It’s MATING Time!
All through the universe, business went on as usual. The Invaders, invaded, the Screw heads shuffled boxes and the mighty massive floated peacefully in space, as the Meekrobs rebelled far away on a distant planet. Irk however, if one were to look down upon it’s mighty mechanized monstrosity, was perfectly utterly still. Wind was the only sound heard by the monstrous industrial structures usually humming with activity, while soft chirping sounds echoed around the streets. The gargantuan palace itself was bereft of life. However, deep in the silent structures another kind of activity was bustling. Wild, unorthodox parties were being thrown by the workers, with only minimum security staff withheld from these events. The ‘Great Secret Holiday’ was in full swing.
Once every twenty-four changes of season, something terrible happened to the 'tallers' and their all powerful leaders, the Tallest. Alien races collectively shook their heads at the ridiculous secrecy and shame the ‘mighty’ Irkens held towards this particular event. After all, they themselves did things like this all the time, holiday or not. Not ones to even so much as look backwards at their ancient history, the Irkens had created a ridiculous masked vacation for the uninvolved. In fact none of those uninitiated into the higher ranks knew what it was, and frankly didn't care. The only sure thing was that the nursery would be very busy coming after, and a new crop of Irken children would soon follow. Due to the wild parties, holiday atmosphere and general indulgence of every Irken not a child or going through the trials, no argument was ever launched to contest this rule. It was only 3 weeks after all; one had to make the best time from the only holiday afforded by the Irken leaders, even if it was unintentional. It could be supposed the holiday time would have been perfect for those leading a revolt, but no one dared. They merely sighed in disgust at the lengths such a supposedly advanced race would go to hide a biological necessity, quietly shaking their bizarrely shaped heads and laughing that while the Irks held the upper hand in battle, Irken pride was a very fragile thing.
As the sun set on the last day of the first week, Purple hovered quietly in the hallways of his palace. Instead if his usual room he was forced to hide in a quiet corner outside the normally active palace area.
“Stupid holidays,” he grumbled, “shooing me from our room. If Red wasn’t such a lunatic during these things,” he huffed irratibly, “I wouldn’t have to use a second rate bath in a guest room.”
Although all Irkens were coerced by nature to answer this call, Purple was one of few who weren't terribly affected by this strange cycle, although Red; well he just hoped the insane Irken wasn't around to harass him. Usually they shared bedrooms linked openly by a large ornate door, but as soon as that ridiculous fever caught into Red's brain, Purple headed for the hills. Purple had never mated before despite all the years of being shacked up with Red. He always managed to avoid that repugnant business by hiding away in a frequently unused guest area, before he was noticed missing by his fellow Tallest. Purple shuddered. Sexual intercourse to most Irkens on an ordinary basis was pretty repugnant. Purple knew some Tallers did engage in it outside the holiday but it was frowned upon as a distraction, especially since the end result was usually a sac or two of eggs. Until the basic anatomy class all Tallers were forced to take in the academy, when the horrible mating procedure was explained in great graphic detail, the idea hadn’t been entirely repugnant to his sensibilities. But when he realised just exactly where certain things went, well the mere thought made Purple cringe with disgust. There was no way eggs were going to be laid in HIS royal stomach. Despite his parts constant nagging to just run outside and start humping wildly like the rest of them.
He rounded the last empty corridor before sanctuary, opening the door with a wave of his claw and slipping inside before anyone was the wiser. A gel bath was waiting for him in this nice tastefully violet room, along with a cushy bed and absolutely no Red to harass him. After the hellish week fending off anything tall enough to accost him, a very precocious Red and his own horrible biological problem this sanctuary, though less then he was accustomed too, was a synthetic piece of heaven. He shed his robes by the bath, filled the huge gold claw footed tub with gel and then slid in, letting the warmth soothe his irritations away.
“Ah,” he sighed letting the comfortable gel work it’s magic.
