Sometimes It's Not Easy

By: Susan Owens

Rated PG

Summary: What happened after Married with Fishsticks

Spoilers: up through Married with Fishsticks

Author's Notes: I didn't care for the way it ended, so here goes. I hope you enjoy it. Speical thanks to Sandy .

Disclaimers: I don't own them and seek no money from this.

Warning: This is sad and maybe not a happy ending



Joxer slowly followed the two women back to the campsite, rubbing his face where Gabrielle had made contact. He felt the pain on his face but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart. What had gone wrong? Gabrielle had kissed him and then struck him like he was the enemy and not her friend.

Joxer walked even more slowly now. He was in no hurry to catch up with them either. He looked at them as Gabrielle was walking and telling Eve this story and found that he just didn't care. He made up his mind then to leave and never bother them again. He was so tired of being Gabrielle's punching bag. Gods, she never would have done that to Xena.

When Joxer finally arrived at the campsite, Xena and Gabrielle sitting down around the fire and talking while Xena fed Eve her supper. He didn't bother saying hi. He just climbed into his bedroll and closed his eyes so they wouldn't see his tears. He tried to sleep, but all he could see was Gabrielle's motionless body as he pulled her out of the water. He had saved her life and that's what he got for it: a belt in the face for his troubles. Why did people, even people who were supposed to love him, abuse him? His father, sometimes his mother, his brothers - even Gabrielle and Xena abused him without any regard as to how he felt. He heard them laughing. Were they laughing at him, he wondered? Joxer suddenly snapped, "Will you shut up? I'm trying to sleep!"

"Then go sleep somewhere else!" Gabrielle snapped back. "Xena and I are talking. Who needs you here anyway?"

Joxer got up and picked up his bedroll. "FINE! I'll sleep somewhere else. I know when I'm not wanted."

"Joxer, Gabrielle didn't mean that. Please stay," Xena turned to Gabrielle. "Gabrielle, tell him you didn't mean it!"

Gabrielle said nothing. Joxer turned and walked away into the woods. Xena looked at her friend, eyebrows drawing together in anger. "Gabrielle, go after him."

"No! I'm tired and I'm going to bed. You want him back? You go after him!" Gabrielle buried herself under the furs.

Xena sighed, knowing that whenever Gabrielle got into one of her more stubborn moods, nothing could persuade the bard to change her mind. She sighed as she rose to her feet, made sure that Eve was comfortable underneath the covers of her bedroll, and looked towards where Joxer had gone, wondering what had happened between the two of them this time. She got up and started searching for Joxer, but he was nowhere in sight. When Joxer wanted to hide, he could really do it. It was the one thing he was good at. *Maybe that's what keeps him alive,* she thought to herself as she continued looking for the lanky warrior wannabe. Xena then spotted him but she didn't go near. "Joxer, give Gabrielle time to cool down! She will. She always does. I'm going back to the campsite now. We'll wait for you!" she called out. She turned around and walked away. Joxer remained where he was. He wasn't going back tomorrow. He was going out on his own, never to bother them again.

**********
The next morning, Gabrielle rolled over. She sat up and stretched. Seeing Xena, she smiled at her. "Good morning, Xena." She turned around to her left side where Joxer always slept. "Wake up, Joxer!"

Xena looked up from the pot she was stirring. "Joxer's not here, Gabrielle. He left last night."

"I know that. I just thought he came back."

Xena gazed at her friend with an unreadable look on her face. "Well, he didn't."

"Xena, I always get upset with him and he always comes back!"

"Gabrielle, I saw what you did to Joxer's face and it wasn't pretty. Why did you hit him so hard? Please enlighten me as to why you thought it necessary to cold-cock him!"

Gabrielle placed her hand behind her neck, rubbing it. "I lost my temper so I hit him, but he deserved it. He took advantage of me, Xena! He kissed me like I belonged to him," she defended herself.

"Whoa, chickie babe! Back up the chariot for a minute!" The dulcet tones of the Goddess of Love broke in as she appeared before the women, hands on her hips as she glared at Gabrielle and then turned to Xena for a moment. "Honestly, will you listen to Little Miss Perfect here?" Xena shrugged her shoulders in response. "Well, you're no help!" Aphrodite rolled her eyes. Xena glared at her, but the Goddess of Love waved her hand in dismissal before she could say a word. "Save it for another time, Warrior Babe! It's time Miss Grouch had a little bit of truth thrown in her face for a change."

Aphrodite's face took on a self-righteous appearance as she turned back to Gabrielle and continued speaking in a whiny, nasal tone. *"'He took advantage of me!'"* She rolled her eyes and shook her finger at the stunned bard as if she was scolding a naughty child. "PUH-LEEZE! Like EX-SQUEEZE ME already! Listen, sweet cheeks, if it hadn't been for Studmuffin, you'd have been feeding the fishes, although why they'd want to eat the likes of YOU is like totally beyond me! My boy Joxer dove in that water after you to save your pretty little neck!"

"Yeah, and who dove in after him?" Gabrielle snapped.

"No one, O Wonder Bard! My Joxie saved your butt, you ungrateful little..." she stopped and exhaled loudly before continuing. "Uh, uh! No matter how tempting it is, I'm not gonna stoop to your level. I'm glad Studmuffin left! Maybe he'll find someone who cares about him instead of treating him like a piece of crap. I'm out of here!"

"Aphrodite, wait! What do you mean, he saved me?"

"Get a clue, Blondie! I never thought I'd see the day when I'd agree with Ares that you're nothing but a irritating blonde. Sheesh, you give the rest of us a bad name! I'm so totally outta here!"

