Why Remy Never -poofed- Out of Madripoor
Chapter 5
Doctor No Had a Garage Sale on All His Nasty Goods

The metal platform that Yez was tied to was cold and damp. She felt like she was strapped to a modern-day gangplank. Oddly, she remembered a bridge in her youth that was made of the same grated metal plates, on a highway in the city she grew up in. Whenever her parents drove over it in the family car, she would stick her head out of the window and look down. The holes that made up the grating were visually whisked together, and it gave the impression that they were driving on air. She loved that bridge...

This, however, was not so much fun. Helpless, she watched as the gators tumbled angrily and twisted around each other in the water, excited and angered by the taste of her blood. The wound in her leg was still dripping, and still hot with pain, but her fear was overriding everything. She could feel her heart beating in her ears. The platform continued to move, and she fought against the gag in her mouth, alternating between sobbing and screaming.

***

Remy LeBeau considered himself a patient man. No thief can ever be successful without this trait. At that moment, he was of a single mind to get to Antoine Dupree, and kill him. Remy was systematically removing Dupree's men from the game as he blended through the grounds undetected. Wounded by his cards or his kicks, or frightened by his trickery, most of the thugs that worked for Dupree had been disabled. He crept through the bayou garden, making them believe he was a force of many. The wounded crawled away, the smarter ones simply fled. The foolish few who remained behind were still flanking the bastard.

He practically strolled into the back gardens, where he knew Dupree would be waiting for him.

A bitter voice in the darkness reached him with French words, and a torch was lit.

#I wondered when you would get here. You are late.#

Remy's eyes narrowed. #Where is she, Antoine? If you tell me right now, I'll only maim you.# The three remaining henchmen lit more torches, and the garden became an arena of sorts.

#LeBeau! Come now! You can go find Genine… or you can take this chance to kill me. It's your choice Remy. But if you leave to help the girl, I will not wait for you. I will slip through your fingers, and I will find Genine again… later.#

Remy snarled at him. The hatred boiled up inside, and all the memories of what had happened only made his anger worse. No matter who was to blame for Genine, Dupree had hurt both the authors, and Logan and Nick. He wanted Antoine to pay for that. Remy wanted it to stop. He wanted Antoine dead.

#The girl isn't even Genine, you insane fool. She is a Queen, too good for even your eyes to look a her. She is being rescued as we speak, of that I have no doubt. I would much rather stay here and rip you apart.#

Antoine leaned back and laughed at the night sky conceitedly. #Oh, yes! With your mutant powers, I'll wager! Because you cannot defeat me as a man would - with only a simple weapon, as we were taught by our elders.#

#I have no intention of taking you down any other way than that, you madman.#

Dupree looked at one of his men and nodded sharply. The henchman tossed a metal staff to Antoine, who caught it easily. Remy produced his collapsed staff mysteriously, and removed his trench coat. The men eyed each other like the old enemies they were.

#I will not use my powers… and your little slaves will not interfere?#

#I will kill them myself if they deprive me of hurting you, LeBeau.#

Remy grinned nastily. #We shall find out soon who will do the hurting, Dupree…# He twirled the staff elegantly and with power, readying himself. #…and who shall be hurt.#

***

While most of them were garden-variety and harmless, there were only a few snakes that Logan could make out as poisonous. Thankfully, those few had taken up residence in corners of the room, anxious to get out of the writhing pile of garters. Ice was still hyperventilating; the little ones were crawling all over her. She paused, however, as she felt a new wrench in the situation. So to speak.

"Logan? Honey...?" She swallowed and turned her head as far as she could manage to look at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Gnn… Yeah?" His reply was strained and she could tell he was trying to get control over the problem. Over himself.

"What... um, what is that?"

"Babe... you know damn well what that is. I ain't sayin' it."

Her eyes were still wide, and it wasn't just from the snakes this time. "Wolvie... Now?! You do this now?!"

"Snakes don't scare me Ice. The way yer wigglin around - now that scares me..."

"I don't believe this," she sighed, her voice shaking. "We're finally alone, mom and dad are gone, an' you're engines are," she paused, swallowing hard and readjusting her hips for what little room she could get, "...are totally revved... Cripes! Step right up, Ice girl, no waiting!" She groaned. "We're tied up! We can't move! And we got snakes crawling everywhere! This sucks!"

"Ice, baby, please stop moving around," he groaned.

"Logan, I can't! I'm scared out of my wits and they just keep crawling on me!" She sobbed and started crying for real, which helped Logan put things in perspective. He stopped concentrating on the fact that she was between his legs finally, that the sweet smell of her hair was so close to his nose, that she was squirming like she was... He focused instead on the fact that she was scared, and he needed for her to calm down.

