Yumemiru no Tame ni
by Helen
Part 1
Spring has arrived and the days grew warmer and warmer. Almost a year and a half has passed since the day my solitude ceased. A smile, which can come so easily now, forms on my face as I remember that day.
But, strangely enough, even with over a year of memories, I want something tangible to hold. Just like pictures that hold memories of time, I want something to hold memories of words...
So, here I stand, slightly clutching on a black notebook, calmly explaining the concept of an exchange diary while I feel my heart going *doki-doki.*
"Basically, it's like a regular diary but we switch off after every entry," I say, handing him the notebook. He flips through the blank pages, empty of words, empty of memories... except for the first entry... my own.
He grins, probably knowing the hidden reason and claps my shoulder, pulling me close.
"Sounds like fun..." he says, still smiling.
I swallow and manage a small smile back... despite his close proximity.
*Dokun-dokun...*
~*~*~*~*~
//Duo,
Already, it's been a year and a half. Time seems to have fused together... every second, minute, hour, passing so easily that it was unnoticeable... yet it holds memories... memories I shall never forget.
Arigato for giving me a reason to smile.
My very first friend..
Heero//
~*~*~*~*~
*Click*
I lean against the door of my house, my heart still pounding insistently in my chest.
It's just like when he first hugged me nearly 6 months ago... held me so close. Warmth rushing through my body like sun-rays penetrating through the forest trees.
Wrapping my arms around myself I try to recreate and recapture the feeling... but can't.
My arms wrap themselves tighter.
Cold...
~*~*~*~*~
//Heero,
Ah yes, a year and a half. I feel the same as well. I never though that it could go by so quickly. But then again, "Time flies when you're having fun" ne?
A reason to smile? ME?! Well I'm gonna make sure I keep you smiling. I'm really glad that you're my friend as well.
Hey Heero, I hope you're not busy tomorrow 'cause I want to take you somewhere. I think you'll like it.
See you then!
Duo//
Part 2
Making sure that the blindfold was secure enough, I slowly steer Heero through the many twists and turns towards my surprise.
I doubt that he knows about this place since he isn't quite the type to get out of his house and just go "exploring."
But, then again, it isn't exactly hidden like a cave in some mountain...
Today is a nice spring afternoon, a little on the chilly side though. I can almost feel the goose-bumps through his T-shirt. I tell him that he should have worn a sweater, or at least something with longer sleeves.
He says that he is fine. I sigh and shake my head. Oh well, at least he agreed to go with me today...
Sometimes I wonder how lucky *I* am to have met Heero. He feels the same way, probably even more than I do.
"A reason to smile." That just melts my heart..
~*~*~*~*~
When we finally arrive he quickly unties the blindfold. I held my breath as he blinks a couple of times to clear his blurry vision from being in darkness for the past 10 minutes. He looks around and immediately the black cloth falls from limp fingers as a small gasp escapes his mouth
"You like?" I ask in a low whisper, not wanting to break the silence as he tries to absorb his surroundings.
Heero slowly looks around the small park. But it isn't just any park; this one, incredibly, has cherry blossom trees in full bloom. Soft petals drifting down aimlessly like snowflakes on a winter day, sprinkling everything in a thin layer of pink and white. Some, carried by the wind, settle on Heero's hair, but he made no move to brush them away. Holding out his hand he allows some to land softly on his open palm.
"Sakura..." he murmurs. He closes his hand gently, as if afraid that he might crush the fragile leaflets. The petals fall continuously, like some Christmas card in a store or one of those snow globes where the miniature flakes seem to swirl forever when shaken
He shivers a bit from the wind, the wind that sent more blossoms spiraling through the branches of the trees. I slowly take off my jacket and drape it across his shoulders.
He turns around and gives me a smile.
My hearts melts once again.
Part 3
I should have known. Selflessness ends up causing pain... no matter if it is a small tingle of ache or excruciating pang of hurt. Because of my own happiness, I was blinded by what was in front of me the whole time. If I had taken Duo's suggestion, this wouldn't have happened.
Stepping into Duo's house, a twinge of guilt and discomfort grows within my chest. I push open the door of his room.
Duo... covered with blankets on his bed, his scarlet cheeks burning because of his high fever.
