Why Remy Never -poofed- Out of Madripoor
Chapter 4
Spandex, Guns, and some Really Freaky Snakes

Yezra stared out from her prison window at the swampy bayou, trying to see anything in the darkness. Several of the workers had lit torches or lamps of some sort around the antebellum mansion, and what she saw illuminated didn’t amuse her. It seemed that the big, nasty stuff came out at night. There was movement down below in the murky depths that she could only guess was one of Paprika and Cayenne’s older, meaner relatives. Rubbing her arms against the itchy fabric of her nightgown, she stared up at the moon and wished that she could be like the heron that just flew by the window and escape.

Oh Nicky, where the hell are you?

***

Nick stared out the back window of the truck, watching as the scenery whizzed on by. Logan was sitting in the front passenger seat, doing much the same. Bending over to search through one of the duffel bags, Nick looked at Ice. She was curled up on her side of the backseat staring outside, her arms clasping her knees.

“Hey, we’re gettin’ pretty close to Louisiana. If ya are really hell bent on joinin’ us to get Yez, I just don’t feel right not givin’ you somethin’ to protect yourself,” he told her.

“She’s got me. That’s plenty.” Logan rubbed his hand over his face. He was tired and wound up tight as a spring at the same time. The wound up part was Ice’s fault only partially. If Nick and the Cajun would just leave them both alone for an hour or so… Nick snorted.

“Still. Ice, I’m gonna give ya a gun. Nuttin’ heavy, just somethin’ we start out cadets with until they get used to firearms. This here is a…” Nick was cut off as Ice took the offered gun from him.

“Smith and Wesson model 459 auto. Nine millimeter caliber, holds 14 bullets, adjustable sights, weighs around twenty seven ounces. The kick isn’t that bad, but there is one,” she said, handling the firearm and checking the ammo. Nick stared at her, Logan turned around in his seat and stared as well, and Remy just shook his head and smiled up at her through the rearview mirror.

“What?” she asked, looking at both of them.

“Where didja learn all that, darlin’? I sure as hell didn’t teach ya that,” Logan said. Ice shrugged.

“What can I say? Daddy didn’t raise a little girly girl. He had me at the shooting range since I was old enough to handle live ammo. Ya got anything heavier in that there magic bag of yours?” she asked with a sly grin. Nick actually cracked a grin as he rummaged around.

“Knew I liked ya for a reason. An’ here I was packin’ light for ya. Alls I got is a .45 caliber Colt semi-auto. Can ya handle that?” he asked, smirking. Ice looked at the weapon and Logan thought she looked like a kid in a candy store.

“Sure, I can handle it fine.”

***

Sharon Carter sighed as she wandered the corridors. It was late, but she was still up in one of the secret SHIELD headquarters. Something was eating at the back of her mind. Fury had come barging into the weapons cache supply room several hours earlier and had left with at least four full duffel bags. Or so the security system said. It recorded him using his security badge, then the cameras saw him take some pretty heavy duty artillery along with some light standard issue firearms. Going into the room, she saw that he had also taken with him many, many, many boxes of ammunition. What are you planning on doing Nick, and why didn’t you get clearance from me first? She had questioned everyone about Fury’s whereabouts, and not even Dum Dum Dugan knew where he was at. Dugan had just shrugged and tweaked his bushy handlebar mustache.

“You know Nick. He goes wherever the hell he wants to without asking. If we see a huge explosion somewhere across the country, that’s probably where he’s at.” Carter had seen the teasing glint in his eye, but she decided to keep a lookout for any unusual activity anyway. Suddenly feeling tired, she let out an uncharacteristic yawn and headed back to her office. A five minute snooze won’t hurt. Just five, then I’ll be great… She put her head on her desk and was out in a matter of seconds.

***

Jean sat in her darkened bedroom, concentrating on Sharon Carter’s consciousness. She could tell when the other woman fell asleep, and went on into her mind. She sifted through assorted things going on in her head, zeroing in on the frequency of the transmitter that was placed in Nick Fury’s jacket lining. Blinking once, she reached over and wrote it down on a piece of paper. I have you now Fury. All I have to do is find out where Logan is at. Shouldn’t be too hard. He’s more than likely still at that woman’s house. I wonder who she is. I wonder what they’re doing. She shook her head and sneered. Probably sprawled out somewhere, sharing a post coital cigar. she thought bitterly. Even though she had Scott for a husband: a loving, caring, loyal man, it irked her to no end that she had lost one of her devoted fans. Narrowing her eyes, she marched out of the room with the intent of finding Bishop and having him trace Colonel Fury.

