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Click on the name of the poem you wish to read.
Orange is the color of the fire; that burns with passion in all our hearts.
Yellow is the color of the sun, which shines over us with joy.
Green is the color of the prosperity we gain as we grow into productive adults.
Blue is the color of the rain; which the earth needs to thrive.
Purple is the color of the advanced soul; which I believe we all have, because we survive.
By: Jessica Reed (8/25/99)
You said you loved me, so I begged you not to yell at me all the time.
You said you loved me, so I begged you to stop hitting me when you were angry.
You said you loved me, so I asked you not to force me to have sex when I didn’t want to.
You said you loved me,
I told you I loved you too.
I got ready to go out with my friends.
You wouldn’t let me go.
You said the shorts I had on were too short.
They weren’t even above my knees.
I had a friend at school; you didn’t like the way he looked at me, as I said goodbye to go home with you.
You put him in the hospital and said,
"I only did it because I love you."
Well, if this is love, I'd rather be alone.
I told you I didn't love you any more.
You beat me and bruised the outside of my body.
I could take that.
What you did to the inside is what I couldn't bear.
I called home, you hit me in my face with the phone.
"I have had enough."
I tried to leave peacefully, but you wouldn't let that happen.
Where were you then?
Wasn't it me who put you in the hospital with a broken arm and a broken jaw?
Next time you'll know better.
Next time you won't beat on your womon.
Well, I'm on my way to see my girl.
That's right my girl.
I am a lesbian now, but the most important thing is that I got away from you.
It took me a long time, but I made it.
Jessica Reed
My life has been rough,
But I know people look at me and think, how could she have possibly had a rough life?
She has everything she needs, so she doesn't go without.
She's fat, so I guess she's not starving.
She's smart, so I guess she's had a decent education.
She's white, so she's had it easier than the minority population.
Well I may be white and fat and I might speak properly and appear to know what I'm talking about in intellectual conversations, but were you there when they ripped me out of my home when I was twelve years old because my mother was incarcerated for stealing credit cards and heroin use?
Were you there when they continuously put me into abusive foster care situations that I ran away from every chance I got, just so I could have a little rest from the emotional and physical abuse?
Were you there when I had to hop on the bus through the back door to go to the soup kitchen at the other side of town just so I could eat a decent meal?
Were you there when my mother got out of jail and came to get me just to have her turn around and tell me she had AIDS?
Were you there with me when she left again?
Or how about were you there when I lived on the streets for a year praying that I would find a friend who could sneak me in their house for the night just so I wouldn't have to sleep on the snow-covered streets?
Were you there when I had no choice but to cut school just because I didn't want to get caught and sent to yet another abusive foster home or group home.
And just so you know, I missed 9th grade all together and didn't have a chance to do any of the normal High School stuff like dances and parties.
Instead of going on about the rest of the shit that happened in my life,
I'm going to end by saying, don't assume things about other people just from what you see on the outside or hear from their mouths.
They may be well off now, but you weren't there with them when they went through whatever rough times they had.
Jessica Reed 7/00
I know a girl.
A girl whose life is such a secret.
She cries all alone, when she's sure no one is around to hear.
When she's here in front of me,
she either shows anger towards everyone, or puts a smile on her face to act as if nothing's wrong.
She surrounds herself with friends.
She smokes, drinks and parties, but I know her.
I know when she's alone, she's scared.
She doesn't want to see herself.
She doesn't want to sleep.
She acts hard.
I tell her, she listens, she thinks.
Her facial expression looks sincere for just a moment, and then . . . she laughs, returns the happy mask to her face and decides not to give it a second thought.
This girl goes home by herself to cry, and that is her secret.
Jessica Reed 6/00
I thought I hated her.
I thought I pitied her.
I thought I didn’t need her around.
I heard her voice and my body trembled.
I was confused.
I avoided her.
I was forced to see her in order to get something I wanted.
I saw her and my body trembled.
I was confused.
We had a sincere conversation.
I thought . . . she’s wonderful.
She wasn’t much to be pitied anymore.
I asked and she told me her life story.
I wanted to save her from herself.
I realized I envied her for being able to deal with it all.
She told me I was beautiful.
I told her the same.
She told me of her rape.
She told me she wanted so much to feel whole again.
I had fantasies about her at that moment.
I wanted to be the one who connected her body and mind with just the power of my small tongue.
