“Guess what?”
“I was proposed to again and at this rate I’ll never be able to keep a boyfriend for longer than a few months.”
“Well, no.”
“I’m sorry, I ruined your good news. Let’s start again.”
“Okay. Guess what?”
“What?”
“Tarin and I are moving to LA!”
“Really? That’s great. Oh, I miss you guys so much. It’ll be wonderful to see you again.”
“Yeah I know, but there’s more.”
“What?”
“He proposed to me.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m happy for you guys.” I know it sounds hypocritical, but this is what Erin wants. Just because I don’t want it, doesn’t mean I should deny her any pleasure.
“There’s one more piece of news,” her suddenly became a bit more somber.
“Is something wrong?”
“Not exactly. Ally is having his first show at the gallery.”
“That’s great news.” I wonder if he’ll invite me.
“I think he’s going to call you sometime soon to invite you.”
“Really?”
“Do you want to see him?”
“I think I do. We sort of left things unfinished between the two of us.”
“I know.”
We talked for another hour or so about how well things were going. Tarin had a shot a video for a band in New York and people loved it so much that he was getting calls to do more videos. They decided to move to LA because it would be more convenient for both of their careers. They were moving right after Ally’s show. A few days later I got the much-anticipated call from Ally.
“Hello?”
“May I speak to Wynter?”
“Speaking.”
“Wynter, it’s Ally.” I choked on my diet coke. It had been so long since I heard his voice.
“Hi. How are you?”
“I’m good. How about you?”
“I’m pretty good.”
There was a long pause, I was trying really hard not to bring up the show before he did.
“So, um, the reason I’m calling is that I’m having my first show and I’d really like it if you came.”
“Oh, I’d love to. When is it?”
He told me the date and time, and even offered me a place to stay.
“Oh, I’m sure I can find a hotel or something.”
“Okay. You know, it’ll be really nice to see you, Wyn.”
“Yeah, it’ll be nice to see you too.”
“Well, I guess I’ll se you then.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up and called Erin immediately. She offered me a place to stay as well, but I wanted to stay in a hotel.
“You sound funny. Is something wrong?”
“Yeah. I’m suddenly very, very nervous about seeing Ally again.”
“Do you still love him?”
“I don’t know. I think, maybe, I do.”
“And you’re scared that seeing him again will bring up all those old feelings.”
“Yeah. I left for the job, but now there is no job. I could live anywhere in the world if I wanted to, but do I want to move anywhere at all?”
“Maybe it’s good you’re coming out here then. Think about it, sitting at home rehashing all of this over and over again isn’t going to solve anything. Seeing Ally again could help you figure out what you do want.”
“Yeah, probably. Now, could you explain that to all the butterflies in my stomach?”
So, I was going back to New York for the first time in nearly three years. It’s hard to believe that it had been that long. It’s hard to believe that I’m 25. I definitely didn’t feel 25.
The hotel I booked was way more expensive than necessary, but I decided to treat myself. I figured that I deserved it, since I was being so brave. The butterflies haven’t left since Ally called me. The opening was in two days. I was spending most of the two days with Erin and Tarin. Ally had to spend most of them preparing for the show.
The first day Erin and I went shopping, because I needed to look fabulous for the show. I still had that little red dress I bought when I was with John, but it didn’t seem glam enough. I bought a deep purple dress that had a slit from my ankle to the very top of my thigh, and lipstick that was the perfect shade of red.
The night of the opening, I was shaking so bad it took me three tries to get my eyeliner on right. I pulled my wrap on and took a cab to the gallery. I walked in, took a glass of champagne, found her in front of the painting Ally had done of her and Tarin.
“I love that painting.”
“Isn’t it funny that Tarin and I did nothing but fight back then?”
“I find it even funnier that Ally saw what was really going on without realizing he had.” Erin and I wandered through the gallery, looking at Ally’s work. It had changed a lot since I left. The painting he had done of me was on display as well, but it was the only one in the gallery that wasn’t for sale.
“Erin, why the sudden change in his style?”
“Weren’t you paying attention to the dates?”
“Not really.”
“It started when you left.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. Don’t sound so shocked.”
“Well, I...” It’s hard to believe that you could have that much of an affect on anyone’s life.
“There’s Tarin. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay.” I wandered out onto the balcony to have a cigarette. I rarely ever smoke, but occasionally I really need them. In fact, I hadn’t smoked since John and I broke up. I still hadn’t seen Ally, and I was all jumpy because of it. I leaned onto the railing and looked out over the city.
“I didn’t know you smoked.” I choked out the smoke I had just inhaled, when I heard Ally’s voice. “Are you okay?”
“Fine and I don’t.”
“So, you just like watching it burn then?” he leaned over the rail next to me.
“No, I mean, I only smoke occasionally. This is my first in like four years.”
“So, why are you smoking now?”
“I’m nervous.”
“Me too.”
“I don’t think we’re nervous for the same reason.”
“I think we are,” he said, taking my cigarette and taking a deep drag.
“Why are you nervous?”
“Seeing you again.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I figured you’d be nervous about the show.”
“Nah,” he put the cigarette out on the railing. “I was way more nervous about you.”
“I bought you painting.”
“Which one?”
“The one Tarin and Erin.”