***

Logan stared through the tinted back window at Ice as he pumped gas into her truck. Remy and Fury had both forced him outside for the sole fact that they didn’t trust him and Ice together alone, especially since it was dark now. Fer two people that are at the other’s throats, they sure are actin’ as a team t’ keep me an’ Ice separated. Tapping on the window, he grinned as she moved closer, rolling it down.

“Hey there babe,” he said, leaning in and rubbing his nose against hers. She smiled up at him.

“Mr. Iron Britches is making me keep my hands in the vehicle,” she said, rolling her eyes in the direction of Fury. She had long given up on trying to keep him from smoking in her truck several states back, and Fury’s presence was punctuated by a tendril of smoke snaking out the open window. Logan frowned.

“Don’tcha got somewheres t’ go Nick? Preferably out a’ eyesight?” he asked irritably. Nick frowned right back at his friend and jabbed the air with his cigar.

“Hey, the Cajun is payin’ fer the gas right now, I can’t leave ya two alone for two seconds. The way yer actin’, it’s like the both of ya are two green, hormonal teenagers!” he yelled. Taking the nozzle out of the tank, Logan put it back in its slot.

“Yer startin’ t’ piss me off Fury.”

“The both a ya are way past startin’ to piss me off! Act seriously for once on this trip! Yez is in danger an’ I thought I could count on you to be level headed about the situation. Stop thinkin with the head below yer belt and start thinkin with the one on yer goddamn neck!” Nick bellowed.

“Get outta the truck, Nick. I got words fer ya.”

“Anytime you want to get your ass kicked Logan.” Nick reached for the door handle, but Ice stopped him.

“Logan, Nick’s right. Here we are acting like nothing’s wrong while Yez is going through who knows what. I’m sorry Nick. I know if the tables were turned and it was me instead of Yez, you and her wouldn’t have acted like this.” Nick swallowed. Thinking on the situation, he knew that he and Yez would be acting just like them. Or would they?

“That’s okay Ice. I just…I just want to get her back, that’s all,” he said, looking out the window again. Remy came out of the store and hopped back in the driver’s seat. They thought they would let him drive seeing that they were practically in Louisiana now and he knew the terrain better than they did. Fury got out of the truck and got into the front seat.

Logan didn’t say a word to him, but gave him a glance as he circled the vehicle and sat in the backseat. Ice stayed on her side of the bench seat and Logan stayed on his. Looking in the rearview, Remy gave them odd looks.

“Looks to Remy dat he missed somet’ing, neh?” Mentally counting the seconds, Remy was surprised that Ice and Logan had lasted almost a minute without trying to tear the other’s clothes off. Nick looked at him, his thoughts going to Yezra.

“Yeah Cajun, looks like you did.”

***

“Alright, I got a fix on the Colonel,” Bishop said, staring at a computer screen.

“Well? Where is he?” Jean asked, pushing her way to view the screen. Bishop frowned as she invaded his personal space, but moved out of her way without saying anything.

“It seems that he is moving from the city of Bogalusa, Louisiana and headed due southeast on Interstate 59.” Rogue gasped.

“He’s goin’ to New Orleans! If’in Remy is with him, then he must be in some kind of trouble!” Rogue was actually wringing her hands in worry.

“Well, at least we know where to go now. Now if only we knew where Logan was headed…” she turned as someone darted into the hallway.

“Aww…Jean, no fair keepin’ me here with telekinesis!” Bobby whined, trying to pull his feet from the floor with no avail.

“Bobby, you took a strange phone call earlier, didn’t you?” Jean asked. She had been in the room at the time and Bobby had been all hush hush about the conversation.

“It was a…um…wrong number.”

“Uh huh. It was Logan. Where is he?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t pull that.” With a gesture from her elegantly shaped eyebrows, Jean sent Bobby hanging upside down in the air. Several Twinkies fell out of his pockets.

“Aww, geez, don’t tell Hank I was in his stash, okay?”

“Tell me where he went.”

“He didn’t tell me.”

“I don’t buy that. Tell me Robert.” She held him upside down until his face started turning all red from the blood rushing to his head.

“Okay, okay! He went with Fury to go save some lady!” Getting an answer she liked, Jean righted him and set him back down on the ground.

“A rescue mission? Well, if we all know them, and if they’re all involved, then that means they’re going to be in trouble. We’re going to be their backup.” She said decidedly, heading off to change into her spandex. She caught Bobby’s arm on the way out of the room.

“Hey!”