"Darlin'," he whispered in her ear, "Listen to me. Breathe, just like I do. Let's get yer heart rate down... and get mine down, too. We have to calm down and think our way out of this."

She whined her agreement and pushed her head back lightly against his neck, eyes closed and still sobbing lightly. She listened to his voice, calm and warm, whispering his instructions. Logan kept her close as he gave her a crash course in meditation...

***

At the bottom of the stairwell he had been in, Fury turned down a long hall near the back of the mansion. He could still smell Dupree's cologne in the air. He itched to go after him and shoot the bastard… but his instincts, or this author-muse thing, or whatever it was, made him run down the hallway. It ended in a tiny, heavy door, poorly attached to a brick wall. The closer he got to the door, the more intense the feeling of fear became. Nick barreled into the room, kicking the heavy wooden door in violently. It strained on its ancient hinges and slammed against the inside stone wall of the chamber. Nick had to stop himself short from falling into the pit. When Dupree had activated the platform, the rest of the floor fell away to the sides, leaving only a narrow ledge to stand on. Fury staggered back, griping the wall with one huge hand, instantly angry at the sight of her bloodied leg. Then he leaned over and looked down in horror at the fate Yez was slowly dropping to. Now he knew why his chest had tightened up. When she reached the water, she'd be face down in it. The reptiles would rend her to pieces even as she was still bound to the platform.

And she only had about three feet to go.

Eaten to death while drowning. Aw babe, here we go again…

His first impulse, of course, was to shoot the threat. But how many gators were there? The water was black in its depth, no telling how far it went down. Hell, the pool could be connected to the swamp, and the beasties could all be down there waiting for more of her blood.

He couldn't just leap on the thing - it may not hold his extra weight, and they would have nowhere to go once he untied her. They walls of the pen were crumbling, slippery and covered with moss, and the platform had already dropped a good four feet below the false floor it had dropped out of. The only choice he had was to get it to stop dropping, and start rising.

Yezra strained her head to look up at him and he was sickened at the fear on her face, pale and slick with sweat. This was no way for her to die. She should live a long life and die in her sleep! Yez flipped her head to the side so that she could look at him. She jerked upward as if to point at something. While she had no way to do anything accurately, he got the hint and started looking around. He turned to find the control panel on the wall behind him. Fury blanched as he looked over the controls. Nothing was labeled, in pure bad-guy fashion.

"Goddamn you Dupree!" He had to do something. She was still moving down.

He took a chance and flipped a lever down. A grinding noise was heard and then the platform slowly flipped over, Yez screaming against the gag all the way. Before she knew it, she was hanging from the metal grate, face up, with her restraints the only thing keeping her attached to the platform. And she was now about a foot closer to the gators.

They crawled over each other, snapping and lurching to get at her butt. A small alligator climbed on the face of a large one, and snapped its jaws, catching the skirts of the frilly gown. It yanked at the skirt and began to tear it away. Yez could feel the reptile pulling on the dress, and in turn her body pulled at the ropes holding her to the platform. She screamed and cried, and Nick's eye started tearing up right along with hers. One more foot and their anxious snouts would be in range of actual flesh. She closed her eyes tight to the sound of the hissing reptiles and the feel of the water splashing on her exposed legs.

Nick swore nervously as he felt her terror seizing his chest. "Wrong damn button," He muttered. He flipped it back up quickly and she narrowly avoided having her arm bitten as the whole contraption turned again and her side dipped low. She found herself in the same position as before, face down on the platform and edging closer to the gators.

He flipped another switch, and the ceiling to the stone chamber opened to the clear night sky, moon and stars piercing the sphagnum moss and bathing everything in an unearthly glow.

"Terrific! That helps so fuckin’ much," he spat. Now he could watch her be devoured in better light. Yez screamed again as she saw flashes of the gator's eyes, glowing in the moonlight like a dog's.

***

"Better?"

"Much," Ice murmured.

"I told ya this was good stuff."

"Mm-hmm…" Logan listened as she continued breathing steady. Her eyes were glazed over and she was pretty much putty in his hands, even though the snakes were still crawling on her. She no longer seemed to be in the same room with him. He looked down and examined the way they were tied up. He needed a claw, just one, to get over to her hands where they were tied to his thighs. His right hand was the only choice, just under her ribcage. If she could manage to turn far enough out of its way, he could pop the pinky claw and then they'd be in business.

