Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount and Star Trek Voyager. They are being used for non-profit entertainment only. The poems belong to me, Magik, the author.

Note: The order is B'Elanna then Tom. B'Elanna begins the poems and Tom finishes them. This takes place between Day of Honor and Revulsions

I never meant to tell you.

I never meant to let the words fall from my lips into your ears.

And I never would have told you if we hadn't been a heartbeat away from death.

No, I never would.

I never would have found the courage to open my mouth, to speak the words I had been holding back for...God only knows how long.

(I don't know how long I've loved you.)

I just couldn't face the thought of death without you knowing, without the hope or dream that you might say those three words too.

Now I have to admit that I was scared the whole time that I might do something wrong, that you might turn away.

And all those quarrels were only so you wouldn't be able to see the love burning for you in my eyes.

I can't hide the love now because it's etched there, burned there.

(Painfully burned.)

Maybe I shouldn't have said a word to you, Tom Paris.

Maybe I should have ignored you from the get-go.

But then how could I live, how could I have survived without your support, your friendship.

And now I've gone and spoiled it with three little words that you probably never thought about.

Three words you probably never wanted to hear.

(There was so much friendship between us.)

I would trust you with my life a million times over.

(I already have.)

I can't count the number of times you've saved me.

I can't count the number of time I've been lost in your blue eyes.

And now I've gone and ruined it.

Ruined that trust.

Ruined that friendship.

(I'm so sorry, Tom.)

Because I never meant to tell you.

I guess everything's changed now.

And it's all my fault.

(I'm sorry.)

But somewhere in my heart...I hope you love me too.

And I never meant to tell you what I always knew was true.

But I've already gone and done it so I hope you can still see the B'Elanna that was just your friend.

I hope she's still locked in your memory because I can't stand the thought of hurt filling your eyes.

I can't deal with that.

(I can't deal with this.)

I'm so very sorry, Tom.

I never meant to tell you.

Never, ever meant to tell you.

But now the damage's done and I'll have to survive with what happens next.

You know I would take back every word if I could because I never meant to tell you.

(Even though it's the truth.)

I've been living the life of a coward.

I've been hiding behind a mask of cocky remarks and over confidence.

I've been hiding from everything that could hurt me because I couldn't stand the thought of enduring more pain.

(I've suffered through too much pain already.)

But you've been breaking those barriers in your own way.

Making me fight with you.

Letting me help you.

Letting me stay with you.

Just letting me be your friend.

Friend.

Such a strange word to think of now

Now that it's been crashed down and replaced by an unstable wall of emotions that could crash down at any moment.

But I've been living the life of a coward, not you.

(Never you.)

You've always been strong.

(At least in my eyes.)

And I can't count the number of times I thought that you should be breaking and you weren't.

I can't count the number of times I wished I was as strong as you.

B'Elanna...

I hope I didn't hurt you.

I would never want to hurt you.

You surprised me, that's all, telling me you loved me.

I had dreamed of those sugar sweet words a million times over.

I just never expected to hear them because I never thought I was worthy of love from someone like you.

That's why I never told you.

Never told you how much I care for you.

How much it hurts when you're mad at me.

How lonely I am without you.

Or the fact that I lo...no, I just can't say the words.

So, who's the coward now?

Now whose life has no honor?

Now who should be apologizing?

The coward behind the mask, that's who.

The coward who cries inwardly but never lets it show.

The one who lives in pain, wishing for a hand to brush it away but knowing that the hand will never come.

I know I live a coward's life, B'Elanna.

I know that.

I would never want to hurt you.

But I don't know how to keep that from happening.

So maybe we should call it quits before anything happens.

Maybe we should end this before it begins.

Maybe we should lock our hearts beneath the surface as we always have.

Maybe we should just let go.

I guess that proves I'm the coward because I can't even find the voice to utter the three words that I feel for you.

B'Elanna...don't feel bad.

This is the coward's fault, not yours.

(You deserve someone better than me.)

Tell me fair-haired angel, when you've barred your soul, what is there left to say?

