Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel Comics and are being used for non-profit entertainment purposes only. The story belongs to me. The poem belongs to Arial and was written when I told her my idea for this story. In fact, she brought me this poem long before my hands touched the keyboard to even begin the work of fanfiction. So, I guess you could say we inspired each other.

Note: This stoyr did not turn out to be what I wanted it to. Unfortunatly, I have no idea how to fix it and I don't want to try. My suggestion: Read the poem, because it's lovely, then find something else in the archive to read. This isn't worth your time.

I tried to find you in the streams,

That ran along the woods.

I tried to find you in the skies,

That drifted above my head.

I looked for you in the stars,

Which shone as heavens' eyes.

I looked for you beyond the storms,

Which brought rain like tears.

I searched for you everywhere,

But couldn't find you.

Then I looked inside myself,

And you where there all along.

--Arial Dagger, `99

Roberto DaCosta woke up screaming.

It wasn't a regular thing for him, not in the slightest. Most nights he slept without a hint of worry, lost in dreams of power and fame, where a million beautiful girls swarmed around just to glimpse his face. Those were the dreams that filled Roberto's head. Petty little things that took him away from the world he lived in to the world he could have.

Recently, though, the dreams were different. They were extremely different. Different to the point of being quite troublesome. Roberto didn't really like it but he supposed he'd have to deal with it.

The restless nights, filled with nightmares he couldn't even remember in the searing light of day, caused him to be even more snappy and arrogant than he usually was. And, fairly soon after the nightmares began, his friends were grumbling about the whole predicament.

Well, everyone was grumbling except Doug because Doug remembered.

The whole thing was like a fairy tale or a reoccurring dream. One of those things in your head that is so real, so true that it becomes a memory instead of just a delusion. That's how Doug saw it.

He remembered the terrible night at the island but he was the only one. Everyone else had forgotten or had been made to forget--especially Roberto.

Now Doug couldn't remember all the details of that horrible night. All he knew was that they had been there, all of them. Dani, Sam, Roberto, Warlock, Birdbrain, Rahne, himself...and Illyana. They had been fighting the Animator and some round mechanical things with guns...something like that. (Doug's memory was rather spotty but better than nothing at all.) Then one of the guys pulled a gun on Rahne and Doug jumped and the gun went off but he wasn't dead and Rahne wasn't dead and then...

That was where the whole thing disintegrated into a lot of dream stuff and nonsense. Doug didn't believe anything that happened after hearing the gun go off because...because if he believed it then things would be a lot worse than just having a cranky Roberto roaming around the mansion. If his dream was real then Illyana was dead.

Dead.

What an awful word.

Dani could piece together bits of her memory from that night on the island. Most of it wasn't very good but what she could recall seemed pretty clear.

The New Mutants had been fighting the Animator over the welfare of Birdbrain and his other friends when these...these weird mechanical guys came in and started shooting. Then...the Animator had a gun and...someone was crying...blood...and Illyana disappeared.

Illyana was gone. Sam knew that. He didn't know where she had gotten to or why she had left them but she was gone. Whenever he asked Magneto about it, the man just shrugged and walked away.

In the back of his mind, Sam thought Illyana's departure might have something to do with this dream he kept having. In his dream, the whole team was on this island and this bald man was firing at Doug, who had jumped in front of Rahne, when Illyana pushed Doug out of the way and took the bullet herself. After that the dream turned scarlet and he couldn't see anything else.

But he could hear. He could heard Roberto screaming as he ripped the bald man apart.

Rahne didn't remember anything about Birdbrain or the island full of animal people. In fact, she didn't even notice that Illyana was gone. She had never cared for the demon sorceress and it didn't seem right to worry about someone who would betray her friends in a heartbeat if she thought it would save her.

There was very little Rahne could recall about her old life. Just about the only things at Xavier's she knew were Dani, Sam, and Magneto. She would continually ask to go home to Muir Island and her mum.

Every time she mentioned it, Magneto would grow very silent and distant and walk away from her. Maybe it was because he didn't want another student to leave. Or maybe he liked having Rahne on the team.

Magneto remembered everything. When the students had radioed him and told him to come get them, he had been extremely worried. Why not have Magik `port them home, he had thought. He learned the answer when he got there.

It had been anarchy on the little island. Half animal/half man corpses littered the ground and so did the metal shells of some kind of machine man. However, what had been most disturbing of all were the assorted human limbs strewn around.

Then he saw his students. There were huddled about in a circle, some standing, some sitting, all crying. Quickly, Magneto had walked over to them and gasped loudly when he saw the sight before him.

The ground was red turning black under her body. The blue eyes stared up into the sky because no one had thought to close them. Hair, once pale blond, lay in the puddle and was stained bright red. The bullet holes made large, ugly lacerations in the New Mutants costume and through the skin underneath.

Nevertheless, despite all that, despite the blood and the gore and the overall sheer sense of death, there was a small smile on Illyana's face. Almost as if she had known what she was doing. Almost as if she had planned it.

