Disclaimer: Nope, we don’t own any of the X-Men or the X-Babies. Marvel does. Just having a bit of fun, that’s all. We do still own ourselves though no matter what Logan, Nick, and Remy might say.
A note from the authors: Hey! We’ve got ourselves a guest author! Flashgriffin has joined in the fun! Ain’t that great?
What Happened When They Babysat the X-Babies
Claws, Clicks, and –poofs- with Flashgriffin
A shiny black car pulled into Ice’s driveway early on a Saturday morning. The motor was cut off and the door opened. A man about average height took off his sunglasses and perched them atop his head of dark hair. Brushing off his charcoal muscle T of any invisible fuzz specks, he ran his hand through his hair, causing the ends to brush lightly against his broad shoulders. He stood there, wondering how to go about getting inside. He smirked, walking over to the front door, hunkering down and feeling about the wooden casing on the front step. Sure enough, it came loose and he pried it off, taking out the spare key. Tapping the wood back into place, he stood up straight and unlocked the door. Inside, it was dark and he barely missed tripping on a pair of black heels. He looked around, shaking his head. There was a trail of women’s clothes from the hallway leading upstairs. Jeez, what a slob. His eyebrows raised as he picked up the lacy bra where it hung from the second floor banister. He twirled it on his fingers for a bit, letting it fly to the ground next to the black little slip that was on the top staircase. If it had been light enough, he would have noticed that the little crunching sounds were buttons that were being smashed under his boots. And if it had been lighter, he would have seen the button-less flannel and the discarded belt buckle laying in the second floor hallway, or the scuffed up boots thrown haphazardly to the side and the faded blue jeans that had been tossed in the corner.
Creeping soundlessly as a cat, he slowly opened up the first door he came to. Sure enough, there was a bedroom, and it was occupied. He could barely make out the dark head resting on the pillow and the bare arm and leg poking out from the rumpled sheets. Closing the door behind him, he rushed inside, letting loose a bellow that would wake the dead and launched himself at the sleeping form.
Ice screamed as something large bounced on her bed, yelling like a banshee. She bolted upright, clutching the sheets to her chest, still trying hard to wake up. She had been reliving the events of last night in a wonderful dream when it was rudely interrupted by the dive bombing, screaming person. Her eyes tried to focus in the semi-dark room on the person in her bed. One thing was for sure: it was not Logan.
“Icey! Long time no see, huh?” the man asked, still slightly bouncing on his hands and knees, totally ignoring the fact that she was dressed in her birthday suit. Groaning, Ice rolled over the side of the bed and made a blind grab for her robe. The man got out of bed and threw open the thick curtains, letting the bright sunlight hit the room full force. He then went over to Ice and embraced her, lifting her off her feet, then planted a big kiss square on her lips. Just then, the door was kicked open and in leapt a snarling Wolverine, claws bared and ready to fight. He took one look at the man that was standing so close to his author, who at the moment was only dressed in his bathrobe. He advanced, barking orders for Ice to move out of his way.
“Wolvie, no! He’s family!” she yelled, tugging at his arm. Logan unsheathed one set of claws just as a precaution that he didn’t hurt her and turned his head ever so slightly. He had the stranger pinned up against a corner and it didn’t look like he was moving any time soon.
“God, Trevor, didn’t I tell you to stop jumping on my bed like that when I was back home? Jeez, don’t you ever listen?” she asked, pacing behind Logan, trying to keep the huge robe closed with one hand, shoving her hair out of her face with the other.
“You know this punk?” Logan snarled, still keeping a set of claws trained on the man’s throat. It would be a shame if he had to kill him in Ice’s bedroom. She had just finished painting the walls and it wouldn’t be fair if she had to do them over because of bloodstains.
“No Logan, I’m just trying to stop you from killing a burglar. Of course I know him!” she yelled, pulling at his arm again. She had to look at this from a different perspective. If anyone had walked in on the scene, it would have looked comical. Here she was, hair in a big, bed head mess and wearing a black silk robe that was five sizes too huge for her. In front of her stood a muscular, quite upset man that was only garbed in a white terrycloth bath towel swathed around his hips. Water was slowly dripping on her wood floor from his still damp hair. His claws were bared and pointed at the throat of a man she hadn’t seen in almost a year. Trevor never looked so scared. He was backed up against the wall with his eyes opened wide in fear, his throat moving as he tried to swallow nervously.