I knew I could make her feel what she always wanted to feel with a man, but never could.
My small tongue could be what reunited her body, mind and soul simultaneously.
She told me she was Bi.
I told her I had a girl.
She told me that she wanted to experience what she had never experienced with a man, with me.
I heard her plea for my body and walked away.
When she told me that,
I left because my body trembled at the thought of being the first womon she had ever been with and her first sexual partner in over two years.
I went home.
I thought.
I went back.
I told her why I’d left and she understood.
I told her I wanted to be that one person who made her feel whole again.
She agreed.
We went to her room.
I laid her softly on the bed as I was kissing her lips gently.
I slowly undressed her and began massaging and kissing her body.
She turned over and begged for me to go down.
I was gently being pushed to her warm wet pussy.
It smelled so sweet.
The smell of innocence and naiveté was so sensual and addictive.
I rolled my tongue softly around her clit.
After 20 minutes her body began to tremble, and then her sweet juices flowed into my mouth.
We laid side by side, and with our warm, moist skin pressing against each other we fell asleep.
When I woke with her in my arms I realized I had come full circle in my stages with this beautiful sensual womon.
I was the one, who had fulfilled her need.
I was the one who made her whole again.
Jessica Reed 6/00
As I walk down the streets of one side in New York City,
I look around and see poverty being ignored by wealth.
I see gays and lesbians too scared to walk with their partners in fear of being harassed.
I see racist assholes being allowed to walk the streets spitting out their belittling slurs.
I see dirty, smelly people lying on the streets, looking like their going to die of malnutrition any minute.
While men and womyn with fancy suits and ties go out of their way to throw a half-eaten meal down the gutter just so they don't have to watch the starving people scurry like mice to retrieve it.
I see black people and white people walking down opposite sides of the streets in their big crowds, trying to intimidate each other.
On the other side of the city I see,
black and white people walking hand in hand.
I see wealthy people helping those who aren't as well off as them.
I see the racist assholes being arrested.
I see gays and lesbians walking with their partners without a care in the world.
I join them happily on this side of the city and I begrudgingly go to the other side only when I have to.
My question is, who are the hypocrites?
The one's who walk with their heads up high while doing these awful things or the one's who stay in their small peaceful world while ignoring the side that needs the most help.
I admitted that I was a hypocrite and that will change now that I have stopped denying that this other side exists.
Oh come on, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about,
Like your not one of the people who stays in your own comfort zone while the rest of the world suffers.
So, tell the truth.
Give me your answer, who is the hypocrite around here?
Jessica 7/00
I scrubbed and scratched as the water burnt my skin.
No matter how many times I washed, I wasn't clean.
I could never be clean again, not after my mind had emptied out the garbage and piled it so high that I could actually smell the rotten stench.
I feared the thought of anyone else being able to smell these 15 year old thoughts.
What was once all the way at the bottom of repressed shit in my mind was now on top of everything else, just expecting me to be able to deal with it.
I was 5 then, when he did that. We were playing house. He was my husband, he was 16. It was time to go to bed in this game. We got in bed. I turned on the light and got out a book to pretend to read as I had saw married couples on TV do so many times before.
He said "Let's make love," and just like the TV couples I replied "Not now honey, I have a headache." He showed me his penis. I got up to leave the room because I was scared. He told me that he was just playing an adult game of house and that this was what was supposed to happen. I walked back to tell him that I didn't want to play any more and he grabbed my hair, pulled out his penis and shoved it in my mouth. After the sixth time of pushing my head up and down he threw me into the wall and said "Your not even good at that, you bitch, you will never be good at anything."
Then he picked me up,
apologized and sat me on his lap, he pulled up my Care Bear nightgown and pulled down my panties. He began rubbing his penis on my private area and then he tried to push it into me, but I was too small.
He threw me again and said "Get out of here womon,
you are never going to make anyone cum." "No man is
ever going to want you, your worthless and ugly, and if you ever tell your mother she'll just say your
lying or that you are a baby and I know you don't
want your mother to call you a baby."
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER PLAYED HOUSE WITH ANYONE.
Jessica Reed
Windows to look out.
Windows to look in.
When you stare out of the window you can see your past behind you and your future in front of you.
Windows to open.
Windows to close.
What if one day there were no more windows?
What would we do? Oh, what would we do?
What if we were trapped inside and we needed windows to see the world around us?
Without windows, we would be blinded from the outside world.