Magneto sighed, trying to keep his temper down, not wanting to blow up at the students because that was likely to have disastrous affects. He leaned down and closed her eyes. "What happened?" he questioned calmly, turning to Dani.

However, Dani was crying so hard that she couldn't speak and she didn't even seem to hear him. She just buried her faces in her hands and sobbed.

After another short sigh, Magneto looked around the room. What was with all the human body parts? Legs, fingers, little pieces of the upper intestine, all strewn about the room. What had happened?

Then he spotted Roberto.

The young man was huddled on the floor, in a corner. Apparently, I miss him before, Magneto thought as he walked over to his charge.

"Roberto?" he said, placing a hand on the youth's arm.

Roberto's eyes shot up at him and something rolled out of his arms. The boy's dark eyes, glowing crazily, followed the object as it made a slow path across the room. "He deserved it. He deserved it," mumbled whispers made their way to Magneto's ears.

"Sam?" Magneto yelled out.

The tall, lanky, blond haired boy looked over at him, wiped at his eyes, and said, "Yes, sir?"

One of Magneto's fingers indicated the round object, "What is that?"

Sam didn't say anything; he just glanced down and turned back the put an arm around the still sobbing Dani.

"Dammit, isn't anyone going to answer me?" Magneto muttered under his breath.

"It's his head," Roberto hissed from the floor. "It's his head."

Scratching his temple with a finger, Magneto asked, exasperated and patronizingly, "whose head is it, Roberto?"

The dark eyes snapped up to lock with eyes and Magnus found himself thrust into a world of dark, convoluted agony. "It's the Animator's head. And that's his leg. That's his finger. That's his stomach. He wasn't too happy with me when I ripped them out. I saved his heart for last." Then Roberto held out his dark hand. A bloody heart lay in his open palm.

Magneto's eyes grew large as he examined the cold piece of flesh. "What the hell happened here?!" he suddenly screamed upon realizing that the heart was real. He reached to take it away from Roberto but the boy hugged it to his chest.

"No, Magneto. It's mine. It's my trophy. It's my reward."

"Reward for what, damn you?!" the headmaster roared. He could hear Rahne begin to cry louder at the sound of his words but he didn't care. All he cared for right now was answers. Answers to why Roberto held a man's heart, answers to why Illyana was dead on the floor, answers to why it all seemed to be falling apart.

Roberto slowly got to his feet. Blood was caked on his uniform, his hands, and even his face. The dark eyes were so haunted, so insane with pain and rage that his student was almost unrecognizable. "Would you have killed the crowd you tried to hurt your daughter? Would you have killed the Nazi's given a chance?" Roberto's voice was so cold, so inhuman.

Magneto stood gripped in the cold chill of too much information. "Why, Roberto? Why?"

Suddenly, a flare shot up in the boy's eyes. "He killed her!" Roberto screamed, throwing the cold heart on the cave floor.

Rahne took one look at it and started shirking. Sam and Doug both tried to calm her but it did no good. The girl screamed hysterically until she fainted.

"You're upsetting your team mates, Roberto."

"She's dead. Illyana's dead! You don't care. No one cares! I cared. You can see how much I cared!" the boy exclaimed, spreading his arms wide. "He killed her and I killed him."

Magneto stood in shock and horror as Roberto DaCosta danced around the cave, maniacally, picking up various parts of the Animator and then flinging them back to the floor. He finally stopped at where the head had come to rest.

"Come back here, boy. I want to talk to you," Magnus said, still trying to keep his voice calm. What horror, he thought. What horror has happened here? One of the students killed, another a murderer, and the others shocked, hysterical, and unstable.

"I'm not a boy," Roberto answered but he walked over, the head cradled in one arm. He held the head out to Magneto. "Does he looked like he paid enough?"

"Damn you!" Magneto shouted as he ripped the head from Roberto's arms and tossed it away. It came to rest near Rahne who had just woken up. She started to cry and scream again. "Shut her up!!"

Dani, Doug, and Sam all knelt next to Rahne, talking to her in low, soothing voices. They calmed her, told her it was all a bad dream, and got her to be quiet.

"What would you like us to do, sir?" Doug asked.

Magneto turned to face the boy. Tears streaked his face but he didn't look as bad as the others. Someone had been protecting him. Warlock most probably. Where was Warlock? "Where's Warlock?"

Doug touched a small, round, black dot on his shoulder and answered, "Here, sir."

"Get in the plane."

"Should we take Illyana, sir?" Dani inquired, having found her voice only minutes ago.

"I suppose," Magnus answered.

Roberto flew off towards them, his eyes blazing fury and batted at their hands. "Don't touch her! Don't touch her!"

The others backed away from him, leaving their friends body on the ground. Slowly, they boarded the plane.

Magneto walked over to where Roberto was kneeling on the floor. The young man had propped Illyana's dead body up and he was trying to get the blood off her hair. He looked up at his teacher, eyes full of tears and said, "Help me get the blood off. Please."

