Title: Chaos Rules When We're Apart

Author: Elizabeth L. Iacono

Rating: PG

Category: Vignette, Romance

Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance

Spoilers: None

Summary: Like the title says, chaos rules when we're apart...

This was inspired by the lyric from Garbage's 'When I Grow Up'.

To make it clearer Mulder's parts are in << >>, and Scully's parts are in :: ::

Archive: Wherever, Gossamer especially (not the poem archive, because this is not a poem!!) anyone else just tell me where it goes.

Disclaimer: not mine.

<<Chaos.

When I'm not with Scully the world is chaos. Left becomes right, up becomes down.

Emotions flare and strike without her presence there to reign me back in. Actions never well thought out rule rather than her well knowledged answers.

Order has no place when I'm alone, when I'm without her. What was believed to be right is wrong, what is wrong could be right, I can't tell. It's not how I want to be.

I want to be happy. I want to be calmed. I want to be with her.

I want to go home.>>

::Chaos.

When I'm not with Mulder the world is chaos. Not the usual disorder of chaos, but a closed in sort of chaos.

The passion that he brings out in me is trapped inside, turning me into a cold person whose soul is trapped behind walls only he can scale.

He knows how to bring my soul out. He knows how to make me feel, make me feel happiness, make me feel wonderment, make me feel young, make me feel bright and new again.

He makes me feel loved.

I want to be loved. I want to be with him.

I want to go home.::

<<I have to make my way to her, make my way through the chaotic world to a place where I am at peace.

To get to her, to get home I have to brave the challenges. I must brave people who mock me, mock my quest in life, things designed to bring me down.

I can't let them get to me. I can't let them distract me from getting to her, from getting home.

It's a quest where I am the knight and I am trying to get home to my lady, the lady who has shown me a love I have never known before. A love I want to experience every day of my life.

But in order to have that I must face the monsters, both within and without.

Soon though, I will be with her.

Soon I will be home.>>

::I try to get to him, but it is not easy. There are things blocking the path.

People telling me that he's not worth it, that I'm much better than him. That he doesn't deserve me. That he doesn't need me at all.

But it's not true, I know that. I know he needs me like I need him. Like we both need air to stay alive. He deserves me, he deserves love, plain and simple.

Then there are the more immediate blocks. The people whispering behind my back about how I am a cold fish, how I have no emotions. I know that is not true. I know I can feel and I can love, and it's thanks to him.

Soon I will be with him, the one who makes me feel.

Soon I will be home.::

<<I'm almost there. I'm almost with her. I see her apartment door coming closer.

I feel myself calming down, yet becoming filled with expectation. I know I will see her soon. I know I will feel that happiness I so rarely find.

The happiness she brings me.

The door opens and I see her there, sitting on the couch. Her red hair gleaming in the light of the fading sun. But to me, the sun is not fading, the sun is rising with the birth of something wonderful about to happen.

She sees me, and her face breaks out into a smile, a smile I know now belongs to me alone. A smile that makes me feel loved. She approaches me and I open my arms, waiting for her to fit to me, making us both whole again.

I feel her press her lips to mine, and my eyes flutter shut. The chaos of the day is now drifting off into the distance. I'm with her.>>

::I reach my apartment, but he's not here yet. I'm not worried though, I know he will be here soon. I know that he needs me too, now more than ever after spending this day apart.

I sit down on the couch and wait, my body almost giddy in the knowledge that soon he will be here, soon we will be together again.

I can't wait.

Soon I hear the door lock clicking and I turn around to see him there, and he's smiling.

I feel myself smiling back, smiling back in that open smile destined only for him. The smile that knows I'm expressing my true feelings, that I'm happy, that I can feel alive again, that I feel loved.

My legs move from under me, and I'm walking over to him. His arms begin to open in that invitation that makes me let down my barriers even more. I feel my body mold to his and I know that this is right.

I press my lips to his and as my eyes close, I feel my passion emerging once more. I'm with him.::

<<And as we kiss, a kiss that soothes my soul, one thought runs through my head.>>

::As we kiss that kiss that kiss that makes me feel alive, I can only think of one thing.::

<<I'm home.>>

::I'm home.::

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The End!

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