Without windows we couldn’t see the newly fallen snow or the fresh pouring rain.
Without windows we would have no connection to the outside world whatsoever.
My advice, take advantage of them while they are here, because one day we might be without our windows.
By: Jessica Reed 9/14/94
Yellow is the color of fear.
Red is the color of blood.
Blue is the color of sadness.
Brown is the color of darkness.
Black is the color of death.
Put these colors together and you have the bad half of life.
Life is Fear, Blood, Sadness, Darkness and last is Death.
Pink is the color of love.
Gold is the color of victory.
Purple is the color of advancement.
Green is the color of prosperity.
Gray is the color of maturity.
Put these colors together and you have the good half of life.
Life is Love, Victory, Advancement, Prosperity, and last is Maturity.
Life is like a Rainbow, and all stages are like a combination of all the colors in the world.
By: Jessica Reed 6/23/94
Can you believe that I actually know some blind people that consider themselves lucky because they don't have to see the hellhole of the world around them.
Personally, I consider myself very lucky to have all five senses especially my sight.
Without sight you wouldn't be able to see the beautiful things in life, such as the birds, bees, butterflies, and of course the beautiful face of your lover when she is lying next to you holding you gently in her arms.
Without sight you wouldn't be able to see the wonderful scenery of the outside world, when it snows, rains or even when the flowers are blooming in the spring.
Without sight you wouldn't be able to see the lights of the Goddess shining over your soul as it moves on from this mundane world.
So yes, I do consider myself lucky to have all five senses, especially my sight because I can see the world around me.
Jessica Reed 9/13/94
It is sacred.
You should give it all the things it needs to live.
The rose is the most beautiful flower of all kind.
It varies in colors, shapes, and sizes.
Even the black rose; which is a symbol of death is beautiful in its own way.
I consider myself and every other living being on this earth as beautiful as the rose, because just like it, we are blossoming into beautiful mature living souls.
Jessica Reed 9/12/94
My Dreams
My dreams are my dreams and no one else’s.
Can you imagine someone breaking into your heart and mind to steal every last one of them.
It is so hard to get yourself back after someone stole everything you ever loved and wanted to do.
Well, I am a victim of these circumstances.
It's not easy to love, trust and be happy after everything you ever wanted seems like it is gone and in the past.
Some say it's too late, and as you can tell by these lines I once thought the same, but now my dreams and hopes are slowly beginning to resurface in my mind.
So it's never too late.
It may take a lot of time and effort to get them back, but they will come.
I promise.
Jessica Reed 10/94
Silence
Is silence something I will never experience until the day I die?
Is it something I will only dream of?
Why do I dream so often of silence?
Do I dream of silence because I can not wait to die?
No
Do I dream of silence so I can push away all the emotions and other parts of my life that I do not want to deal with?
Maybe, but I don't think so.
Do I dream of silence because I want peace and time to myself, just me, only me?
Yes, that is why I dream so much of silence.
Yes, that is why.
Yes, finally silence.
Jessica Reed 2/21/95
You
You are all I know of.
You are all I dream of.
And it is because you are you.
I love you madly and I want you badly.
When I am in bed at night, I think not of having sex, but instead I think of laying beside you, looking in your eyes, and being able to tell you all of my hopes, dreams, and thoughts.
And with you doing the same, we will slowly, but surely fall in love.
I love you.
I want you.
I need you.
And it is because you are you.
Jessica Reed 2/24/95
It was made out of red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple crystals. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen until she caught my eye.
There in the top floor window to the left was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Her beauty was unimaginable. I needed to see her right in front of me.
I ran through the front doors of that crystal palace. As I entered I heard someone singing. I knew it was her. I ran from room to room. Every step I took was getting closer and closer to the sound of her lovely voice.
Finally, I found the room she was in. I entered this room and there she was, more beautiful then I had imagined.
She had pale, milky skin, dirty blonde shoulder length hair, hazel eyes and an average sized body.
She had dark chocolate colored skin, short black nappy hair, black eyes and an athletic shaped body.
She had light caramel colored skin, long dark brown curly hair, brown eyes and a husky body.
She had suntanned white skin, short chestnut brown hair, blue eyes, and a very very large round body.
As I said before this Womon was more beautiful then I had imagined. Her breasts, thighs, ass, face, stomach, arms, legs, and every other part of her body was absolutely perfect.