It was just yesterday when he brought me to the park with the Sakura trees. I admit it was chilly, but I was so happy with the sight of all the Sakuras floating everywhere, and when Duo placed his jacket on my shoulders that the cold didn't matter to me. But now, I only wish that I had known it affected Duo. Especially since a light mist started to fall...
I just didn't notice! I didn't notice if he was shivering from the cool moisture collecting on his body. I didn't notice if he tightened his arms around himself when a gust of wind blew. I didn't notice if he was trying to keep from sneezing, keep me from knowing... I just didn't notice...
Some friend I am.
"Heero...?"
I look up and meet with sleepy orchid eyes, having just woken up. I rush over to his side.
"Duo... are you alright?" I ask, passing the lump in my throat. He smiles and gives a small nod.
"Yeah. You didn't need to come over, Heero. I'll be fine."
"Gomen..." I drop to my knees next to the bed. "I'm sorry, Duo. I was the one who got you sick. If only I had listened to you and gotten my own jacket, this wouldn't have happened."
He blinks sleepily but smiles. "Don't blame yourself. I don't blame you."
"But --"
"Shhh..... It's alright. I just need some rest, that's all."
"Can I stay here... in case you need anything?" I ask hopefully.
He gives one last smile as his eyes begin to close
"Thank you... Heero....."
~*~*~*~*~
I glance at the digital clock on his dresser.
10:39pm
His fever had gone down around mid-afternoon and he seems to be alright. I don't want to go home but he's been urging me to all day long: whenever I brought him water, whenever I got him a snack, whenever I made him a meal... But each time, I refused.
I didn't want to leave him. Not ever.
Smiling, I glance back at Duo... and freeze.
A tear. A single tear, rolling down Duo's cheek
Oh my god... what happened?
His brow creased, his jaw clenched, his lips pressed together. A nightmare. Must be a bad one...
But, even so, he shouldn't cry... Duo shouldn't cry! He's always been the one smiling, laughing, caring... even when I couldn't. But I can. Now I can.
Slowly, I reach out and barely brush the back of my fingers across his face, wiping the tears away. More fall. Turning my hand, I gently cup his cheek. With my thumb stroking back and forth, his tears gradually cease. I keep my hand like this. It feels so right...
But then, Duo's slight stirring causes me to snap my hand back. Just in time. His eyes open, heavy with sleep."Still here...?" he whispers. I give a nod, not looking at him as my face grows warm at what I was doing just seconds before. He smiles.
"...welcome to stay... spend the... night..."
"Ah... Hai." This is a first. Even though we've known each other for over a year, we never spent the night at each other's houses before. Probably because of... self-consciousness.
"...Heero... could you... press play... on the CD player...?" I glance over at Duo's tired face. I probably have a confused look as he shrugs and says, "...helps me sleep..."
I nod in understanding and reach over to the dresser and press play.
"...favorite song... don't understand it though..." He blinks sleepily as the music starts, followed by a male Japanese singer.
[Kimi ga yumemiru tame ni]
[Boku wa yoru WA mamoru wo]
I gasp. These lyrics...
[Kimi ga aisuru mono ni]
[Itsuka kitto boku waratte yukou]
...like a reflection of my thoughts... my feelings...
I glance over at Duo once again. Eyes closed, a content smile playing on his face, he hums along with the song until he passes into dreamland.
Looking over at the remaining time of the track, I realize that this song is actually quite short. Familiar words from the beginning replays again.
[Kimi ga yumemiru tame ni]
[Boku wa yoru wa mamoru wo]
Yes... I will...
[Kimi no kanashimi dake ga]
[Kono sekai de boku no mune mo nurasu]
So true...
[Kimi ga yumemiru tame ni]
[Boku wa yoru wa mamoru wo]
For you, Duo...
[Kimi ga aisuru mono ni]
[Itsuka kitto boku waratte yukou]
Only for you...
Part 4
My drowsy eyes crack open against the warm sunlight filtering through the windows. Blinking slowly, getting used to the radiant sun after a night of darkness, I manage to focus my blurry eyes. Raising my left hand to rub them, I...
... realize that I can't. Looking to the side, I see Heero sitting in a chair but hunched forward, his head lying right next to my pillow. So close. I look further... and swallow hard.
My hand in his... our fingers interlaced together. Is it growing warmer in here or is my fever returning?
