I’ve been so much this year alone. So many deaths. I got married. I’m the boss now. And there might be something going on with my men.

I should back up.

First, Daddy got sick. I was in school at the time. They called me out of class. I cried when I got the news. He was the strongest man I know. How could he be dying? It tore me up to see him sick like that.

That’s where Mikhael came in.

Mikhael. I was so mean to him. I was just upset. He’s nice. Just unhappy with the situation. I don’t blame him. He ended up living with us. Some of my men stay with his mom.

I am the new boss now. Uncle Boris and Daddy helped me to prepare. It still felt weird. I sat at his desk. (My desk.) He’s still everyin this room. I don’t want to change anything. I come into his office when I can’t sleep.

He had been in and out of hospitals. Daddy looked so tired. He lost so much weight before the end. He was barely eating. All Daddy did was sleep to see him like them.

“Why so sad?” he asked. “It’s a beautiful day today. Go out. Get some sun.” He insisted that I go out that day. I wasn’t there when he died.

I haven’t forgiven myself since.

Life started going so fast around us. I had to get married. This wasn’t my dream wedding. We didn’t have time for that and I didn’t argue. I was too tired. I just wanted to get this over with.

The trip to Cuba was supposed to be a breather. But that went tits up when someone killed Uncle Manuel. When I got home, I had to go to court. Since then, I get no rest.

I have to keep going for him. It’s what Daddy would’ve wanted. The first order of business? Traveling to Russia to make more allies, of course. There will be more work and travel. I wiped away a tear. I will make Daddy proud.