Garrett watched Adam try to grab his bottle back from Colin who just frowned at him with worry. Garrett looked at his own nearly empty bottle, then handed it to Gavin who was sitting next to him on the floor. “Here, take this from me. I don’t want to end up like that.” He said pointing to the ball of giggling alcohol that used to be Adam. It took Gavin a couple of times before he could actually focus on the bottle and take it away from his brother. He didn’t say anything as he got up and dumped it in the sink. Alcohol tended to quiet the younger brother beyond his normal quietness.
The Ameliorites apartment wasn’t always soaked in alcohol like this. In fact, it didn’t happen that often at all. It all started when Adam proposed a toast to the Maple Leafs for making it as far as they did in the playoffs. And then he proposed another to “fucking all those other teams!”
Perhaps they were trying to drown their disappointment with their team in beer, or perhaps they just all felt as though they needed a break from life itself. Being a band wasn’t the easy road for them, and well, sometimes life just wasn’t easy. Period. It wasn’t any easier for them to communicate their problems aloud and sometimes everyone needs to break free, even for just a little while.
“COOOLLLLLIIIINNNN! Give me back my pHoooonnneee!”
“No...you’ll........do something dumb by calling someone.”
“But Colin...I love you man..you’re my BEST friend...you’d do anything for me right...”
“I love you too man, but...”
“See! So...so...if you Looooveeee me back....and you’re my BEST friend...you’ll give me my phone...”
“Addaammm...”
“Come on man, Phhooonneee!”
Garrett was chuckling at this point, however it was one of those odd silent chuckles that you can only see in a person. Although Adam had a tendency to be obnoxious when sober AND a tendency to be obnoxious while drunk...the drunk Adam was a bit more interesting to watch only because he’d whine and tell everyone he loved them....then deny it the next day.
“GAARRRRRREETTT...”
“What Adam??” Garrett said a little more loudly than usual.
“Colin won’t give me my phone! Even though I love ‘im! Did I ever tell you I love you too? You’re a cranky ass sometimes...but I love you man....you’ve got yer head on straight, and you keep us in line...I’m sorry I’m always an ass. I don’t mean to be. I love all of you...”
“Thanks Adam. But I don’t think Colin should give you...your phone either.”
“Jeeesssuuussss! All I want to do is...call...someone!”
At this point Javier was rolling on the floor in drunk hysterics himself. All he could do was point at Adam, turn red with laughter and fall back onto the floor and roll around giggling. Through his bursts of laughter he managed to spit out something about letting Adam have his phone just to see what would happen. Gavin’s eyes widened in fear of what could happen, and Garrett gave it considerate thought. Colin just shook his head over exaggeratedly and very slowly. “Nooo....bad things will happen.” He slurred ever so slightly. Although he wasn’t laughing his cheeks were nearly as red as poor Javier who just couldn’t stop laughing.
“Aw cripes I need a girl...” Adam said as he lie on the floor staring up at the ceiling. Garrett giggled. “You can’t have one...you’re not responsible enough...”
“You’d forget to feed her.” Gavin added with a slight chuckle.
“Yess I am.” Adam slurred trying to defend his dignity. “I’d treat her up good. I’d....take ‘er dancin, bring ‘er flowers, take ‘er to a nice restaurant...and then....I’d...bring her home...and...I’d kiss ‘er. A lot...and then we’d get naked!! WHOOHOOO! YEAH! You know what that means right???” Adam shouted excitedly. Everyone started giggling insanely even though it wasn’t that funny.
“Yer so honry...” Colin managed to say through chuckles.
“Did you just say ‘honry’?” Javier asked, a sparkle in his eye. Everyone lost it again, and this time the laughter and giggling lasted a good five minutes. Laughing at nothing at all really.
After the laughter, no one said anything. Perhaps Adam had passed out so their Ring Master of Alcohol was gone.
“Fuck de Leafs...I’m sticking to de Canadiens.”
Javier said to the wall, hoping the other guys would hear him. No one had the energy to dispute his comment at this time. Normally they would end up not talking to Javier for a day because he was so adamant about his Canadiens.
