Tittle: Smiling Back
By Rogueangel rogueangel1998@yahoo.com
Rated: PG
Summary: Alternate ending. How Danny ends up surviving after crashing in China.
Pairing: Danny/other - kinda, eventually, I'm getting there. There is a sequel in the works already.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am doing this for fun and not making any money. Fair enough? Archive: Sure, but please let me know. I'd like to visit it.

Author's note: I've taken some liberties with the movie timeline, history, and reality. Nothing too drastic, I've just bent it all a little to fit into my universe. I hope you will forgive me, I am not claiming historical accuracy!
Danny looked up at the woman hovering above him. An angel? A nurse? Evelyn?

The pain in his chest was excruciating, each breath causing lightening bolts of pain to course through him. He was so cold. He could tell that he was dying. Rafe had told him over and over that he couldn't die. That Evelyn needed him now. And he wanted to live, to see her again, but the pain was too intense he didn't think he could hold out much longer. If he could just see her one more time, then he could let go. And if the woman taking care of him was Evelyn, then he could let go that much sooner. Living right now just hurt too much, no matter what Rafe said.

"Evelyn," he tried to call to the woman who was leaning over him. If he could just get his eyes to focus....just to see her one more time....

"Sh," a soft hand smoothed back his sweat soaked hair. "Rest."

Another spasm of pain ripped through his body, much worse than the last one. "Evelyn!" he gasped, reaching his hand out blindly.

A small hand gripped his, offering him what comfort it could. Once the pain had subsided, Danny made a final effort to look up at the woman. It didn't take more than a glance to see that the woman wasn't Evelyn. Not even close. Where Evelyn was dark and quiet, this woman seemed to glow, all blonde hair and emerald eyes.

"Where am I?" he managed to ask through clenched teeth as his body began to tremble with cold.

Another blanket was smoothed over his chest, though it gave no warmth.

"You're safe, don't worry."

"Where's Rafe?" he had to ask. Safe didn't mean anything to him. The last thing he could remember was Rafe untying him from the yoke the Japs had tied him too. He could remember the pain of bullets as they ripped through him and the numbness as he fell to the ground. He could see Rafe's face as he ordered him to live, to fight, to not die....because Evelyn needed him. There was an urgency to Rafe's words. But why? His mind was foggy as the scene played back.

The baby. He was going to be a father.

Oh God. And now he was dying. He knew it and he couldn't fight it even if he wanted to. Through the pain and coldness the only thing he knew for certain was that Rafe had to get home. He had to get to Evelyn. And the baby.

"Where am I? Where's Rafe?" He tried to sit up, but again the soft hands soothed him, pushing him gently back onto the bed.

"Sh, sh,"the woman said softly. "Calm down. Captain McCawley's in the other room. Okay? You're still in China."

Still not totally satisfied, Danny tried again. "How...?" he began, but this times the woman placed her fingers over his lips, silencing him.

"Calm down, Flyboy," she said, her voice soft, but firm. "I saw your planes come up the coast," she told him. "I heard the crash and I went out to find you. Somehow we managed to get back here without running into one of the Japanese patrols and now we're waiting for someone from the Chinese army. I'm guessing they will try to sneak you guys out of here."

There was a commotion in another room. The woman wiped his brow again. "I'll be right back," she said. And then he was alone. Luckily she had left the door slightly ajar so that if he concentrated hard Danny could hear what was being said. He could hear three distinct voices. One was oddly accented and hard to understand, another was the woman. The third voice, a deep bass, had to be Rafe's. It took a few moments for Danny to realize that they were arguing about him. The Chinese officer wanted to leave immediately, but Rafe was against this. Rafe wanted to stay until Danny was well enough to go. It was the woman's words that made Danny realize what he had to do.

"Don't be a fool, Captain," she argued. "If you wait around until he's stable then you're all as good as dead! And if you take him with you, you will kill him for sure and risk the lives of the rest of your men!"

The Chinese officer obviously agreed because he began barking orders, while Rafe continued to argue with him.

Danny's head was swimming with pain, but he knew what he had to do. Rafe was stubborn enough to risk his life to stay here and Danny couldn't allow that. He couldn't live much longer anyway. The pain was intense, but fading, and he was so cold. He had to think of Evelyn. Evelyn and the baby. Rafe had to get home to take care of them.

Another searing pain ripped through Danny that had nothing to do with bullet wounds or blood loss. The moment that Rafe had told him that he was going to be a father Danny had known why Evelyn had chosen him. It wasn't because she loved him more, but because she was pregnant. That one night in the hanger had changed everything. She loved him, he knew, but not as much as she loved Rafe. He could feel it in her kiss good-bye and in her letters to him since. Rafe had always been the common factor in their relationship. Danny had to face the fact that if she hadn't have been pregnant Evelyn would have gone back to Rafe eventually.

But now, Danny thought darkly, everything was working out as it should. He would die over here and Rafe would live to go back to Evelyn. He couldn't even say that he would have acted differently had he known the truth of Evelyn's situation. He couldn't leave Rafe to the Japanese. Surprisingly, Danny felt no bitterness towards Rafe or Evelyn, only a deep sadnes for the child he would never see.