"Ice, I got an idea." He whispered in her right ear, "But you gotta do as I tell you, and don't flinch."

"Okay."

"Yeah… well, how far back can you stretch?"

"Which way?"

"Your right side, against my left. Can you turn some? All I need to do is get my furthest knuckle pointing in a direction that ain't you, know what I mean?"

"Like this?" she asked, so dreamy and soft that he wanted to kiss her again. She arched her back severely, and was able to pop her head under his left armpit. His left arm was now laying across her collarbone. Then she pushed herself back even further, so that the right side of her face was resting on his left shoulder blade, and her black lace bra was situated under his left arm. She seemed completely relaxed. "You can cop a feel if ya wanna, Wolvie…" She breathed the words against his back.

Logan's eyebrows rose. Good God she's flexible! I gotta remember that!

"Have I moved far enough?" she whispered seductively, leaning against him and smiling.

"Baby, you move just fine…" He shook his head slightly; getting out of the daze her contorted form had him under. He was so busy looking at her twisting torso, he didn't even notice that his knuckles were clear of her ribs. All of them. "Now we're talkin'! Here we go. Don't move Ice!"

"Okay."

Snikt!

"Mmmmm… Logan I love that sound! Do it again."

He chuckled. "Let's get free first and I'll do it as many times as you want, 'kay?"

"That sounds like fun…"

He closed his eyes and exhaled. Get a hold of yerself old man. Plenty o' time for that later…

Logan bent his right knee and brought her wrist up to the closest blade. He grimaced as he twisted his knee painfully, and got the rope around her hand in a position where the claw could slice it clean. One stroke, and the binds were off.

Ice's right hand was free. She raised it slowly up to his shoulder, trailing softly down his arm, making him shiver. Her fingers finally reached the ropes that tied his right hand to her torso. They worked carefully, loosening a few knots until he could slip his hand back through it enough to slice them off with his claws.

Now that one set of claws were free, Logan made short work of untying them the rest of the way. He picked Ice up, all dreamy and loose, and helped her toward the door. Opening it slowly, he checked for bad guys, and led her out into a dark hall. He was careful to shut the door behind them, keeping the snakes in the room.

She stood still, looking at him quietly, awaiting further instructions. If he told her that they were going to have sex, right then and there, she'd comply, no questions asked.

Damn… Look at her! It'd be great to just… Aw, hell, we gotta move it. But I'm at least stealin' a kiss…

He pushed her gently up against the wall and embraced her with the most passionate kiss he'd ever given her. She practically melted in his arms. When he pulled away from her, she protested fiercely, and he put a finger to her lips.

"Princess…" he whispered, " I promise, when this mess is over… You ain't gonna be able ta walk fer days after I'm through with ya."

She smirked, and stared at him with obvious intent. "Promises, promises," she teased softly, and trailed little kisses all over his face.

He leaned back and exhaled, taking her shoulders firmly in his hands. "Ice, I wish I could prove it to ya right now. But snap out o' this. We still got a job to do, and Yez needs our help."

"She's got the Colonel… He'll take good care of her… It's what she wants anyway…" She smiled and put her hands around his neck.

"Ice!" He shook her, just a little.

She blinked, and her face grew serious. "Did I just let a bunch of snakes crawl all over me back there?"

"Yep."

"Did I seduce you in the process?"

"Oh yeah."

"Cool…"

He took her hand and led her up through the hallways. "Listen, Darlin'. If that's gonna happen every time I teach you ta meditate, then you gotta flip out more often…"

She giggled and they crept slowly up a staircase.

***

He had nothing to lose… except his author. Nick flipped every switch he could, watching anxiously to see if one of them was the right one. A piston came out of a hole in the wall and squirted the surface of the water with a tiny flamethrower. Yez felt the heat as she watched the flame shoot out under the platform. Some of the Gators submerged, but not all of them. Another switch, a set of lights came on under the water. He was right – this chamber connected under the surface of bog. Nick flipped another switch flipped and two tunnels opened near the water's surface. Snakes and frogs began jumping out and slithering into the water. A few of the creatures fell on Yez's back and she screamed again.

Some of the frogs actually leapt up onto the platform that Nick was standing on and he kicked them off in a hurry, grimacing. He flipped yet another lever, and the floor came back. He could see the hole where the platform fit into neatly. There were two switches left, and he swore that if neither one worked, he was jumping in with her, and taking out as many gators as he could before they ripped him to shreds.

He flipped one of them. Nothing happened. He flipped the other, and the platform stopped abruptly. He stared at the panel for a moment, and flipped the second to last one again.