There was no way Red would fine him here, he thought smugly. No one in the world knew that he was, at this very moment, soaking away in a guest room; not even the head council members who kept tabs on just about everything. Isolation was his beautiful escape from horrific rituals he had no intent on taking part in.
However, there was one person who did have an idea just what Tallest Purple was up to. Moments before, a little drone had scurried over to a secluded and very empty part of the palace happy to do the Tallest’s bidding, since the holidays were in full swing. Drawing a bath was nothing compared to the usual duties heaped on his tiny frame; this was a mere pleasure. When he scurried away, quick to leave before Purple entered his sanctuary, another mighty Tallest met him outside the door.
“And just what’s a drone doing out here,” Tallest Red said smugly, using a very large claw propped on the creature’s head to keep it’s little legs from scurrying away, “shouldn’t you be enjoying your holiday?”
“Yes my Tallest, I mean no my Tallest I mean-,” it said stuttering in a panic.
“Now let me think, which Irken on planet Irk tall enough to engage in these sacred rituals, would want to hide from them like a smeet from certain doom?” Red said smiling.
The little drone squeaked as Red loomed over him threateningly.
“I think we have an idea, now don’t we?” Red grinned, wickedly giggling, “now tell me the code for the door and everything will be just grand.”
If drones could scream, this one would have burst its vocal cords.
“There’s nothing like a good bath,” Purple sighed, slipping on his robe.
He shuffled out to the pleasant little sitting area, past the over stuffed chair and rows of his favourite collection, ancient books. The palace was filled with them, even the guest room had a bunch mostly for decoration stacked a long the walls. But he didn’t feel like reading tonight, after days of avoiding Red all he wanted to do was sink into that nice warm bed waiting in the other room and sleep. He slipped off his robe, too lazy to put on pajamas. It wasn’t like anyone would be around tonight anyway, it was kind of a luxury sleeping like this, plus it appeased the niggling in his parts to some degree.
“Mmm so soft,” he sighed nestling in the covers, “and…warm?”
“You’re so cute Pur,” a voice sighed beside him.
“OH MY IRK!!” he shrieked, grabbing the blankets in a desperate attempt to cover himself.
There was Red looking quite pleased with himself sitting cross legged on the bed, wearing a more comfortable version of their casual robes.
“How’d you…I mean…what are you…I mean…get out!” Purple sputtered, absolutely horrified.
“Now now Pur, we’ve all got duties to fulfill as fun as it is being the Tallest and ordering people around,” he giggled.
“You of all people should NOT be giving me a responsibility speech,” Purple said aghast.
Eager arms managed to drape themselves around his neck earning a squeal from Purple.
“Stop that!” he cried, struggling to push Red off.
“Mmm you smell so good Pur,” Red snickered, “ lets do it right now!”
“Ack! No!” Purple said emphatically.
A large kafuffle broke out with Purple struggling to retain his blankets as Red was cackling like a manic trying to get them off. All the twisting and turning resulted in Purple collapsing on the bed in a heap, sheets a hopeless tangle, while Red fell directly on top of him. Face to face Purple looked up fearfully at Red who was grinning like a lunatic.
“Red, you wouldn’t take me against my will would you?” Purple whimpered, putting on the most pathetic face he could muster.
“But it’s not against your will,” Red said matter of factly, “you’re all warm and ready right there!”
His hands found the delicate spot of his anatomy he had been trying to assuage all day.
“Yeep!” Was Purple’s squeal.
“Aww you’ve never done it before have you?” Red said smirking.
Purple flushed, “not like it’s any business of yours!”
“I’m breaking the all mighty Tallest Purple’s cherry,” he giggled.
“NO!…You’re …not!” Purple said, each word accented by a kick in Red’s direction. Not that he could do much tangled up in the sheets.
Red’s arms found Purples and he was retrained for the moment, making pitiful sounds while struggling against Red’s stronger person.
“Just relax Pur,” Red said, “it’ll feel real good, then you’ll want to do it all the time!”