A hand gently wiped away the tears that were silently falling. "How are you doing?" the woman asked softly.

Danny looked up at her. "Rafe has to leave now."

She nodded, a sad smile on her face, knowing that Danny realized his friends would be leaving him behind. "I know, but he's being very stubborn. He doesn't want to leave without you."

Shaking his head slightly, Danny grimaced as he reached for her hand, trying to convey how important this was too him. "I'd never survive. I'm as good as dead now." The woman frowned at this, but Danny just offered her a faint smile. "It's okay. This is how it should be." He took a deep breath, trying to focus. "I want you to tell him that I died, okay?" She nodded, her hand giving his a small squeeze of reassurance. She understood what he was doing, if not exactly why. "And tell him," Danny finished, though the words were hard to say, "tell him to take care of Evelyn for me."

The woman nodded in understanding, then she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You're a good man," she whispered to him.

Danny shook his head. "I'm a dead man. I just want my friend to get home."

The woman frowned again at this, but said nothing as she slowly raised a sheet over his face. "I'm not going to let you die that easily, Flyboy," she whispered, but Danny had already faded away.

Then one day he opened his eyes and the world came into focus.

Turning his head slowly, he looked around the room. It didn't look like a hospital or any room that he could remember being in. Looking towards the light coming in from the windows he squinted. Silohetted in the sunlight was a vision that stunned him. A woman sat in what looked like rocking chair. The sunlight formed a halo of sorts around her body and Danny was unable to make out any features or even the color of her hair, but he could see that she held a small baby to her chest.

Had he died? Or had Rafe managed to get him home? Was this Evelyn and their child? Questions swirled through his foggy brain.

"Evelyn?" he tried to say, but his voice was barely above a whisper. It was loud enough to cause the woman to jump slightly. When she turned to him in surprise Danny's hopes were instantly dashed. She wasn't Evelyn.

"Hey Flyboy," she said softly, smiling at him. She reached out a hand to gently stroke his forehead, not unlike Rafe's mother used to do when he was sick. "Finally joining us, I see." She didn't look familar to him, but her voice seemed to be. It soothed the anxiety that Danny had been beginning to feel. "Are you thirsty?" she asked.

He was. He tried to tell her so, but his voice didn't seem to be working, so he nodded instead. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was very pretty. Her small elfin face was surrounded by whispy curls of blonde hair. She had tried to pull it back off her face in some kind of bun, but it didn't seem to be working that well. The rest of her features drew no noticeable attention, except for her eyes. They were almost overly large for her small face, but of such a deep, clear - peaceful - green, that Danny found he couldn't look away from them.

Smiling at his effort to speak, she said, "Okay, then. Just give me a moment. Grace needs to finish up first, then I'll get you that water."

Danny nodded again. Wetting his lips he felt compelled to ask, "Grace?" This time his voice worked much better, though it still was a throaty whisper.

The woman glanced down at the child in her arms. "My daughter," she said.

Danny followed her glance to the child in her arms, and immdiately looked away, embarrassed. She wasn't just holding the child as he at first thought. She was nursing it. In his glance he had not only seen the child, but also a brief glimpse of the breast she was feeding from.

"Sorry," Danny instantly apologized, though he wasn't sure for what. For not knowing that she had been referring to the child in her arms, or for staring at her while she was feeding her child, or for glimpsing her partially exposed breast?

"It's quite all right," the woman said, sensing Danny's emabarrassment but unsure of the cause. "You two haven't been formally introduced yet," she joked awkwardly. Danny didn't know what to say in response.

Danny heard the wet pop as the baby, Grace, let go of her mother with a little whimper. Then the rustle of clothes as the woman covered herself. He suddenly wished he could leave the room to give them some more privacy. This was all very uncomfortable for him.

"Captain Daniel Walker, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Grace Marie." Danny turned to look at the baby who was now sitting on her mother's knee facing him. She let out a little burb and laughed at her achievement. Danny couldn't help smiling in return.

"It's a pleasure, ma'am," he said formally, though his voice was still weak. The woman smiled fondly at him in return.

Putting the baby down in a small crib next to his bed, the woman turned towards the dresser at the foot of his bed. "How about that water?" She quickly poured him a glass and then came back to sit beside him on the bed. "Now don't drink too much. Your stomach isn't used to it." She helped Danny lift his head and then held the cup to his lips. He managed a couple of small sips, but that was all. He lay back, surprised at how tired that made him.

She stroked his brow and cheek gently. "How are you feeling?"

Danny looked up at her, once again stuck by how pretty she was. She might not be a classic beauty, but there was something about her that caught his attention. She seemed so tiny perched on the bed next to him. Her elfin face seemed so open and young. Too young to have a child. Too young to be here taking care of him on her own. But if her face seemed young and guileless, her eyes were much older. They were the most beautiful eyes he had evey seen. Deep, soothing green surrounded by long dark lashes. The emotions he could see in them made Danny feel comforted and cared for, and yet there was something else in those eyes. Something that Danny recognized from when he looked at himself in the mirror. There was pain in those eyes too. He couldn't help wondering what had caused it.