“I told you I’d give that to you.”
“Too late.”
“You want to hear something interesting?”
“Sure.”
“John Rzeznik was here earlier.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. He wanted that painting of you. He offered me a lot of money for it.”
“You didn’t let him have it, did you?”
“Nope, that’s mine.” I laughed. “You look really beautiful, Wynter.” I turned and looked at Ally for the first time that night. He still looked good, all bleach-blond hair and perfect skin.
“You look amazing.” I could feel that old stirring in the pit of my stomach.
“I missed you.” He reached up and moved a piece of my hair behind my ear. I felt goose-bumps rise up all over my body. I reached up and touched his face, brushing my thumb across his lips. He put his hand behind my head and gently pulled me to him. We kissed like we had never parted, like only old lovers could. It felt dangerously familiar.
“Do you want to come back to my hotel?” I whispered, when we finally pulled apart.
“Yeah.”
“What about your show?”
“I don’t need to be here anymore.” We ducked out the back of the gallery and hailed a cab. In the cab Ally and I were all over each other, luckily it was New York so the cab driver didn’t care. We hardly made it to made it to my room. Ally picked me up and threw me on the bed. For the first time I noticed the his shirt was unbuttoned almost to his waist and his pants were unbuttoned. I didn’t even remember doing all that. I was drunk on passion.
I sat up, grabbed the waistband of his pants and pulled him down onto me. We had sex for the rest of the night and on into morning. When we finally took a break, we were on the floor and tangled up in a blanket. I was laying on my back with my legs up over his and he was leaning on my elbow, watching me.
“This is gonna sound really horrible,” he said.
“What?”
“I have a girlfriend. We just started dating and I...”
“Ally, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I didn’t come here to get back into a relationship.”
“I just don’t know what I’m doing. It’s like we never got a chance to end it.”
“I have to go back to California today.”
“So soon?”
“I have a shoot scheduled for tomorrow.”
“So, I guess it doesn’t matter that I have a girlfriend?”
“I don’t know. I just felt like I needed closure or something.”
“I don’t know what I need.”
Suddenly a phone started ringing, and Ally and I both scrambled to get out of the blanket. It turned out to be Ally’s cell phone.
“Hello?... Yeah, I know. I was just... I’m sorry... I ran into an old friend... I know. I’m really sorry... Tonight. All right. Goodbye.”
“That was Clara. I have to go.” He got up off the floor and went in search of his clothes. He pulled on his pants and his shirt. I stood up and wrapped the sheet around me. I watched him put on his socks and shoes and then stood to button his pants. He walked over to me and put a hand on my cheek.
“I wish I knew what was going on with us, Wynter. I wish we had solved something.” He kissed me lightly and turned to leave with his shirt still hanging open, showing off his perfect stomach. The only thing I could think of while I watched Ally leave was the movie Velvet Goldmine.
“It’s funny how beautiful people are when they’re walking out the door.” Only Mandy Slade was talking about watching her husband fall in love with someone else; while I’m thinking about how beautiful it was to have Ally one last time.
I went back to California and a week later Tarin and Erin arrived as well. Erin extremely excited about getting married, so they decided to do it as soon as possible. Erin and I (well, mostly Erin) threw the whole thing together in a month. That meant I was seeing Ally again.
The big day arrived and I was so busy helping Erin that I didn’t have time to worry about Ally. Although, even if I had had time to worry, I don’t think I would have. I finally had my closure, I just hoped he had his.
The ceremony didn’t take very long and we all headed over to the reception hall. After the obligatory dinner and toasts, they started dancing. Erin came hopping over to the bridal party table.
“Wyn, Ally, you guys have to come and dance. We want some pictures of the Best Man and the Maid of Honor dancing together.” She danced off back to Tarin, and Ally and I stood up. Just as we stepped onto the dance floor a slow song came on. Ally took my hand and for the first time since I met him, I felt nothing. No goose-bumps, no sparks, no tingling, no fire. Nothing. We danced for a minute and then Ally spoke.
“Back in New York,” he paused.
“Yeah?”
“Back in New York, that was the end. Wasn’t it?”
“I think it was.”
“I have been waiting so long for that feeling to go away.”
“What feeling?”
“Missing you. It was like our relationship never ended, it was just put on perpetual pause.”
“I know.”
“Just so you know, I don’t regret what happened at all.”
“Neither do I, but will you call me more often now. This once every three years shit just doesn’t cover it.”
“Yes,” Ally laughed. A girl that I didn’t know walked over then.
“May I cut in?”
“Oh, Clara. Wynter, this is Clara. Clara, this is Wynter.” We smiled and shook hands.
“Nice to meet you,” she said with a hint of bitterness in her voice.
“He’s all your’s,” I said, backing away with a smile.
Watching Clara and Ally, and Tarin and Erin dance, reminded me of other dances at other times. The prom that Ivy went to, but I didn’t. The night on the balcony in the rain in Vegas with John. I had let go of Ally and Nick so easily. There was never any question of whether or not it was the right decision, I just knew. John and Ivy were completely different situations. It was their decision not mine. I never got to decide if it was the right thing. It made me wonder if I hadn’t lost my chance at the real thing. The thing Tarin and Erin had and I wanted.