHETT WROTE THE ADVENTURES OF THE TTIA
Captain Carrot, the Ankh-Morpork City Guard's finest (okay, let's face it, the City Guard's ONLY worth mentioning) turned a corner and found himself staring down at a distinguished yet furry dark being clad only in a bowler hat and a stiff upper lip. Before Carrot could say a word, the being demanded, "And who might you be?"
Carrot was raised to respect his elders, to be a gentleman, and to be kind to animals. He figured any or all of those situations applied here. "Captain Carrot, sir, of the City Guard. And may I ask your name?"
The furry being was silent for a moment, his gently wagging tale the only indication that he was thinking. Finally he said, "You may not. I am on a mission, Captain Carrot. Anything or anyone interfering with that mission is simply an encumbrance and must be avoided. If you'd be so kind as to get out of my path, my good man, I shall continue on my way. Good evening."
Although he was about to move, obeying the instincts mentioned above, Carrot stood his ground. "I really feel obligated to request some identification," he said politely. "At the very least, a rabies tag, please? If it's not too much trouble, that is."
Before the dark furry being could reply, a smaller being with lighter colored fur emerged from the shadows and raced around Carrot's feet. "Yer'd do well ta let El Supremo get on about his business," the smaller being snapped. "'E's on a mission, and 'e 'as the Queen's ear."
"He probably should return it, then," Carrot observed. "Or it'll go badly for him once she notices it's missing."
"Is 'e slow or just a bad comic?" the smaller being asked.
The larger being said calmly, "Captain Carrot, I'm sure we are all reasonable beings. Surely you can understand that agents of the TTIA cannot be detained by mere City Guards…"
Comprehension entered Carrot's mind through the back gate, closing but forgetting to lock behind itself. "The Tibetan Terrier Intelligence Agency!" he said at last. "I understand now. You'd be Ollie, and this smaller fellow is one of the Carin' Terriers, right? I apologize; I'd been thinking you were just plain old dogs."
Three more dogs appeared from a nearby alley.
"We are," said the first, a Lhasa Apso.
"Dogs, that is," added the Shih Tzu mix.
"And secret agents as well," intoned the Tibetan Mastiff.
"I won't keep you, then," Carrot said agreeably.
"Thank you," the one called Ollie said. "This mission has been running a trifle late, and my dearoldad gets quite cranky when I'm out past bedtime."
"Look in the sky!" cried the Carin' Terrier. "It's them flyin' agents on their 'lectric broomstick!"
"Those are YOUR agents?" Carrot asked. "Whew! That' a relief. We were afraid Granny Weatherwax had upgraded, and where would the world be then?"
"Why, right here on the Disc, mounted on four elephants, riding on the back of the great turtle A'tuin, as we fly though space," Ollie said simply, as he and his agents strolled away, stopping briefly and discreetly at a fire hydrant and politely refraining from mentioning the scent of the citizenry of Ankh-Morpork.
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Okay, head on back to the home page now and click on one of the links, 'cause there's no more here until Mom gets back to writing..... I think I'll go sit on her feet now and MAKE her write! Maybe I'll climb up in her lap and force her hands to the keyboard...and then maybe she'll pet me and forget about writing and...wait, that's attention for me. That's good, too!
