My response to the love/death challenge. I'm warning everybody that this is (kiddies, close your eyes here) seriously fucked up. This demented string of sentence fragments and stray words is the result of me, with a keyboard, not thinking.
Why me, a keyboard, and no thoughts, you wonder? (or perhaps not, but I'll tell you anyway :) I felt like writing. But ideas weren't coming. So I made it up as I went along. (oops! Shouldn't have said that! Now everyone will know the secret to this fic...)
Disclaimer: Marvel owns these characters.
Yes, well. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, onto the story. (Which is probably actually shorter than this warning...)
'It's just... it's just that... everyone I've ever cared about... I've lost them. And I don't want to lose you, too...' But she will. She is. And that knowledge drives her to her knees as surely as the weight of his unresisting body in her arms.
"No!" the word is torn from her constricted throat, a harsh plea devoid of the sneering, accusatory tone that has become so much a part of her recent being.
His eyes, tinted red from his helmet, stare out at her. They are wide, stunned. He's dying.
He can't be. She has to see his face. That single desire becomes her only concern. It is her only goal. The one thing that she needs most is too see his face. She has to.
He can't be dying.
Her gloved hands fumble with the latches to his helmet, trembling so hard that they can barely function. She's crying and she can't stop. The strong don't cry. She's tough. She's strong. And the tears keep on coming. She can't stop them. She doesn't care.
She has to see his face.
She has to know that he understands.
His eyes flitter shut, and her shaking fingers finally still long enough to free him from the barrier between them.
He's free. And his eyes are closed. But she needs to see. She has to know that he understands.
He can't leave her.
And she's sorry. So, so sorry. And he can't leave her.
Her hands are on his face and she keeps on crying. She wanted to be strong. She doesn't want to be alone.
She doesn't need him.
She loves him.
She needs to know that he understands.
She doesn't understand.
His name is on her lips and his eyes are open again. The red is gone, but she can't see with the tears that refuse to stop. But she needs to see.
Does he understand?
Can he?
Does she?
She loves him.
The words won't come. Everybody that she's cared about has left her. But he's leaving her, too. She doesn't want to be alone. And why won't the words come?
She has to make them.
She needs to know that he understands.
She's tough. She's strong. She has to make the words come. She has to make him understand. She has to keep him with her.
"I..."
Need you to understand.
"..love..."
Love is loss. She had to keep him with her. She had to keep him away. Because she can't separate love and loss. Everyone leaves her.
"...you."
He has to understand.
She has to know that he understands.
The words are out, but can he hear them? Has she loved him so much that he can't hear the words anymore?
Smiling.
He heard.
Does he understand? She doesn't know. But he heard. And that's enough for now.
They're leaving, and he hasn't left her now. She'll still have time to make him understand.
And she'll try.
Because she loves him.
~End~
Warned you that it was seriously messed up. Considering that I warned everybody (in detail, you may remember), no ego crushing comments directed my way, please :)
First line (in the ' ') directly from Thunderbolts #3.
