Real Aliens Don't Do That!
'....Ok I heard that wrong...I had to....' Dib thought to himself, presently strapped face down on an operating table type thingy in one of Zim's ships. His arms were stretched out and pinned down with alien-like metal bands as were his feet. The table wasn't quite flat, it was bent in the middle so Dib's skinny little rump was sticking up in the air. All around him were the usual multitudes of video screens, tubey things, control panels, everything he'd come to expect to see in any of Zim's labs and in the usual shades of purple, gray and pink. What had him worried right now were the robotic arms sticking out from the ceiling. They looked like nightmare versions of the sort of machinery you see in dentist's and optometrist's offices. He couldn't get a clear look at them now restrained as he was but he could still see them out of the corner of his eyes, and they made him very nervous indeed.
One minute he had just walked into his room ready to collapse for the night, the next a blinding light shot through his window and beamed him up onto Zim's ship were he was promptly incapacitated.
"You wanna run what you're planning on doing by me again Zim? I don't think I heard you right the first time..."
"Don't play stupid human, you heard me. NOW PREPARE TO GIVE UP ALL THE SECRETS YOUR ANUS HAS TO OFFER!!!" Watch Zim strike one of his many impressive Zimmy poses!
"DAMMIT ZIM! You're not going to learn anything by probing me! Any human who says he was abducted and probed by aliens really is just CRAZY! And probably sexually repressed. REAL ALIENS DON'T DO THAT! You're not going to learn anything by sticking anything up my ASS!" Dib's eyes bugged out nearly popping his glasses off from his face. How they stayed on without the ear thingies is anyone's guess, probably some invention of his father's.
Zim just ignored him, closing his eyes and did his best to look smug while Dib ranted. "Nice try dirt-child, you should know by now the mighty Zim cannot be fooled so easily! But I have indeed learned of other alien races that have preformed such research on your species, and since so many of them do it the information must be invaluable."
"And let me guess, you haven't been able to find any of these other aliens, so you decided you had to do a probing yourself." Dib stated coldly.
"How'd you know?" Zim was honestly shocked that Dib had figured out his reasoning, merely earning an eye roll from the human. "The only other aliens that I've seen performing abductions were unfortunately convinced that I am a stinkbeast myself and so they wouldn't trust me with their secrets. Truly my disguise is AMAZING!"
"Geez you're an idiot - and your disguise only fooled them cause they're even bigger idiots than you!" And Dib would know, the same aliens abducted him under the impression that earth weasels were big headed pale skinned creatures such as himself. "Let me go Zim! This is only going to humiliate us both when you find absolutely NOTHING UP MY ASS!"
"SILENCE! All probes are in readiness, right Gir?" A happy squeal could be heard in the background, much to Dib's dismay. The last thing he wanted was Gir around to potentially make all this go even more horribly wrong than it's already going. In response to Gir's squeely noises Zim stated; "Excellent! Alright Dib, despite your attempts to confuse me we're going to start the probe now." And with that one of his mechanical legs shot out and cut off Dib's belt.
Dib just screamed, it was all he could do. 'ZIM'S GONNA RAPE WITH WITH ONE OF HIS PROBES!' But as always Dib's over analytical mind kicks in, 'wait, he really has no idea what he's doing, it's not like he realizes there's anything sexual about this....why the HELL am I thinking there's something sexual about this!?' And now Zim pulls down Dib's pants with his own hands, sending a shock through Dib's newly exposed legs that could be revulsion or excitement - hard to tell really. Now exposed to the chilly air of the ship all the tiny hairs on the back of his thighs stood up.
"ZIM PLEASE STOP! You have no idea what you're doing we're both gonna regret THIS-EEIII!" And down go his shorts! My is Dib's arse ever pale.
Indeed Zim really did have no idea what he was doing, or that there could possibly be anything sexual about this situation. Hell he was only vaguely aware of what sex was, not vital information among a race that reproduces artificially after all. But that didn't mean there weren't some basic instincts lurking in that irken body, and stirrings that made him stop a minute after pulling Dib's shorts down around his knees. Stirrings that made him stop and just look at him for a bit. If he didn't know better Zim would say looking at him in that vulnerable and exposed state was almost pleasureable. And oh did that ever make Dib nervous, now totally silent awaiting whatever was to come next.
"COLD!" Well, it was. First came some sort of gel from what Dib could tell just feeling it drop and splatter onto his opening. "What the hell?"
"Well, I needed to apply some lubrication. If you get damaged that'd affect the readings," He said ever so matter of factly. He couldn't help but crack a smile at seeing Dib jump like that. Causing Dib discomfort was always endlessly amusing. Living on this planet these past few years would have been intermidebly boring if not for the meddling human, it almost made him forget the frustration of not having conquered this puny planet by now. Of course this particular human was the first one he thought of to perform this experiment on, he always picked on Dib, no one else could ever be as fun.