She continued to look down at him, her hand still lightly on his cheek. She began to frown slightly waiting for his repsonse, the worry for him creeping into her expressive eyes. Danny cleared his throat, realizing that he was staring at her like an idiot. "I feel fine I guess," he finally said. "For someone who's supposed to be dead." That much he remembered, now. He was supposed to be dead. He had no idea how he had managed to survive the bullets and blood loss.

The woman smiled again, this one more of shy, embarrassed smile, and Danny felt his stomach tighten in reaction. "I told you I wasn't going to let you die that easily, Flyboy," she said. She took her hand away from his face, as if she had just realized that she had been carressing him. She stood up abruptly and moved to put the glass back on the dresser. Danny was surprised at how quickly he missed her touch.

"Ma'am?" he questioned, wondering what exactly she meant.

She turned to face him, knowing what he was asking. "When you had me tell your friend - Captain McCawley - that you had died. You said it was only a matter of time and I told you I wasn't going to let you give up that easily," she shrugged shyly, turning away from him. "You did put up one hell of a fight though. I thought I'd lost you more than once." Her voice was quiet, but Danny thought she sounded as if she was holding back tears, it seemed so thick all of a sudden.

Danny was confused. He remember feeling so sure that he was dying. The pain, the blood loss, the sudden cold and then numbness invading his body. "But..." he began, "all the blood, and I was so cold..."

She shook her head, coming to sit by him again. Danny welcomed her nearness and her touch as she smoothed the blankets over his chest. "You did bleed a lot," she admitted, frowning a bit. "Especially from the entrance wounds in your back, but the bullets didn't hit any major arteries or anything else. It was just a matter of getting you stablized and getting some new blood into you." Her frowned deepened as she continued. "Once we stopped the bleeding I was more worried about an infection and fever, but Mr. Chan managed to fight those. It's amazing what the Chinese know about medicine."

Danny nodded absently as sounds and images began flashing thought his mind. The sting of a needle in his arm. The rush of sudden warmth into his cold body. A pale face standing above him. A baby crying. A weak voice trying to sing a lullabye. The woman's voice, familiar but thick with - what? Tears? Pain? - saying "C'mon Flyboy, don't quit on me now!"

"It was your blood," he suddenly said, sure of what his memories had shown him. She had inserted an IV into both of their arms, giving him the gift of her blood. He could see her standing above him, her face pale and streaked with tears as the baby, Grace, cried in her crib. Danny realized how hard this woman had worked to keep him alive. He felt humbled and unworthy. And very much in her debt.

"Thank you," he said softly, grabbing her hand as she tried to stand up, her face red with embarrassement. He could find no better words of gratitude for giving him his life back.

Once again she smiled shyly and nodded. "It was my pleasure, Flyboy," she finally said softly. Once again she stroked his brow. "Now why don't you rest some more while I make you something to eat." Without waiting for him to answer she squeezed his hand and then stood up and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her. Danny glanced over at the crib, seeing Grace was already alseep with her bottom up in the air. He decided to follow her example and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before he was alseep himself.

He watched as she began to stir. She was a pretty little thing with whispy chestnut hair a few shades darker than her mother's and an angel face that was very much the same, though Grace's was chubby with babiness. He didn't remember if she had her mother's eyes. She was so tiny he couldn't imagine her being more than a month or two old. His savior definitely had had her hands full with the two of them.

Shifting a bit, Danny eased himself into a semi relining position. There was some tenderness in his back, but no pain. Looking down at his bare chest he cold see the pink scars of the exit wounds. Not really a pretty sight, but they looked to be healing okay.

His movement caused the bed to squeak. The loud noise startled Grace and she began to whimper.

"Sh, sh," Danny worriedly crooned when the whimpers increased to full cries. "It's okay, sweetheart. Sh, sh, ....it's okay." He was trying not to panic, but her cries were becoming louder. He tried to reach into the crib to pat her back or something, but he could only touch her small foot which was kicking with more and more force.

Glancing at the door, Danny expected to see the woman entering any second, but he heard nothing from the other room. Grace's cries were becoming more insistant and he knew he couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

Slowly swinging his feet to the floor, Danny sat up in bed. He felt a slight sense of vertigo, but waited for it to pass. When he was ready he stood up on shaky legs, surprised at how hard this simple action was. Sweat began to break out all over his body and black dots swam across his vision. Knowing that he wasn't going to be able to stand for very long, Danny reached into the crib and scooped up the baby. Holding her as tightly as he dared, he quickly sat down again, the dizziness caused by his sudden exertion making his head spin. It was surprising to him how such a little thing as Grace could seem so heavy. He was much weaker than he thought. How long had he been out, he wondered.

Swinging his legs back up onto the bed, Danny once again reclined against the headboard, the black dots slowly fading from his vision and his heart beat slowing down. Mercifully, Grace had stopped crying the instant he had picked her up. She was now content to chew on his dog tags, happily drooling onto his bare chest.

