Adventures With Suzanne & Martha

"Well, I'm sick of this," Suzanne mutters after her third game of chess by mail. "Time to get ready for Christmas."

"1001 Christmas Decorating Ideas, by Martha Stewart," she pulls the book down from its shelf. Dusting it off first, of course, she begins transforming her house into a winter wonderland.

"Ah, the table is finished, what next?"

Speedily, she hand weaves a Christmas tree rug out of dog hair, and chops down one of her fir trees for the season. An old bedspread becomes jaunty green curtains and valances.

She gives Dad's room a quick overhaul, as well, but can't get him to let go of his bizarre lightning lamps.

"Create a cloud effect," Martha advises. Suzanne gives the bathroom a quick make-over into shades of palest blue.

A few strings of lights appear.

Her living room becomes transformed with some quick floral arrangements, and a can of red spray paint.

"Don't be afraid to recycle," the Martha goes on. Bill digs up ancient scenes from years gone past, and Suzanne whips them into tapestries.

Dad's hot-tub hideout doesn't escape her frenzy, and a cheap string of blanket lights appear over the shrubs.

"A can of flocking goes a long way," the book suggests. She takes full advantage, spreading snow wherever she goes. Her efforts do not go unnoticed. "Got any to spare?" John Doe Homeless asks. She shakes the empty can. "Sorry! Fresh out! Let me make more!"

Even the garage gets hit with the flocking, she couldn't help herself.

The other side of Suzanne's bathroom. Had to show those windows there.

"It's a Christmas Wonderland!" she exclaims.

"I'm the only thing left to decorate!" she exclaims. She begins rifling through her dresser, finding JUST the right holiday outfit.

"Let's see, formal or fun?" she asks herself. She tries on a variety of outfits, carefully co-ordinated for the holiday season.

"Nah, a bit much still," she considers the options. "Besides, this one makes me look like my sister."

"Now I look like A Sister. How did I get THIS outfit?"

Suzanne, still on her holiday spree, wakes to the sound of the car alarm at 2:30am. Zipping outside in her sleep wear, she rushes to her beloved Dusenberg. The sheer weight of the dust on her car has caused the alarm to sound. Extremely upset, she begins to clean. And clean. And clean. At last, the vehicle is restored to its natural beauty. But the night has passed, and she must rush in to make breakfast for those she loves.

"Gosh, Tree, don't you wish we'd get some snow?" Suzanne asks. "Oh, I know," Teresa replies. "It's so disgustingly SUNNY here on Snark Street!" "Maybe I'll just create some of my own!" Suzanne vows.

Bill arrives home in disgrace. He was caught pilfering snack food from the convenience store where he works. I think Santa might find some coal for him.

"Perfect!" Suzanne exclaims. "Time to bake!"

"Let's see, cookies, cherry pie, turkey, fudge.....what else?"

"Ah, the fruitcake!" Suz adds the final touch to her feast. Time to call her friends.

Everyone is very excited. "Gimmie a drumstick," Bill states.

Finally, Suzanne gets her wish, and Christmas day dawns with bright white bliss. It will be snowy for the big day!

Chuck, in the snazzy blue suit, and Bill, in the swim trunks. Return home after a hard day. Chuck is sick of singing at weddings. Bill's skin has begun to prune since he became a lifeguard. Okay, big wow. But you had to see the suits they wear to work.

Chuck examines his gift.

Suzanne's turn.

And one for Bill.

"Thank you, honey," Suzanne exclaims. She gets to redecorate again! He's gotten her a Martha video!

Bill checks his stocking. "COAL?!?!? Suzanne!" he yells. She laughs. "It's just candy, Dad!"

Tired after their holiday, Suz and Chuck nestle down. Probably for a "long winter's nap," although Christmas came and went. Meanwhile....the house is on fire. Excuse me.

Wasn't joking either. They went to bed with the fireplace going. Well, someone is going to get up and call the fire dept. I'll bet it's going to be Suzanne.

Well, everything turned out all right. Seems the fire dept got a call from the Lenz's across the street. They arrived before anything - or anyone - burned up. Lucky Pat has that telescope!

The first thing Suzanne changes, besides her outfit, is the backyard. A game room, second bathroom, and sauna are added.

Most of the game room.

The rest of the gameroom.

The sauna.

The second bathroom.

Suzanne decides on a Victorian theme this time, and hustles about to all the neighborhood antique shops. "Well, that nasty plain green carpet must GO!" she claims. An expert matches a swatch from one of the shops.

Of course, the wallpaper was all wrong for the theme, so she changed that, too.

A new printer, and a nick-nack shelf for her reference books was in some of her Christmas packages. She puts them to good use.

The ultra modern camera vies with her restored phone, but the dog doesn't seem to mind.

The new chess and table area.