Xena and Gabrielle watched as the Goddess of Love vanished. "Come on, Xena. We better go find Joxer before he manages to get himself in trouble," she mumbled.

"Good idea, Gabrielle. Just let me get Eve ready for traveling," Xena had Eve ready to go shortly and they headed for the next village, hoping Joxer would be there.

******
Joxer sat at the table looking at his ale. It was his fifth one since he came in and he knew he was pretty drunk, but he didn't care. He stumbled to his feet. "Do you know who I am?" he yelled to the customers in the tavern. Everyone looked at him but then turned away. Joxer's face grew indignant. "Don't turn away, I asked you a question! Do you know who I am?"

"A dork," a soldier replied.

Joxer staggered over to him. "You take that back or feel the wrath of Joxer the Mighty!" Joxer held up his sword unsteadily.

The soldier looked at it and laughed harshly. "Go away, little man, before you get hurt!" He pushed Joxer roughly. Joxer stumbled but somehow caught himself and came after the man, weaving as he approached. The man decked him right across the face and he fell to the floor. The man pulled Joxer to his feet and yelled, "Anyone own this pest?"

"He's with us," replied Gabrielle as she and Xena entered the tavern. Eve began to cry when she saw Joxer on the floor. Xena tried to shush her, but Eve continued crying.

"Then take him before I kill him," the soldier growled as he shoved Joxer right into her.

Joxer looked at Gabrielle then said in a very loud, clear voice before passing out, "I hate you."

Gabrielle looked at Xena. She didn't say anything as they took Joxer upstairs and got him in bed. Gabrielle sat on a chair by his bed and Xena placed her hand on her back. "Gabrielle, he didn't mean that. It was the booze talking," Xena tried to reassure her friend.

Gabrielle looked up at her with tears in her eyes. "Yes he did, Xena. The booze gives him the courage to say what he can't say when he's sober. He hates me and I don't blame him. Aphrodite was right – everything she said was true. I treat him like crap."

"Gabrielle, when he wakes up, talk to him."

"I don't know if I can, Xena."

"Please try."

The bard nodded, "I will try."

"Good. I have to see to Argo. Good luck, Gabrielle."

"Thanks. I'm going to need it."

*****
It seemed like hours before Joxer finally woke up. He moaned and Gabrielle placed a wet cloth on his head. "Joxer, come on. Open your eyes."

Joxer slowly opened them, then quickly closed them again. "Go away, Gabrielle."

"No, Joxer. I'm staying."

"Why? So you can abuse me again?"

"Oh Joxer, I'm sorry…" Joxer tried to stand up but it felt like his head was splitting in two. Gabrielle pushed him back down. "Joxer, lie down!"

"Stop telling me what to do! Gods, I'm so tired of it!"

Gabrielle ran her hand through her short hair. "Joxer, we need to talk."

"I don't think we do. I saved you Gabrielle, and you belted me!"

"Joxer, you made me mad when you said it was 'something you always wanted to do'," she said, repeating his own words to him.

Joxer sat up again, wishing he hadn't. "You were kissing me! I just thought… Oh never mind what I thought! You don't care anyhow."

"Joxer, that's not true! I DO care! What I did and said last night was wrong. I just didn't know."

"You never even asked me! You just hit me!"

Gabrielle looked at Joxer's face. It was all black and blue and it would be days before the bruising went away. "I really socked you one, didn't I?" she laughed, trying to ease the tension in the room, but Joxer took it the wrong way.

"Gods! Stop laughing at me! I am so sick of you laughing at me!" Joxer was now in tears and he didn't care if she saw him cry. "I'm not a joke! Why can't people stop laughing at me?"

Gabrielle sat down on the bed and took Joxer in her arms. He struggled, but she held him tight. "Shhh, Joxer. I wasn't laughing at you. I was trying to ease the tension in here and it backfired." She stroked his hair as he cried. "Joxer, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I do care for you."

Joxer lifted his head then wiped his eyes. "I know, Gabrielle. It's just that it hurts so badly. You know how I feel about you and you tear my heart in two. I'm not made of wood Gabrielle, and I don't have a wooden heart. I can't just shut off my feelings for you and when you kissed me, I thought that maybe I had a chance with you."

"I don't know, Joxer. I just don't know. Maybe if you give me time I will someday feel that way for you, but now I just don't."

Joxer got up and slowly walked to the door, his head still pounding.

"Joxer, where are you going?"

Joxer turned to her. "I will always love you Gabrielle, but right now I need to be alone. I'll catch up with you and Xena later." Gabrielle went over to help him but he shook her away. "I'll be fine. I just need to be alone."

"Will you come back?"

Joxer nodded and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I'll be back. You know me. Wild horses couldn't keep me away." He then left the room and Gabrielle, who watched him leave with tears in her eyes.

"Come back to us soon, Joxer."

******
Xena returned to the room and saw Gabrielle crying. "Gabrielle, are you okay? Where's Joxer?"

Gabrielle looked up at her. "Xena? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Joxer had something to do. He said he'd catch up with us later."

"Did you talk it out?"

"Yeah, we did."

"Good. Is everything fine?"

"Yeah. Everything's peachy," Gabrielle sniffed. "So, where to now?"

"Oh, I don't know - wherever the roads leads us."

"Sound good to me," replied the bard as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Well, I'll get Amber ready to go. Meet you outside."

Xena watched her leave and looked at Eve. "Eve, I hope those two someday get it right."

Eve gurgled in agreement.

The End?