Dib repeated the same thing over and over in his head, 'this is not anything sexual, this is just like a really annoying checkup with an inept doctor, not rape, annoying checkup, inept doctor, not rape, annoying checkup,' and so on so forth. 'Please just let this be over with quickly PLEASE!'
CLANK! Something from the ceiling began to move and a robotic arm was extended downwards. Dib couldn't see any of it except for a shadow cast against the wall in front of him. Oh how he hoped to God that the lighting just made it look bigger than it actually was. In actuality it was about two feet long, including the handle, with a transparent coating over a few blue lights on either side. Narrow at the tip, it got to be about an inch and a half around up until the handle. Contained in this probe were thermometers, pressure gages, metal detectors, and a small camera at the tip that would seek out anything hiding information up Dib's wazoo. Luckily for Dib all this was under the transparent coating so the whole thing was smooth.
As Dib carried on with his protests Zim grabbed the handle and with an ever so sadistic grin creeping onto his face. Dib would no doubt find a way to get him back for this but in the meantime it was gonna be fun to make Dib squirm. He seemed to really not want this to happen, that of course could only mean the secrets his ass holds are indeed amazing and hold the key to the downfall of mankind... either that or it'll just hurt a lot or something. Putting a hand down on Dib's bare left leg right below his butt cheek, in order to keep him still, Zim felt an unexpected charge run up his hand. It confused him, this completely unfamiliar sensation, but no matter - ON WITH THE PROBE! If anything this odd feeling made him all the more eager to press on. Carefully, and while holding the squirmy Dib down firmly, Zim eased the tip of the probe into his orifice.
"BWAAAHHH! OH GOD!" Dib yelled out throwing as much of his body as he could upwards. It wasn't really painful, the lube was doing it's job, but FUCK it felt WEIRD!
"HOLD STILL stinkbeast, you'll ruin the test and I'll have to do it all over again!"
Ugh, that was the last thing Dib wanted. And straining so much against his ties was hurting him. 'Alright, it wont hurt so long as I don't move.....fuck....' "AHHHIIEEE!" Dib jumped up again as Zim pushed more of it in. He could hear Zim laughing too now. This was just another fight for him - another chance to humiliate and cause him pain but ultimately let him go so they could fight another day. Now and then Zim would try and actually kill Dib, but it was rare. He seemed to like to have him around to show off too. It took all of Dib's energy to focus on trying to numb himself until this was over.
That however was made impossible by Zim's fingers beginning to dig into his leg, kind of squeezing him. That almost seemed more intrusive than the probe. It was pretty obvious Zim had no idea exactly what it was he was doing now, but it looked like all the same he was...enjoying it in more than just a sadistic way. What a time for Dib to realize he'd grown hard. At least he could comfort himself knowing he really had very little control over what that part of his body did. It didn't care who was back there, stimulus was stimulus. But at the same time it probably wouldn't be doing that if Dib were genuinely repulsed by Zim. Great, just great.
....Knowing that he wasn't actually going to be injured, and that Zim was oblivious to the sexual nature of what he was doing allowed Dib to calm down enough to have the sensation of that probe inside him go from fucking weird to...kind of nice fucking weird. The confusion, shock and annoyance in his head started to give way. 'What the hell, not like I'm going anywhere for a while...'
"Eh?" Zim muttered. He'd lulled himself into a trance looking at Dib and feeling the teen under him, he'd nearly forgotten what he was doing. But now Dib was actually....pressing himself against the probe. For a second Zim thought Dib was doing that to try and disrupt the information gathering process. But soon enough Zim forgot about that and just watched as the human moved against the probe in his hand. He could feel every movement as he held it in place. Later he would perhaps try and figure out why all of this was so entrancing, and why it made his hand squeeze and rub Dib's leg even more.
The purpose of the probe now entirely forgotten Zim moved the probe back and forwards in time with Dib's rocking hips. Sliding it in and out of him slowly. The irken could only stare slack jawed, utterly captivated and filling with all kinds of burny tingly things. The tingly things made his antenna twitch something awful. Dib's beginning to pant and gasp made Zim's mouth begin to water. The human's face was bright red with embarrassment, as was Zim's for reasons he didn't understand. He leaned in, now in a position to move the probe in more forcefully and oh, what a sound that got out of Dib.
Experiment forgotten or not there were still buttons on that probe and Zim accidentally pushed one. Twas the button that takes a 3d scan - and it felt like a mild electrical charge. That sent an electric ripple throughout all of Dib's body making him cry out. That was the single greatest most bizarre thing he had ever felt! That small shock woke Zim up again and he realized what an effect that had on his subject. The evil sadistic grin returned to his face.
"Interesting reaction...," Zim hissed, "Let me see if I can get that sound out of you again...." That sound came out louder the second time around. The weight of Zim now sitting on his legs pinning him down. That one hand firmly squeezing his thigh. How the probe buzzed and hummed inside of him. The wonderful intense pressure inside of him, building and building ...finally Dib couldn't take it anymore and came crying and whimpering in pleasure and embarrassment. He shook and quivered under Zim before spilling his seed, then collapsed onto the table.