"Well, now what are we going to do, Little One?" he asked Grace. "I sure hope you aren't hungry, because I don't know where your mother is." He glance down at his new charge and couldn't help but smile as she toothlessly grinned up at him. She did have her mothers eyes, he noticed.

Feeling very unsure of himself, Danny made himself as comfortable as possible and prepared to wait for her mother to return. He began to pat Grace's back as he tunelessly hummed, not knowing what else to do.

Not five minutes later a door open and he heard light footsteps walking towards his room. The door began to open slowly, then flew the rest of the way open, banging into the dresser.

"It's okay," Danny said quickly, seeing the panic in the woman's green eyes as she took in the empty crib. "I was moving around a bit and I woke her up. I didn't mean to," he babbled. "I didn't mean to scare you and I probably shouldn't have picked her up, but she started crying and I didn't know what else to do, so I , well...I'm sorry to have scared you like that," he finished lamely, feeling like an idiot.

After seeing Grace safe in his arms, the woman slumped slightly against the door jamb, her hand still pressed against her heart. She offered him a tremulous smile. "It's okay," she said as she moved accross the room and began to disentangle Grace from his arms and dogtags. "I should apologize to you. I knew she wouldn't sleep very long, she never does in the afternoon, but I wanted to go to Mr. Chan's to get some more salve. I took longer than expected. I'm truely sorry," she said, looking earnestly at him. "Are you okay?"

Flustered by her apology, Danny could only stammer, "I'm fine. Just fine." They looked awkwardly at each other, not quite sure what to say. Then Danny's stomach let out a loud rumble. Danny blushed and she smiled.

"Hungry?"

"Uh, yes ma'am," he replied sheepishly.

"Good," she said, turning to leave the room. "Mrs. Chan sent a pot of chicken and rice soup." Within moments she was back with his dinner.

Laying Grace on the bed and giving her a toy to play with, the woman then placed a towel around Danny's neck. Realizing that she was going to spoon feed him, Danny began to protest.

"You, you don't have to do this," he stammered. "I can feed myself. I could probably even make it to the kitchen. I don't ......"

"Listen Flyboy," she interrupted, though not unkindly. "You've been lying in this bed for almost 3 weeks. You're recovering from two bullet wounds, blood loss and an infection that had your temperature spiking up to 104 degrees. If you think there is any chance that I'm going to let you get out of this bed and walk into the kitchen and possibly undue all my hard work by having you pass out on me, then you are seriously delusional."

"Fine," Danny continued to protest, "I won't go into the kitchen. But I can feed myself."

She looked him over for a long moment. "I bet you got dizzy and had little black spots floating accross your eyes when you picked up Grace." She looked him straight in the eye and Danny looked away sheepishly, knowing that what she said was dead on. "Broke into a sweat? Had weak, shaky legs?" Danny nodded. "I worked hard to keep you alive, and now that you're awake I don't want you to take any steps backwards, okay? You don't have to act all macho. Humor me, Flyboy," she said, offering him a smile.

"Okay," Danny finally submitted, feeling like an chastised school boy. He didn't like having to be fed like a baby, but the truth was he was feeling pretty weak. Picking up Grace had taken a lot more out of him then he was willing to admit.

Silence pervaded as the woman slowly fed Danny. Neither of them knew what to say to ease the awkwardness. They simply watched Grace as she kicked and played with her rattle.

"How old is she?" Danny finally asked, breaking the silence. He didn't want her to think that he was sulking.

The woman smiled fondly down at her daughter. "Almost five months."

Danny couldn't hide his surprise. "Really?" he questioned. "I mean," he fumbled awkwardly, "she's so tiny. I thought she was only a couple of months old."

"She must weigh almost 15 pounds by now," the woman said as she offerred Danny some more soup. "She was barely over 5 pounds when she was born."

Danny's eyes grew wide at this fact. He had never realized that babies were actually that small. Logically he knew, but 5 pounds seemed so...tiny.

"You haven't been around babies much, have you?" the woman asked with a smile.

"No, ma'am," Danny said, blushing slightly.

"No younger brothers or sisters? Nieces? Nephews?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No ma'am. My mom died when I was real little and my dad never remarried. After he died I lived with Rafe's family and they only had him."

She nodded in understanding. "I'm an only child too." She paused in spooning him some more soup. "I suppose there aren't many babies around when you're training to be a pilot."

"No ma'am," he replied. "Not that I recall."

Suddenly Rafe's words began to echo in his mind - 'You're going to be a father, Danny. You're going to be a daddy.' Evelyn quickly came into focus, dressed as he'd last seen her, in mourning. Not for him, but for Betty; her eyes still red rimmed from crying. His mind quickly did the math. She'd be five months pregnant by now. He'd be a father in....late July.

Danny's throat began to tighten and he could feel the tears building up behind his eyes. He didn't want this woman to see him cry, so he did his best to shake off the sad feelings that were beginning to engulf him. "Truth is," he managed to say, though his voice sounded a bit thick to his ears, "today is the first time I ever remember holding one." He tried to offer her a small smile, but he was sure he failed miserably. "I'm sure glad I didn't hurt her or anything."