How much more can you divulge when your biggest secret's out?

How much fear can survive after a shock like that?

I don't understand the looks you give me in the hall.

It's like you want me besides you but you won't make a move.

And I'm not sure if I even know you anymore.

Because you've changed.

Now you're holding back.

Now you're afraid.

Tell me blue-eyed devil, how long can the heart be cold before it burns with flame?

How long can you prance without getting tripped up?

How much pain will it take before you reach for comfort?

I've told you before.

I'll tell you again.

I am here when you need me.

I am gone when you don't.

Friendship can be put before love.

Why can't you see that?

Tell me quick-tongued savior, how long can the soul hide behind logic?

How far does the barrier between truth and wishful thinking stretch?

How long van one person live in the dark?

You told me I was beautiful.

You were always at my side.

Was it just in fun?

Just a chase.

A chase never meant to be won.

A prize you thought never to gain.

Did you lie all those times when you looked into my eyes?

Would you lie again?

Tell me cunning demon, what can the mind screen out to keep pain away.

How many emotions can be denied?

How many lies can be thought up?

And why do I feel like I'm talking about myself?

We're so alike, you and I.

Lost in a dizzy world of pseudo-emotions, looking for the truth.

Waiting for the frost to melt.

Waiting for the sun and the day we feel alive.

Searching for the key to the locked door of our dreams.

I think I found my key.

I think it's in your eyes, in your voice, in your smile.

That's where my key is.

Am I yours?

So, tell me crying child, what else is there to say when everything's been said.

How many times can you wait for an answer.?

How long does the heart love?

And how long do I have to wait for you to find me?

What else is there to say?

Well what could I say

To make you believe me.

I'm as hard as they come

When it comes to people who can't share.

I'm a low down

A loser.

The gum you wipe off your shoes.

But all I want.

All I need

Is you.

I've been asking myself

Asking myself

"Do you really want to lose her?

Lock her away like a doll

On the shelf?"

And I've been pondering

The answers to those questions.

All I can say is the answer is no.

Because I need you

More than I need my soul.

I want you

More than I want my freedom.

And I love you

More than I love my life.

And it seems

Like we've grown apart.

You know that's bad

As bad as it gets

When we used to be closer than lovers.

When we used to be more than best friends.

We are now just two

Lonely people

Wandering the halls at night

To escape what we know is the truth.

I see something in the way you gaze

At nothing at all

That tells me you really do love me.

I know that I've just been hiding.

Hiding from what's in my heart.

And no,

I don't want to lose you

Can't think about living without you.

Because I need you

More than I need my soul.

I want you

More than I want my freedom.

And I love you

More than I love my life.

We've both been hurt

Many time before.

I've got reasons to act like ice

And you've got reasons to run and hide.

But don't you think it would be better

To face what we know it true.

Better to live than spend your life in darkness.

The shadows provide a good home

To anyone who's looking.

That I should know.

But that home is dark and filled with quiet.

Tears fall down and splash in puddles.

Hearts cry out and are never answered.

Questions of what could have been

Are lost in sorrow's wind.

I don't want to hide anymore.

Because I need you

More than I need my soul.

I want you

More than I want my freedom.

And I love you

More than I love my life.

More than I love my life.

So creep out of darkness

Find my hand.

I'll pull you towards the light.

The light is blinding

But I'll be your guide.

As long as you are near me

I'll be strong enough to go on.

But the moment you leave me

I think I'll die.

I think I'll die.

Because I need you

More than I need my soul.

I want you

More than I want my freedom.

And I love you

More than I love my life.

It's so quiet.

Our fights have died.

Now we say nothing

And hope can't survive.

The moonlight plays upon my soul

Shows it's empty

Because you are gone.

Where'd you go

And how cam I follow?

I know you're here.

Come back to me.

B'Elanna, come back to me.

Because I need you

More than I need my soul.

I want you

More than I want my freedom.

And I love you

More than I love my life.

Yes, I love you more than I love my life.

The questions are answered.

Can we just be together?

Or did I take too long to find my heart?