“Oh jeez Ice. I knew you had a thing for Wolverine since you were eight, but this is too much! What ‘cha do, grab a psycho off the street and make him wear plastic claws to bed?” Ice sighed and put another restraining hand on Logan’s arm. It was just like Trevor to let his huge mouth get him into trouble.
“Trev, sweetie, open your mouth and insert your foot. This isn’t an actor. It’s the real deal,” she told him as calmly as she could. Inching her way in between Logan, she put her hands on Trevor’s shoulders, pushing him into the chair beside her dresser. Logan retracted his claws and stepped back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He was staring intently at the man Ice had called Trevor, who was staring back at him blankly.
Logan narrowed his eyes more and growled low in his throat. He had been taking a shower and planned on waking Ice up later in the morning with gentle kisses and a promise of rolling around in bed all afternoon, later going downstairs for a bite to eat, maybe -poofing- on over to someplace warm for an evening full of exotic sightseeing capped off with making love in some expensive tropical hotel room. It was her birthday after all, and one only turned twenty once. He wanted to do something special for his girl.
Then this had to happen. He had heard her scream, and only too late sensed someone unfamiliar in her house. By the time he had kicked her door open, this Trevor person had grabbed a hold of Ice, looked like he was squeezing the life out of her, and had kissed her. That’s what had set him off the most. Nobody touched his woman like that without asking first. Trevor was staring at him blankly again, pausing only to blink as he digested what Ice had just told him.
“You…nah…No Way. That is not the Wolverine.” Ice looked at him sympathetically.
“Yep. Sure is. The one and only.”
“But…he’s…tall and…uh-oh…”
“Oh great. How long have I known you and you pick now to start fainting?” Ice muttered as she caught his head before it hit her nice, solid oak dresser drawers. Shoving the chair around, Ice managed to wiggle it a few inches closer to her bed.
“Wolvie, can you help me out babe? My luck he’ll fall out of the chair and give himself a concussion.” Together they plopped him into bed, Logan frowning the entire time because he was on his side of the bed, taking up his spot that he wanted to be on right now with Ice wrapped around him nicely. Ice smoothed a few strands of hair out of the now unconscious man’s pretty boy face and smiled down at him. Still bent over, she lightly kissed his forehead.
“Okay, so are ya gonna tell me who the hell this guy is now or later?” he asked. Ice looked over her shoulder at the man, then took Logan’s hand and led him out of the room. He stood there in the bathroom, still dripping from his hair. Ice grabbed a towel and hopped up on the counter, pulling on the towel that was now slung low on his hips so he stood between her knees. Gently patting his hair dry, she sighed as he opened up the robe a bit more.
“Looks good on ya baby,” he muttered, leaning into her and nuzzling her throat. He figured the man in her bed wasn’t a threat, so he planned on getting at least some cuddle time in with his author. She sighed and tilted her head, sinking her fingers in his hair. “I thought ya were an only child.”
“Huh?”
“That guy in there. Ya said he was family.”
“Oh, him. Yeah, well, technically he’s not related, but I’ve known him ever since we both were babies. Our parents are really good friends, so we grew up together. He’s kind of like having an annoying brother around,” she explained.
“Why ya think he’s here?” Logan asked, lazily running his hand inside her robe. He grinned against her throat as she shivered, then he placed a kiss along her jaw.
“I don’t know. Maybe he missed me. It is my birthday after all,” she hinted. Logan chuckled.
“You thought I fergot? The only thing I fergot was yer gift. I left it back at the mansion. Ya gonna be okay with him while I go off an’ get it?” he asked. Ice nodded. Logan straightened up and kissed her. “An’ when he wakes up, tell him I don’t like other men kissin’ my woman, no matter how they’re related.” Ice laughed at him, then brought his face close to hers by his sideburns.
“An’ don’t you worry about him. He’s no competition,” she said, resting her head against his forehead. Logan grinned at her and lightly kissed her nose.
“I’m off then. Be back in a while,” he said. “Uh, where are my pants?”