The woman smiled, but the concern in her eyes was obvious. "She's much sturdier than she looks." She noticed how Danny's eyes were glued to Grace, and that he looked inexplicably sad, but couldn't comprehend why.

Danny finally glanced up at the woman, seeing the questioning concern in her eyes. He knew that she realized that something was bothering him, but she wasn't going to ask.

"That's awfully good soup," he finally said, "but I don't think I could eat another bite."

She looked down at the half eaten bowl of soup. "Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am," Danny replied. Right now all he wanted was time to regroup. He didn't want to be thinking of Evelyn and the baby. He didn't want this woman to be witness to him breaking down and probably crying like a baby himself. He'd wait until it was night and he could be alone with his thoughts.

She seemed to sense Danny's need for space. "Okay. It's probably best not to over do it on your first day, anyway." Standing up, she took the towel from around his neck and turned to leave the room.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Kate," she said as she turned to face him again.

"Ma'am?" he asked, totally bewildered.

"My name," she replied, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "You can call me Kate. I can't believe that I forgot to introduce myself. It's just that I've been taking care of you for...." she trailed off, embarrassed. Walking back with a determined look on her face, she held out her hand towards him. "Kate Williams Helmsford," she said by way of introduction.

Danny took hold of her hand. "Daniel Joshua Walker. Or just Danny," he stated, though she already knew that, he was sure. "It's a pleasure to meet you Kate."

They smiled briefly at each other then Kate turned to take away his dinner remains leaving Grace behind to coo and wiggle at Danny's feet. Coming back into the room, Kate picked up Grace and then looked down at Danny before leaving. "Is there anything I can get you?" she asked. "There aren't any books, but my husband left a couple of National geographics - they are sadly outdated, I'm afraid. We don't have a radio, either. Not much more than Japanese propaganda to pick up out here anyway."

"I'm fine," Danny reassured her. "Really." He paused. "I would like to know what happened to Rafe and the others, if that's all right. I'm feeling a might out of touch."

Kate nodded. "I imagine you are. Let me just clean up the kitchen a bit, then I'll need to feed Grace before she goes down for the night. Is that okay?"

Danny nodded. "That's fine by me. I'll just rest a bit more."

Moving as if to leave, Kate stopped and looked uncomfortably at the rocking chair and then at Danny. Danny could see that she wanted to say something but was having trouble getting it out. He waited.

"I usually feed her in here," Kate finally said. "It was easier when you were sick," she rushed on as if she had to explain it to him. "I could take the chair into the other room, if you prefer. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. The crib has to stay, though. It's too big to move. She only wakes up once during the night - usually - so she probably won't disturb you too much. If that's okay, I mean, I could..."

"It's okay," Danny interrupted, wanting to ease her obvious embarrassment. "This is your house, I don't want to disrupt your life any more than I already have. She won't bother me at all," he reassured her. "And don't go moving the chair. I guess if you take care of her in here you can start telling me what I want to know, right?"

Kate glanced down shyly, the blush still on her cheeks. "Right," she agreed. "It's just that I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Some men...people...they don't like to see...they think it's rude, well," she stammered, her blush intensifing further. She was even further embarrassed to see that this was making Danny blush too. This was not an easy topic to discuss with a stranger. Things had been so much easier when he had be sick. Now there was a formality between them that she didn't quite know the rules to. She knew his body so well, but knew nothing of him and he knew nothing of her.

"It's okay, really," Danny tried to reassure her, ignoring the hot feeling in his own cheeks. "I grew up on a farm. Feeding the young is a natural thing. She's got to eat, right?" Kate nodded, grateful for his understanding. "Not that I mean to compare you to a farm animal, or such," Danny trailed off. "I mean," he tried to recover before he was totally embarrassed.

"I think I know what you are saying," Kate smiled, rescuing Danny before he embarrassed himself further. "Though there were times when I felt like a cow." Kate gave a little laugh of relief, thankful that Danny wasn't like her own husband who thought that nursing a child was disgusting. "It's settled then. I'll eat some dinner, clean up a bit and then come in here and we can talk while I take care of Grace."

"Sounds good," Danny replied as she retreated out of the room. Once the door closed behind her he shook his head ruefully. "Farm animals?! God, you are such on idiot," he whispered to himself.

He couldn't have slept for very long though because there was still enough light coming into the room to not need to light a lamp. It was obvious that twilight was fast approaching, though.

Kate was sitting in the rocking chair, smiling down at Grace as she played with the tiny feet that were kicking against her hands. The room was quiet enough for Danny to hear the soft sucking sounds that Grace was making as she drank. The intimacy of the the situation made him feel like an inteloper, but he couldn't take his eyes away.

Feeling his eyes on her, Kate looked over at Danny. "Hey," she said, smiling at him.

Embarrassed at being caught, Danny looked pointedly at the ceiling hoping that he wasn't blushing - again. "Hey," he said back.

"I didn't know if I should wake you," she told him.

He glanced quickly over at her. "That's okay," he said. "Guess I'm more tired than I thought." His smile a mere turning up of his lips.