“You’re coming with us Bobby. You’re the only one that knows what Logan actually said,” she told him. Rogue and Bishop followed. Bishop sighed. It seemed like he wasn’t going to be the only one on this trip going against their will.

***

Nick sighed and looked in the backseat. Ice had drifted off and was now seated close to Logan with her head resting on his shoulder, Logan’s jacket covering her legs. Logan looked up at Fury, his arms wrapped around the sleeping author.

“Look Fury, I’m…” Logan started. Nick waved him off.

“I know Logan. Don’t blame you. I know I would act just that way too if…” he trailed off, not wanting Remy to hear or understand. Logan nodded.

“Get some shuteye Fury. You’re gonna need it,” he said instead, leaning in his seat and bringing Ice closer to him, resting his chin on the crown of her head. Nick turned around and tried to rest. He kept on thinking about Yezra though. Was she alright? If she was hurt in any way, he swore he was going to kill that psycho Antoine way before Remy even got a hold of him. And he would kill him slowly. He was hit with a sudden thought. Ice had given him an odd look back there at the gas station, like she knew something that he didn’t. Did Yez tell her something? Recalling the night she had gotten drunk in Madripoor, he grinned. She actually sighed. At me. Said she liked my build. What would have happened between them if she hadn’t passed out and Remy hadn’t been in the room? Used t’ think she was just a big pain in my ass. What the hell do I think now? He had to ask himself: was he rescuing her only because he felt guilty about bringing her into Marville in the first place, or because he was starting to care about her in more than just an author/muse type way? He let his mind wander to the night she talked him into taking her back to Madripoor. She had actually let him smoke in her domain, the one place she was adamant about him not lighting up in. He grinned again, recalling the way the low light in her dining room hit her face, casting parts in shadow, highlighting the rest. Her unusual…not weird, unique colored eyes were crinkled in a smile as she had held out the antique lighter. He hoped they would find her soon. He had so much he wanted to tell her…

Shaking his head, he frowned. Oh hell, I think I’m fallin’ fer her. Remy looked over from the driver’s seat and gave him a confused look.

“You alright, mon ami? Remy feels somet’ing wrong wit you,” he said, eyeing Fury while keeping an eye on the road. Shit, that’s right. The bastard’s an empath. Gotta keep my guard up around him. Putting on a more characteristic scowl, Fury looked at him.

“Of course everything’s all right. Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Well, Remy jus’ t’ink dat dere be somet’ing fishy goin’ on wit you an’ de Queen, dat’s all. For a moment, Remy woul’ ‘ave t’oug’t dat you was somet’ing to de Queen,” he said, noting how Fury stiffened.

“Don’t know what would have given you that idea LeBeau. Far as I know, yer still warmin’ her sheets. Wouldn’t want to horn in on another man’s territory, now would I?” Nick baited. Remy actually sighed and griped the steering wheel tighter.

“Remy wan’ to say dat he be warming de Queen’s bed, but dat woul’ be a lie. He hasn’t done anyt’ing wit her for a while now.” Nick involuntarily let out a sigh of relief. So she had been telling me the truth… He could hear her in his head now.

“Of course I have, you Meatball. Why would I lie about something like that, huh? I can’t believe you didn’t believe me! What did you want me to do? Put it in writing that I wasn’t sleeping with him anymore? Jeez Fury!”

“Don’t call me Fury,” he mumbled aloud. Remy looked at him again.

“What was dat Mon General?”

“Nuttin. Nevermind.” With that, Fury turned towards the window again and closed his eye, trying to reserve as much energy as possible before saving his author.

***

“Homme, wake up. We be here,” Remy whispered, shoving Fury’s shoulder. The other man was awake in seconds. Looking behind him, he noticed that Logan was also wide awake, and Ice was rubbing her eyes.

“Where are we?” Fury asked, looking around the surroundings. There was nothing but swampy marshland and trees with their roots sticking out of the water.

“We be at de entrance to Antoine’s mansion. We’re going to need a boat to get dere and back,” Remy said, getting out of the truck. Ice looked at him and noticed that he didn’t look at all like the aloof and charming guy she and Yez knew, but a sterner, more dangerous looking individual. He was on home turf so to speak, and he knew the enemy better than anyone. From out of the brush he pulled a small boat and pole he knew would be there for anyone that needed to visit the mansion. Nick hefted the majority of the duffel bags and shouldered them while Ice took the last one. Quietly boarding the boat, they all waited until Remy had pushed off before whispering their plans.