Somewhere in his mind, a tape was put on play and Magneto remembered the bloody corpses of his family, of the fellow Jews in the camps. He remembered and it made him angry. "She's dead, Roberto," he snapped, stepping away from the two. "Pick her up and bring her into the plane. We're going home."

"I'm not leaving her," Roberto said simply.

"We're taking the body with us."

Confusion played over the boy's face as the words became scrambled in his brain. Then everything just broke. Every emotional wall just fell down, every block that had been built from the initial rage to now collapsed. Roberto was left sobbing and holding the dead body close to him. "She's dead," he whispered.

"Yes," Magnus acknowledged, drained.

Roberto's eyes flickered over the cave. "I killed that man."

Magneto nodded. "You didn't mean to."

"I wanted to."

"You were upset. He had just shot your teammate. It's understandable, Roberto."

"You've killed people, Magneto."

"I have."

The dark eyes turned to gaze at the ice cold blue ones. The dark hands traced lines along the dead face of Illyana Rasputin. "Are you angry with me?"

"Not right now."

"Are you sad?"

"Not right now."

Roberto's head dropped and he started to sob uncontrollable. "I don't want to be like you, Magneto. I don't want to be a monster why can't feel." His eyes skated over his hands. "Madonna," he muttered. "I...I can't take the blood on my hands. Kill me. Kill me, please, or I will kill myself."

"You'll do no such thing." Magneto reached out a hand and touched the boy's head, altering the blood flow that he fell fast asleep. Then he picked up Roberto and motioned for Sam to come get Illyana's body.

That night had ended, though. It had been erased from the students' minds thanks to Emma Frost. She had offered to take it from his mind too, to make it disappear like a bad dream but Magnus had refused. Someone had to carry the legacy.

The affects of the mind wipe hadn't been very good, though. Rahne had lost most of her memories and was being sent home to Muir tomorrow. Roberto had become snippy and short with people for he was kept up at night by horrible dreams that fled with the light of day. Sam was a walking ghost, thinking little, saying less. Dani was half coping but she had some experience in pulling herself from trance-like states. Doug had visited him earlier, asking if he could leave Xavier's and just go home. Magneto only said yes. And Warlock...Warlock had disappeared crushed by the changes.

So now, the only person in the world who remembered the death of Illyana Rasputin and the horror that had occurred on the Animator's island was Magneto himself. He hoped he was strong enough to handle it.

Roberto walked through the halls of Xavier's, looking at the pictures that hung on the walls. One picture stopped him totally. He didn't remember seeing it before.

It was a picture of Peter Rasputin and a girl. The girl had blond hair, long and pale, and blue eyes that were icy but still danced. They were both smiling, beaming.

Who is she? Roberto wondered. He took the picture off the wall, removed it from the frame and read `Peter and his younger sister, Illyana Rasputin'. Sister? he wondered. I didn't know Peter had a sister. Shrugging, he returned the picture to its place on the wall and continued walking.

It was a nice day outside, slightly chill but not enough to drive him indoors. There was something in the wind today, something very alluring.

"Roberto," it seemed to call. "Roberto."

Then he heard a different message. "Roberto, find me." It sounded like the voice of a young woman, about his age, maybe a little older. "Roberto, look for me," it pleaded, teased. "I miss you."

"Where are you?" he shouted into the wind. "How will I know you?"

"You'll remember when you find me," she answered.

He spent the whole day, searching. Looking in the forests, near the stream, even wandering around the mansion. Eventually, it grew dark and the voice vanished.

"I'm sorry," Roberto muttered into the air as he went to bed that night. "I'm sorry I didn't find you."

That night he dreamed of the voice, not just the voice but of the girl who went with the voice. Illyana Rasputin, demon sorceress, mutant, and someone he had loved. In his dream, she died and he killed the man whose bullet had taken her life.

Roberto DaCosta woke up screaming and crying. He remembered everything about the night on the Animator's island. Everything.

"I miss you so much, Illyana," he muttered into the air. "I love you."

The wind blew in through his open window, caressing his face gently. "Luv you, too, `Berto. Thanks for finding me."

"What do you mean?"

Her face formed in front of him, pale, ghostly, with eyes of clear, transparent blue. "You found me. You remember me. Now I have to go."

"Don't leave me, Illyana."

"I'm not gone. Never will be. You just have to keep looking for me, keep finding me, keep remembering me. Don't forget me. Please, Roberto. Promise." Her face started to disappear.

Roberto sighed, running a hand through his thick curls. Tears were running down his face but he didn't even notice them. "Promise," he sighed.

"Good," Illyana exclaimed, smiling. Then she whispered, "Don't die for me, `Berto. Live for me. Be happy. I'm free." Her lips were a gust of wind on his cheek and then she was gone.

The young man sighed, his mind overrun with hideous thoughts of the things he had done. Then he got up and walked into the hall. The picture he had seen yesterday was gone. He sighed. "I won't give up, Illyana," he muttered and started off towards Magneto's office.