Kate responded in kind. "You've been through a lot lately," she offered. "So, where should I start? What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"Okay," she hesitated. "What do you remember? I'll try to fill in what I can."

Danny thought for a moment, still staring up at the ceiling. "I remember the raid and everything up until I crashed." He smiled wryly. "Definitely not one of my better landings," he joked dryly.

"Captain McCawley said that you saved their lives - his and his crew's," Kate interjected. "He said they would have been dead or captured if it wasn't for you."

"Well, I don't know about that," Danny replied shyly. "I just did what I had to do." He shrugged. "I remember the Japs tying up Rafe and then tying me to some kind of yoke. Then Rafe, he managed to find a gun and shoot a couple of them."

Kate looked over at Danny worriedly. His voice had begun to change, it was deeper and thicker with suppressed emotions and it seemed as if his eyes had glazed over. As if he was reliving it all over again. Maybe it was too soon to do this. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She wanted to stop him, but was too fascinated to say anything.

"They were going to shoot Rafe," he continued unaware of Kate's concerns. "I couldn't let them do that. Then I just remember pain. And cold. And Rafe telling me I couldn't die." His voice became even more toneless, his breathing shallow. "I was so damn cold. I knew it was going to happen. I knew I was going to die, but Rafe kept telling me that I couldn't. I couldn't die. Because I was....." going to be a father, he finished silently, suddenly aware that he wasn't just talking to himself, that Kate was listening. He didn't think she needed to know how messed up his life had become. He didn't want her pity at not only loosing his friends, but also his girl and his child. It was too painful to think, let alone verbalize.

Sheepishly he wiped the tears from his cheeks, surprised that he had been crying.

A warm hand smoothed back his hair. "It's okay, Flyboy," she crooned. "It's not an easy time to remember."

Danny simply nodded in response, but didn't try to say anything yet. He didn't trust his voice.

Kate watched as he struggled to get a hold of himself. She knew that remembering his 'death' had to be hard, but she had a feeling that there was something else bothering him, something to do with Captain McCawley. She couldn't be sure, it was just a feeling. Lord knows that going through such an experience was tough enough, but she felt like there was more to it. Maybe this feeling she had came from the way he had studied Grace so intently earlier, or maybe it had to do with her curiosity about the mysterious Evelyn he had spoken of on that first night and called for the many nights after as his body raged with fever. But Kate wouldn't ask him because whatever it was, it was obviously private and painful. That didn't stop her from wondering about Evelyn and her hold on him, though.

"Do you remember waking up here?" Kate questioned softly, trying to get him focused on something else.

Danny nodded. "Vaguely."

"Okay," Kate said, "I guess we'll start there." Taking a deep breath Kate collected her thoughts. "I think my husband was sent out here to keep an eye out for your planes," she told him. "I'm not sure, but it seemed important to his superiors that we be out here."

"What does your husband do?" Danny asked.

Kate waved her hand dismissively. "He's a member of the diplomatic corp here in China. We've lived in Shanghai for the past 3 and one half years."

"That's a long time."

"You have no idea," she replied dryly. "He left me here, told me to watch the coast and left. I haven't seen him in almost 6 weeks." She caught Danny's look of surprise. Kate smiled sadly at him. "Pitiful excuse for a husband, I know, but it's actually nicer without him around."

Danny had no idea what to say to that. That a man would leave his wife and small child in a small chinese coastal village with so little information astounded him. What kind of man was her husband? He wondered.

Kate continued. "Not that I would usually do anything that he asked me, but it seemed important to his superiors, so I kept an eye out. I saw three planes fly over about half a mile away, maybe. I heard one crash, so I brought Grace to Mr Chan and borrowed the one car that is in the village. I could hear gunfire by then and I watched as the second plane crashed." She looked over at him. "I don't know how you survived it," she told him.

"Neither do I," was Danny's only reply.

"By the time I got there you were already unconscious. Captain McCawley thought you were dead and was going into shock. He didn't seem to know what was going on. The others got into the car and I grabbed a first aide kit. We managed to convince Captain McCawley to go - he wouldn't leave without you." She didn't tell him that she had urged Rafe to leave him behind. "It was a good thing we did bring you because halfway back you seemed to revive a little. You were in shock and still bleeding, but you were alive."

Kate paused thinking of that terrifying ride back to the cabin. It was the scariest moment in her life. She had four tense flyboys who jumped at every sound and shadow, which made her even more anxious. And then another one was slowly bleeding to death right next to her. On top of those worries, she feared running into another Japanese patrol. What would happen to Grace then? Who would look out for her? The memory of the fear she felt that night still made her shudder.

"Once we got back here," she continued, pushing aside her memories, "Mr. Chan helped me patch you up and stop the bleeding. Then someone from the Chinese army showed up. He wanted to sneak you all out while it was still night, but Captain McCawley didn't want to leave without you. That's when you had me tell him that you were dead." She looked over at his pale drawn face. "Do you remember that?"

Danny nodded, not looking at her. "Stubborn fool."