Garrett sat in Gavin’s red beanbag chair and stared up at the cracked ceiling. He closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the silence of the usual boisterous room. Sleep sounded good right about now. A loud thump, a string of curses, then giggling brought his head back up. Adam had awaken and apparently he had hit his head on the coffee table when he tried to sit up. He was now lying on the ground shaking with quiet laughter…or maybe he was crying out of pain. It all looked the same.
Colin was stretched out across the couch like a large cat and he peered down at Adam. Mirth twinkled in his eyes.
“Hosers....guys..I love you all...” Adam started again. Colin clenched his eyes in quiet laughter. “Dieu! Adam, shutup! We love you too enh? So enough with it!” Javier shouted as he rolled away from the wall the face everyone again.”
“Don’t tell me to shutup...cuz...I love you too man!”
Garrett snorted and shook his head smiling. Sometimes his friends were just too much.
“Guys...you’re like the brothers I never had. You know that? I love you all like my brothers. Colin...yer my best brother...you look out for me even though you’re a big goof and a baby. You’re my big goofy wussy baby brother...but yer older......aw fuck it...” Adam rambled on as Colin giggled.
“Javier...you..I don’t know. I think you’re adopted...but I love you too. You’re the brother that makes eevvveeerryyyone laugh. You know that? You’re a funny son of a bitch. I love you, you big fat dumb Quebecois bitch.”
“I’m not a bitch!” Javier shouted before he started laughing again.
“Garrett....Garrett man...yer that older brother who’s got all the answers....you’re so calm...if I were you I’d kill us all. All of us! But no....you love us man, and you wont leave....cuz you’re that cool. I love you man, I’m sorry I’m always an ass.....I’m sorry I make life hard for you... You kick me in the balls next time I fuck up...ok man?”
Garrett shook his head. Adam was really messed up and he’d never remember any of this. Too bad too, because this was the only time Adam was really truthful about the way he felt. This could either be very damaging or encouraging. Adam was mostly damaging when he got this wasted at bars. Girls didn’t dig Wasted Adam.
“Gavin....Gavin Gavin....you’re a smart, smart, smart....smart kid. I think you’re wasting your time with us...but you don’t leave either! You love music...you’re so good...if we all fail....you’ll go on. You’ll get up....kick us all in the nuts with your smartness...and you’ll move on. But you love us...otherwise you would have left already. You’re a good brother...you brought me into this...and that’s why I love YOU man... you saved my life...you just don’t know it OK? Ok man?”
Gavin nodded slowly staring at the smiling, red-faced Adam, and a smile slowly crept across his own red-face.
“Yeah man, ok.”
Silence settled on the apartment, but it was apparent Adam’s brain gears were still churning. “I wish we were really brothers. I mean...brother brothers. Like...you know...Colin’s brothers...or..you Sykes guys. Javier....you got any brothers?” Javier opened his sleepy eyes and shook his head. “No bro-ders.”
“Aww...well....you’re my brother, ok?”
Javier nodded. “Yeeaaahhhh.”
“Even if it’s not by blood...yer my brother.” Adam rambled some more.
It was evident the gears were now turning in Javier’s head, because his eyes had taken on a sudden far away glaze as he was tapped his temples. “I know someting. I saw dis...ting...in a movie once, or somewhere. I forget…” Javier slowly sat up and crawled across the floor on his knees to be closer to everyone else. “It called a ‘Spit Bro-der.’ It’s like a ‘Blood Bro-der,’ but less dangerous you know? You sees, I spits on my hand...” Javier spit on his own hand to demonstrate. Everyone stared on as if it was the most amazing thing they had ever seen. “And den...if you spits on your hand... Come on...do it.” He motioned for Adam to do it. Adam stared at him blankly for a second, and then he rolled over and after a few tries managed to spit on his own hand. “Yeah? That’s fucking sick. Now what?” Adam asked.
“And now...yous slap your hand to mine! And den we’ll be spit bro-der. Next best ting to blood enh?” Adam stared at his hand for a second, then Javier who was posed to commence with the Spit Brother ceremony. Everyone watched as if on the edge of their seats. Adam raised his hand slowly, and amazingly it connected with Javier’s outstretched and rather spitty palm. Adam smiled toothily. “Spit brother!!!” He shouted loudly. Javier nodded grinning and everyone else appeared as though they had just witnessed a miracle.
