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Edge of Heaven

by Excalibos

Genre: Xena

Continuity: Sometime after the return from Chin, and "Problems"

Sex: Maybe some kissing, maybe not ;^D

Violence: none

Subtext: none

Rating: PG (mild language, minor adult content)

Spoilers: Endgame, Fallen Angels

Cast of Characters:

Gabrielle

Joxer

Xena

**************

Gabrielle sat before the fire, a scroll in her hand. A quill was clutched in her fingers, gripped tightly enough to break. Her eyebrows were drawn so closely together, they seemed to be a single line. She bit her tongue as she tried to think of what to write.

"Gods," she finally spat in disgust, flinging the items to the side. She quickly buried her head in her hands and began to whisper. "I used to be good at this. What's wrong with me?"

Xena looked up from the remains of her meal. When she realized the problem, she smiled and moved over next to her friend.

"Gabrielle, we have been through a LOT these past few months. We died, came back, restored my dark side, battled against impossible odds, and we're still alive. You are a more confident fighter. Nothing is going to be the same now...and maybe that includes your writing." Gabrielle looked at Xena like a rabbit being chased by dogs. Her eyes quickly moistened and a tear tracked its way down her cheek.

"Xena, what...what if you're right? What if I lost my skill at writing somewhere along the way? It's not like we can go looking for it."

"Gabrielle. Stop for just a minute. You haven't written anything since before Brutus attacked the Amazons. Maybe you've just got...what did you call it? Bardic block? You used to say you had to be inspired; maybe right now, you're not. And if you did lose your 'muse,' so what. You're still you."

The blonde bard shook her head in resignation, before looking at her friend. "But my writing was what made me special. Now, I'm just a younger you." At that she turned and pulled her bedroll over her head. Xena moved back to her own bed, and watched the convulsing form of her best friend as the fire burned away

**************

"Joxer the mighty, he roams through the countryside..."

Gabrielle couldn't help but smile as she heard the strains of Joxer's song. 'If there's one thing that can cheer me up, it's Joxer.'

Argo whickered, trying to turn towards the sound of the approaching voice. Xena patted the horse's mane as she whispered, "I wonder sometimes whether you'd prefer to be with him instead of me." Argo remained motionless for a moment before shaking her head. "Well, thanks."

Joxer swaggered around the corner belting out the newest rendition to his theme, "And boy will bad guys be surprised, when Gabby hits 'em with her sais, Righting wrongs and singing... Gabby!"

"Hello Joxer. How have you been?"

"Oh, well, you know me. Doing the thing... the-the hero thing, yeah, you know. Hero stuff."

Gabrielle couldn't help but smile at his stammering. "I noticed you changed your tune."

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, well, you know. A great warrior and all," he began, before deflating under the duo's combined glare, "...right. No bragging. I just thought that the old tune needed to be updated, to match your new style. And I just have to say... Oh hi Xena."

"Hi Joxer. What brings you this way," Xena asked as she slid off her horse.

"Oh, geez. I almost forgot. Thank you, Xena. Gabrielle, there's this bard tournament in Thermopylae and I figured you'd be there and would want some moral support... and why are you looking at me that way?"

Gabrielle's eyes had begun to water when Joxer mentioned the tournament. She had tried to hide them, but Joxer was just too good at reading her. 'He probably knows me almost as well as Xena does.' That thought disturbed her for some reason, but she couldn't quite explain why. "I'm sorry Joxer. I've just been... upset about...'the bard thing,' and I wasn't really planning on going..."

Joxer interrupted her, his mouth hanging open at that revelation. "Not going! How could you not go?! You were top in the Academy; better than Homer was; at least that's what you wrote. And do you know how popular that story of his is... oh what's it called, you know, the one about Troy?"

"The Iliad," Xena supplied helpfully.

Joxer snapped his finger and cried, "That's it! The Iliad. And he was only second best. If people heard something of yours, they'd go insane."

Gabrielle looked away, then swung up on Horse. Trying to avoid his gaze, she replied, "I'm sorry, but that was a long time ago." She kicked her heels and galloped away, leaving a pair of upset friends behind.

"Xena, what's wrong with her?"

Sighing, Xena took Argo's reigns, and looped her arm around her friend. "She tried to write something a few nights ago. What it was, I have no idea, but she became very upset when she couldn't write anything." She shook her head and looked at her friend. "She won't talk to me. I think... I think she's worried that she's losing herself."

*****************

Gabrielle slowed to a canter as she approached the small village. Her head pounded and her heart felt like it was breaking. 'Why did he have to remind me what I lost? Why'd he have to be so supportive?' Then a question that had plagued her snapped to the fore of her mind. 'Why did he have to fall in love with me?'

"No. No. Don't think about that. Just... just focus on the situation. Get through this, then worry about that." She slid off Horse's back, and led him to the nearby tavern. After tying his reins to the hitch, she strode into the establishment.

The room smelled of stale vomit and even staler beer. Smoke from several incense burners wafted through the air, making a combination of scents strong enough to cause Gabrielle to gag. She took several slow breaths, trying not to choke, before moving to the bar.

"Get the strongest stuff you have...and give me a double."