“That’s about as likely as-” Purple began but was silenced by a kiss.
Ooo kissing sure is nice…wait wait! Eggs! Horrible evil matey things! Ooo kissy…..no must resist!
And almighty Tallest Purple’s thoughts went on like that for a good long time.
Red realized he had the upper hand on his soon to be mate, and as he swooned Purple in the kiss, he used the opportunity to stroke the pretty antennae that were twitching and quivering just begging to be petted.
Purple broke off the kiss, “mm don’t do that Red,” he pleaded, those pretty violet eyes looking so helplessly back at Tallest Red.
If ever there was an invitation, Red considered this one. How sweet Pur looked all dishevelled and panicking, he had to do more! He nestled his head against Purples neck licking and snuggling, letting Purple get used to the unfamiliar nice sensations, his hand wandering around down there, slipping into the space between Purple’s squirming legs. Seems like Purple had made himself submissive this time, without even knowing it. Unlike other aliens, Irkens only had residual traits of male and female, what defined whether or not you laid the eggs, or helped put them in variated from personality, to who managed to be on top at the time. Every sexually developed Irken though, had their predisposition. It appeared Purple, with his antennae laying flat against his head and his intermittent whimpers was destined to lay the eggs more then otherwise, which was just fine by Red. He liked being on top anyway, especially when such a cute writhing Pur lying beneath him.
“You seem ready Pur,” he said smugly, “all wet down there.”
“You brute,” Purple uttered breathlessly, in a desperate attempt to maintain some kind of dignity while plastered flat on his back aroused to the hilt with Red grinning triumphantly at him.
Red positioned the wiggling Pur underneath him so he could do his thing without hurting him too much, despite Purple’s constant squirming.
“There we go, now lie still for a bit. I don’t wanna hurt you,” Red said smoothing back Purple’s antennae.
The soft touch illicited a moan from Purple, who immediately blushed upon it’s utterance. No way he wanted Red to think he was actually enjoying this! He wriggled around some more as Red was positioning himself over him, watching that weird little pocket Red and most other sexually developed Irkens had, expand and squeeze out a strange writhing appendage. He gripped Red’s arms trying to stop the descent of that thing to his own warm wet space but really didn’t have the strength or will to do very much.
“It’s ok Pur, it’s not gonna hurt you,” Red said.
His member slid in slowly making Purple squeal, more in shock then anything else at something being put in there, then the thing wriggled until taught and comfortable within it’s confines.
“Mmm Pur, see it’s nice like that isn’t it?” he said pressing their faces together, nuzzling Purple underneath him.
Purple didn’t have a response, he just whimpered at the odd sensation. The thing that was kind of soft, becoming hard and stiff inside making him want to do ‘something’. What this something was he had no idea, after all instincts really weren’t his forte.
When Red began to move his face flushed and certain areas really began to heat up. Purple gasped and made happy pitiful noises, moving closer to Red trying to get that thing that was in him deeper.
“Mmm Pur you’re so good!” Red said, while joyously thrumming against him.
“Red!” he squealed with abandon, his Irken pride momentarily forgotten in the heat of the moment.
Red stopped his movement earning a whimper from Purple.
“Here Pur,” he said, shifting then slowly so they still stayed connected, “I’ll let you have some fun.”
He flipped them over so Purple could direct things from above, with his pretty antennae flat against his head and face flushed, also giving Red the opportunity to be a voyeur of Purple in pleasure.
It took him a moment to get used to things, but when Purple noticed moving up and down with Red’s part wriggling around felt even better, he wasn’t about to complain.
Flushing and enjoying Purples movements it was all Red could do to keep himself from going over the edge to soon. If Purple liked the breeding thing, they’d be doing it a whole lot more often, maybe even between cycles. So far, it seemed the dream of doing Pur on a regular basis would become true! Council be damned, his fellow tallest had been holding out far too long. It wasn’t right to keep a guy waiting like that, all coy and innocent! Well, Purple wasn’t any of that now, he was bouncing happily squealing with pleasure begging for Red to go harder, deeper faster. Ooo it was almost too much for Red to think about.