Some nasty grinding was heard behind the brick wall, and the platform suddenly jiggled, scaring her white as a sheet. Then it shook angrily as began to rise back up.

Shaken, Nick exhaled long as he watched her rise back up slowly. That had been far too close. Before it even was level with the floor again, he reached down with a switchblade and started cutting her away from the platform. It came to a grinding halt as it stopped at the floor and Yezra whimpered at the rough movement. The contraption creaked and bounced as it settled into place.

He cut the last of the ropes holding her to the metal grate and flipped her over gently on the floor. Her wrists and ankles were still bound independent of what was holding her to the grate. He considered cutting them, but he wanted to get her out of the chamber first.

Just as he went to pick her up, a frog jumped on her torso and he almost yelled. Nick curled his lip back and swat it away roughly. It slammed into the wall and sank to the floor, pretty much reduced to a sack of jelly.

Nick carried Yezra out of the room and into the adjoining hall. They could both hear the sound of angry voices running away outside, but his only concern right then was still cradled in his arms. He kneeled down with her carefully, and propped her up against one bent knee. She was still sobbing behind the gag as he took out his knife and sliced quickly through the thick jute twine binding her hands. The skin on her wrists was raw and bloody from where she had fought against the restraints. But as soon as they were gone, she threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him fiercely, burying her face in his neck. He could feel her whole body shaking as he pushed aside her hair, and carefully cut through the dirty gag at the back of her neck.

"Shhhh, s'okay baby. I got ya now," he breathed his words as he pulled at the gag, and it slipped away from her mouth. Nick repeated himself, and he wasn't sure if he said it more for his own benefit or hers. She cried aloud when the gag came off. Relief swept through him and he wrapped his arms around her tight. "I thought I lost ya, girl," He whispered.

She clenched the back of his jacket in her fingers and closed her eyes, and he could feel her hot tears falling on his neck.

"Nicholas…"

"Awww… c'mon. Don’t cry. Be my tough Queen."

"I don't wanna be tough. You be tough, yer better at it." She sobbed again and he couldn’t help but laugh. Nick looked over at her bare feet, ankles still bound in the coarse twine. It was soaked with blood and cutting into her skin, just like on her wrists. Steadying her at her back, he picked up his knife with his other hand and sliced through the twine like butter. Freed, her legs went slack, and he pulled her the rest of the way into his lap. Rocking her gently, she eventually leaned back and looked him in the eye.

"What took ya so long, Meatball?" she sniffed, trying to sound sarcastic.

"I got held up chaperonin' an over-zealous mutant an' his author. It appears they're in heat."

She smirked through the tears. "Wolvie and Ice, huh?"

"Uh-huh… but ferget about them right now," he muttered softly. "Yezra, what in the hell are ya wearin'?" Nick asked with a nervous but relieved smile, brushing the tears off her face and fingering the itchy collar. He looked down at the layers of fabric that made up the skirt, almost completely torn away by the gators. The long, sharp cut on her shin was angry and deep. It was already clotting, but from the knee down her leg was bright red, coated in her own blood. He winced. That had to have hurt. He wanted to put Dupree through the same exact thing, only without the rescue.

She sobbed again, trying to answer his question. "Halfa–halfa–" Yez hiccupped. "Halfa ugly old dress…" She sniffed. Her lower lip trembled and she whined quietly, hugging him again. Nick pulled her closer against his chest. She was dirty and bloody and sticky, something she hated to be. She was wearing something she wouldn’t be caught dead in, even if it were intact. And thank God it hadn’t come to that. And she was crying like a little girl. Not at all like the haughty, stubborn Queen that he knew her to be.

"Ya look like a librarian."

"Dammit - I knew you'd say that!" She hit his shoulder blade weakly with a loose fist, pretending to be angry. But instead of laughing she just ended up crying more. Nick wasn't quite sure who this person was, kept hidden under the surface of the cynical remarks and the playful nature. But it was still Yez, and he was the privileged one that got to see this part, because she was alive and well.

Not in Dupree's slimy hands, not in some gator's belly - and not, Nick thought with unabashed selfishness, in Remy LeBeau's arms.

He let her cry it off for a few more moments, then said, "I don’t mean ta rush ya. God knows I don’t wanna rush ya," he said, smiling softly. "But we gotta get outta here, babe."

"Okay, yeah. I know," she said, as he helped her to his feet. She stayed in his arms as she tested her leg. Finding she could stand on it, Nick began to pull her down the hall gently by the hand.