Kate smiled sadly over at him as she tried to burp Grace. "Stubborn - yes, but not necessarily a fool. Just someone who loves you very much." The single tear streaming down his cheek almost broke her heart. "He wanted to take your body with him," she told him.

Startled, Danny finally looked up at her. "He did?"

She nodded. "He wasn't listening to anyone, but I finally convinced him to leave by promising to get your body back home. I do have some connections. And until I could I would look after you - I mean your body. He wrote down all his contact information - in the army, in Tennessee and also how to contact Evelyn Johnson in case something happened to him."

Kate watched Danny's profile carefully. She hadn't been going to mention Evelyn, but she couldn't help herself. She wanted to see his reaction. She didn't feel any resolution as another tear ran down his face. He said nothing, his throat working spasmadically to swallow.

"Stubborn fool," he whispered again.

Neither of them said anything for the next few minutes. Grace had decided to demand her mother's attenion by pulling on her hair. Kate tickled and played with Grace, allowing Danny time to recover.

The sound of Grace's laughter grated on his soul, reminding Danny of all that he had lost. He was alive, but he could never claim his child. And Evelyn - she had never been his to begin with. He couldn't allow himself to think about this now, it would tear him apart. Tonight, when it was dark and Kate wasn't here to witness his tears. Then he would allow himself to think about Evelyn and Rafe and the baby.

"What about the third plane," he finally asked, his voice thick with the emotions he was holding back.

"What third plane," Kate asked, looking up from Grace's game.

"Colonel Doolittle was flying with us," Danny told her. "You said you saw three planes coming up the coast."

Kate nodded. "I did, but I only found the two. I don't know what happened to the third plane."

"How many survived?" It was the question that he had been dreading to ask, but he had to know.

"Including you?" Danny nodded. Kate could see the fear in his eyes and her heart went out to him. She could tell that he was bracing himself because no matter what she said he knew that friends of his had died. "Five," she said softly. "There was you, Captain McCawley, a tall skinny guy with red hair, a shorter one with dark blondish hair, and another one they called Goose - I think."

Danny closed his eyes. "Rafe, Goose, Red and probably Jim. I don't think that anyone other than Goose survived my crash, but I was hoping that Tony...." his throat worked convulsively. "God, I'm so sorry."

He heard Kate stand up and walk around to the other side of his bed where she finally placed Grace down for bed. Then a soft hand reached out and took hold of his, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. "You did the best you could," she told him though the words sounded empty and trite.

Danny nodded, squeezed her hand in return. "I had to go back and help Rafe. He would have done the same thing for me. I just couldn't leave him to the Japs." The tears were beginning to flow again and Danny did nothing to stop them.

"I know," Kate said softly as she brushed the tears aside. "You did what you had to do." She wanted to take him into her arms and tell him it was okay to cry, to sob, but she knew that she couldn't. He was too close to the breaking point. If he shattered now she might never be able to get him back together again.

Danny looked up at her, his eyes almost pleading. "Did they make it out all right?"

She looked him right in the eyes. "I know they made it as far as Shanghai. That was the dangerous part. Now it's just a matter of shipping them home. I don't know if they are there yet, but they will be."

Danny tried to smile, but it took a lot of effort. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she stroked his hair back off his forehead. "Would ou like something to help you sleep?" she finally asked. "I have some tea that Mr. Chan swears by."

Looking around the darkened room, Danny was surprised at how quickly night had fallen. Even Grace was asleep again with her bottom up in the air. "That would be nice," he responded.

The sound of flac pinging off steel. Smoke and fire. Explosions. Rafe jumping off the barn roof. Evelyn heavy with child. Hands grasping though water and twisted steel. Pain and blood and more fire and a baby crying.

Danny awoke with a start, his heart pounding and the taste of blood in his mouth. The room was totally dark, but he could hear Grace's snuffling snores from the crib beside him. Her cries hadn't woken him. They had been the cries of the baby in his dream. The baby that was his, but not.

How had his life become so confusing? So twisted? He and Rafe had gone full circle, only this time he was the dead one. And Evelyn was once again stuck in the middle between them. Evelyn and the baby.

Danny had been there when Rafe first met Evelyn during their flight physicals. He had heard all about her from Rafe as they corresponded over the next few weeks. His impression of her in New York had been favorable. She was pretty and smart, and Rafe was wild about her. He was jealous - not so much of Evelyn for occupying Rafe's time and attention, but of what they had together. He, too, wanted a girl he could laugh with, flirt with, twirl on the dance floor, but it never seemed to happen for him. All his life he had followed and learned from Rafe, yet this time Rafe was leaving him behind.

It's not that he wasn't happy for Rafe. He was. He was happy for both of them. Danny could recognize what they had even if he had never experienced it himself. Telling Evelyn that Rafe had been shot down was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. His own world was falling apart at the loss of his best friend, someone who was more than a brother, yet he had to be strong to support Evelyn in her grief. He had to think of her before he could deal with his own pain.