“That’s so unsanitary.” Gavin commented.
“Come on! It’s not bad...spit already!!!!” Adam ordered. Gavin stared at Adam’s outstretched sloppy hand and then at his own. He shrugged drunkenly and did so. A moment later he was a spit brother to both Adam and Javier. Colin whimpered from the couch, feeling a little left out of the ceremonies. Adam flopped on to his back below the couch and stared up at his friend’s puppy dog face. “Well spit on yer hand already you...big baby!”
Colin grinned and did so, and it collided with Adam’s hand in a sickly sounding smack. “Spit brother...” Colin said, testing the words out for the first time. Adam smiled. “Yer the coolest man...yer my brother man!” He said to Colin. Colin giggled, and hid his face in his arm. “This is so…frikking gross...” “Land it right here!” Javier said, offering his palm to Colin. Colin gave him a spitty high five, in which both shouted the equivalent of “spit brother!” on contact. Gavin offered his own hand, and Colin smacked that down as well, grinning stupidly the whole time. Even Gavin seemed to be getting a kick out of the whole disgusting and juvenile ceremony.
Javier turned to Garrett, who had not become a part of the Spit Brother family. Garrett raised his eyebrows and looked to Gavin as if to ask, ‘well?’ “What?” Gavin asked. “We’re already DNA brothers, we don’t need to do this.” Garrett appeared thoughtful. “That’s true...” he said slowly. Javier was the first to put his hand out to Garrett. Adam and Colin then put their hands out as well, lining them all up in a drunken and shaky row. Garrett stared at them. It seemed as though they were taking this rather seriously... as serious as drunk people could get anyway. But why not take it seriously? Everything Adam said was true. He loved these guys like brothers, and he would never leave them. He just didn’t beleive he had all the answers like Adam had mentioned earlier...
After his moment of thinking, he grinned and spit on his own hand, and he smacked everyone’s hand in consecutive order. They were all now Spit Brothers. Javier took a moment to be serious.
“Now...you see, we all connected by spit. Dat’s really fuckin sick you know? I hope you guys don’t have any sick disease or anyting... Oh well. But you know...we don’t care. We bro-ders now. And we look out for each o-der like bro-ders. You can’t break de Spit Bro-der bond. We bro-ders till dea-t do us part!” “I now pronounce you man and wife.” Colin said a bit too quietly for anyone else to hear.
Everyone nodded in agreement, taking in all of Javier’s drunken rambling.
“So...does this mean...that...we all now have spit-in-laws?” Gavin asked in a alcohol induced daze. “Yes. So we gots lots of family now. Lots of Spit n’ Laws. We have lot of Spit n’ Laws just from Colin’s family! Dats so cool...your mom good cook! And you know what else dat mean? Dat mean, in future...” Javier slurred as he tried not to fall backwards onto his bum. “Dat mean...We get married have kids...we all gonna be uncles! You see how dis works now?”
Everyone nodded, obviously never have even thought about their future like that before. “That’s pretty cool.” Gavin admitted.
“Um...Jav...?” Colin asked, as his nose slowly wrinkled up in revulsion. “Can we wash our hands now? It’s getting frikin sick.” Everyone laughed and looked at their hands in disgust. Needless to say it was ok and everyone tried to get to a sink, and they all succeeded even if it took a lot more effort then usual.
No one spoke as they washed each other’s alcohol laced spit of their hands. When they were done, they bid their goodnights and crashed in what they hoped were their own beds. Javier crashed on the couch, because he was in no shape to walk back to his own place. He was sure to get an ear-full from Aimee the next morning.
Right before Garrett fell asleep...he was pretty sure no one was going to remember any of this save for himself and perhaps Colin who didn’t seem that drunk.
The next morning, everyone eyed each other a little wearily, with a hint of knowing thrown in behind it. That is, everyone except Adam who had many dates with the toilet and a bottle of aspirin to keep him company.
sEe yoU SPiT BroTHeRs...