Ice giggled. “I think they’re somewhere in the hallway. Maybe downstairs?” Logan gave her a look that reminded her of last night and she was glad she was still sitting on the counter or else she would have melted into a puddle on the floor. He came back, tugging his pants over his hips and kissed her again.
“Darlin’, I had some really neat plans fer today,” he whispered, running his hands over her back.
“Mmm, so did I. Take a rain check?” she asked, closing her eyes and smiling happily.
“For you, anytime.” He stepped back a bit.
-poof-
Ice sighed, then went back in her room to get some clothes. Dressing in the bathroom, she made it downstairs to make breakfast, picking up various articles of clothing on her way.
***
-poof-
Logan hadn’t specified which room of the mansion he would appear in, and he soon wished he had. In the rec room, various teammates were gathered, arguing about something.
“Oh no way, this is not fair! I watched them the last time!” Bobby yelled.
Hank nodded in agreement. “It’s true, he shoveled them over to me for a while! Don’t make him do it! I don’t want them!”
“Well, I certainly don’t want to be the one that gets them.”
“Jean, you’re the perfect candidate, you’re basically our matriarch, so therefore you should earn this responsibility.” Jean, seeing no way out, stared at each of them. Then her eyes settled on Logan.
“You! Yes, you have to do this! You’ve been with that…author woman again, and you’re not pulling your weight as a team member!” she said. Everyone sighed, knowing that when Jean decreed something, it usually became law.
“Woah, what’s this?” Logan asked, holding out his hands. Jean frowned.
“Go into the Danger Room and find out. That’s the only place we could lock them up without them doing any type of damage,” Scott told him. He suddenly felt very sympathetic towards the unsuspecting Canuck.
“What? The Cajun an’ Rogue go on an ‘off’ week?” Everyone looked at him.
“Well, you can say that Gumbo an’ Rogue are having an argument,” Bobby said.
“Oh just go in there and see for yourself.” Shrugging, Logan made his way down to the Danger Room. He didn’t hear any fighting sounds, no cursing being done in either a Cajun or Southern accent, nothing. He keyed in his access password and the door opened with a faint shoof sound. The lighting was dark, and he could make out several shapes laying around. At the sight of him, they perked up and rushed forward. It was a good thing the door had closed behind him, or else they would have scattered all over the mansion.
“Oh no. Not this. Not again.” The little shapes came up and so did the lighting.
“Hiya Mister Wolvie! Didja bring us any presents?”
“Misther Wolvie, Snaggletooth an’ Mistie Q are being mean!”
“I am not, ya idiot!”
“Don’t call him an idiot! Only I can!”
“Shut yer trap, ya runt!”
“Ah don’t like ya anymore Gumbo! Ya jus’ plain mean!”
“But Gumbo like you Sugah! He jus’ don’ want to kiss you ‘cause you make him pass out!”
“Gumbo’s so mean Mistah Wolvie! Waaaaaahhhhh!”
“Mein Gott! Mister Wolvie, make her stop crying!”
“Da, she’ll flood the place!”
“Yeah, an’ she will! Mister Wolvie, Sparkler hit me!”
“Sugah don’ like Gumbo no more! Waaaaahhhh!”
“That wasn’t a hit! If I wanted to hit ya, I would have done it harder!”
“Everybody, sthop it! Sthop it!”
“Goddess, everyone behave!”
“Shut up Shower!”
“You shut up Icebaby!”
“Mister Wolvie, lil’ Beast stuck his tongue at me!”
“You want a piece a’ me Snaggletooth?”
“You bet Runt!” Logan looked around and knew that his fellow teammates were not going to help him out in this little catastrophe. That and he knew that there was at least one woman that would help him. Holding his hands to his sensitive ears, he yelled.
“Everybody! Shut the hell up!” This got results, the little toddlers stared up at him with wide eyes. Then their lips started to quiver at his roar. In seconds, he was in a room that echoed with bawling X-Babies and two members of the Brotherhood of Bullies.
-poof-
***
Trevor made it downstairs ten minutes later, his nose leading him to the kitchen where Ice was scrambling some eggs. She buttered the toast and set it on a plate.
“You okay? Head doesn’t hurt that much?” she asked, offering the plate to him. He took it, then grimaced at her eggs.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Boy, you sure haven’t learned how to cook any better since moving on your own,” he commented, sipping on his coffee. At least that was the one thing she knew how to make. “So, that was really THE Wolverine, huh?” he asked. Ice nodded, sitting down at her dining room table.