She resisted. "Nicky… wait a minute," she said, wiping her nose with her tattered sleeve. She tugged on his hand with as much strength as she could muster and he turned back, facing her.

Concern flooded his face and he placed a palm on her tear-stained cheek. "What is it Sweetheart? Are ya okay?"

"I… I forgot something."

"What?"

She grabbed at his T-shirt and pulled his face down close to hers. "Thank you," she whispered earnestly, just before she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him long and full on the lips. Nick didn't react at first, wondering if he was dreaming it. Then he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her up close against him, kissing her back with enthusiasm. When their lips finally parted, they just gazed at each other for a moment.

"Wow," he said.

"No kidding," she returned. He set her down slowly, never looking away from her face. She slid her palms down his chest until they were no longer touching. They just stood still, looking at each other. Finally he broke the silence.

"Listen, Sweetheart. If that's gonna happen every time I rescue you, then you gotta get inta trouble more often…"

She smiled and they started cautiously back.

***

Nearly ramming into each other in the dark interior of the house, the two muse/author teams met in the foyer of the house.

"Yezra!"

"Princess!"

Logan and Nick backed off as the women hugged each other tight. "Are you okay?" Ice asked, pulling back and squeezing Yez's hands.

"I'm fine, just a nasty cut and some rope burns. I was gonna be alligator food if Nick hadn’t gotten there in time."

Ice inhaled sharply. "Ew… Were they in water?"

Yez grimaced, and shivered as she nodded her head. "And it was deep, too."

"Oh man, you musta been so scared."

"She was… I felt it." Nick chewed on his stogie and crossed his arms.

Ice brightened. "Well that's good news, at least you and your muse have finally connected!"

Yez smiled sarcastically and walked out the front door with Ice. She leaned in close and said quietly, "Yeah - we connected. An' in more ways than one."

"Yez! Ya didn't!" Ice smiled.

"No - just one kiss. But it was a good one. I hear you've had quite a bit more action, though."

The authors giggled. They stopped when Logan reached out to gently tug on Yezra's hair from behind them. They turned as one and looked at him. He looked all sheepish. "Yez, I'm… I'm really glad yer okay, girl."

She nodded. "Thanks."

"Yer leg… I'll have Hank come look at it when we… when Nick -poofs- ya back home. He'll fix it right up."

She nodded again. "Thanks."

He looked down and shifted his boot nervously. Ice looked at him expectantly. Logan looked up at her and shrugged. Yezra rolled her eyes and walked further into the swamp.

"Yez, I… um…"

"Forget it, Logan. Never mind. Let's just find Remy and get the hell out of here."

Ice gave him a stern look and turned to catch up with Yez. "He'll get there," she whispered, patting Yez on the shoulder. "Just give him a chance. Probably doesn’t want an audience hearin' him do it."

"I know. He's just bein' all male." Yezra smirked.

"Thank God!" Ice squealed. More giggles.

Behind them, Logan and Nick tried to talk quietly.

"What the hell is up with you two?"

"Uh… Has Yezra mentioned me at all? Since they rescued us in Madripoor, I mean?"

"Nope, not even once. Talks about Ice a lot, but never you. What's the deal Logan?"

"Well, I…" he started. "I kinda, sorta, inadvertently called her a loose woman."

Nick stopped. He placed a firm hand on Logan's forearm. "Say again?" His eye glinted in the dim light of the swamp.

"Ya heard me. It wasn't what I meant to say at all! She interpreted it all wrong, honest!"

"Or maybe ya said it all wrong, ya lousy Canuck!" Nick gripped the fabric on Logan's sleeve. "I spent most o' the drive down here trying to pry Ice's body offa yours - and you called my author a slut?"

"Hey," Logan growled, grabbing Nick's collar and yanking, "You leave Ice outta this!"

"Logan, I oughtta belt ya one in th-"

"Guys, please. This is so not the time…" Ice placed a hand on Logan's shoulder and pressed him to back down.

"Yeah, let's worry about Wolverine's assessment of my… lovelife… at some other time." Yezra took Nick's arm and pulled him away from Logan.

Satisfied their muses weren't about to start clawing and clicking, the authors walked on ahead in their search for Remy. "So ya kissed the Colonel?" Ice prodded.

"Yeah." Yez grinned. They giggled again.

"How was it?"

"Better than the Cajun, if you can believe that."

"No!" She smiled wide. "Really? That good?"

"Mmm-hmm. I likes him lots and lots, girlfriend." She grinned, then tugged on Ice's sleeve. "But, Princess… don’t say anything. Remy's got enough troubles. I just hope he's beating Dupree senseless…"

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