There's not alot of hockey movies out there. I spend alot of time wondering why. It's exciting, the players are often hunks with great stories, there's plenty of blood...sounds perfect for Hollywood. But for some reason, Hollywood sticks to churning out endless baseball and football movies. They even prefer golf over hockey. So, until a movie like 16 W becomes a reality, us hockey fans will just have to make do. Listed below are all hockey movies that we know of--even films that just have a hockey scene in them. Yes, I'm that ambitious. Slapshot
Slapshot 2 First--it stars Stephen Baldwin and Gary Busey. So it comes as no shock that Slapshot 2 is not very good. The plot has a certain scariness, as there are I think there are people out there who would very much enjoy staged hockey. However, the woman coach is annoying. (Who breaks their stick after hitting the crossbar during practice? No one.) The crazy goalie is funny at first, but quickly wears thin. The Hansons are funny, but too old and have very few scenes. The only good scenes involve the Czech and Russian players--except the Czechs wrongly say "Nyet"!
It is painfully obvious none of the leads are skating. We get alot of obvious shots of feet, then faces--and I suspect the woman coach's skating double is a guy. Chris Chelios (hoping to expand his film career beyond "D2: The Mighty Ducks") and Barry Melrose both make cameos. The Cutting Edge "The Cutting Edge" features the worst hockey scene ever filmed in the first five minutes. D.B. Sweeney has a young hockey player's cuteness, but that's all. They don't even bother to give him a cool injury or any accurate lines. "The last time I was sick, I went out and scored six goals in the first period!" What the hell was this guy doing in college? He would have beaten Gretzky! And he sure agrees to figure skating quickly, which makes one wonder if that isn't what he wanted to do all along. Maybe it's mean to bash a figure skating movie for it's inaccurate hockey, but the figure skating is pretty crappy too. Does touch on the sensitive subject of gay men in figure skating--surprising for 1992. Net Worth A very good hockey movie and thus, very obscure. It was made by the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) and I happened to see it on the True Stories Channel. I have no idea where to get it, but don't turn down the chance to see it. It's about the days of hockey when players made less than their fans and had no injury insurance and Ted "the Terrible" Lindsey's subsequent fight to create a hockey player's union. The actors are all good (the one playing Gordie Howe actually looks like him and the story is sad--even if you spend your free time bitching about what athletes make. D2: The Mighty Ducks
I'm reviewing the Mighty Ducks series out of order--seems to be the way they put them on cable. Anyway, I find it very funny when Disney does movies slamming the evil influence of corporate sponsers, especially when the last half of D2 is one big advertisement for Arrowhead Pond and the then brand-new NHL team, the Mighty Ducks. (Which last I heard, Disney was trying to unload because it wasn't making any money--much like the way the hockey gear company threatens to fire Emilio Estevez in this film!) However, the hockey itself is not bad, but they ruin it at the end by filling it full of Disney hijinks like cattle-roping and disguises. (The Icelandic team deserved to win, dammit!) It's also ruined by heavy handed symbolism--the PC Mighty Ducks, who beat the evil Icelanders who are all blonde, blue-eyed boys. (The Ducks feature 2 girls). Of course, someone needs to explain geography to Disney--there are no hockey teams in Trinidad (who wear tye-dyed jerseys) or Italy. Most importantly, they do not play hockey in da ghetto, or at least not in any ghetto I've ever been in. Maybe in Canadian ghettos, but I believe the sport of choice in America's inner cities is basketball. Last but not least, there are four hockey player cameos--the ever cute Luc Robitaille, Chris Chelios, Cam Neely and The Great One himself, Wayne Gretzky. Sadly, only Gretzky has a line, something very inspirational like "Wayne will do!" Mystery, Alaska I can't believe I forgot about "Mystery, Alaska", the only hockey movie that's been made since Slapshot. I guess that's why--it's a little forgettable. I love the idea of a hockey playing town, though and I especially love that Russell Crowe stars in this film. I think it captures the love of the sport very well. The story is also much better than most hockey movies, but gets shlocky in parts. It's been awhile since I've seen it, so I can't comment on the on-screen hockey just yet.
But one of my biggest gripes is the scene where the New York Rangers climb off the plane--as they walk by the Mystery players, all crane their necks upward and gawk at how huge they are. Now, I have met alot of Avalanche players and while their bodies are impressive, (massively strong legs, good upper arms) their size and height is pretty average. I'm not saying there aren't big players--there are. Just not the way they are portrayed in the film. So I find this to be a really dumb scene and mistake--especially since David E. Kelley is a big hockey fan and a former player, and should know better. Someone suggested to me that it was a scene showing mental intimidation and that's interesting, but "Mystery, Alaska" is just not that deep.
Any missing? send me an e-mail.and a review and I'll include it on the site!
This site is under construction. Which means I have not rented all million of "The Mighty Ducks."
"Slapshot" is the most famous and most popular hockey movie, so there's not alot I can say about it.
It made cult icons out of The Hanson Brothers, who really play a very small part in the movie. Hockey players love it, so we have to assume that it is a fairly accurate representation. Or it may be that hockey players just really like blood and toliet humor. It is disgusting but has some great one-liners. Oh and everyone skates and plays really well--I heard once all the actors attended a 6 month hockey camp. All I can say is that it shows!
My favorite parts: the beginning, the French goalie, the Hansons and the strip tease at the end. Rating: *** and a half out of five stars.
My favorite parts: The Czechs. "A Hockey Chick!" The "bachelor auction." Rating: ** out of five stars
My favorite part: Did not have one. The credits? Rating: * (for D.B. Sweeney staying a man in a not-so manly world and for liking the smell of the ice)
My favorite part: All of it. Rating: *****
My favorite part: The cameos, as pitiful as they were.
The Ducks enforcers. The hunky Icelandic players--I wonder what happened to them. Rating: * 1/2 stars (For all those stupid hijinks and the whole "hockey goes back to the streets and finds it's roots" sequence. It was originally one star, but it seems kind of harsh to give it the same rating as "The Cutting Edge")
My favorite part: Russell Crowe as a hockey player and loving father--that's like a dream come true. Their enforcer. My rating: ***
More reviews coming soon!