He pistoned his hips harder and faster so Purple could reach his climax, making note of the beautiful sound that was made as he came. Puuring, squealing it was like all of those things made into one. So sweet! And now he could finish, the lower clicking sound that came from his antennae signal that he had released fertilized eggs into Purple, their mixing and partnering quite finished. He caught the sighing Purple who had slumped over after their coupling was complete, and laid him gently beside him. Poor little Pur, all tired and confused while Red smirked on, mission accomplished. He yawned. All that hot sexing had made him tired.
“You ok Pur?” he asked, poking the limp form that was laying face down in the pillows.
“You jerk,” was the muffled reply.
“Aww you sound tired. Go to sleep Pur, then we can do it some more tomorrow,” he giggled.
It was an interesting rest of week in that guest room for Purple.
The mating time was over, the holiday ended. Workers trudged back to their respective jobs, hoping the next holiday would come sooner then the last, while the tallers recovered from the activities they had been attending to during the crazy hiatus. About 2 months later the nursery was very busy, with all the little eggs and smeets being born into the world, thus although the holiday was over for most of the workers on Irk, there were still a few members of upper Irken society that were ‘indisposed’ for an undisclosed amount of time. Number one on the list was almighty Tallest Purple.
Almighty Tallest Red stood outside what previously was the Tallests’ joint room with a virtual army of guards and medical personnel. At the moment his extraordinarily peeved partner had barricaded himself inside, which wouldn't have been a terrible threat to his health since there were mass quantities of snacks in there, if there weren't one very large problem...
"PuuUUUuuuur," Red whined, smooshing his face pathetically against the door, "c'mooon! Open up and lemme in.".
"Go away!" a voice irritatedly yelled from the Tallests room.
"This is ridiculous Pur," Red sighed, pressing his hands to no avail against their room entrance, "You need medical attention. We can work this out later, I said I was sooorry," he whimpered pathetically.
"No and no!" Purple screamed from behind the door, "apology not accepted!"
"Should we open the door forcibly sir?" the guards queried.
A few drones had also snuck into the vicinity endlessly amused by Red's expulsion from the bedroom. Though they had no idea what had actually happened, Tallest Red not getting what he wanted was worth a look.
"PuuuuUuuurrrPpppllEEE," he groaned.
He almost fell forward when the door opened up just a crack.
"Just you, you obnoxious prick! And no doctors," he glared menacingly out the door.
Red sighed, "ok ok," he waved a claw signalling the medical personnel to stay behind.
Walking into the room he noticed the utter darkness, blankets and towels strewn around bizzarly, and a chair which was where Purple must have spent most of his time in, surrounded by nacho bags, cola cans and a mountain of sheets. Actually, as he stared closer at the pile, a bunch of the sheets began to move. Poor Purple must have slithered back under there after he opened the door for Red.
A very bitter and very pregnant Purple glared from under the pile.
Red put his hands on his hips, "Pur, stop being such a smeet. Let the doctors take you down to the infirmary and help you get those troublesome eggs out."
"It's YOUR fault I'm like this. I was just minding my own business until you came along," he sniffed.
"Mad at me or not, sitting in here won't help you feel any better," Red sighed.
He had to do something. Purple was suffering with the eggs in there, he needed help to pass them and leaving them this long could hurt him. What was he so afraid of anyway? He could smell the fear coming off of him like a wave.
"C'mon Pur," he said, inching closer to his partner, "I'll come with you if ya want, and make sure nothing bad happens ok?"
Purple sniffed, his eyes watering up, " it's not that."
"Well what's wrong then. You're hurting yourself sitting in here for so long. " Red said.
"If I go I'll lose the eggs," he whimpered clutching his stomach.
"Oh is that all?" Red thought, the mystery solved.
