++++Mageknight Figs++++  Ok kiddies now first of all I MUST cover my butt. This review is of a non-sponsor and thus I will not be very nice at all. The reason is simple, we contact our sponsors based on the fact that they have a good product to offer. Let me say we never contacted the makers of Mageknight, nor will we EVER. If you are reading this it is because you are looking for a laugh. Also, this is not a review of the game, I refuse to pay the money for the whole game so in theory the game could be very good, I will never know. So if you are ready for a few laughs at the expense of some mini's that don't pass any of my truely scientific tests, read on. On first inspection I already wanted to hang myself with my own tongue in punishment for throwing away $10. I coudl not believe the lack of quality of these mini's which at least got mor interesting as I pulled them out. First was the guy with the mowhawk. Then some grave digger(neat, but not realy a battle hardened kinda guy) then this neat guy in gold(painting anything gold means MONEY, not really though) then I get a big neat troll, and to top everything else off, my pride and joy(if mageknight were capable of instilling either) a neato keeno demon(note my artificial language). So I have an obvious affinity to the last two for obvious childish reasons, ANYTHING big or demonic is cool. So mageknight gets 2% approval. Now I look back in my memory of memories and think of what these remind me of.....  Nope, nothing comes to mind. So there is now a large market for miniature games, and everyone needs a gimik, so I put myself in their shoes. What else could they have possibl done but try for the laziest possible market, people who hate painting SO much, they don't care if the mini looks like crap, they just want it done for them. And incase that isn't enough, we could put a neat spinny disk on the bottom with numbers and symbols(this entertained me for about 4 seconds in the same way a crow is attracted to shiney metal but is still the most interesting design feature). So there you have it the marketing, make the lazy mini gamer some prepainted rubber toys on neat spinny bases, as long as some are big or demonic(maybe BOTH OHHHHH!) you will do fine. Now what else, AHA, well you could package the mini's at random so that you don't know what you are getting! Then some are "worth more than others". Although to most people(to quote Morlock) Crap is crap. If its rare crap, who cares, it still smells and you won't eat it. And now the tests. I don't have picks so you will have to trust me here. To start, the "Lighter in your face" test, wherein you hold a lighter on the models face until you are bored. Needless to say, they failed. Then the stomp on it till I feel I have stomped $10 worth out of them, FAILED. I coudl never stomp long enough, nor could they ever take enough stomping for my wallet to ever forgive me again. And last, the drop my Art history book on them test, FLAT. Now, seeing as how I was so mean(I could go on, FOR DAYS) I will give you guys some uses for these bad boys! Drill a hole in their feet and put em on your pencil! Melt them down and smell the fumes(DONT!). Have a Mageknight party, where you and your friends all paint yourselves up as your favorite figs. It should take a maximum of two colours. Put them with your other failed purchases like your Skip-it(ball and chain thing you used to skip with) and your pogo-ball.(and your marbles and yo-yo's, who would have thought Marbles wouldn't be cool when you were 19!). And last but not least, use them as terrain, the demon and troll were spared from my tests(especially the one where i stomped away with my Docs on) in the simple interest of using them to decorate scenery. Anyway, Mageknight is actually not for us mini-gamers, its for collector kids who want an easier game with rare and uncommon stuff. SO if ugly mini's dont bother you, I suggest you go buy a pack. |