“Okay, dis is how it goes. Nobody touches Antoine. Dat man is mine. Family be family an’ all dat,” Remy said, his eyes glittering in the darkness.

“Fine. Wolverine, you and Ice cover the ground floor while the Cajun goes after Dupree. I’ll get Yezra and then we meet back at the boat.” Nick looked around as he was met with three heads that nodded in understanding. They all were silent again as they drifted down towards the mansion. Ice let out a small indrawn breath as she saw something slither in the water beside them.

Just a snake. Nothing to be afraid of. Just a little one. Don’t freak out now. Whatever you do, don’t scream, girl. Logan reached out and squeezed her hand. Giving him a tiny smile, she squeezed back. Remy steered the boat around the back of the mansion where the swamp water was the worst and took the boat up to the shore. Silently motioning for them to go in different directions, Remy grabbed a fistful of cards and his staff from his coat. Nick pulled out his piece and fitted a silencer on it, noting that Ice did the same. Everyone nodded and proceeded to infiltrate the ground level.

***

Remy stalked the grounds like a huge silent cat. He knew every nook and cranny there was to the place, and he hated it with a passion. This was where Antoine tried to kill him once, it was where Genine was taken, and it was where she had fallen to her death from the tallest place on the house. Her neck had broken instantly and that was the one comfort Remy had, that she didn’t suffer none. Creeping behind a guard, he quickly rendered him unconscious. Going about the gardens, he picked a lock on the French doors and silently slid in, blending with the shadows, his eyes gleaming like a demon’s.

Don’t worry Antoine. Remy fin’ you, den he kill you once an’ for all.

***

Ice and Logan went around the other way, Logan going first and knocking any guard out cold. He had already told her that they weren’t going to kill anyone unless absolutely necessary. As they rounded a corner, Ice fell flat on her face, narrowly avoiding getting shot. Logan turned around, seeing a man staggering up, screaming into a walkie-talkie in rapid French. Ice’s arm snapped around and she fired, hitting the man in the kneecap. What Logan had made out from the garbled French and Cajun dialects sounded like the whole guard system had just been alerted on their whereabouts and they were going to be having a bit of company pretty soon. Seconds later, they both saw men running from all directions at them.

“Darlin’, ya know that big gun in the bag?” Logan asked, popping his claws.

“Already on it,” Ice replied as she unzipped the bag and loaded the weapon.

“Keep directly behind me an’ don’t move from behind my back. Keep runnin!” he yelled, running forward as Ice ran backwards, firing at the guards that had filed in behind them.

At least there’s not any need to be quiet anymore. Everyone knows where we’re at. Ice thought dryly, trying to aim the gun low as to not kill any of them, only wound them enough that they wouldn’t be able to chase after them. She stumbled as something hit her in the back. Logan turned around, claws bared and he stood over her. A huge, very muscled man that was one of Antoine’s head henchmen stood in the shadows. Lifting the blowgun to his lips, he let out several more darts that hit Logan in the chest. The guards fired at him, and finally whatever drug that was on the tip of the darts and the bullets that had caught him in the chest made him stumble and fall. Right before darkness could overtake him, he sheathed his claws and rolled on top of Ice so she wouldn’t be hit by any stray bullet.

***

Nick heard the gunfire from the back portion of the sprawling mansion. Running towards the sound of the action, he was stopped when he heard someone screaming. Someone feminine. Looking up, he saw that in the tallest portion of the house, some woman in a pale pink nightgown was leaning out the window waving her arms madly in the air and screaming for his attention.

“YEZ!”

“NICKY! Help me!” Just then, Yez was pulled violently from the window ledge and Nick could hear her screaming. His blood boiling, he kicked open the nearest door and went in, a pistol in each hand.

Just hold on a while longer Yez. I’m comin’ to get ya.

***

Yez stumbled back, painfully getting slammed onto the bed frame. Antoine stared down at her, clearly well over the lines of talking out his problems.

“So Genine, you betray me like dis? You still love LeBeau! Why else woul’ you be calling out his name?” he snarled, his eyes glazed over.

“Look you psychopath, get your filthy pays offa me or else…” she was stopped in mid sentence by a hard backhand slap that sent her head snapping to the side.

