Title: "My Constant"

Author: Angel-Wings Gaskins

Rating: PG-13 for language

Cater.: VRPost-ep

Keywords: MSR, Scully-POV

Spoilers: "En Ami" (is that what it's called?)

Summary: Life has changed.

Archive: Yesth, ust email me!

Feedback: PulledAScully@aol.com

Disclaimer: Not mine, and no money is being made.

Notes: I haven't written in forever, I know. Too busy. I promise to myself to make more time, cuz I just looooove writing ;o)

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That bastard. That fucking, no-good, tar-faced, cigarette-smoking bastard. Jesus, I can't believe I trusted him even minutely. Mulder was right. He was just using me.

God, I feel like such an idiot. I should have told Mulder. He knew from the beginning that Cancerman was just using me to save his own piece of shit life. I was so stupid.

Why does it hurt so much? Mulder's arms are wrapped around me, holding me tight as I sob against his chest and all I can feel is the pain of loss. But what did I lose?

I know. My sense of humanity. CGB Spender wasn't at all incorrect when he guessed my reasons for becoming a medical doctor. I just wanted to help.

But this time I let myself believe. I violated my number one rule on the X-files: never let yourself believe too easily. But his eyes...

When I was little, just a toddler, my father caught me in a lie, and I curiously asked him how he knew of my fib. He said it was all in my eyes, that he could sense my guilty conscience through them. Mulder's eyes are like that. The one time I saw him lie, which was about my ovum, his eyes showed such pain and regret. I loved him so much for that. He just didn't want to hurt me, but I could see the truth right there in his eyes, though I didn't discover it for a while later.

Mulder kisses my forehead and whispers soothing words into my hair, his face blank but still gorgeous. He's hurt. I can tell. He's upset I didn't tell him, that I'm down still another path to find the good in every person. I'm sorry to say I failed.

I ask him if he's okay, what's wrong. He tells me that he is fine and he's just tired. I believe him only partially. I think that's all, but he continues. He's full of surprises.

"I'm sorry for all this, Scully," he says, his face still stoic but his eyes showing love. It brings more tears which Mulder's hand comes up to swipe it, leaving his hands to hold my cheeks. "I never really believed, not really. Not about Samantha. You showed me something different, Scully. You brought me to the truth, even when I was reluctant to see it and even when you didn't believe." He pauses and wipes a few more of my tears away as I stare questioningly into his beautiful eyes.

"Mulder, I... what are you saying?"

He breathes deeply and his forehead falls onto my own. Our breaths mingle before merging and swirling in the air around us. "It's taken me so long to believe, Scully, and I went through so much pain to get where I am. Two summers ago, whether you'll admit it or not, you started to believe, too. So much has happened since then--with the X-files, the conspiracies, the Truth... us." He sighs and I kiss his cheek, urging him to continue. "We're so close to everything, Scully, and I can't lose you. I want you to believe, but not if it costs you your life."

I blink slowly, causing another gush of warm tears to fall down my cheeks, this time landing on Mulder's chin. I try to laugh lightly as he attempts to lick them away.

Where did I find such an honest, beautiful man? Has he been here the whole time? Have I known that or have I just ignored it? I love him so much, and it's taken my worst enemy to relize how cold I truly am.

"Mulder," I whisper, my lips barely a whisp from his own. "I want to believe." His lips come to mine softly and I wrap my arms around his neck as his hand tangle in my hair.

Salty water runs down my cheeks, but this time they're not my tears. I kiss them away and smile at Mulder. If I knew it only took the truth to make this man happy, I would have told him years ago... or maybe I wouldn't have. So much has changed.

"I love you, Scully." I kiss him softly, his barely-audible words ringing joyfully in my ears.

"I know, Mulder," I answer against his lips. "I've always known." So much has changed these past seven years, but still one thing remains the same. He's the only reason I'm present today and I thank him with every cell in my body.

And I don't feel so lost anymore.