Claws, Clicks, and –poofs- with special guest Flashgriffin!

What Happened When They Babysat the X-Babies
Chapter 5
Divide & Conquer

"All right, THIS I can no longer TAKE! EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP!" Yezra bellowed in the middle of the danger room, and her irritated scream echoed throughout the room.

All the X-Babies, Lil' Avengers and assorted others present stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Trevor stared at her. Even Nick stared at her; he'd seen her mad before but not like this. This was mad mixed with fright.

"Good, Good. This is good. I like peace. Peace is good. Now listen up!" Just as she was about to stick her finger out at them and begin her lecture, the four wayward X-Babies ran through the door, followed by Logan and Ice. They scrambled to the back of the danger room, trying to hide behind the Lil' Avengers. Creepy Crawler bamf'd in and sat at Yez's feet. He looked up to see her glaring down at him and he skittered behind Shower. Griffin and Remy came in next. All the adults started talking and arguing then, only this time the kids did not join them. They were still staring at Yezra for instructions. She began to boil over.

"I SAID SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Nick covered his tired face with his palm and exhaled.

"What's with Yez?" Wolverine asked, leaning in close and whispering.

"She's lost control of the kids and this room and I believe that she is about to initiate some sort of disciplinary action," Trevor whispered from the other side of him. "It's the classic defense mechanism for the control freak personality."

Logan looked back at him and scowled. "Was I askin' you, skinny?"

Trevor blinked quickly and said, "No, no sir. Nope ya weren't. At all." Logan growled at him. "I'll shut up now." HE moved away a few feet.

"So what's wrong?"

Nick paused, and leaned over to whisper, "She's about to put the smack down on these brats."

"Cool," said Logan and crossed his arms.

"All of you keep quiet, don’t touch anything and stand still or I WILL KILL YOU. And I'm not from this universe, so I can do it, disappear, and I'll never get caught. GOT IT?" They nodded their heads and kept their lips sealed tight. Yezra looked at Ice and Griffin and motioned for them to come over. "Okay, look, we gotta divide these urchins up, cuz I can’t take this any more," Yezra nearly whimpered. "There's too many."

"Agreed. How do you want to do this?" Griffin rubbed her sticky hands on her jeans where she hadn’t had the chance to wash them before the little elf had teleported away.

"Well, we should each take our little muses. We get along with the big version, so the little one can't be so bad for us." Ice chewed on a fingernail. "Other than that I don’t want Jeannie."

"That’s good, cuz I want Jeannie. I'm gonna put the fear of God in that brat. As long as I don’t get Cyke, I'm happy." Yezra looked over at Jeannie, who was flipping her hair around in Sparkler's face. The little version of Jubes flexed her fingers and sparks came out. Yezra did nothing to stop her.

"And I don’t want Sugah cuz she and Gumbo will be at it." Griffin rolled her eyes.

"Okay, I'll take Jeannie, Ice you take Sugah and Griffin you take Cyke. Now for the rest, let's get it over with and then get them separated." Yez pinched the bridge of her nose where a massive headache was forming.

***

When they were done, Yezra and Nick had Lil' Meatball, Jeannie, Shower, Snaggletooth, CreepyCrawler, Magneato and Skirmish - who was the pint sized version of Warbird. Her and Sugah had to be separated numerous times.

Ice and Wolvie (along with Trevor who was pissed because he wanted to watch Jeannie) got Lil' Wolvie, Sparkler, Sugah, Copycat, Hawkey, Witchie and the lil' version of Quicksilver. After they actually caught him.

Flashgriffin and Remy would stay in the Danger Room with Gumbo, Colossussus, Cyke, Lil' Beast, Misti Q, Icebaby, Captain Amerikid and Shadowkitty.

Just before Ice and Wolvie began ushering their wards out the door, Copycat pulled Ice back to the far end of the room. "What 'bout her? She's like me only she came out of Miss Yezra's mind." Copycat was pointing to a little girl, very skinny and small, with spiky white-blonde hair and gray eyes that were almost sliver. The little girl bit her lower lip and stared at Ice like she was trying to figure her out; not scared, just keeping her distance.

Ice stood up and smiled. "Yez! You'll wanna come see this!"

Nick followed Yezra over and he almost grinned when he saw the little girl. "Hey look… A tiny Jane!"

Yez moaned. "Jesuz, I haven’t even posted that fic up yet!"

Meatball came running over and pushed them all out of the way to stand in front of the little Jane. He squirted them all with his kool-aid gun and shouted, "Don’t you worry none, Tink! I've got a gun!" He pointed at Nick and shot him point-blank in the crotch and Copycat squealed with laughter. Nick cursed again and swiped the gun out of Meatballs' hands, and the kid started punching him in the legs. Yezra snickered. Nick looked at her and glared. He held Meatball back as the munchkin swiped at his knees. Nick looked over at the little version of Jane.

"'Izzat yer name then… 'Tink'?"

She nodded, staring him in the face.

"Well, Yezra over here is kinda like yer mommy. Why dontcha come with us?"