“Dere be no time for de ‘what else’ chère. Antoine love you wit all his heart an’ you go an’ break it under your foot. Well, Antoine knows how to make LeBeau suffer, jus’ like Antoine suffer!” With that, he grabbed Yez by the wrists and dragged her down the stairs, her kicking and screaming the entire way. He reached another door and shoved her inside. He then tied her up to a little metal platform, getting bit and clawed at in the process. Several backhands later, he had her tied down and gagged. Going over to the other side of the room, he pulled a lever. That opened up the floor and Yez’s eyes grew as wide as saucers as she looked down, noticing at least five full sized gators waiting in a pit below. Pulling another lever, Antoine raised the platform that Yez was on all the way up to the ceiling. When her leg was eye level, Antoine took out a knife and cut a long line on her shin, letting the blood from the knife drip down in the gator pit. Yez screamed against the gag as white hot pain seared its way up her leg and her blood dripped through the grating of the metal. Having the scent of blood in the swampy water sent the gators into a feeding frenzy, hissing angrily and snapping their jaws.

“If Antoine can’t have you Genine, den de only one dat will have you be de gators. LeBeau ain’t gonna lay anot’er hand on you, my love,” he said, blowing her a kiss. As he left the room, he pushed down on another switch. Yez blanched as she noticed that the platform was ever so slowly being lowered. She figured she had a good ten feet to go before she got into biting distance of the gators. Closing her eyes, she knew that she had never been so scared in all her life.

NICHOLAS JOSEPH FURY, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND RESCUE ME NOW!

***

Nick was climbing the stairs where he had last seen Yezra when this funny sensation hit him in the center of his chest. He was scared, not just frightened, but paralyzed with fear scared. He never got scared. A sudden flash of insight hit him. It wasn’t him, it was Yez that was sending some sort of message to him. Logan said he an’ Ice had a muse/author connection. Is this it? Running down the stairs, Nick bellowed out to Yez, hoping she would hear him.

“Hang on Yez, Sweetheart, I’m comin’!”

***

Logan opened his eyes and the first thing he noticed was that he was sitting on the floor of a dimly lit room and that there was something dark stuffed in his mouth. The second thing he noticed was that Ice’s back was pressed up tight against his chest and it was her hair that he was choking on. She was limp in his arms, her head lolled to the side. Turning his head, he saw the large henchman standing against the wall. Growling because Ice had yet to wake up, he snarled at the big man.

“I would not take out dose claws of yours, you might not like what happens if you do,” the man said. Logan grimaced. In the past, if he had been captured, his captors usually had the sick humor of tying up his hands so he would wind up gutting himself if he tried to break free. This time, his captors had the sick humor to tie up his hands so that if he tried to break free, he wouldn’t gut himself. He would wind up killing Ice. His right knuckles were pressed firmly under her ribcage and his left ones were situated over her chest. He felt Ice stir and felt her fear as she stared not at the henchman who had a long red scratch mark on his face, but at the glass cases all around them.

“You like Msr. Dupree’s collection? It be a hobby of his, collecting snakes. Would you like to see what kinds he has, up close?” With a laugh, the big man unlatched a case that held masses of squirming garter snakes. Within seconds they piled onto the floor. Ice shrank away, the heels of her boots sliding on the tiles, only to be face to face with a large serpent, who bit the glass and hissed. Laughing, the henchman unlatched several more cases, causing their contents to writhe along the floor.

“Have fun,” he laughed, closing the door behind him. Pressing closer into Logan’s chest, Ice felt something warm and sticky coat her back. God, Logan got shot. Ice closed her eyes. Why did it have to be snakes? She tried not to hyperventilate, but she was reminded of a summer long ago in Texas when her cousin tricked her into going into the snake house of the local zoo by herself. She had been six at the time, and she and her cousin had never liked the other. Some of the nonpoisonous reptiles had gotten loose so that was the reason that the snake house had been closed in the first place. Her cousin had shoved her inside, turned off the lights, and held the door closed from the outside. Ice had been stumbling in the dark, trying to find the way out by feel when she felt them slither against her legs, slowly climbing upwards. She had fallen when she had run in fear and they literally covered her, getting into her hair, her clothes, slithering up and around her skin. From that moment on she had been petrified of snakes of any kind. She closed her eyes tighter as she felt something crawl up her boot. She quickly kicked it away, only to feel more little snakes crawl around her, getting on Logan’s boots and making their way over his legs. Clenching her hands tighter to Logan’s thighs where her wrists were tied, she jerked her fingers around, wishing that she could shove the slithering mass of dark green serpents away from her. When the biggest snake hit against the cage again, hissing and snapping at her, she couldn’t take it anymore. Something was climbing up her leg over her pants, and cracking an eye open, she saw it was one of the bigger specimens. Letting loose a shrill scream, she tried to kick her leg around. Logan tightened his arms around her as she sobbed in fear.

“Dammit! Why did it have to be snakes?!”

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