“Yep. The one and only.” She explained how she had gotten her muse, then told him about their adventures in Madripoor and the swamps of Louisiana with Yez and Nick. Trevor looked at her in amazement, then kicked her under the table.
“Ouch! What was that for?” Ice asked, rubbing her shin.
“You had your muse for how long and I just find out about it? That is so not fair, honey!” Trevor looked at her with a frown and sipped his coffee. “I can’t believe you’re sleeping with him though.”
“Oh, and what’s not to believe?” Trevor looked at her incredulously.
“What’s not to believe? He’s a comic book character for crying out loud! I always thought I would have to bitch about you dating a guy with a motorcycle and a prison record, but never this.”
“Wolvie has a motorcycle and a prison record. You read issue 164?” Trevor rolled his eyes. “Besides, everyone only thinks he’s just a comic book character when he’s in this universe. He’s pretty damn real in his own. I don’t think you have room to talk after that little fiasco with the girl that was dating the entire soccer team, now do you?” Ice asked with her eyebrow arched.
“At least she was three dimensional.”
“Oh, Logan is very three dimensional.”
“That was way too much information hon.”
Ice smirked. “You asked for it.” Just then, there was a -poof- and Logan came out of the kitchen, rubbing his face with the heels of his hands. He looked tired. He looked desperate.
“Baby, I need your help,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Oh, yer awake.” Trevor gulped. It was one thing to talk about Wolverine when he wasn’t there, but having him in front of him kind of made it a little harder. Logan stared at him with narrowed eyes. “Logan, I don’t think you were introduced to my friend yet. This is Trevor, Trev, this is Logan,” Ice said, patting Logan’s hand that was resting on her shoulder. Logan nodded and grunted his acknowledgement. Trevor took back his offered hand slowly.
“So, what do you need my help on?” Logan looked at her and gulped. Please buy this darlin’. Please buy this.
“Well, I know it’s yer birthday an’ all, but how do ya feel about going to Marville?”
Great going, her eyes just lit up. She likes the idea.
“Marville? Ooh, where? Can we go to Harry’s or the Auger Inn? I’ve always wanted to go to your haunts.”
“Nah. I’ve got somethin’ better. The team’s out on a mission, an’ the mansion is all empty. There’s a project I wanted t’ do there,” he told her. Her eyebrow raised and she gave him her “look” that made his heart go flippity-flop in his chest.
“When do we go?” she asked softly.
“How does now sound?”
“Hey, are you guys talking about Marvel?” Trevor asked. Ice nodded. “Oh yeah, grab the muse an’ then go off into Marvel Land without me! Some friend you are,” he said, mock sulking.
“Trev, this is very important muse-author stuff.”
“You wouldn’t even have him as a muse if it weren’t for me!” Logan leaned back, looking at how Ice was going to handle this.
“And what do you mean by that?”
“Well, who was it that gave you the mint condition number one issue of Wolverine in the first place?” Ice rolled her eyes.
“Trev, I bought that for you as a birthday gift. You forgot mine, so you just gave it to me as a quick present. Technically it was mine to begin with.”
“Okay, then who built up your collection? Huh, you can’t say you bought any of those issues.”
“You mom was going to throw them out because you couldn’t keep your bedroom clean. You gave them to me right as she was coming around with the trash bag!”
“Okay, then who dragged you to go see the X-Men movie?”
“Honey, you didn’t drag me.”
“Yes I did!”
“No, you carried me in because your car had run out of gas and we had to walk five miles to the theater! I had blisters for a week! And for your information, I wanted to see that movie!” Trevor sighed, knowing he was losing the argument. So he tried another tactic.
“Pleease Ice? Let me come into Marville with you!” Ice sighed, knowing that he was going to pull the puppy dog eyes and that was one thing she could never say no to when it came to him. She looked up at Logan. Logan looked back. He knew that he was going to need as much help with those little kids as he could get.
“I don’t see why not darlin’. He can’t get inta as much trouble as you an’ Yez have gotten yerselves inta.” Ice looked at Trevor.
“Okay, you get to go. Let me just go and get my shoes and we’ll be in business.” With that, she took off upstairs to grab her sneakers. While she was gone, Trevor looked at Logan.