The bartender looked her over, then shook his head. "Sorry, strongest stuff I got is this home brew, and you look like you could use something quite a bit stronger." She nodded, then slapped ten dinars on the bar top

"Then keep it pouring until the money's spent."

Xena walked into the tavern, her eyes starting to search for her friend. Unfortunately, she didn't have to look long. Gabrielle was drunk, very drunk. And at the moment, she was regaling the bar patrons with a story about... 'Oh. My. Gods.'

"Gabrielle," Xena hissed as she pulled Gabrielle away, ignoring the boos of the sloshed patrons, "Just what in the gods' names are you thinking? I thought we swore never to tell anyone that story."

"Oh, Zsheena," Gabrielle slurred, "I wuz jus' tryin ta ener...etter... amuse theez boyz. Wazn I boyz?"

She waved at the cheering crowd, a huge smile plastered across her face, before falling unconscious into Xena's arms. The warrior glanced at the bartender, asking the obvious question with an upraised eyebrow.

"She's drunk ten dinars worth of her own, plus another three, I guess. Once she started telling her stories, people just started calling for round after round. After the fourth call, I stopped counting. " Xena shook her head morosely. 'She is going to be impossible tomorrow.' Behind her, she heard the clanking of Joxer's armor. He stopped at the sight of his love passed out in their best friend's arms.

"She okay?"

"She will be after a good night's sleep in the open air. Come on, help me get her to her horse."

Joxer reached out, and swept the girl of his dreams off her feet. At least, he swept her away from the hands holding her up. Cradling Gabrielle to his chest, he followed Xena out the door and up to Horse. The stallion looked at the lanky man quizzically, as if asking what was wrong with its mistress.

"Don't worry boy. She's just sleeping," Xena reassured the horse. Joxer slide her onto the saddle, and set her body so she wouldn't fall. The two then began the trek out of town.

**************

"Uhhhhhhnnnnn. Ow! Did somebody get a good look at that chariot? " Joxer would have chuckled, but he was too worried about her headache to laugh. He reached out and pushed her back down, then gently placed a wet cloth against her forehead.

"Take it easy, Gabby," he whispered, not wanting to exacerbate her pain, "you had a lot to drink yesterday, and now you're paying the price." He smoothed her hair back, the briefest of caresses, before whispering, "I'm sorry."

Gabrielle's look was all that was needed to get him to explain. "For yesterday. I didn't know about the writing thing. I just wanted to be a part of something I knew you loved. I never meant to upset you. Hurting you is always the farthest thing from my mind."

She looked at him, tears forming in her eyes. Gently, he brushed them away, when she reached up, and grabbed his hand. "Joxer, I should be apologizing to you. I was upset, but I shouldn't have run off like that." She smiled wanly. "I seem to be running from you a lot lately," she whispered.

Joxer looked at her quizzically, the realized what she was talking about. "Gabrielle," he started.

"No, Joxer. Let me talk." She looked into his eyes. 'His eyes are so beautiful, so full of love, how couldn't I see it before?' She shook her head softly, trying not to cause any more pain, then spoke, "You have always been there for me, through the nose-pulls and the head-smacking. You never once gave up on me, or on your dream of us. You risk your life every time you go into battle, but you never look back. You've more than proved what kind of man you are with everything you've done for the both of us over the last few years." She settled back down into her bed, and noticed it was...thicker. She glanced around, and saw that Xena was gone, but her bedroll was still there.

"Joxer, where's your bed?"

He looked away, embarrassed, before saying, "Under you."

"You slept on the ground."

"Yeah. You needed it more than I did."

Gabrielle squeezed his hand, then asked him, "Do you want to know what I was trying to write?" Joxer looked at her in astonishment, before mutely nodding his head. She shut her eyes, and began to whisper.

"I was in a bright place. It looked kind of like the monoliths I saw when we were dead, but bigger. I was just looking around in wonder, when all of a sudden, everything vanished, and I was falling." She snuck a look at Joxer, to find her friend was watching her in abject fascination. She quickly shut them again, and continued, saying, "But before I fell very far, from the darkness came a picture of a lonely man, so clearly now reaching out for me. He caught me, and pulled me onto the ledge where he stood. I tried to see his face, but he was hidden in shadow. I asked him where we were, and all he said was, 'The edge of heaven.' Then he turned around and walked away."

"So, what do you think it meant," Joxer whispered hoarsely.

"I wasn't done. As he was walking away, I noticed something he'd dropped." She looked at him intently, tears again threatening, as she whispered, "It was your helmet."

Joxer felt as if his legs had been turned to water. Thankful that his was already sitting, he looked at Gabrielle, before replying with a laugh, "I wonder what that guy'd want with my helmet."

"Joxer," she whispered, using her don't-be-dense voice, "the guy in my dream was you. You saved me, and we were standing together on the edge of heaven." Then exhaustion claimed her, and she fell asleep, not noticing the tear sliding down his cheek.

"You never lost anything, Gabby. You just had to find the right way to say it."

The End

Author's note: How'd you like the end? I thought it was kinda neat. Thanks again to Melanie for these terrific lyrics. Awesome choice. I hope you all have a great holiday season, and a very happy Y2K. So until next time...

BLOOD, VALOR, AND VICTORY!!!