No matter. Heero's here now. Rolling to my side, being careful to not move too much, I end up facing him.
He's so close... feels so right.
I think back to the dream I had last night. No... nightmare. We had to separate but... it wasn't him leaving me. I was the one leaving him. To see him crying shattered my heart. No one has ever been able to do that but Heero... he looked so vulnerable. It hurt... I couldn't help but close my eyes and cry as well. One tear... then two... then three...
Continuous... But then, a very light brush against my cheek. Brushing tears away... A hand cupped my cheek. Stroking tears away... Sadness falling away.
Opening my eyes, I see... Heero, his hand still on my face. I don't want to leave him. Reaching up, I placed my hand on his.
"I don't want to leave you..." I whispered.
"But... you need to..." he whispered back in such a... heartbroken voice. I felt myself being pulled away.
I shook my head.
"No..."
Away from him..
"Heero."
Fighting back...
"I don't want to, Heero!"
Farther and farther...
"Heero!!!"
Into the light...
Looking back... Heero in the darkness.
My eyes slid shut...
Slowly... passing through the light... into reality
I woke up... and he was still here with me. I remember telling him to spend the night and... the CD. I must have drifted off then.
I smile at the memory of last night and look back at Heero's sleeping face. Giving into the urge, my right hand comes up and brushes his slighty ruffled hair from his eyes. He lets out a soft sigh and his hand tightens around mine. I snuggle closer, the tops of our heads practically touching.
I want to stay like this forever..
~*~*~*~*~
My eyes open... Did I fell asleep again? I look around but Heero is nowhere to be seen.
Damn.
Rubbing my eyes, I glance up at the clock.
11:34am
Almost lu... wait a second. What do we have here? A note? I pick up the folded piece of paper. Must be from Heero... I open it.
~Duo, I hope that you're feeling better. I ran out to get some groceries for lunch. I'll be back soon. Rest well. Heero~
Heero... he cares for me too much. A smile forms on my face. Reaching up to hit play on the CD player, I hit a notebook. The exchange diary... Wonder if he wrote in it...
I settle back into the covers with it as music fills the room. Flipping to the last entry, I pause...
No way...
//Duo, here are the translations to the song. I really like it as well. It's almost like... my own thoughts... my own feelings... put into the lyrics. I hope one day I can do what he says...//
My hands begin to tremble as the song begins.
[Kimi ga yumemiru tame ni]
[Boku wa yoru wa mamoru wo]
//For the sake of your dreams//
//I will guard you throughout the night//
I swallow hard. Just like last night..
[Kimi ga aisuru mono ni]
[Itsuka kitto boku waratte yukou]
//One day I'll surely laugh for you//
//Because you love it//
I smile at this. I certainly do... Heero. Do you love my laughter?
[Soba ni iru dareka wo Shinjiru nara]
[Hito wa kokoro dake de Ikiteru yukeru]
//Just by being near someone and believing in them//
//You will live on in a person's heart//
Mm hmm... Heero will certainly live in my heart. Wonder if I live in his...? I shake my head.
[Ashita ni mayotte toki wa ]
[Yozore no chiizu wo hirai de]
//Tomorrow will be lost in time//
//The map of night flies off//
Too much to hope for. I'll be happy if we are just friends. But I just can't help but hope for more...
[Kawaita umi no mukou de]
[Gin tsunaga umi wo ha koubo yo]
//Connected on the other side of the dry sea//
//The silver moon rises and falls//
I reach up to caress my cheek softly... trying to recreate what I felt in my dream. Strange... I can almost feel Heero's touch..
[Kimi ga yumemiru tame ni]
[Boku wa yoru wa mamoru wo]
//For the sake of your dreams//
//I will guard you throughout the night//
If only he could do that every night. I know I will...
Yes... I will...
[Kimi no kanashimi dake ga]
[Kono sekai de boku no mune mo nurasu]
//Your sadness is the only thing in this world//
//That can soak into my heart//
So true...
[Kimi ga yumemiru tame ni]
[Boku wa yoru wa mamoru wo]
//For the sake of your dreams//
//I will guard you throughout the night//
For you, Heero...
[Kimi ga aisuru mono ni]
[Itsuka kitto boku waratte yukou]
//One day I'll surely laugh for you//
//Because you love it//
Only for you...
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