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Trust 
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this: 
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? 
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. 
Q. Officer, who provided this description? 
A. The officer who responded to the scene. 
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? 
A. Yes sir, with my life. 
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? 
A. Yes sir, we do. 
Q. And do you have a locker in that room? 
A. Yes sir, I do. 
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? 
A. Yes sir. 
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? 
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. 

Mrs. Jones, Do You Know Me? 
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" 
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" 
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." 
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!" 

How's Business?

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge. Three hookers stood before him, all arrested on the same corner. He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself.
The woman was irate, "I don't know what all this is about, your Honor. I'm a college student doing research for a term paper."
The Judge sighed and said, "Well, Miss, I would have thought you'd done enough 'research' by now. My computer says you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine." He then turned to the second lady and requested that she testify.
The woman began crying softly and said, "Judge, I am just a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I have no idea why I was arrested."
This time, the Judge shook his head and said, "Well, young lady, the officer tells me that he saw you hand a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' in his new Cadillac. Thirty days and $250 fine." He turned to the last of the trio and asked her occupation.
The woman said simply, "I'm a hooker."
Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said, "How's business?"
She sneered and replied, "Terrible Judge, with all these students and housewives around, competition is really tough!"

Looking Toward The Courtroom Door

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."

CASE DISMISSED
 A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.
The case came up in court, the judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.
The man replied:" Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help notice her condition.
She sat under an advertising sign that said," The Double Mint Twins are coming", and I had to smile.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said," Slogan's Liniment Will Reduce the Swelling"; and I had to grin.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said,' William's Big Stick Did The Trick', and I could hardly control myself.
But when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said " Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident", I laughed out loud.
Case Dismissed said the Judge.

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