Why Remy Never -poofed- Out of Madripoor
Epilogue
Justice is Blind, Not Redheaded
Remy stood up, wiping the blood from his mouth and face. He took one last look at the watery grave Antoine had given himself to, and turned to leave. He got no further than a few feet back into the thick trees when he was nearly knocked over by Yezra and Ice, who jumped on him and hugged him tight. He staggered back a little at the force, and then righted himself and grinned, hugging them back.
"De femmes givin' de winner his prize, neh?" Remy looked them over as they let him go. "My Queen… What did he do to you?"
The authors looked at each other and smiled. "I'm fine, Remy, really. He meant to kill me, but I just got a big scare is all. Are you okay? He was wailing on you there, for a while."
"Dis is just a scratch, Petite. An' what 'bout you, Princess - you're not hurt?"
"Not at all. Where's Dupree?"
Remy tossed a thumb over his shoulder. "He got distracted by de wildlife when he fell in de bog. Gambit don' think he be coming up for air anytime soon." His eyes got cold for a moment. Yezra looked at the red swamp water and shivered.
"Nasty creatures…"
"You got to meet Antoine's pets, Chere?"
"I almost got to be their dinner, Remy."
Nick and Logan appeared after a few moments. Logan looked over at LeBeau. "We scared off the rest o' his men. Can we go home now? You and Yez got some wounds that need attendin'." Logan glanced at Yez's leg and winced.
Yez looked down at the cut. "It's okay, Logan. It looks worse than it is."
"Still, I want Hank to clean it up. He can make it heal faster too - with no stitches, and no scar." Yez looked at him and her lower lip trembled the slightest bit. Ice looked up and Nick and smiled at him as if to say, 'here it comes'.
Logan frowned and grabbed Yez's hand. "It came out all wrong, Darlin'. I never shoulda said it like that. I'm sorry I-"
She placed her fingers on his lips to shush him. "I'm sorry too, Wolvie," she squeaked, right before kissing his cheek and hugging him. Ice smiled and sighed. Remy was alive and his gorgeous face was still intact, Nick had finally kissed Yezra, Logan made up with the Queen, and tonight there would be no more interruptions for her and her muse. All was well in her world.
Nick snorted and chewed on his stogie. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, eager to be out of the love-infested swamp. "Oh, I'm gonna start bawlin' regular here. Whadda bunch o' saps you people are," he grunted. Logan gave him the finger behind Yezra's back.
"I think it's sweet," Ice said testily, hitting Nick on the shoulder with a fist. "Ow ow ow…" She shook out her hand. "Man you’re solid for an Octogenarian."
"Dontcha ever ferget it, Princess."
Remy frowned at Logan as he hugged Yez. The Cajun leaned closer to Nick and whispered, "What is dis all 'bout, Captain?"
"Colonel, you punk. It's just a… it's some big misunderstandin' about Yez's love life."
Remy leaned back and looked him in the eye. "How would you know if der was a misunderstandin'? What do you know 'bout de Queen's love life?"
Having no answer, Nick blinked at him. "Can we leave now? This place is given' me the creeps. There's frogs everywhere ya step." He rubbed the back of his neck where the little hairs were standing up. Yez looked down and smirked very quietly.
Remy put his staff away. "Gambit got to check out a few t'ings in de mansion. I'll catch up wit you soon, I promise."
"Oh, no ya don't!" Nick came forward and grabbed his collar. "The last time you snuck off before we -poofed-, worse things happened later. Ya wanna check out the house, fine. But get it done fast and then yer goin' back to Xavier's with Logan. Conversation over."
"Okay okay, Mon General. You win dis time. Remy still hurtin' too much to argue." He actually smiled at Nick. With Ice and Yez's help, he walked through the swamp back to the garden and entered the house. Nick and Logan followed closely behind them, watching where LeBeau had his hands on the girls at all times.
"What room did Antoine keep you in, Chere?"
Yezra exhaled, not thrilled about going back. "C'mon, I'll show you." She took Remy by the hand and led him up the stairs. Nick's eye narrowed as he followed them up, his face like stone.
"Hey," said Ice, placing a hand on his arm. "She adores Remy, Colonel. That isn’t gonna change. I'm crazy about the Cajun, too. But you're her muse. And you're the one she's kissing… remember?"
