I'm Scared To Death And I Don't Know Why

My name is Silvermoon and I am an agoraphobic. An agora who?? I am an agoraphobic. No, I am not on the menu list at some expensive french restaurant as part of the main courses, I am agoraphobic. This illness is not too well known and the name is so hard to say, it's a mouthful! Now a days, more people know about this condition. Many people are afflicted with it as well. It's panic related, the next step onto panic attacks, oh! how very impertinent of this condition to rear its ugly head onto my life! I don't know how to explain to people of my predicament. No one knows about it when I tell them, I have to start explaining all about it and that is why I don't tell too many people about my condition. I'd like to tell you what it's like to have a panic attack.......on second thought, I'd like to invite you to have a panic attack with me, are you ready to walk down fear's lane? well then, let's start Oh oh! did I hear you say that maybe later you will do this? now don't chicken out please, this is only a test run so you are safe.

Today you woke up feeling extremely tired, you are dizzy and feeling like the world is on your shoulders. You run around doing housework and making sure that the beef stew you made for supper is simmering on the slow cooker. You think to yourself that you'd love to lay down for a while before going to work but you know that you can't, there is much to do yet so you just ignore that feeling you've been having all day long and you keep on pushing yourself to the limit. You realize it's three o'clock and you've got to be at work by five, you take one last look in the mirror and see that your uniform is impecable and you look very neat. You are kissing your loved ones good bye and put your coat on and out the door you go. Now, you are standing at the bus stop and you feel that queezy feeling and you ignore it, you think to yourself that it's just a feeling and it will go away. No sooner have you thought this than you see the bus coming so you look in your pocket for the exact fare for the bus. You get in and pay the fare and take a sit beside a lady that is wearing a hat and she looks just as tired as you do. You do what you always do in the bus, you open your book to the page where you left off the last time you took the bus, why? because there is not too much time for reading, you work and you have a small child to look after and the housework to do and all the things in the middle that we housewives have to do. This time though, you try to read but you close your eyes instead, you want to try to get a bit of a rest before you start your shift at the hospital you work at. You are sitting there with your eyes closed and you open them to check out if you are close to your destination and you realize that the bus is still close to where you started from. You have a feeling that is unreal, you feel as if things around you are not what they usually are, all of a sudden you see things distorted, you feel as if you are a cast member in one of the Twilight Zone episodes! and there is no reason for this and your heart is now beating so fast that you think your chest is going to explode, you are terrified, can you feel it? do you hear your heart pounding so loud that all you can hear is your heart? Now, you are trying to get up off your seat and you can't, you are so terrified that your legs will not support you, you hope and pray that people can't see you tremble. You manage to get off the bus because all you want is to get home and you do get off the bus after a while and you now are running in despair, every noise startles you more and more and you are disoriented and you just want to get home..............This is what a panic attack feels like, and this is not fiction, this is real, this happened to me when I had my first panic attack and I didn't finish the story of this panic attack because there is no need for that but as you can see this can be horrible.
If you or anyone you know suffers from panic, please seek help, panic can develop into agoraphobia, if the panic is severe that can happen and once you are agoraphobic, believe me, you suffer immensely.

Over time I did develop a mantra that I use when I am feeling not so well and you can develop a mantra too but I will share with you what I do for mine, you don't have to do what I do, this is just for me but if you like it then you can adopt mine and what I do is as follows:

Instead of bolting out of fear, sit down and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, breathing through the belly, use your belly to breathe with, not your chest. Do not hyper ventilate, if you do happen to hyper ventilate, have handy a little brown paper bag, the kind you put your lunch for work in, this is a great tool, and you can use it by putting the opening of the brown paper bag over your nose and mouth and breathe into the bag at a steady pace by breathing in and out into the bag. Once you have overcome hyperventilation you can start by taking slow deep breaths through the belly.

Next, feel the sensations that you have to feel, remember, you are not going to die, you just had a check up and nothing is wrong. Center yourself if you have to.

Now focus, don't loose concentration, I know that it's hard to do this, but try to focus on what you are doing, don't let the panic that you feel win. Bring forth an emotion that made you feel good. something that made you feel at peace. Stay with this emotion. Where were you at this time? look for the details, were you very happy? were you at peace? go back there and feel all you felt then.

After you've done this, acknowledge your divinity and if you still feel symptoms and panic, remember to do this with each wave of symptoms and panic that you may feel and say over and over to yourself the following words:

From the Lord God of my being, I accept, I accept, I accept.

With each wave of fear, repeat this phrase over and over again until you no longer feel fear or symptoms. You can say this out loud or you can just say it silently to yourself. Is someone looking at you doing this in the middle of a park for example? who cares! Are they laughing at you? well, double who cares! chances are that whoever you thought was looking at you or laughing at you, was not really looking at you but rather at something else other than yourself, Remember, this condition makes people think that others will notice the sufferer when they are experiencing a panic attack and its symptoms, they are fearful that they may be laughed at or worse, for fear of being considered crazy, remember, this is way better and safer than taking pills, so go ahead and do this, remember, you have nothing to loose here. Do this before the panic is out of control, do this at the first signs of panic.