I pulled her naked body towards me and just by having her body close to mine, made every one of my fantasies come true.
This womon was an image of every womon in the world because she was perfect and unique no matter which form, shape or color she came in.
By: Jessica Reed
Author's personal comments: Perfect and Unique are truly the words to describe what I see and think every time I pass a womon by.
My girl is beautiful.
She is forgiving.
She is unconditional.
She is perfect.
She is fierce.
She is a great lover and a great friend.
My girl is not a strong-minded womon, but she is a womon of strength.
She has survived many obstacles.
She has survived rape.
She has survived her families abuse.
She has challenged her fears.
She has shown me that there really is unconditional love.
Not many people are actually able to say that they know what unconditional love feels like.
I can.
It is something that I didn't even know existed until I met my girl.
She has shown me the true path to being at one with myself and my flaws.
I tell her she is perfect, beautiful and courageous every chance I get.
She constantly asks me how I could actually think all of these things about her.
After she asks me that, I tell her I love her and that she IS beautiful and perfect.
What I really want to tell her is that she is the one who enabled me to become who I am.
So, whoever is reading this, I wouldn't be who I am today without the unconditional love from my girl Makisha McMillan.
By: Jessica Reed
The taste of her body brings me power beyond imagination
As her salty juices flow into my mouth, I become revitalized
I feel her life force energy flowing into my mouth
As she comes full circle,
She cries out my name and can think of nothing, but the ecstasy she is feeling right now
She tells me that I am beyond perfection
She wants to make me feel exactly what she felt just minutes ago
I become hers
It is now my turn to feel the juices flowing through me and into her mouth
It is now my turn to give her the result she so wholly desires
As my body explodes and I melt into her mouth, she becomes me and I become her
We then lie there naked, holding each other
She still caresses me with every wave of passion
We are both thinking about the powerful magick we just created
Upon returning to a normal state of reality, I dress, kiss the top of her head, and say goodbye
That’s the last thing we say to each other until the next wave of passion flows through us
By: Jessica Reed 1/17/01
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Just relax, let go.
Just step outside of your body and watch yourself
The body is there, the mind is there, but you are not the mind or the body. You are just the witness to the most powerful experience of the soul.
Watch every move your body makes, watch every facial expression. Your body is your soul's guide to ecstasy.
Remember though, that when you return to your body and mind, flowers just like orgasms wither easily, if there is no love to keep them growing.
Flowers wither easily, yet they never cease to bloom
The water in the body is constantly flowing, yet the stream seems unchanging.
Change is the eternal truth.
The spiritual journey is one of continuous learning and purification. It's only after you know this, that you become truly whole.
As Buddha said, you can only lose what you cling to.
A good life doesn't require that we be the best - only that we try our best. If you cling to the fear of not being good enough, you will lose all passion and the soul will never be released.
Jessica Reed 9-5-01
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Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty.
I let the fear bring me down.
Tomorrow is uncertain.
Later today is not promised
I just have to live.
Live to the fullest.
Should I choose fun over safety?
I'm tired of choosing the safe way out.
Today is my day to live.
Tomorrow is your day to live.
I must live in today.
Things are so complicated.
Life is complicated.
I have to find a way to break back into life.
If I couldn't sleep should I just lie there or should I embrace your body?
Wake you from you slumber and ask you to embrace me as well.
I've been the type to just lay there and stare at the ceiling while I listen to you breathe.
Your breath.
Not any more.
I'll touch you now.
I know it's what you wanted anyway.
You were just waiting for me to move first.
You have changed me
I can touch you now.
I am not scared any more.
I now have a reason.
I now know that this is what you want as well.
I can no longer resist.
I want to see what I have been missing.
I know it's going to take a while for our bodies to work together in that way.
It has been a long time for both of us.
This kind of friendship was once forbidden.
It was once unspoke of.
mmm mmm mmm
It's now or never.
You have a past.
I have a past.
The past so often gets in the way of moving into the future.
Let's not let that be our problem.
Our time will come and go.
Our love will be there forever, but our bodies won't be.
I want to touch you and feel you.
Can our kind of friendship turn into sex.
Can our kind of sex turn into love.
Now that I've moved passed my fears,
I'm desperate for fast changes.
You are not moving fast enough.
Jessica 9-5-01
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The Most Powerful Orgasm is that of the Soul
When your body and mind achieve spontaneity, the soul is reached and the universal mind can be opened.
Ranting