"Her mommy?! Nicholas!" Yez tossed her head back and groaned. "Great… more…" Tink walked up to Yez silently and took her hand. Nick turned Meatball upside down by his legs and carried him to the door, kicking and yelling curses he probably didn't even understand.

That group left for the boathouse, where Yez had overheard that Jean had just redecorated.

***

Ice, Trevor and Logan took their group of kids to the kitchen to grab some food before confining them into one of the classrooms on the main floor.

Bad move.

Hawkey started horning in on Sparkler and that made Wolvie mad. Then Copycat got mad at Wolvie for being too protective of Sparkler, and not her. Then Wolvie and Hawkey got in a fight just because, just like their bigger counterparts. Lil' Quicksilver was trying to impress Sugah with his ability to run circles around Ice's feet. All he ended up doing was causing Ice to teeter over. Logan caught her in time, but they both fell to the floor, with Logan taking the brunt of the spill. Sparkler shot sparks at Wolvie to get him off Hawkey. Witchie began bawling her head off at the noise that was made when the pots fell down from Logan landing on the floor. Sugah kept trying to trip Lil' Quicksilver, who was now running around Trevor's feet. Copycat jumped on the table, content to watch the whole mess, while munching on the bag of bugles she swiped from the pantry.

"Logan! We have to get them under control…" Ice's face went white and she whispered a prayer in Tex-Mex.

Logan stood up and helped Ice to her feet. He pushed her behind him and took a deep breath.

"QUIET!"

The French doors to the patio off of the kitchen rattled. The pots and pans on the floor buzzed with vibrations. The little black roadster in the garage that Remy had just fit with an alarm system went off in the distance. In the silence that followed, Witchie sniffled around the finger in her mouth and Sparkler put her hands behind her back like she had been caught doing something bad. Sugah succeeded in tripping Lil' Quicksilver and he fell on the floor at Logan's feet. He looked up at the feral's frightening face.

"Get up and stand over there with the rest o' em," Logan half whispered, half growled. The white-haired little boy swallowed hard and ran behind Sparkler, who pushed him off of her.

From the table, Copycat giggled. Logan looked at her, too, and yelled at her to get off the furniture. She made an 'eeeep' noise and joined the others, spilling Bugles everywhere on her way down.

"Now. You kiddies are gonna shut up, stand still, and be good, while me an' Miss Ice get you some grub. Then we're gonna go to the English 101 Room and we're gonna behave. An' if ya don't," he started, then paused.

SNIKT!

Trevor backed up that time, more frightened than the children.

"If ya don't do as I say, yer gonna get spanked. With these."

Ice prayed that the threat would stick. Lil' Wolvie finally worked up enough courage to say something. "Hey Miss Ice - do you gots on panties like Miss Yezra does?"

Logan slumped slightly. Copycat, Sparkler and Sugah giggled uncontrollably and the rest of the boys went 'Yuk!' Lil' Wolvie grinned at Ice, looking her up and down. She rolled her eyes, and her face turned beet red.

"Well?" laughed Trevor, "Do you?"

Logan looked over at him and growled, pointing the claws in his direction. "What did I tell ya about that kind o' talk, kid?"

Trevor grabbed Witchie, putting her between himself and the feral.

***

"Dammit, the place is locked!" Nick rattled the doors to the boathouse and looked back at Yezra, frustrated.

"Let me at it! I'll claw it to death! Raaarowwwww!" Snaggletooth ran forward, tiny fangs bared.

Magneato tripped him. "No! Let me! I'll melt the deadbolt!" He raised his little hands but had to keep pushing the cape out of his way as it fell forward.

Bamf!

CreepyCrawler teleported in front of him. "Nein! I shall bamf inside first and let the rest of you in!"

Meatball pushed him down and came forward, pulling another new squirt gun out of his little cargo pants. "Not! You lameo! You'll see a bag of chips and ferget all about the rest of us! I'm gonna shoot the door down!" He squirted at the door and this time it was green. Bright green streaks. All over Jean's pretty beige door. Yez had to refrain from smiling.

Nick curled his lip and picked the kid up by his collar. "Son, please. Yer embarrassin' me."

"Quit it, all you boys. You're acting like animals. Look at the girls, they're being quiet and good." Yezra pointed back at Shower, Skirmish, Jeannie and Tink. The boys, Nick included, started snickering under their hands. All four of the girls were in one of Red's flowerbeds, covered in dirt. They had yanked all of the pretty flowers out, and were fighting over them.

Yezra sighed. The girls just looked back at her sheepishly. "Shower!" she bellowed. The little white-haired weather girl came forward, not at all scared like the little boys were when Yez yelled. "Pick that lock."

"Yezra! Yer teachin' 'em how ta do bad things!" Nick hissed at her, trying not to let the rest of them hear him.

"What do you want to do, babe? You wanna stand out here all day? I don't."

Shower stuck her tongue between her lips and worked the lock. It popped open and she yelped, "Got it!", and the boys scrambled over her and into the house. She cried that she was hurt and Yez picked her up.

"You'll be all right. Nothing is bleeding. Now, just…" she sighed, looking over the four muddy girls. "Go into the bathroom and just clean yourselves off." She waved her hand at them and looked away. If she looked away maybe they would no longer exist.

