***
Coffee seemed like a very good idea. It was about the only voice in Zim’s head he wished to listen to anyway. He slid out from under Dib’s warm arms without stirring him too much, stopping himself as he began pulling the sheets over the slumbering teen. And he thought Gir had the whole “enemy” thing confused. He practically ran from the room, doing his best to remember not to slam the door behind him as he vaulted for the kitchen to brew a pot of java. Despite being water based, it was the only earth drink he cared for. It meant he had to drink a paste solution once a week to protect his innards but it was better than the alternative: imported space travel designed drink substitutes.
The bubbly pop and aroma quickly soothed his mind into thought, though his fingers twitched with anticipation. Did humans have any way of knowing just how addictive the back liquid could be? Soon enough, a warm cup was poured into his white mug and he sat at his table with a sigh and a most appreciative sip.
Just what had be been thinking? Zim let the liquid run through his system, feeling it coat his body in soothing heat. Sex with a human... And Dib at that...was it worth the possible compromise of the mission? Letting the enemy into the base was no-no number one. Sleeping with him had never been a number before, but it probably ranked pretty high up on the list now. And those were just the problems dealing with the mission.
Zim raked a hand over his antennae. Irkin’s had morals, too, maybe not the same as Dib’s strange species, but there was still a personal code of conduct to follow. Having sex wasn’t exactly against it. Having promiscuous sex was border line. Having sex with someone you distrusted and whose conditions behind the whole extrusion were likely to be unmet was defiantly in the red area. So why had he done it? When everything rational thought screamed not to, why had he fallen prey to desire?
Because, the irrational part reminded him, passions don’t play off reason.
He’d seen the truth of it in bed; his ears and eyes opened to sights previously unseen and sounds never heard. They hadn’t been enemies fighting for completion. They had been two parts of one impulse, united internally by external actions. Lies and truth were blurred; past, present and future forgotten; consequences waived in ecstasy.
The coffee mug seemed cold. Zim looked down, seeing he’d finished off the cup in the midst of thought and revelation. Well that was all well and good, but what was he supposed to do about things now? Not the coffee. That was easily solved: pour another mug full. But what about himself and Dib? He couldn’t just drink the confusion away and pour the new reality into the emptiness. Could he? He had the equipment. He could easily erase all the unhappy and unnecessary moments from their heads, whether from the past or recent events.
In the end, it was all a matter of trust.
Dib’s recent behavior, though opening up new possibilities, was distressing. Could he trust the human with more than his heart...or even that much, if it wasn’t too late to pull it back?
No.
Zim poured and sipped his fresh cup with a frown. The human was too unpredictable to be trusted. And his lies... One morning of passion was all that could be accepted. Even if it were too late to disengage his heart, it would be better to let go before he became too used to the tempting idea of a continued relationship. He swallowed a mouthful of the bitter liquid. He’d tell him when he woke up that it was fun while it lasted, then shut him out forever. Life would return to normal, as if nothing had ever happened.
He couldn’t help but wonder how wrong he was.
**
Though quite content, wrapped in his own little world beneath the covers and gentle hum of the house, Dib stirred to consciousness as the bed dipped with new weight. His first instinct was the hold the warm body he’d fallen asleep with, only to find it had relocated. He opened his eyes, twisting around to gaze at the not so happy looking face that hovered over him.
“What time is it?” he asked, a huskiness falling over his voice from sleep.
“Time for you to go home.”
Dib nestled deeper into his warm cocoon, reaching out with one hand to grab the one Zim supported his weight on. Zim quickly retracted it, much to Dib’s distress. He opened his eyes again, sitting up till he leaned on his elbows. “What’s wrong?”
Zim bit the inside of his lip. “You need to go.”
“What?” Dib faltered. “W-what did I do wrong?”
“It’s something we both did wrong, Dib.” Zim crossed his legs, his arms snaking around his knees. “It can’t be changed, but we can stop it from happening again.”
“But I don’t want to!” Dib cried, trying again to grasp hold of Zim. He touched his back, feeling the muscles tense under the green flesh.
“Don’t.”
“Zim....”
The Irkin shook his head, rolling his shoulders back to dislodge the hand. “We’ve had a history of deceit. I don’t trust you. We’ll always be enemies, Dib. We made this path for ourselves. Just because you say things will be different means nothing.”
“I wouldn’t lie to the one person who’s ever cared for me!”
“Then start telling the truth.” Zim turned, glaring into the sad golden eye.
Dib seemed to shrink, his knees bent with his chin resting on them, fist clinging to the covers. “About what?”
“About you!” The Irkin leapt off the bed. “About why you’ve suddenly changed your mind about humanity; about why you’re suddenly throwing yourself at me; about what really happened at skool yesterday!”
“I already told you!”
“Then tell me again!”
Dib looked up, the corners of his eyes moist. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because you’re not making any sense!” Zim’s fist was planted firmly on his hip, one hand flailing madly to punctuate every word. “Because you’re lying to me and yourself! I know you, Dib! I’ve known you long enough to write your biography, researched everything about you and combated you from the trifle to the fatal! In all that time, I’ve thought I learned who you are and what you’re capable of. You’re persistent, you’re conniving, you’re curious, you’ve a tendency to be selfish, you’re loyal and you’re afraid no one will ever know how hard you’ve tried to stop me.” He leaned over the bed, practically in Dib’s face and way into his personally bubble. “Now if I’m wrong about any of that stuff, then tell me. But before you do, tell me what I should do with a sniveling earth monkey who, until recent events, was trying to get my guts broadcasted on Mysterious Mysteries!”
“Trust him?”
“I can’t.”
Dib grabbed hold of Zim, holding on despite the alien’s struggle to pull away. “Zim, please! I’ve done everything I can think of to prove myself to you! Give it time! Give me a chance! Don’t turn me away! Please!” His tears fell to Zim’s skin. Zim yelped as his skin began to sizzle with the contact. “Please, Zim! Don’t make me go away!”
The pain mixed with the aggravation fueled Zim’s strength as he pushed the human from his bed. He held his shoulder, feeling the sting from the burn. “I’m going to pick Gir up from preskool now.”
Dib covered his nude body with the cover as he reached out for the other. “No...please...”
“If you’re still here when I get back...” He looked away, biting the inside of his lip. “Well, just don’t be.”
“Look at me Zim!”
The Irkin kept his back turned to him, only walking further away.
“What do you want me to do? Damnit, Zim, I’m begging you!”
Zim paused at the door, his eyes catching a glimpse of a photograph of himself and Gir on the dresser. “I want you to be honest with yourself, Dib. And maybe one day you can tell me if this is important to you.” He gripped the doorknob tightly. “Until then, I’ll see you on the battlefield. Things haven’t changed, just the incentive.”
When Zim returned home with Gir in tow the house was completely empty, just like his heart.