Sometimes despite all the cultural training otherwise for some unknown reason pregnant Irkens developed an attachment to their offspring. Some defect from the ancient days of 'parenting' was the explanation, after all the control brains couldnt' erase everything that was left from the olden days.
"Poor Pur," he sighed, "always the exception to the rule. First not wanting to mate and now this."
Red put his arms around sobbing Purple, rubbing his back, "Don't worry Pur, they'll take good care of them, you've seen the smeetery before and how comfy it is. All those little tubes all lined up, and just think the eggs will grow up all big and strong in there."
"I guess so," Pur sniffed looking quite pathetic all rolled up in blankets, with his antennae all squashed flat against his head and his robes in disarray.
Red wrapped the blankets nicely around Purple, since pregnant Irkens after all tended to get very cold, then led him gently out where the medical personnel almost sighed in relief at tallest Purple’s first appearance outside his room in almost a month. It wasn’t good to have an imbalanced leadership, especially when it was just Red running things. That got scary very fast. Thusly, Purple was eagerly led to the infirmary to have the egg problem taken care of, so their less impulsive leader could be back on his royal chair in the massive after a few days recovery.
It was after the egg incident, perhaps a few weeks later when Purple was snuggling down in his comfortable royal bed that he came to the conclusion that mating wasn’t so bad. It was eggs that were the problem. And Red.
“PuuuUUuuuur,” the incessant whine began behind their joint door.
“Go away Red!” he yelled back irritably, “I’m tired!”
“Aww C’mon. It’s not like we do a whole lot as Tallest anyway,” he whined, “lemme spend the night with you, I’ll be good I promise!”
Purple blushed at the double meaning in those words, “Red shoo!” he said, as his fellow Tallest clicked open the door and crawled in the sheets beside him.
“It’s so warm with you here,” he giggled, nestling under the covers like a happy little smeet.
“Red, I’m still mad at you remember,” he huffed, “that was a dirty trick you played.”
“Hey,” Red whined, “it’s not my fault you were resisting. It’s duty you know. For the good of future generations. A little tallest genes in the mix can’t be too bad for the smeets.”
“Right,” Purple grumbled, “you didn’t have to birth those genes. It’s like passing a vlortian giant fly…WHOLE.”
“I’m sorry Pur. Here let me make it up to you,” Red said, with a glint in his eye.
An errant hand wandered to an interesting place.
“RED!” he squealed.
“Hee hee!” Red cackled.
Thus Red once again was victorious much to Purple’s chagrin.
Deep within the nursery, while the tallest, or at least Red, were enjoying themselves, a click and a whir alerted the mechanizations a smeet was ready to be born. The happy face appeared on the tube, with a ding, as a mechanical arm plucked the tube cracking it open and spilled the contents on the floor. A pak was saudered on, immediately after the little creature sprang to life.
“Welcome to life Irken child,” the voice droned.
“I love you cold unfeeling robot arm!” the little thing squeaked while clinging to the bot.
Years later, unexplainably while a terribly destructive and annoying wannabe Invader was standing before the almighty Tallest, Purple felt a horrible twinge of mercy. It was that foreign feeling, the ‘parenting’ that the controller brains dissuaded so much that surfaced when it was decided that Invader Zim, who had destroyed half of Irk, would not be killed but sent to some unknown planet deep in space.
“It’s for the better,” Purple had sighed, “he’s just so darn loyal! But a horrible nuisance, kind of like Red at times. In fact he’s kind of like what Red and I would be if we were smooshed together, except…dumber…and shorter. Cute though…really cute.”
With that last lacklustre sigh Invader Zim was sent to Earth, with littler purpose or knowledge. The Tallest didn’t really want to kill him, they just wanted him in a place where he couldn’t blow anything important up. Besides Red felt the same twinge of mercy that Purple had and thought it better to deal with him that way. Send him to a planet, chuck him out into the world, maybe he’ll do…something. What they had no idea.
FICTIONS: RATING AUTHOR