He looked at her for a moment, then smirked. "I ain't likely to ferget that for a long time, missy."
***
Remy finished telling Yezra the entire story about Genine, and he fingered the necklace where it lay on the dresser. It was the huge one that Antoine had put around Yez's neck.
He frowned again, and sat on the edge of the bed. "Dis was Genine's. Gambit stole it for her, just as de bauble. I never shoulda let t'ings go as far as dey did wit her. De femme would still be alive today." Yez looked down at him as he turned the necklace over in his hands, trying to make some sense out of all that had happened. She sat next to him on the bed and took the necklace from him, setting it aside.
"Remy, I'm so sorry for all of this. We never should have dragged you to Madripoor. It was a big mistake." She placed her palm over his hand and squeezed it gently.
"Non, My Queen… Gambit should have paid more 'tention to what day it was, 'stead of gettin' lost in de way you an' de Princess were cuddlin' up to him. Not dat Gambit wan' you to stop cuddlin' up to him…" He smiled mischievously and looked at her from out of the corner of his eyes. Remy put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him.
"Trut' be known, I'm just glad dat de Colonel got der in time. Dat's all dat matters."
"Not true," Yezra said, leaning against his battered frame. "That isn’t all that matters. Me n' Ice would have been heartbroken if you had gotten killed."
"Really, Chere?" LeBeau leaned back, turning her face up with a finger.
"Of course, you idiot. Nobody writes a love scene like Remy LeBeau."
"Non? Den how 'bout we do one right now, Chere?" He said, teasing. She blushed and looked down. "Relax, Yez. Gambit just kiddin'. We bot' need to see a doctor. Besides," he said softly, kissing her forehead, "You can just owe Gambit de love scene."
Yezra hugged him tightly, wondering when she was ever going to find the right moment to tell him about Nick.
***
The three muses and their authors walked out of Antoine's mansion, only to be greeted by the X-Men. Logan crossed his arms and sighed, Nick groaned, Ice rolled her eyes, and Yezra hid behind her muse at the sight of Jean. Remy looked over at Rogue, who had gotten ready to kick his ass all the way back home. He smiled at her, genuinely glad she was among them. Instead of being angry, she just gasped, looking at the blood on his hands and neck and the bruises everywhere else.
"Oh, Remy!" She put a hand to her mouth and sobbed, running forward to his side. "How bad are ya hurt, Cajun?" He pulled her away from the rest of the group and they hugged affectionately. Yez leaned on Nick's back and smiled, watching them they as they cooed over one another.
Someone at Marvel really oughtta do something about that chick's powers. This 'Remy-no-touch-Roguey' shit has gone on quite long enough…
"Here we are!" Jean sang happily. "We've come to rescue you from whatever awful trouble you've gone and gotten yourselves into!" Bobby and Bishop glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. Like Logan and Nick ever ran off needing a rescue…
"Yer a lil' late to the party Red. All the uninvited guests have either gone home, or got themselves ate."
"Yeah… me, Logan, an' the Cajun punk took care of it all. An' now we got people that need some medical attention, so if ya don’t mind-"
"Medical attention! Why, I'm a doctor! Let me take care of them!"
Yez looked over at Ice with wide eyes and shook her head desperately.
"Uh," Ice started, "We, uh, we have our own doctor. If you don't mind. But Remy needs to see Hank pretty bad." She smiled weakly and cleared her throat, squeezing Logan's hand.
Jean narrowed her eyes at Ice. "Don't I know you, young lady?"
"Uh… no, you don't…" Ice gripped Logan's hand even tighter, and he pulled her closer to his side. Red tilted her head with a jealous air and pretended to ignore them.
"Remy? Do you need my assistance?" They all looked over to the Cajun and the Swamp Rat, who were having an intimate conversation and smiling, quite oblivious to the rest of the world. Jean smiled, satisfied that she was still winning the argument. "Well then. He seems to be in good enough hands. Now who else here is hurt?"
Nick was getting irritated. He hated the noises that were surrounding him and he wanted to get Yez to the Helicarrier, where he could have the SHIELD medical staff fix her up. They had gadgets and drugs that were just as handy as that alien crap that Henry McCoy used. And he could show her his private quarters afterwards… which was his real motive.
