1. Because you find yourself reading the obituaries since your child died, searching for names and ages of others who have died too young?

Well if this is a sign you are losing your mind you have lots of company. Some people are drawn to the obituaries because they seek to know that they are not alone in this seemingly endless maze. There are others out there who know the horror of losing one of their children and they need to identify with them. Not everyone has this need, but many do. It may be bothersome to your spouse and they may see it as a sign of morbid, abnormal grief. You may do it for a time but eventually most people stop. Don't worry about it.

2. Because you have a bad time with the time of day and the day of the week on which your child died?

Here again, in the beginning, you may find this a problem. It may seem that if you can stop that particular time of day or that day of the week from coming, you will be able to stop the death from having happened. You fail, but it doesn't stop you from having a go at it next week. This, too, will eventually stop bothering you and one day you will realize that the particular day and time have come and gone and you have made no note of it. You may find it hastens the process if you make an effort to do something on that day to keep your mind occupied and to change the scenery. This could be as simple as a window shopping trip to the nearest mall, or a look at new machinery at the local hardware store.

3. Because you find yourself going over and over in your mind what you imagine your child felt or thought as they faced death?

This seems to be a particularly bad problem for those whose child died accidentally or as a result of a suicide or murder. You may feel almost a compulsion at times to try and picture the thoughts and feelings that your child may have had. It really is a universal problem and you may have more trouble putting this one aside. You will, as a rule, get better about it and later on it will not occupy your thoughts as much as in the beginning. It is normal. Some find it helpful to find out as much as possible from anyone who was connected with, or may have witnessed the death, while others have no desire to know any of the details. It is an old story, but we all do it differently and the way that fills your needs is right for you. Just know that it is normal to have it on your mind.

4. Because you find yourself thinking that it would be easier to join your child in death than go through the pain of living without them?

The telephone friends hear this from a lot of bereaved parents who get so tired of the hurt. It frightens the parents that they are entertaining suicidal thoughts, but it is a normal reaction for some to consider this as an alternative. Many parents, as they speak, are quick to agree that they are too responsible to really consider this as an answer to their problems. They realize that there are people who love and need them, and that they could not purposefully put someone they love through the very hell they are seeking to escape. They are able to realize that suicide is not an answer. Should you have these thoughts and you are not able to put them aside, you would be wise to seek professional help.

5. Because you keep seeing someone who reminds you of your child?

Well, many of us do, and you may even find yourself following along behind someone, just to be sure! The impulse may be to take them home with you. This may be all a part of the denial process, but I suspect it is just because we miss them so much.