“Um…” Logan stared at him.
“Kid, I got some things t’ clear up with you.” Trevor nodded, but wasn’t expecting Logan to haul him bodily out of his chair, push him up against the wall and lift him a few inches off the ground by the front of his T-shirt.
“O...okaay.”
“First thing. Never break inta Ice’s house without callin’ her first, so she can unlock the door before ya do it yerself.” Trevor nodded.
“Second thing. Never bust inta her bedroom without knockin’ first. Ya can’t tell if she’s decent or not.” Once again, Trevor nodded.
“And third thing,” Logan pushed him a little harder against the wall so his head hit with a small thump. “Never, an’ I mean never kiss Ice like that again. I don’t care how long you’ve known her. I don’t like it.” Trevor nodded so hard that he thought his head was going to fall off his neck.
“So what are ya gonna do before comin’ here again?” SKINT one claw came up close to Trevor’s head.
“Call and ask very politely if it is a convenient time to come over, sir!”
“Good. And yer gonna knock on Ice’s bedroom door how?” SKINT the second gleamed right beside Trevor’s eye.
“With the respect that she deserves and ask her if it is alright to come in or if I should wait until she is completely clothed, sir!”
“Excellent. And what are ya never gonna do again?” SKINT the third almost gave him another nostril.
“Ahhh! Kiss her in your presence, sir!” Logan curled his lip and Trevor quickly amended himself. “Never, ever, never will I kiss her on the lips anymore, no matter where you might be, sir! Or have any type of scandalous thoughts about her either for as long as I live! Sir!” Logan seemed satisfied with his answers, and his claws retracted into his forearms with an audible snap. He slowly let Trevor slide down the wall.
“Ya learn quick.” He did a double take. “You have what kind a’ thoughts about my author?” he snarled. Trevor shrugged.
“Well, look at her. She’s cute an’ all that, who wouldn’t? She may be like a sister to me, but I’m not blind.” Logan grunted. He couldn’t argue with that logic. Ice came down the stairs just then.
“You ready to go darlin’?” he asked. Ice grinned. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close as she grabbed a hold of Trevor’s hand.
“You two have a nice visit?” she asked innocently. Trevor gave her a weak smile.
“Um, yeah. It was really informative.”
“Just remember what I told ya.”
“Of course, Mister Wolverine, sir!”
“Logan. Just call me Logan.”
“Yes sir, mister Logan sir!” Logan groaned and rolled his eyes.
-poof-
***
-poof-
Ice had been in the Xavier Mansion once before, but she still couldn’t get over the extravagant display of wealth. Trevor on the other hand, just stood there and gawked.
“Why salutations Ice! Glad to see you again!” Hank said, coming up and hugging her. She always liked Hank’s hugs. They were like getting embraced by some big, fuzzy teddy bear.
“Hi Hank. I thought you said that there was a mission going on,” she said, giving Logan a look. Hank looked at Logan over her head.
“Oh, yes, we were just leaving, weren’t we Jean?” Jean leaned against the doorframe of the rec room and crossed her arms.
“Well, if it isn’t another author.” Her voice could have rivaled Bobby’s icy talents.
“Well, if it isn’t the Red Menace,” Ice answered with a tone that matched her penname perfectly. Trevor looked at her with shock.
“Red Menace? That’s an awful thing to say about Jean! You should be ashamed!” Ice and Jean stopped their glaring contest long enough to swivel their heads to stare at Trevor. Logan and Hank stared at him as well.
“You mean, you like her?” Ice couldn’t believe her ears.
“What’s not to like? She’s beautiful, vulnerable, talented…” Red’s eyes glowed as she looked at Trevor.
“Well, your author friend might be…uncivilized and rough around the edges, but at least she has good taste in friends.” Ice glared at her then leaned towards Logan.
“Don’t you people have some sort of de-programming brainwashing thingamajig or whatchamacallit anywhere around here?” she whispered as she watched her best bud make an ass of himself by complimenting Red on her “natural” hair color. The poor guy. Leave him by himself for a few months and his whole world goes down the drain.
“Yeah. Sub-basement level three.”
“Remind me to let you take him on the grand tour of that part of the mansion.”