"Look, Miss. I just wanna get Yezra outta this filthy swamp and into a proper medical facility. So if ya wouldn't mind movin' outta the way?" He looked at Jean expectantly. But Red just dropped her jaw, and so did Yez. She knew what was coming next. The author poked her head out from behind Nick and smiled weakly.
"What did he call you?"
Yezra looked at Jean, swallowing a little. It was true… while she found Red to be a fairly useful X-Man, she couldn’t stand her personally. And she had let it show, by bashing the prim telepath in various fics and giving her the nickname The Red Menace. A nickname that had spread and stuck with various other fic writers, Ice Princess Deluxe herself included.
"The Queen?" Yez said, backing away from the flame-haired mutant as she stormed forward.
"Aw, jeez…" Logan groaned and rubbed his face with his palms. Ice was going to her friend's defense when Logan pulled her back. "Don’t get in Red's way when she pissed off. Yez'll just havta deal with it. An' if she can’t, Nick will come ta her rescue."
"But-"
"No, babe. No."
She huffed and crossed her arms. Logan grinned and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her close. "Hey," he whispered, "Let's go home and pick up where we left off." Ice refused to look at him, but smiled wickedly.
-poof-
Bishop frowned. "How do you people do that?"
Nick took the stogie out of him mouth and crushed it under his boot. "Trade secret," he said, irritated, as he edged closer to Yez. His author was backing up slowly as Jean was bearing down on her.
"No, he did not call you 'The Queen'. He called you Yezra. You are that… that fanfic author."
"Uh… Pardon?" A pained look crossed Yez's face as she backed into a tree.
Jean pointed a perfectly manicured finger at the shorter woman. "That one that wrote… all those horrible stories about me! The one that gave me that awful nickname! I hate you!" She grit her teeth. "Let's see what other terrible plots you have up there to ruin my reputation!" She reached out with her professionally lacquered claws, with the intention of clasping them against Yez's head and sucking her brain dry of all creative ability. It would be months before she would be able to write again.
That was her plan, anyway.
Nick made his move, shoving Jean aside and pushing her to the ground on her pampered tush. He grabbed Yez, and pulled the author against his chest possessively. "I don’t think so, Menace Girl."
Yezra looked up at him and smiled. "My hero," she whispered.
"You bet, baby." He looked at her face thoughtfully, and leaned forward a little.
-poof-
Jean rolled over onto her stomach and slammed a fist on the ground, voicing her frustration in a string of uncivilized curses. Bishop put two fingers over his mouth to keep from smiling. Bobby didn't bother hiding it, he went ahead and laughed out loud. Rogue grinned.
They were all laughing at Jean having her tantrum on the ground, in fact, except for Remy. He was frowning, and Rogue looked up at him. "What’s the matter, Shugah?"
"De Queen. She -poofed- away wit De General." He looked at the spot where they were last seen and rubbed his sore chin.
"So? He rescued her, that's what the Colonel gets paid for, 'member? What's with all this -poofin'- stuff, anyhow?"
Remy looked down at her. She was as beautiful as ever, and her soft green eyes spoke in volumes of all the things she would never be able to do for him. Things that, in her heart, she already had.
"De -poofin'-…? It's nothin', Ma Chere. Let’s go home. Gambit needs de kind of TLC dat only you can give to him."
The four X-Men walked their way through the swamp back to the hummer, Jean rubbing her bruised behind and grumbling all the way. "She's had it. I don’t care if she's a friend of Logan's or not - the next time I see that word-processing refugee from munchkin land, she's toast! Oooooh!"
"Whatevah ya'll say…" Rogue replied, grinning, "Menace Girl…" Remy snickered and leaned on his favorite girl, not even covering his smile. Bishop stifled very un-Bishop like giggle.
Bobby couldn’t help himself. "Heh… Menace Girl… that's even better than The Red Menace."
Jean's face grew as read as her henna-sprayed hair, and she started screaming. "Stop it! Do you hear me? Just stop it! All of you are to call me by my proper name! My name is Jean Grey-Summers! Jean! Jean!"
When they got in the hummer, Bobby turned up the music to drown out her annoying lecture.
Nine Inch Nails could be so appropriate at times…
Fin.