"We don’t know how to do that by ourselves, you stupid old lady." Jeannie looked at her and crossed her arms.

"I'm surprised you don’t have a degree in cosmetology by now, you brat," Yezra spat at her.

"If I did I wouldn’t look like you! You're all ugly and mean and old and stupid and old and all that bad stuff! I hate you!" Jeannie stuck her prim little tongue out at Yezra.

Yezra's face went white with anger. "I hate you too, you little red-headed b-" Nick put a hand over her mouth and tried to pull her away. Her feet lifted off the ground and she continued yelling at the junior red menace from behind Nicks' hand. He heard many a colorful word that he recognized, despite the muffled affect.

"An lookit your feet dangling! You aren’t tall like I'm gonna be! Short people are stupid!"

Tink, the smallest of all of them, apparently wasn't into speaking yet. But she balled her hands up in fists and lunged at Jeannie, throttling her.

Shower and Skirmish backed away, grinning and laughing. "Fight! Fight! Jeannie and the new girl are fightin'!" Skirmish squealed. The boys came running in from the TV they already had going and began screaming too.

Nick dropped Yez on the floor as gently as he could and strode forward, pulling the two hellions apart. Jeannie's lip was split and Tink was gonna have a nice shiner. Jeannie started crying about her broken face and Tink just wanted to get at her some more.

"Mister Fury, that little white-haired girl hit me!" she sobbed, and Nick wanted her to shut up. He bent down and tilted the kid's head in his hand, looking over the damage.

"Her hair is not white! My hair is white! Hers is just real light blonde." Shower humphed and stood there, looking away and tapping her foot.

Nick had to stop himself from grinning. "Jane's got a mean left hook, Yez, Just like ya wrote her." Tink crossed her arms defiantly and refused to let anyone touch her. The hurt eye swelled, turned purple, then yellow and green, then returned to it's normal size and color in a matter of seconds. Jeannie's lip, however, needed an icepack.

Yezra got all the girls in the bathroom, got them out of their clothes, and in the tub. She handed Nick their clothes through a crack in the door and tried to ignore the ruckus she heard in the TV room. The girls screamed and hid behind the curtain when they heard his deep voice questioning her so close to their non-clothed existences. Yezra turned around and told them to stifle it.

"Wash 'em. What doya think I mean, Colonel?" He looked down at the clothes with a dubious expression. She rolled her eyes. "Do you wanna trade places?" The girls screamed again.

"No, no, no, no… Hell, woman, I'll figger it out." Yez looked at him and gave him a quick, sympathetic peck on the lips. The girls giggled and Lil' Meatball was heard saying 'yuk!' in the background.

"We shoulda stayed home and finished that poker game," Nick sighed.

"No sense looking back now, let's just get through this nightmare. At least they aren’t still in diapers." She shut the door and rubbed her temples.

The showerhead was on a flexible hose and so she decided to just squirt them herself instead of trusting them with it. Shower giggled in happiness, Tink winced at first but then smiled bashfully, Skirmish yelled a few obscenities and Jeannie started crying again.

She tossed them each a bar of soap, poured a dollop of shampoo on their heads, and told them to get scrubbing. Jeannie complained again.

"I only use a moisturizing soap. And I need proper shampoo with herbs in it." She sniffed the bar of soap and then sneered at it haughtily. The other girls were all lathered up and Yez began squirting them off.

"My dog is easier to bathe than you are, Red."

***

Griffin was having trouble with Gumbo, who had attached himself to her leg. "Non! Gumbo will not let go! Griffin de closest t'ing to a mommy dat Gumbo ever had!"

"Get offa me, you little swamp rat!" She tried prying his arms away from her leg again, but to no avail. The little Remy was strong like the big one. Gambit stood back and leaned against the Danger room wall and chuckled at her from behind his hand. "Stop laughing and help me, Remy!"

He brightened and stood up, looking over the room. Misti Q was running around morphing into each of the other kids in the room and taunting them like a living mirror. Lil' Beast was trying to set up a Junior Chemistry set, but Icebaby kept freezing it. They were now fighting, rolling around on the floor and punching each other. Shadowkitty was phasing in and out of Colossussus and Captain Amerikid, daring them to catch her. It didn’t help that Colossussus kept trying to kiss her instead of catch her. Amerikid scrunched his nose up every time it happened. Cyke was trying to remain calm and establish order, but his protests to their behavior went completely ignored, except for Misti Q. She had settled on imitating him, right down to his wasted pleas of 'quiet, people!' and the air traffic controller hand gestures. Cyke's face grew red with anger from behind his visor and Misti-Ckye just giggled like the little girl she was.

Gambit looked over at Flashgriffin again, miserable with an adoring Gumbo glued to her leg. "Okay, Gambit gon' to help you, Griffie! I go get dem some lunch!" And with that, he darted for the door and locked it behind him. Her scream could be heard all the way down the hall as he walked to the kitchen, a mischievous smile plastered on his handsome face.

"Gaaaaaaaammbiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"

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