***
The three of them made their way to the door of the Danger Room. Logan’s fingers paused as he keyed in his password.
“Well, here’s the little project I wanted yer help on,” he said, giving Ice his most charming smile, hoping it would soften the blow. Ice just kept on smiling as the door opened. They were hit with the sound of sobbing, yelling, fighting, and other various attempts from the more mature babies to stop the whole racket. Logan quickly shoved Ice and Trevor inside and closed the door. Ice stared at them, then looked at Logan incredulously.
“This is the project?!” Logan looked like he was going to start backpedaling when a little toddler dressed in a yellow raincoat tugged on his jeans.
“Mister Wolvie?” Logan didn’t pay her any mind, he was trying to console Ice.
“It’s my birthday and you want me to babysit these guys?!”
“Ice, honey, let me explain…”
“Mister Wolvie? Mister Wolvie? Mister Wolvie?”
“Oh, you need to explain, bub.”
“Mister Wolvie? Mister Wolvie? HEY!”
“Jean put me up to this!”
“I’m sure she did. Golly gee Logan, why didn’t you just buy me a lawnmower or a six pack of beer instead? How insensitive can a man get?”
“Darlin’ you know I wouldn’t…”
PAFF
“OWW!” Logan jumped and rubbed his sore behind. Looking around, Ice noticed that all the kids had stopped fighting and were sitting there quietly, staring up at the adults. Logan snarled at the mini-Jubes, who was still tugging on his pants.
“What the hell do you want?”
“I’m thirsty!” Logan looked at Ice, and gave her the puppy dog eyes.
“Darlin’ please. I need ya.” Ice sighed.
“Alright, against my better judgment, I’ll help you,” she looked around at the kids. “We’re gonna need backup though.” Logan nodded.
“I can -poof- ya back t’ yer house, then come right back t’ pick ya up,” Logan offered. Little Wolvie looked up at them.
“I wanna go too!” Ice smiled. This was one of the kids that she liked.
“Sure thing squirt.”
“Misth Ice! You can’t let Wolvie go! He’s trouble! Asth leader, I goths to go too!” Cyke said. Ice rolled her eyes.
“Fine.” Ice held both of the boy’s hands and Logan held her around the waist again. They -poofed- off in a puff of cigar smelling smoke, leaving Trevor alone with them. He looked down as the one that looked like Jubilee tugged at his jeans.
“Mister, mister, I’m still thirsty!” He looked at the door.
“JEAN!”
***
-poof-
“Alright, you two be good fer Ice, or no candy fer the both a’ ya!” Logan threatened. He looked at Ice. “I know, I know. I’m gonna owe you big time.”
“You bet you will.” Logan smoothed away her frown with a hand, then leaned in to kiss her soundly on the lips. Cyke covered his visor with his hands and Wolvie looked like he was going to puke.
“Thanks again for doing this babe. I’ve still got them big plans for tonight though.” He pulled her closer to him and gave her another kiss that conveyed all he had planned on doing and more. This time both little boys gagged and complained about the horrible exchange of cooties.
“I gotta go. Just call me when ya need -poofing- back.” With that, he was gone.
“Okay, lets get you two strapped up in my truck.”
***
She had babysat little kids before back home. She knew what she was doing. She had taken little kids for rides in her car. She could throw all that experience out the window.
These were no ordinary kids.
“No, stop messing with the radio!”
“Sthop driving so fast!”
“Can I honk the horn?” This was asked repeatedly by Wolvie, and every time she had said no. The last time he had asked, he snuggled closer to her than necessary, putting his hand on her thigh. She looked down at him and noticed the little wink he was giving her.
“Look kid. I really don’t mind the older Wolvie copping a feel while I’m driving, but you need to keep your hands in a place where I’m not inclined to break them.” Wolvie gulped, then removed his hand to play with the knobs on the radio. Ice was happy when the drive was over and she parked her car in a driveway. Getting the two out, she held onto their hands so they wouldn’t run all over the place. She came to the front door and held her breath. Closing her eyes, she let go of Cyke’s hand long enough to knock. She heard the bark of a familiar Great Dane come up to the door.
“Ooh, I don’t like doggies,” Cyke whined, holding onto Ice’s leg. Ice sighed, hoping against hope that her backup would agree to helping her out.