That night they had talked and cried for hours. It was a new experience for Danny. He had never been one to talk much or share what he was feeling, but their mutual grief and love for Rafe had pulled he and Evelyn together and helped him to open up. He didn't have to wait to deal with his grief, he had shared it with Evelyn. It was then, he had to be honest with himself, that he began to feel an attraction for Evelyn. But now he had to ask: was it for her, or her connection to Rafe? He didn't know. So much of what was between him and Evelyn had to do with Rafe.

It was all so confusing. He had loved Evelyn. He loved her still, but why didn't he feel the anger that Rafe had obviously felt when he came back to find Danny and Evelyn together? Was that proof that Rafe loved her more?

Danny remember the last time he had seen Evelyn. She was standing on the tarmac at Pearl just before he had shipped off to Doolittle. Rafe had already conceded the fight to Danny, though he didn't say it out loud. Rafe's hand on his shoulder before he entered the plane was enough to let Danny know. But even then Danny had his doubts.

"The only thing I'm afraid of is that you love him more than you love me," he had said.

Evelyn had looked away quickly, but then responded, "I love you, Danny. And I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back."

Had those words been a lie? Or a half truth? Was the pause before her response too long? Was there guilt or doubt in her eyes when she finally looked at him? Now it was obvious that she had talked to Rafe before coming to see him off, because Danny knew that Rafe hadn't recieved any letters during training. She must have told him that she was pregnant then, because Rafe was never one to give up if he really wanted something. Would she have chosen Danny if she hadn't have been pregnant? Would Rafe have given up so easily? Those were the burning questions. He didn't know, but his gut told him that she loved Rafe more, that she had only chosen him because he was the father of her child.

Her child. Jesus, Danny couldn't believe that he was going to be a father. No, no he wasn't. Rafe was. Rafe was going to go back to Evelyn and he was going to marry her. Rafe would give Danny's child his name and his love, Danny had no doubt of that. They would be a family.

Danny paused in his thinking, waiting for the anger at the unfairness of it all to well up inside of him. He wanted to hate Rafe for taking his place, to hate Evelyn for marrying Rafe and getting on with her life. But he couldn't do it. No anger came, only a deep sadness over a child he might never see and could never claim. Sadness for the awkwardness that would be between the three of them if he were to make it back to Tennessee, the only home he ever knew. Danny realized that he had not only lost his child, but possibly his best friend too.

It just wasn't fair. He should have died. Then he wouldn't have to sit here wondering if Evelyn really loved him. He wouldn't have to wonder about the child he could never claim - not without messing up a whole bunch of lives in the process.

He couldn't hate Evelyn for loving Rafe more. Looking back, maybe she had used him as a replacement, but no more than he had used her. Rafe's death had left them both with gaping holes in their hearts. Being together almost made them whole again. They had both missed Rafe and that was what had brought them together. The weeks they had spent as a couple had been wonderful - the best times he'd ever had. Those days belonged to him and Evelyn, but it was hard to decide whether everything would have happened if Rafe - and his death - hadn't brought them together. Did they find love or healing with each other, and is there any difference between the two?

Turning over onto his side, Danny gave up trying to figure everything out, because he realized that the whys and hows didn't really matter. If and when he returned home Evelyn and Rafe would be married and raising his child. He didn't know how he could ever go back and see them, to disrrupt their lives horribly. Better that he die or at least never go back, never to see them again then selfishly turn their lives upside down.

It was painful enough to lose Rafe the first time, but to willingly let him and Evelyn and the baby out of his life for good was tearing Danny apart.

Danny didn't even know that he was crying until he felt Kate pull him into her arms. He stiffened and tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him. "I'm sorry," he stammered, trying to control himself. "I,...I didn't mean to be loud.

Kate's hand combed soothingly through his hair, relaxing him even as the tears continued to flow. "It's okay, Flyboy. You weren't being loud," she whispered, her other hand rubbing his back in steady circular motions. "I just thought you might want some company."

He tried to pull away again in embarrassment, but she wouldn't let him and he was too mentally and physically exhausted to struggle. Besides, he was beginning to like the feel of her hands and the sound of her heart beating under his ear.

"You should have let me die," he whispered brokenly. "There's nothing left. No one......" he trailed off.

Kate ws shocked at the depth of the despair in his voice. She had expected him to mourn his friends, but to want to be dead? What memories were haunting him, she wondered. Still stroking him, Kate tried to think of something to say. She barely knew him, but his grief cut right through her. "No, I shouldn't have," she told him, her voice strong and confident. "You were meant to live." Danny snorted in response. "Danny," she said, the use of his first name gaining his full attention. "It's okay to cry. To grieve for what you've lost, who you've lost. But you aren't alone," she reassured him. "I'll be here. I won't leave you. I promise."

Her calm, quiet reassurance finally broke though what little control Danny still had. The pain that he felt - for everything, life, friends, Rafe, Evelyn, the baby - came pouring out in a flood of tears and nonsensical words. Kate weathered it all, holding him close and letting him feel her. She took his grief and gave him something to hold on to. Her tears were her own, but his pain belonged to them both.

Morning found them both exhausted. Kate was craddling Danny as if he was a small child, her arms wrapped around him, his face pressed against her heart. Her embrace warding off the bad dreams that had engulfed him.