Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple bypass. It takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it. -----Mary Kay Blakely
Who among us would shout "Hurry up!" to someone on crutches, or tell a bleeding accident victim "Snap out of it!" No one could be that unrealistic or insensitive, right? Wrong. That's exactly what we do to ourselves when we expect instant recovery from major life traumas. As unrealistic expectations go, that's about as unrealistic as it can get.
People who have recently experienced divorce--or the loss of any once-loved reality in their lives--are especially vulnerable to this self-harrassment. Somehow we think we can skip right over the rehabilitation period that must follow so serious an injury. After all, there is not only the loss itself to be dealt with, but all the habits, patterns, and systems that grew out of this relationship. How unreasonable to expect that all of this can be dismantled immediately!
Even if we're glad the relationship is over, divorce is loss. And loss requires grieving, reflection, and healing. We not only have the right to heal, we have a responsibility to take all the time we need. Common sense, as well as self-esteem, forbids us to order ourselves to hurry up what can't be hurried. -----Earnie Larsen & Carol Hegarty
How long does it take to heal? It takes as long as it takes.
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