Zim was left sitting ontop of him still confused as fuck. He was going to have to study that substance that came out of Dib later - maybe the vital information to be gained from anal probing could be found in that stickyness. He let go of the probe and it withdrew, the robotic arm lifting it back up into it's compartment in the ceiling. Dib let out one last grunt as it left his body.
...Alright so Dib looked just about ready to pass out but Zim was still tingly all over and it was making him feel all frustrated, and he didn't know what to do about it. While he contemplated his next move, keeping one hand on Dib's buttocks, Gir popped up from where he was happily rolling around in a pile of scraps in the corner.
The dim-bulb bot stared at his master and the Dib human, looking as much in thought as he was capable of looking. Finally, he decided on something and spoke his mind. "MASTER'S SWEATY! MASTER NEEDS A SHOWER!"
"What? GIR NO-!!!" Ah too late, Gir seemed to pull that hose out of no where. He probably put it there to begin with, Zim wouldn't have kept any of the horrible burny water on board himself. The blast of water hit Zim like a tonne of bricks and sent him reeling through the air and crashing into all the robotic gear on the ceiling.
"ALL CLEAN! Taquitoes? Taquitoooooooooesss?" Already the bucket of bolt's attention went else where and he bounced off chasing after it. Zim was left with his pod's spider legs hopelessly caught in the mechanisms on the ceiling. Oh the steam that rose from Zim's burny water tainted skin.
"Curse you Gir! COME BACK HERE! Get me down!" This was followed by his patented series of grunting and struggling noises, but to no avail. He was stuck up there good - he did however manage to flip a switch that released Dib from his bonds with all that flailing about.
The blast of water had of course snapped Dib back to his senses. "AHAH!" Victorious springing to his feet! Then realizing he needs to pull his pants back up. "I knew I just had to wait a while for you to screw up so I could get away easy! Just like always - ow." Ooch standing up caused his bum to hurt, hurt in a good way but it was still sore. Hmm, there Zim was, trapped in his own gizmos - utterly helpless. Dib grinned that evil grin only Zim could coax out of him.
"That...thing - wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I'm still going to make you pay Zim," Dib purred starting to circle around underneath him.
"I'd sooner die than let you dissect me STINK BEAST! Wait-?" Yes sometimes Zim is vaguely aware of how little sense he makes when he talks.
"What? No I'm not going to dissect you!" Wow, that wasn't on Dib's mind at all, hadn't been for a good long time now. Yeesh, what kind of enemies were they if they didn't wanna kill each other anymore? Eh, there were other things to attend to at the moment. "I'm going to make sure you go through exactly what you put me through!"
Zim's eyes bugged out very visibly. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-ACK!" Into Zim's mouth goes a sock. Why a random sock? There'd be lots of random things laying around a ship Gir hangs out in, so why not. Dib pulled him down from the ceiling, his spider-pod legs still tangled in the gizmos and as such rendered useless, and straped him onto the table.
"This is gonna be fun!" 'Fun' emphasized with a smack on the bum. Oh how Zim squirmed and struggled as Dib pulled his pants down around his ankles, then slid his hands all the way back up. Right about then he noticed the two cyan blue eyes starring at him. Gir was sitting on Zim's head observing everything.
"Watcha doing big smelly puppy head?"
"....." What the fuck was he doing? Zim really was just an idiot he had no idea what he was doing. It'd be different for Dib. He knew he couldn't bring himself to do that, no matter how much of a jerk Zim could be. ....And how good Zim's skin felt under his hands... Still, he wanted to make sure Zim got his somehow...eh - alright - so forget the original actually having forceful sex with him idea, Dib already had something else in mind.
"Can you take pictures Gir?"
"Yeeees."
"Good! It'd make Zim very proud of you if you took pictures of him now and posted copies of them all over town. That means in the park, in skool, on the streets, EVERYWHERE! Got that?"
"I WAN'EM TA WEAR MAKEUP!" Oh what a muffled scream came from Zim as he heard that!
"PERFECT! You go get the make up and I'll get Zim ready for his picture..." And before Zim knew what was what he got the probe shoved up his butt. Once again his eyes nearly feel right out of their sockets. So Dib wasn't gonna go an do anything sexual to him, leaving the probe in there just gives him some small dose of his own medicine and makes for a great picture. Gir came back promptly and quickly pelted Zim's face with random make-up items. Really it just ended up looking like he'd been splattered with paint but oh well.
"I think this makes us even, for now," Dib snickered, lowering himself to Zim's eye level. Oh this was a site to cherish. One print out from Gir of a most incredibly furious Zim later and Dib was on his way, with several alien devices from the ship to take home and study in his pockets. It had been a most confusing and aggravating night ...but not all bad...just really really weird and confusing. Sure as fuck left Dib with a lot of things to think about. But that'd have to wait till after he'd had a good night's sleep.
FICTIONS: RATING AUTHOR